CH 160

The two Owens.

Translated by NotBlueYet

Edited by Kingavent

Just get it over with–

My heart is burning with a strong sense of frustration.

If I kill Owen here, this body is now completely mine.

No more fear of my past self taking over my body.

“You’re in my way. ……”

We don’t need two Owen Peppers in this world.

I don’t think anyone needs you, Owen.

You’ve never been loved by anyone.

You’ve never needed it.

Hated and ostracized as you are, what’s the point of you, Owen, living?

Then give it to me.

I’m going to live long enough for you, Owen.

I straightened up and looked at Owen.

Before I know it, the flames are gone from Owen’s body.

Somewhere in there, he was in the exact same position as me.

I point the index finger of my right hand at Owen.

Then Owen did the same, pointing his right index finger at me.

It’s as if I’m looking in a mirror.

“Fuck. ……”

My hand shakes as I point it at Owen.

It’s like I’m asking myself, “Are you going to kill yourself?

Are you sure about this?

Is killing Owen the right thing to do?

Can I proudly say that this is the right thing to do?

This body had originally belonged to Owen.

Taking it away and killing him. …… That’s no different than murder, isn’t it?

I ask myself, and almost fall into self-loathing.

It’s like an ugly part of me is being highlighted and it makes me sick.

No, don’t think!

There’s only one me, and I don’t want the Owen of the past.

Eliminate the alien, and become one, pure being.

Kill Owen and find a way out of the world of consciousness.

That’s what I’m gonna do.

With determination, I was about to pull the trigger – that’s when it happened.

HisMy

Owen’s eyes were pleading grief.

“Don’t look at me like that. ……”

I put my right hand down, sluggishly.

Owen is definitely a jerk.

But let’s say I make him disappear and I replace him as Owen.

Could it really be Owen Pepper?

What’s beyond the denial of who you were someday?

What’s the point of erasing the past if you want to forget it?

My gaze locked with Owen’s again.

The past me, Owen, stared at the present me.

At that moment, suddenly, the memory of Owen rushes through my brain.

“Yes, I remember …….”

I remember Owen’s memories, along with the emotions of the time.

Owen just wanted to be recognized.

I wanted to be loved.

His father, Black, and his mother, Aisha, seemed to be looking at their son, Owen, but not at all.

Owen was not in their eyes, and there was no affection between father and son.

Owen learned this at an early age and began to act in an effort to win his father’s favor.

Then my father finally acknowledged Owen and praised him.

When I hit a servant, he praises me for being a man of superiority.

That’s why I violated the servants.

If I say the food is bad, he praises me, saying, “That’s my son, he has a good palate.”

That’s why I undermine the food.

The abuse, the name-calling, the outbursts, the violence, were all the self-expression of Owen, a young child in search of affection.

Eventually, the servants began to treat Owen as if he were an eyesore.

Somewhere along the line, I began to use violence, not for the sake of praise, but out of my own anger.

The truth is, I noticed.

That what my father has for Owen is not parental love.

That the servants will only leave me if I abuse them.

After all, wherever he was, there was no one to look out for Owen, and he had no allies.

He is lonely and can only express it with violence.

His loneliness eventually turned to despair, and he could no longer find meaning in life.

I used to be me, Owen, and I suffered alone all the time.

I was drowning in the dark.

But such a pathetic Owen – too.

It’s me, isn’t it?

My mouth is full of words.

Ugly, stupid, pathetic, helpless Owen is a part of me.

I slowly approach Owen.

There’s more than one thing that shapes Owen.

The past led to the present, and as a result of the chain of events, I am here now.

Don’t deny it, don’t forget it, don’t erase it.

“I accept myself.”

I reached for Owen, who was in front of me.

Then Owen did the same for me, and held out his hand.

Me and Owen’s palms overlap.

Then the world popped.

It’s not a metaphor.

The world really did pop.

As if a glass was broken, the world changed its aspect at once.

Me and Owen become one.

I get a strange feeling that two souls are mingling.

I am being rewritten.

Strangely, there was no fear.

I’ve decided to take it all in.

Owen is not me, with my Japanese knowledge, nor am I the arrogant, stupid man of the past.

The two combined are what Owen Pepper is all about.

When I came to, Owen was nowhere to be found.

The world is back to normal.

At the edge of my vision, I notice that the sphere is changing.

What had been clearly separated by crimson and dull red a moment ago was now painted with a darker red.

Not pure, but a red with a dull tinge.

It’s not a pretty color.

But I had a feeling that this murky red was the Owen Pepper.

At some point, the rain had stopped.

It’s not sunny, it’s cloudy.

The light shines through the gap of such a cloud.

I slowly approach the sphere illuminated by the light.

And the moment he touched the sphere floating in the air – my body was sucked into the sphere.