Chapter 345 Missing Everything

Gu Shangyan was standing in the patio area staring at one dark corner. He didn’t notice anyone coming behind her. When he felt someone placing a hand on his shoulder, he smiled. He didn’t need to look back to know who it was.

“How do you feel after lying to her family?” Gu Shangyan asked.

“Yan Ge, don’t start like everyone, “An Xiulan muttered. “You know how difficult it was for me to convince everyone that my lie is not a lie.”

“Why did you lie?” Gu Shangyan asked her.

An Xiulan paused for a moment and then answered, “Because Grandma would have set me up and I wouldn’t be able to say no. Also, I don’t want to get in a relationship with any other guy.”

“Any other guy?” Gu Shangyan raised his brow.

“Let’s not talk about me. You tell me, why are you standing here on the patio?” An Xiulan questioned.

“Do you remember Xiaobao’s first birthday?” Gu Shangyan asked.

“It’s been ten years, “An Xiulan gasped. “Yan Ge, can you believe it? It has been ten years since my life dramatically changed.”

Gu Shangyan nodded his head. Ten years had passed and they were not the same people they were a decade ago. He still recalled the time when he met An Xiulan in the hotel where she had come with her mother and he had gone there with his uncle. Both of them bonded instantly. He had never felt such a strong emotion until that moment. He didn’t realise how easily this girl made a place for herself in his heart and today she was his family. The part of life that he couldn’t imagine himself without.

“Yan Ge, are you missing Yoona?” An Xiulan questioned.

“It’s not that I’m missing her…”Gu Shangyan said, turning to look at her. “I’m missing many things. I miss the feelings I had when we were falling in love. I miss spending time with her in the library secretly. I missed spending hours talking to her over the phone. I miss telling her everything about my life. I’m missing everything.”

He looked at the place in the garden where he saw her. That day he wanted to apologise to her in the library but he ended up lashing out at her. When he met her here, he was shocked. He had not thought that he would see her again but he saw her there again. It was after that day here in this garden that Yoona became an important part of his life.

“Did you call her?” An Xiulan asked her brother. “If you miss everything about her, did you try to call her?”

Gu Shangyan shook his head and chuckled. “If I share what’s going on in my heart and head, you will call me a scumbag.”

“I won’t judge, “An Xiulan told him. “If you want I will wipe out that part of my memory later on.”

“Xiulan, all these years whenever Yoona and I fight, we will try to make up, “Gu Shangyan said. “Do you know why? Because we spent almost nine years with each other. We both miss what we had. And even at this moment, we are doing that.” Taking a small pause, he added, “I’m scared that If I talk to her, we will get together for old times’ sake. We will be miserable once again. I don’t want that. One of us had to be cruel enough to let the other person go. I’m willing to be a bad or cruel person this time.”

An Xiulan had nothing to say to him because she had never felt something like this. If she knew how to deal with romance, would she still be confused?

“Do you miss her? Do you miss your girlfriend? Do you miss your soulmate?” An Xiulan asked.

From the look of silence on his face, she could tell that he was in a bigger mess than he was letting himself feel.

“I don’t, “Gu Shangyan answered. “I have not felt these feelings for years. We don’t talk like we used to. She ignores me most of the time. When we are vulnerable we seek comfort in each other. Then the morning comes and we go back to familiar strangers.”

“Then, why were you together?” An Xiulan asked him.

“For comfort and convenience, “Gu Shangyan answered. “Nine years. It’s been a very long time, Xiulan. When you stay with someone for nine years, you get used to their presence. Love is not everything in a relationship. Attachment is. I know it must not be making sense to you but things are like this between Yoona and I.”

“You didn’t try to break up?” An Xiulan asked.

“She did but I panicked and asked her to move in with me because I thought it will be very stupid to let such an old relationship die, “Gu Shangyan said. “Her career had just started. I didn’t want to make her sad and tense. I wanted to be supportive. Does it make me a scumbag that I still care for her? That I want to move on but I want to see her happy too?”

“Before lovers, you were friends, “An Xiulan said. “Loving and caring are two different emotions. I don’t think it makes you a scumbag. But you need to talk to her and tell her all these things or you won’t be able to move on.”

An Xiulan patted his back before leaving, “Yan Ge, call Yoona. Talk to her. The more you keep all these things inside you, the more it will hurt both of you. Didn’t you say you want to see her happy? Make her happy. Stop complicating everything with your silence.”

When An Xiulan left, Gu Shangyan was staring at the phone in his hand. Taking deep breaths, he dialled the number that he had been thinking of calling for days.

“Shangyan?” Yoona said as she took the call.

“Let’s talk, Yoona, “Gu Shangyan finally said.