Chapter 347 More Sad than me

Lu Mingze had never tried to quit drugs. He never thought that his drinking habits were a problem. He thought his agency was making a mountain out of a molehill. He believed that it was his shitty agency that was filling his girlfriend’s ears. How could Shen Yue stay with him when he was not ready to accept that he was wrong there?

Shen Yue smiled. “That night Lu Xuan called me for work-related matters but I broke into sobs. I didn’t know he would fly to a foreign country for me but I’m so glad that he came. He knew that Xiulan would kill him if she found out that he didn’t help her friend in need. He fought with Mingze for my sake and their friendship had never been the same. Your brother acts like he doesn’t care but he has such a kind heart. Shangyan, nobody cares about anybody these days. But he came and I can’t be more thankful for him.”

Shen Yue didn’t know how to make friends. She never learned to make friends. It was An Xiulan who took the first step in friendship and then the whole class Ten K had followed suit. She was bullied all her school life but she made golden memories in High School. People liked her in high school. They appreciated how good she was in her studies. The confidence she never gained all her life, she gained in Class Ten K. It was the best time of her life. In high school, she learned what she needed to survive university life on her own.

That day when Lu Xuan came to her rescue, she found another friend. She vowed to stay in Orchid groups and work with people who always respected her and played a huge role in shaping her future. Today, Lu Xuan and she were an undefeatable team in the company. Just like how Rome was not made in a day, her and Lu Xuan’s friendship was not established in a single day. It took years and a lot of struggle.

Shen Yue further continued, “When Lu Xuan brought me home, Mingze contacted me after three weeks when the tour ended. I was a stupid mess by then. It was not an easy time for me and I bet he wasn’t doing well either. He promised to get clean for me but how could I trust him? He lied to me so many times. He had been lying to me for years. I refuse to get back with him.”

She was scared that she might be the reason behind his addiction. Or she was not enough for him. She was not enough for him to leave the bad addiction and lead a good and happy life. She was also afraid that she was going to love him so much that she would take everything he would throw at her.

All her life, she never dreamed of what she wanted to be when she grew but she always dreamed of what she would never be. She would never be the punching bag that her mother was for her father. No matter how much she loved Lu Mingze, she refused to be someone who had to fix him to have him love her.

If she was enough for him, he would show her. If she was not, she would know.

She heaved out a sigh, “Now he claimed that he had been clean for years for my sake. And I know that he is not lying this time. Lu Xuan assured me that he is clean but I’m afraid that his motivation to stay clean, that is to get back with me, will end if we get back together. I know this sounds cruel but it’s for good. We are not fit for each other. Couples solve problems together, not hide from them. I don’t even know what else he had been hiding from me.”

In a situation like this, Shen Yue felt that it would be a big mistake if she went together with Lu Mingze. She had moved on. The feelings weren’t the same anymore. Instead of heartbreak, she would get nothing by going back with her ex-boyfriend.

Moreover, Lu Mingze believed that she now liked Lu Xuan. She didn’t know what to think about this problem. But she thought it was not her problem what he thought about her. So, if this helped him move on, it was fine.

“Your story is more sad than mine, “Gu Shangyan gave her a drunken smile.

Shen Yue chuckled and with a shrug, she added. “Don’t pity me. I’m good now. When you accept that something is never meant to be yours, you move on fast. And that’s what happened to me.”

“Do you love him?” Gu Shangyan asked her.

“It’s hard not to love him, ” Shen Yue smiled. “But it doesn’t mean I want to be his girlfriend again. I don’t want to return to that life.”

“You say you love him but you don’t want him back. Isn’t it weird?” Gu Shangyan asked.

Shen Yue laughed. “A woman can love you hardly from afar and yet stay away from you if she feels nothing good would come out of the relationship. What would I do with love if this love is the reason we both would be miserable all our life? Before loving me, he needs to love himself.”

“You make me feel more miserable, ” Gu Shangyan groaned.

“What did I do?” Shen Yue asked.

“You are so sensible, ” Gu Shangyan slurred. “And I’m drowning my sorrow in alcohol. It’s not my fault. I was alone for nine years. If I am happy, I have a drink. If I’m frustrated, I drink. If I’m sad, I drink. Today, I’m free of a relationship that had caged me, I still chose to drink.”

“As long as you are not turning into an alcoholic, drinking is fine, ” Shen Yue told him.

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A/N: A genuine question: How do you know you are becoming an Alcoholic?