Chapter 10

Chapter 10

[ CARNATION ]

The memories of Parents Day were vague.

No, it could be said that there were none.

Before his regression, Eunha lost his family at the age of six.

He lost his parents before he had a chance to express his gratitude to them.

Five years of living like an autistic person after losing his family, and a life burned with hatred for monsters until the day he died.

Im sorry to say this, but Im a little scared of him.

What is he thinking all day long? Every time I see him, hes just staring up at the sky.

Eunha doesnt seem to fit in well with the other kids at school.

Mom, I dont feel good about him. I dont like him.

Dont be like that. Eunha is justin pain.

But still, isnt it something to be grateful for that an old person is raising a child alone?

He ignores us even if we talk to him. He just keeps his mouth shut.

The kid is a little off.

Grandma didnt say anything. She took care of him until the day she closed her eyes, even when people around her were scared of him, and sometimes even said he was crazy.

Until now, Eunha had never expressed his gratitude to his grandmother for Parents Day.

When he was in elementary school, he used to make carnations out of colored paper as Parents Day approached.

Every time, Eunha could only stare at the red carnation paper. He didnt know who he should fold the paper for.

But he had to make a carnation to finish the class. Every time, he would force himself to make a carnation and stuff it into his bag.

Eunha never gave the carnation to his grandmother.

He didnt know how to express it in words.

He didnt know what face he should make when giving it to her.

The moment I handed the carnation to my grandmother, it felt like something was coming to a complete end.

Did my grandmother understand my heart?

Of course she must have known. My grandmother could see through anything.

While organizing Eunhas school bag when she returned home, my grandmother didnt mention the carnation that was inside.

Instead, she hung the insignificant carnation on the shoe rack.

Next year. The year after that.

The hastily made carnation, as if pushed by something, was displayed somewhere in the house.

Was it a letter that came next?

In middle school, we were asked to write letters as Parents Day approached.

He couldnt remember what he had conveyed to his grandmother.

The reason he couldnt remember was probably because the content wasnt worth remembering.

The only thing he remembers is tearing up the letter on the way back home.

Why did he do that back then?

Death allowed him to look back at himself objectively.

Living his second life, he evaluated his pre-regression self as young and ugly, and a coward.

A coward.

At the time, he thought he would let go of his longing for his family when he handed the carnation to his grandmother. He thought his hatred for monsters would be diluted when he gave her the letter.

Looking back, the carnation and the letter were just simple triggers.

They were nothing more than a catalyst for the young him to shed his longing for his family and live a new life free from the shackles of a wretched existence.

So his grandmother must have been waiting for him in silence.

Waiting for him to let go of his anger towards the world. Waiting for him to break free from all the restraints that bound him and live his own life.

But Eunha never conveyed any of his feelings to her until the day she passed away. Despite the path to happiness being right in front of him, he chose the path of unhappiness.

Until the end, he wondered what his grandmother thought of him.

Did she find him endearing, someone who could never break free from the death of his family?

He couldnt know.

A parents heart is said to be like the ocean, and to him, his grandmother was such a presence.

He had a vague idea, but he didnt want to make assumptions about his grandmothers heart.

He who faced death only once and became free from everything has two things to say.

I am sorry for being an ungrateful child.

Thank you for raising me.

He regretted that he hadnt said any of these things in over 32 years.

He wished he could have said it at least once in his life.

If only his grandmother had heard these words from him while she was still alive.

These were the only words he could say to his grandmother.

He was an ungrateful child who could not even complain if he went to hell.

So, in this life, he is determined to

I will fold a thousand cranes!

This idiot thinks a carnation is a branch!

Sigh

That was the result.

Sigh Theres no time to rest, no time.

Today was carnation making day. The children were making carnations the way Mr. Tayo had taught them.

The question was who would sit next to Eunha.

Eunha, sit with me.

Im going to sit next to Eunha, everyone else go away.

Come on. Im the one whos closest to him.

Oh, come on, Im best friends with Eunha, too.

Come on. Eunha, who do you want to sit with?

No, I want to sit alone, please go away.

The moment Eunha sat down at the round table without thinking, a war broke out.

The kids started fussing and demanding to sit at his table too.

Haaa, I want to go home.

If Minji hadnt sat next to him, there would have been bloodshed.

But dont snub me for owing you, Minji!

Is this how you fold it?

Give it to me, you munchkin (gluton). Your teacher told you to fold it like this!

Im not a munchkin!

Yes, munchkin~

Are you serious!

Minji was not very dexterous. Even with Mr. Tayos intensive instruction, she could only mimic it sloppily.

She wasnt the only one. The other kids too.

They would call out to Mr. Tayo at every opportunity, and the results of their fern-like hands were disastrous.

You cant expect much from a six-year-old.

Haa, I cant help it.

If they kept calling Mr. Tayo, they wouldnt be able to finish in time. Even though it was annoying, Eunha decided to help the children who couldnt fold the carnations.

This isnt his first time making carnations.

Even before his regression, he had folded carnations every year until he reached middle school. It wasnt hard to make them after seeing the sample, even though he couldnt remember.

He had once received a carnation from Baekryeon

It was when he was being mocked by the players as the Little Princesss Fool.

He had just come in from killing players who had ambushed him from behind and was busy cleaning up the smell of blood.

Even though he was called crazy, he had to wipe the blood off his body for the sake of Baekryeon, who was still in elementary school.

If he got caught, Yoojung would scold him.

After a quick shower, he decided to eat some ramen to satisfy his hunger.

And just as he was about to dump the noodles into the boiling water, Baekryeon came home from school and tugged at his clothes.

Uncle Eunha. Uh mm, thank you for taking care of me.

Baekryeon held out the carnation in a mosquito-like voice.

Uh, yeah.

Im good at making them, right?

Yes. Thank you.

Mom really liked my carnations, too.

When she handed him the carnation, Baekryeon cried a little.

He could see how she must have felt to make the carnations at school, and how she must have felt to come home with them.

Because he had been there, too.

But he didnt know how to comfort her crying.

Comfort was out of his specialty. Killing, maybe.

It was all he could do then,

Would you like some ramen? Its Parents Day, so lets have ramen.

He was boiling ramen for her.

Uhwhats that?Just give me the ramen. Cut some green onions on top. (E/N: Picture below!)

You want a lot of things. Sit down. Ill make it quickly so you can take it with you. Do you want an egg?

Yes, please put an egg in it! AndI want to eat rice too! And kimchi!

Without realizing it, she stopped crying and was humming a tune while waiting for him to finish boiling the ramen.

Thinking back on it now, it was a heartwarming feeling that naturally came to mind.

I wonder if it would have been like this if he had a daughter.

It wasnt a bad feeling.

So he secretly looked forward to the day she would give him a carnation every year.

They were looking forward to the day when they could cook ramen together.

But at some point, she stopped giving him carnations.



(1) Carnations!

Super cute right?

(2) Ramen! (Im hungryagain)