Chapter 389： regain vitality

Chapter 389 Regaining Vitality

Under the double mental and psychological pressure, Si Ningning fell into sleep.

This sleep was deep but not restful.

The memories of two lifetimes are intertwined, and she is like gravel pushed up to the top of the wave when the tide rises.

It is also like the tiny fish and shrimps that are swept away by the ebb of the tide. They are completely passive and have no autonomy at all.

In reality, in the family, in the relationship, why isn't she like this?

In the spring afternoon, the shadows of the trees are flickering, the sun is slightly warm, and the halo penetrating into the attic is sometimes bright and sometimes dim.

However, Si Ningning could not feel all this.

The mosquito net was half loose, and Si Ningning curled up into a ball on the small bed. A tear fell unconsciously and rolled into her hair...

Si Ningning was sent to the attic to rest, and it was Huo Lang who cleaned up the mess in the first-floor hall and the front yard.

Si Ningning hasn’t gotten up yet in the evening, and Huo Lang is in charge of the work at night.

At that time, Si Zhennan had already come out of the room and walked back and forth twice. He was noticed by Huo Lang who was busy, and he smiled and nodded as a greeting.

Looking around the kitchen, Si Zhennan was a little disappointed when he saw that apart from Huo Lang, there was only a pair of young ones in the kitchen.

Huo Lang raised his chin when he saw the situation. He Gu immediately understood and waved to Sanae:

“Sanae, please accompany me to the backyard of the old house to pick some onions and come back.”

"oh!"

As soon as the two little ones left, Si Zhennan simply sat down at the mouth of the stove.

As if he felt that wearing a Chinese tunic suit was not enough, and the stove was warm, Si Zhennan simply took off his coat and placed it on the pile of firewood on one side.

Horang kept paying attention to Si Zhennan out of the corner of his eye.

At this moment, Si Zhennan was wearing a black sweater, and the thick cotton collar of his shirt was exposed at his neck.

Without the blessing of the Chinese tunic suit, he lacks a trace of rigor and old-fashionedness. No matter how you look at it, it makes people feel that he has a weak and modest atmosphere unique to literati.

But just looking at such a humble and frail person actually left such heavy psychological trauma on his beloved girl.

Si Zhennan is not like the kind of person who has no brains and ideas. If he makes a move to harm his daughter, he must be clear in his heart.

Si Ningning did not explain in detail what happened when he returned from the capital, so Huo Lang didn't know Si Zhennan's desire for a son.

At this moment, Huo Lang felt extremely confused. He could not question Si Zhennan. He could only ask himself over and over again in his heart:

Why did Si Zhennan do this? does it worth?

This question is not something that Huo Lang can give an answer to, but as soon as he thinks of Si Ningning who is in a tense state, Huo Lang's respect and kindness for Si Zhennan fades a bit.

Si Zhennan doesn’t cherish Si Ningning, but Huo Lang will.

"Don't you see Ning Ning? Ask her to help you do it together."

"It's all small things, everyone does it the same... She got up early today, let her sleep a little longer."

Si Zhennan paused, stared at the fire in the stove in silence for a long time, rubbed his hands and sighed:

“Ning Ning is lucky to meet someone so considerate like you.”

“That’s not right.”

"Um?"

Horang laughed, this time more sincerely than before:

“It is my blessing to meet her.”

Holang lowered his head and was busy chopping vegetables, with the corners of his mouth raised, and the doting on his face could hardly be hidden.

Isn’t it a good thing to have someone who can take good care of his daughter?

But when he turned to avoid the sparks exploding in the stove, he inadvertently looked up and saw Huo Lang's doting face.

I don’t know what’s going on, but Si Zhennan suddenly felt a little confused and panicked.

Ning Ning is his daughter!

He should hold him in his palm. Where did Huo Lang come from?

Abducted his daughter without any explanation? !

The hostility arose out of nowhere, but it only took a moment for Si Zhennan to realize the despicableness of his thoughts.

Some pictures flashed through her mind quickly, as if she had just realized that Si Ningning was her daughter.

Si Zhennan's broad shoulders suddenly collapsed, and endless guilt filled his chest in an instant.

The tip of his nose was sore, and tears instantly filled his eyes. Si Zhennan lowered his head and kneaded his temples to cover up his embarrassment.

Emotions surged in his chest. As he trembled, Si Zhennan's memory was suddenly pulled back to a long time ago.

The daughter has grown from a melon-ripened peduncle to losing her lanugo hair and putting on soft pigtails that reach the sky, then she is now a toddler, and her height is as high as the edge of the table...

All memories seemed to end at this moment, and the daughter she saw later seemed to start to become strange.

I will never reach out to him for a hug like I did when I was a child, and I will never smile brightly again...

Si Zhennan knew that he was not a competent father, but now that he thought about it carefully, it was not that he was incompetent, but that he was guilty of a serious sin.

He was absent from the most important period of his daughter's life. Now that her daughter has gained a happy new life, what qualifications does he have to interfere, care about, and be unwilling to be angry?

Si Zhennan’s body was shaking violently as he cried bitterly.

Even though he couldn't see his face and heard his heavy breathing and choking, Huo Lang knew his state at this time.

He did not disturb Si Zhennan, but after a few minutes when Si Zhennan had almost calmed down, he slowly said:

“I don’t know what happened between you father and daughter, but this time, please be sure to have a good talk with my lover calmly.”

In terms of material things, Si Ningning may never be lacking, but in terms of emotions, her heart has long since dried up.

"If you can, please feel a little more guilty and a little more loving towards her. She... is very bitter in her heart."

Because he could sympathize with Si Ningning, Huo Lang found it hard to imagine many times.

Such a beautiful and outstanding girl is actually in a painful situation like an animal trapped in a quagmire...

Just thinking about this kind of thing is enough to make your heart feel sour.

As a biological father, Si Zhennan would have such a big reaction, and Huo Lang was not surprised at all.

Hurry, he quickly fried some green vegetables and put them on the inside of the stove. With the temperature on the inside of the stove keeping them warm, Huo Lang fried another meat dish.

It is easy to cut meat vegetables raw, but it is difficult to stir-fry them until they are tender.

Horang took out the vegetables, washed the pot hastily, poured the rice into the pot, then placed the fried meat vegetables on the edge of the pot, covered the pot and simmered them together, and then walked straight out of the kitchen.

Perhaps Si Zhennan also needs to think about it carefully.

Si Ningning came down from the attic before dinner was served, combed her hair again, and slowly washed her face with water to wake up.

Horang put the food on the table, and she happened to hang the clean towel on the washbasin stand, wiped her hands, and sat down at the table.

There are five people at a table, Si Ningning, Huo Lang, two younger ones, and Si Zhennan.

Unlike where he sat under the table when he came, Si Zhennan sat at the main seat this time. Maybe Huo Lang didn't like Si Zhennan in his heart, but he was Si Ningning's father after all.

When Si Ningning is anxious, there are some things that she cannot take care of, so at this time, Huo Lang will help her take care of things, such as respecting Si Zhennan in terms of face.

If it had been in the afternoon when Si Zhennan had just arrived, Si Ningning might have resisted.

But after an afternoon of adjustment, at this moment, Si Ningning's mood was like a calm lake, without a trace of ripples.

This matter may seem subtle, but in fact, many things can be seen, such as Huo Lang's own cultivation and upbringing, and Huo Lang's comfort and guidance to her in behavior, as well as various aspects that complement her own shortcomings...

Si Ningning was very aware of her own situation and knew that when facing Si Zhennan, no matter how calm she was, it would be difficult to act appropriately.

So in this regard, she was very grateful to Holang, and she was even more convinced that she had not chosen the wrong person.

Si Ningning looked calm, but she was less smiling than usual during the dinner.

The two little ones clearly felt that something was wrong in the atmosphere at home. After scanning around the table, they looked at each other, then bowed their heads obediently and ate without saying a word.

A large table of people finished their meal in silence, and then helped Huo Lang clear away the dishes. Si Ningning returned to the main room, looked at Si Zhennan who pursed his lips and rubbed his hands, quite at a loss, and said:

“Now that you’re here, let’s chat.”

Si Zhennan was stunned for a moment, then shock and nervousness swept over his entire face in an instant, and he stood up almost immediately:

"well."

Si Ningning ignored his embarrassment and raised her hand, gesturing for him to go to the backyard.

After Si Zhennan left, Si Ningning calmly started making tea.

Horang had been silently paying attention to her situation. When he saw her making tea, he immediately cleared away the small kitchen table, moved it to the backyard and set it up, and placed two small chairs.

Since the father and daughter want to chat, they should sit down and talk calmly and make it clear at once.

Si Ningning came from the main room just as Huo Lang put down the chairs and returned to the kitchen.

The two people's eyes met and they noticed his move. Si Ningning cast a look that seemed resentful and resentful. Huo Lang laughed and gently rubbed her hair:

“Go and talk nicely, I’ll wait for you in front.”

"Um."

Si Ningning nodded slightly and crossed the kitchen threshold carrying two steaming enamel pots.

Huo Lang was actually a little worried when he saw her walking towards Si Zhennan, but he felt that since he had come to this point, he should give Zui Ningning time and space to deal with the matter.

After hesitating for a long time, Huo Lang staggered a few steps to the main room.

In the backyard, Si Ningning handed one of the enamel jars to Si Zhennan, while she held another enamel jar.

Hand side by side with Si Zhennan across the small table, his eyes were idly looking at the bamboo forest surrounding the backyard.

She didn’t speak, but Si Zhennan couldn’t sit still and was the first to call her name:

“Ning Ning…”

Si Zhennan has something in his heart, but the main source of his guilt is the lack of companionship with his daughter as she grows up.

As for the hope of having a man and a son, he always felt that this was a common thought and desire among all men and all families.

He never thought it was wrong.

Indeed, in traditional families, the obsession with quantity is almost pathological, and it is indeed difficult to characterize. But Si Zhennan still seemed unaware of all the mistakes, big and small, he had accumulated in his pursuit of a child.

It is the biggest factor that ultimately led to the current deadlock.

Si Zhennan lowered his head and unconsciously squeezed and rubbed his big palms, as if he wanted to relieve the psychological pressure through these small movements.

He wanted to reach reconciliation with his daughter, but he didn’t know how to do it. The only thing he seemed able to do and think of was:

"sorry."

Thinking so, he just said so.

“Ning Ning, I’ve been sorry for you all these years...”

Si Zhennan said, his eyes turned red and his voice choked up again.

“Last time you left Beijing, I went back and reflected. I paid too little attention to you over the years, which made you feel wronged. It was my father who couldn’t forgive you..."

Si Zhennan actually never dared to seek forgiveness from his daughter, nor did he have the courage to speak out.

But at this moment, the father and daughter were alone in this small courtyard. Si Ningning was in a calm mood and even poured him tea. For a moment, Si Zhennan had a slight misunderstanding.

Si Zhennan thought this was Si Ningning's softened attitude, so after a few apologies, he hesitated and finally spoke with guilt and expectation:

"Ning Ning, can you give dad a chance? Dad, dad will make it up to you, can you? Can you?"

Si Zhennan is generally an emotional person, usually cold and indifferent, but once he assumes a certain role, his own words are enough to move him. For example, at this moment, he assumes the role of "loving father".

While saying these few words, he couldn't help but fall into tears.

Ke Si Ningning is not a three-year-old child and will not be fooled by someone with a few words or a piece of candy.

…

Hold the enamel jar and blew in, the sugar water was filled with hot steam, making Si Ningning's vision blurry.

She blew lightly for a few times, and then she probably felt that the temperature was about the same, so she brought the enamel jar to her lips and carefully took two small sips.

The spring evening is still cold, and the warm sugar water slides all the way from the mouth into the abdomen, making the lungs feel comfortable.

“I received your apology.”

After listening to Si Zhennan's confession for a long time, Si Ningning breathed out a sigh of relief, put the hand holding the enamel jar between his knees, and said slowly and calmly:

“If I had given you an answer before going to the countryside, maybe I would forgive you or not forgive you, but now, I am not qualified.”

The life that passed away will never come back, and she is not qualified to forgive the former Si Ningning.

When Si Zhennan heard what she said, he mistakenly thought that she was still angry and refused to forgive him, so his expression suddenly became heavy and painful again:

“Ning Ning, I...”

Before Si Zhennan could say anything, he was interrupted by Si Ningning:

"Just because I can sit down and talk to you calmly doesn't mean I forgive you."

Si Ningning turned her head and looked at Si Zhennan. Her expression was very calm, more like indifference than calmness.

It was just a look without any emotion that successfully suppressed Si Zhennan who was about to speak.

“I’m just curious.”

“…Huh? What?”

“Can I ask a question?”

"...Hmm." Si Zhennan nodded stiffly, "You tell me."

Si Ningning breathed a sigh of relief again, withdrew his gaze to look at the hazy crescent moon in the distant sky, and asked the question that had always puzzled him:

“As a father, what kind of state of mind would you have if you would abuse your own daughter, or allow someone else to abuse your daughter?”

“Is it true disgust? Or hatred?”

If Si Zhennan chose to be indifferent in the 1970s because of selfish motives, then what about her father in the 21st century?

The world's top 500, family wealth, yes, he has no son.

But he was divorced and he could remarry if he wanted a son, but he didn't. He was a clean man and had never been around another woman...

Then why?

Do that to her.

“Ning Ning…”

Si Zhennan thought that Si Ningning was still talking about the previous things, and he hesitated to explain, but Si Ningning did not give him a chance to speak.

Wiping her face to hide her sadness, Si Ningning took a deep breath and continued to speak calmly:

“I used to empathize with you, but the more I think about you, the more I feel sorry for myself.”

“I thought about it for many nights and couldn’t figure it out. How could you, such a cute and small child, with your hands full of sincerity and eyes full of attachment, trample on her and push her away again and again?”

"Whether it's love, hate, or the entanglements between adults...it's mixed in. What did she do wrong?"

Si Ningning was talking to herself, seemingly facing Si Zhennan, but it seemed as if time and space were intertwined and transformed. The person sitting in front of her was no longer Si Zhennan, but a man in a suit and leather shoes from the 21st century. The alienated and cold Sifu.

She already had her own life, and there was no point dwelling on the past. However, Si Ningning had never vented the unwillingness and resentment that had been accumulated in her heart since she was a child like this.

This is the only time.

It passed, but after this time, she would say goodbye to her sensitive and fragile self forever.

She was traumatized by the past, but the past really wasn't that important.

The important thing is the front, the future.

She will also have children of her own in the future, and she will also stand in the same position as her father. She will become that role, but she will never become a person like her father...

Si Zhennan has been looking for opportunities to speak, but until the topic finally ended, he could not say a word.

The daughter did not say she would forgive him, but she said she would reach a reconciliation with him, but the prerequisite for reaching a reconciliation was to keep distance from each other and not interfere with each other's life.

When it is necessary to meet, they will meet. When it is not necessary, don't force it.

This result did not meet Si Zhennan's expectations, but it was much better than the worst result he had imagined when he came.

Although it was somewhat unsatisfactory, Si Zhennan still chose to agree.

In other words, he could only agree.

If he makes the slightest protest, the result will definitely be the loss of this daughter...

Si Zhennan couldn't accept that result.

Staying at Huo's house for one night, Si Zhennan quietly counted the money and notes he carried with him.

He left five yuan to buy the bus ticket and the return trip, and a thick wad of more than 200 yuan, which he rolled up and pressed under the pillow on the bed as a start-up capital for the young couple.

Given the money directly, his stubborn daughter will definitely not accept it, so this is a good idea.

Hide the money, Si Zhennan breathed a sigh of relief and slept dreamlessly all night.

When I woke up the next day, during breakfast, Si Zhennan proposed this trip.

Si Ningning didn’t try to persuade him to stay, and when Huo Lang saw Si Zhennan off, she didn’t go to see him off either.

She was calm and collected, but Si Zhennan was not as calm as she was. When he stepped out of the Huo family courtyard, Si Zhennan couldn't help but turn around.

Even if the relationship is not close, what does the old saying say?

Blood is thicker than water.

“Ning Ning, dad is gone...”

At the time of separation, Si Zhennan felt a strong reluctance in his heart. After enduring it again and again, his eyes began to sparkle with tears again:

“If you and Huo Lang have time, go back and take a look. The door to our home will always be open to you.”

Si Ningning didn’t want to answer the call at first, but after thinking about it, he took a long breath and deliberately mocked:

"I am the head of the house. You can't open the door, right?"

Si Zhennan was stunned for a moment, smiled dryly and touched the back of his head.

Si Ningning didn’t want to delay any more, so she waved her hand and urged:

"let's go."

Before Si Zhennan and Huo Lang could respond, she turned around and entered the house.

A few minutes passed, or maybe half an hour passed. Si Ningning was sitting in the backyard, lost in thought, not knowing what to do.

Two little ones were by her side, one on the left and the other on the right. They seemed to notice that she was in a bad mood. Sanae and Hegu held her arms one by one, and pressed their little faces against hers affectionately:

“Si Ningning/Sister Ning, don’t be unhappy.”

“We will stay with you, and so will my eldest brother.”

“We are a family, we will always be with you, and we will always be together.”

Si Ningning was in a daze for a moment, and his thoughts were suddenly brought back.

Children’s words and words can heal people’s hearts the most, and Si Ningning’s mood gradually became brighter.

Huddled two little ones, one of them felt fragrant on the face. She regained her vigor, raised her fist and gave orders:

“Okay, have you had enough fun during the Chinese New Year? Have you finished your homework? Have you folded the quilt when you got up this morning? Where is the duck down that was dried last time? I will check them one by one in a while!”

“Ahhh! Wait a minute! Check again later!”

The two little ones laughed dryly at first, but when they heard that they wanted to check, they quickly ran away and rescued them in time.

“Sanae, your quilt is not folded properly! Big brother told me to fold it into neat tofu pieces!”

The quiet courtyard became lively again. Si Ningning stood under the warm morning light, listening to the "thumping" footsteps coming from the attic. A bright smile suddenly bloomed at the corner of her mouth.

(End of this chapter)