CH 12

The phone had been ringing for a long time. The illumination from the phone entered the room where the lights had been turned off in broad daylight. I didn’t go to the store that day because it was a holiday, and I fell asleep for a long time. It was due to the recent return of a man I thought had left my life that I couldn’t sleep comfortably.

Ugh, which jerk is this? Despite the fact that the constant ringing was annoying, I preferred to cover myself with a blanket rather than answer the phone. Yet, the rings continued, and the charging cord was eventually pulled from the phone. The cell phone showed 11 numbers without a name.

It was Jang Yoonsung. I didn’t save it on purpose since I didn’t want us to know each other any more than we already do, but it’s funny how I remembered his phone number because of that.

“This is Lee Hakyung speaking.”

– I heard you’re going to take the day off. Let’s meet up.

“On my day off, I want to take it easy. Stop by the bar later.”

Even though I considered him as a customer at the bar and my employer’s boss, I couldn’t help but say harsh words to the person who had suddenly initiated this whole scenario.

…No, it might be because I know Jang Yoonsung will not be upset even if I treat him horribly.

Jang Yoonsung, as expected, answered with a tone as if he was saying he was being treated unfairly rather than threaten me.

– This is my first call to you after receiving this number as a compensation.

Jang Yoonsung did call me on his own accord for the first time, like he said.

– I didn’t get your number just to hear your voice.

Even if the other person had gotten out of that situation under any given circumstance, my life had still been saved, therefore I knew I couldn’t get out of this easily. I had to think about how to end that doggy tug-of-war properly.

Jang Yoonsung, surprisingly, was not in a hurry. I have not been forced to make a choice to Sungwook hyung since the day I arrived at the bar alone. My main concern was his silence.

“…Where shall we meet?”

I quickly freshened myself and changed my clothing. Jang Yoonsung was waiting for me at a cafe in the neighborhood’s downtown area, not far from my place. It was no coincidence that Jang Yoonsung was nearby. It was reasonable to presume that he had already obtained precise information regarding my address and my younger brother. I didn’t know why he was keeping quiet, but he had to be thinking about recovering his memory through me.

It was not until I entered the cafe where Jang Yoonsung was sitting that I realized why he wasn’t contacting me. He was waiting for his arm to heal. Thankfully, his left arm, which had been freed from the cast, became fully functional.

“You’re here?”

“Did your arm get better?”

“I guess so.”

Jang Yoonsung responded with a relieved expression on his face. It was not inconvenient for him not to be able to use one of his arms because there were many people who could handle his money. Yet, Jang Yoonsung did not blame me for putting him in such a condition.

It was a delicate feeling. I couldn’t figure out how to approach him. The man who sacrificed himself to save me and the man who sought to use me brazenly were not the same person.

I ordered cold coffee and sipped it slowly till the ice melted. Jang Yoonsung waited for my mouth to open quietly. I suddenly realized I wasn’t busy as I remembered it was Saturday, and I returned to my worries. I had been debating on it for a few days, but I thought to try again.

“I’m sure you’ve come to hear the response to the suggestion you made to my boss. Do you still think I can help you find your memory, Jang Yoonsung?”

“Of course.”

Jang Yoonsung responded without hesitation, as if I had asked an unnecessary question.

“Even though I have nothing to do with that memory?”

“I don’t believe so.”

It was too definitive for him to respond confidently on a matter about which he had no memory. But seven years ago, I didn’t let him know anything. I wasn’t even caught. Name, age, and gender. Even on the last day we separated, Jang Yoonsung only asked my real name.

“Alright. Because you saved my life, settling this with just a phone number would be insufficient. Jang Yoonsung, I will help you in recovering your memories.”

The man’s eyes sharpened when I thought he would be happy with my words. He seemed rather suspicious since I suddenly became obedient.

“But there are some conditions.”

“…Tell me.”

Jang Yoonsung blinked slowly as if he knew that would happen. He looked confident as if he would be up for anything.

“Whatever memory you lost, if you regain it,”

Would Jang Yoonsung accept the condition? I continued, nervously.

“I hope after that, we never run into each other again.”

It took some time for the answer to come to me now. Jang Yoonsung leaned on the chair, a cold look on his face.

“It sounds like you’re in my memory.”

“I didn’t mean it that way.”

I smiled bravely. Jang Yoonsung still looked unhappy.

“I don’t like getting tangled with your kind. I resent my situation. Some people are struggling every day, but others are trying to spend a lot of money for their memories which they can live without. Honestly, I don’t know. Are you, Jang Yoonsung, really trying to find your memory or are you up to something else?”

Jang Yoonsung didn’t deny that he was up to something else. He stared at me as if he urged me to go on.

“You believe that memories are important but if you regain them, you might find it was in vain and not a big deal. To the point where you will regret accepting such terms. So no  matter what the memory is, I’m asking you to keep your promise.”

After listening intently to my story, Jang Yoonsung started to laugh. He asked with a smile on his face as though he couldn’t believe my prolonged spiel.

“What did you do so wrong that you must do this? You know what, I like you. To the point where you look pretty, even if you’re being cranky. I don’t think I’ll even think of revenging you even if you strangled me in the past. Even if I say I’ll forgive whatever you did in the past, do I still have to keep up with the condition? Whatever conditions you put on the table, I will do it.”

I scoffed. I didn’t know how the shell changed, but the kernel inside has become soft. Revenge and forgiveness. Either way, it was the same thing I was afraid of.

“I’m saying I’ll help you since I don’t want to become involved with you for a long time in the near future. If that’s not the case, then I have no reason to help you either.”

“Then how about this?”

I expected that Jang Yoonsung would finally accept the proposal, but he unexpectedly insisted on the terms.

“You said I won’t remember you, right?”

“Yes.”

“If that’s true then I’ll do as you say. But if that’s wrong, then I’ll do as I please.”

I expected that much. I nodded as if I had nothing else to say.

“Instead, there has to be convincing evidence.”

“Alright.”

Although it was a gamble in some ways, I was nonetheless confident. Without a single remaining image, how could he prove that Han Jiyoung and I were the same person? Even though I had no choice but to argue with words.I had no idea if Jang Myeongsoo would volunteer to testify, but it would never happen.

“So, if I am unable to help you, let’s set a time limit. Whether you recall your memories or not, let’s not meet after that promised period is over.”

He had a stern expression on his face. I could tell he didn’t like my terms. He gave the table a couple of disapproving taps while checking the time on his wrist with the watch on his wrist.

“Do you want to go somewhere to eat?”

“Huh?”

When I frowned at the random question, he pretended to be at ease.

“Let’s talk about this as we eat.”

Jang Yoonsung appeared to be mentally calculating the amount of time he needed. Or he was looking to secure that as long as he could. It didn’t matter because I had figured out a defense like the Maginot line. I softly nodded because I had made the decision to lend a hand and there was nothing I could say to decline a dinner.

“What do you like?”

Jang Yoonsung asked as he climbed into his car parked near the cafe.

“I’m not that picky.”

“Hm…”

Jang Yoonsung paused, as though contemplating about me not being picky was difficult. He paused for a while even after starting the car before saying, “If you’re not picky, I’ll choose according to my taste,” and then he started the car. His hands caught my attention because, perhaps because his arm hadn’t fully healed, they nervously unfolded and folded.

I only ate with Jang Yoonsung once in Seoul seven years ago. He asked me if I had any preferences at the time, just like he did now, and when I said that I didn’t, he drove me to a place he liked. We ate there again despite having lost our memories because our tastes remained the same. Naturally, no one recognized me, but many of the staff recalled Jang Yoonsung and were polite to him.

We might have talked less than usual during the lunch because we were both thinking a lot. The atmosphere wasn’t gloomy or awkward, even though there was silence around the table. Despite a troubled mind, Jang Yoonsung continued to care for the other person in his usual manner. I used to believe that he treated me well since I was a girl at that time, but perhaps that was not the case. Yet, keeping my gender a secret at the time was the right decision. He was still giving me a way out.

I was nonetheless curious. If I had admitted that I was a male back then, what would have happened to us?

Now that I think of it, I guess the person with the memories was at a disadvantage compared to the person without the memory. Every time I thought about those memories, my resolve almost faltered. I forced myself to finish my lunch while keeping my thoughts tightly closed.  Then Jang Yoonsung drove me to my house, which I didn’t let him know before.

The present was different from the past. Considering that, I unbuckled my seatbelt. Jang Yoonsung appeared disappointed as he sought to extend our time together by lengthening his greeting and following me by getting out of his car. I cut him off by stressing that there was no need.

The window was eventually lowered, and he poked his head out to appear to greet me. Only then did I realize what I had forgotten to say.

“Since I’ve agreed to help you this time, there’s no need for me to treat you like a customer at our bar, right?”

The suggestion was met with a smile from Jang Yoonsung, who appeared as though he had no intention of being treated like a consumer in the first place.

“Do as you like.”

“Then I’ll do that. Go ahead.”

I urged him to leave quickly in case Gunwoo would see him.

“See you again.”

See you again.

When did he start saying that whenever we parted ways? Like before, Jang Yoonsung left a short greeting before leaving the place.

***

– Tell me if you need anything. I’ll prepare everything.

“A building in Gangnam, can you do that?”

– Yes and, what else?

“Don’t try to make my heart flutter for no reason and make sure you tell me what works and what doesn’t.”

I only told him to buy a building in Gangnam as if I was telling him to buy me a meal, but I could hear a small chuckle coming from the other side of the call.

– Lee Hakyung, are you excited about that?

“Yes.”

It was not the time to joke around like that, I often broke my heart believing that everything would turn out okay. There were times when I unintentionally got giddy over the fact that I had showed up as Lee Hakyung rather than Han Jiyoung. I stopped moving and then pulled myself together to continued walking.

– So why does such a person like you say that you wouldn’t like to receive a reward?

So that I could do whatever I want. So that we wouldn’t be able to meet again, that was why I said that I would not like to receive a reward for my help. It was because I knew how servile I would become the moment I would receive the money. The relationship in which I was helping was actually useful. When compromising on detailed conditions, Jang Yoonsung had no choice but to give away a large part of it.

The entrance to the store was seen at the end of the rough walk.

“I’m arriving at the store soon. Hang up for now.”

– Alright

Jang Yoonsung urged me to spend my time with him when I asked how I could help him find his memory. He said that his memory often and unexpectedly aligns with my actions. He meant that he would like to live with me and watch my every move.

“My Goodness.”

Sungwook hyung sighed several times as if he was disappointed. Although he was the one who mentioned it first, he seemed sorry that I ended up doing it.

“I don’t have any power right now, so I’ll let you go. But if you can’t stand it anymore, just run away.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Why don’t we set up a tent under the Han River bridge and live like that?”

“Are you telling me to run away or not?”

“I’m not sure either.”

In irritation, Sungwook hyung threw the dry dishcloth he was holding. Sungwook hyung was not used to kissing up to people. As a result, it seemed to be more frustrating.

He informed the other employees that I would not be present for the time being. Jang Yoonsung was supposed to compensate for my absence. I claimed that I didn’t mind the reward I received, but that wasn’t the case. It didn’t matter to the store that I was gone, but there had to be something in it for others who would struggle to fill my absence. I wasn’t too concerned because there was Jungho and the youngest Jongmin, both of whom were good at their jobs.

Jang Yoonsung texted me at 7 p.m.

[I’m here to pick you up.]

I greeted Sungwook hyung and other employees before leaving the store. Only three days have passed since we last met, and Jang Yoonsung was waiting with a happy face as if it had been a very long time