CH 28

The wind came in with the smell of grass as the window wrung open. It was a little chilly so I pulled on my blanket but I couldn’t cover much of myself as I wanted.

When I opened my eyes, Jang Yoonsung was asleep under the blanket I was in. He must have moved all the way here again.

I lay on my side and watched the sleeping man’s face. It was a pleasant morning because it was relaxing, the wind was cool and it was cozy under the covers.

Perhaps it was because his eyes were itchy, Jang Yoonsung’s long eyelashes trembled a little and he fluttered his eyes open. He blinked a few times and smiled faintly.

“Let’s sleep a little longer, until lunch.”

He said so and closed his eyes again. How could that be a little? He almost overshadowed the fact that he had insomnia. Having already woken up to the point where I felt it was enough, I looked at the other person’s face a little more and slipped out of bed.

After washing up and looking around the empty villa once again, I went to the garden and Deokgu was sniffing with his nose buried in the grass. I cried out with a mixture of gladness and heartlessness.

“Hey, you traitor…!”

Deokgu wagged his tail at me as if he understood what I was saying.

“You should at least tell me that you are going home.”

I grumbled for no reason in front of someone who couldn’t even understand what I was saying. Jang Yoonsung’s face came to mind and even that seemed to be Deokgu’s fault.

“Do you know how much I suffered because of you yesterday? I wandered around the mountain in the rain and broke my phone. Why didn’t you say you would be going home? If you went out the gate normally, I would have thought you were going home. But why did you go through the mountain instead of taking the normal road?”

Even though I grumbled, Deokgu lay down with a happy face as if he enjoyed it when I petted him.

I complained to my heart’s content, then heated up the leftover meat from yesterday and brought out the small pieces. If I gave him a big piece, he might bite it and run away. Deokgu even began to eat meat in a hurry with a chomping sound.

“Hakyung.”

As I squatted down and watched Deokgu eat, I heard a familiar voice behind my back. He said he would sleep until lunch, but he was already awake.

“What?”

Looking back, Jang Yoonsung was leaning back against the porch, wrapping himself in a blanket, with a half-asleep face.

“I asked us to sleep until lunch.”

“So sleep. Who tells you otherwise?”

He covered himself with the blanket which seemed to fall off his shoulders and replied.

“It’s cold if I sleep alone.”

“You’re talking nonsense. You slept without a blanket.”

Deokgu, who was eating meat, raised his head and barked, “Woof!”

“Not you.”

Deokgu buried his face in the bowl again. I didn’t know if he could understand us or not.

Jang Yoonsung was watching the dog eat and rolled his eyes dissatisfied and rubbed the drowsiness that remained on his face as if he knew his plan wouldn’t work. It seemed he was already wide awake. He also threw the blanket inside and asked.

“You haven’t had breakfast yet, have you?”

I nodded and went inside to prepare for breakfast. Even if I said preparation, I ended up having a makeshift breakfast with cereal.

Eating cereal and strawberries we bought yesterday in milk, we just talked about trivial things. As if nothing happened last night.

“What do you want for lunch?”

We were supposed to stop somewhere for lunch on the way but I couldn’t think of anything when I asked what I wanted to eat. It was true. While I was with Jang Yoonsung, I didn’t regret having anything.

“I ate too much greasy food yesterday. I can’t think of anything.”

“Then should we have something light?”

“Like what?”

Even though I asked, Jang Yoonsung hesitated and finally opened his mouth as if he had finally made up his mind.

“If we drive out of here, there’s a restaurant that my grandfather used to enjoy.”

“Which restaurant?”

I had never heard of such a place. When I was staying here before, Chairman Jang was not in a state to move around freely.

“It’s a simple restaurant in Gangwon do and I wanted to stop by there while I’m here.”

“Sure then.”

“But the taste is a bit bland so it might not be up to your standards.”

“It’s fine.”

I replied gladly to the words that he added and that might have been the reason he was hesitating to ask me. Like Jang Yoonsung, I wanted to stop by there.

When the sun was in the middle of the sky, we sent Deokgu back and loaded our luggage in the car like yesterday. He said only light and small boxes would be carried by the car and other heavy ones would be brought up by people.

Before leaving the villa, I looked inside and outside the villa several times.

If the house would be remodeled, would be the last time it would look like this? I wished I could take a picture of it, but my cell phone hasn’t been working since yesterday.

“Are you sad?”

When I couldn’t budge easily from in front of the villa, Jang Yoonsung asked. I nodded, wondering if it was necessary to lie about that. After thinking for a while, I finally asked.

“Could you take a picture of me here? My phone doesn’t turn on because it was drenched in the rain yesterday.”

“Sure, stand there.”

Jang Yoonsugn took out his phone and moved his arms around. I put my hands together politely and waited until he clicked the picture.

Jang Yoonsung’s clicked several pictures of me. How many pictures was he taking? In the end, Jang Yoonsung made the final lock and finished clicking after I waved my hand, gesturing it was enough. I thought the last shot of me would appear funny so I didn’t check the pictures and asked him to delete the ones that came out funny.

“Later, when I buy a new phone, send them to me.”

It was easier to take a step forward now because I had taken a picture of the house. It bothered me to leave without saying goodbye to the place that I was attached to and the people I grew close to.

Bye. See you later.

The greeting that I muttered inwardly was now out of reach. With regret, I looked back several times again and walked to the place where Jang Yoonsung was waiting.

After driving from the villa for about 30 minutes, a neighborhood with low buildings appeared which were lined along a narrow and curved alley. Jang Yoonsunbg passed the complicated road without turning on the navigation and stopped in front of a shabby restaurant at the end of the alley.

“Welcome.”

The owner was sitting on a chair in front of the counter and watching TV leisurely and greeted us like a habit. Most of the employees there didn’t recognize him or treat him with politeness so it was fresh in its way. Well, Chairman Jang and Jang Yoonsung might have visited the place for the food.

I carefully looked at the menu hanging awkwardly on the wall and chose the noodles that I hadn’t heard of before. Jang Yoonsung ordered a couple of meals.

The orders came out one by one as soon as the food was ready. It was very boring for the mouth that was tamed with greasiness and condiments. But somehow, I thought Chairman Jang would have enjoyed meals like that so I took a bite.

“It doesn’t suit your taste, does it?”

Jang Yoonsung asked in a teasy tone as if he was having a hard time getting over it. Why did God give Jang Yoonsung such a background when he didn’t have to be born into such a rich family? Whatever he did, whether it was through actions or reading one’s mind. He would have become the richest man through his efforts.

“But your grandfather…”

As far as I know, Jiyoung’s maternal grandmother and Chairman Jang were from Jeolla but I didn’t know how he enjoyed such bland food. So I was going to ask, but I quickly closed my mouth.

“What about my grandfather?”

“Um…is he from Gangwon-do?”

“No, my grandmother is.”

“Oh.”

Anyway, I nodded right away at his answer. Jang Yoonsung, who was always picky with his food, surprisingly gobbled up his food well.

“I also came here reluctantly when my grandfather asked me to. But these days, I sometimes think of this place.”

Even though it wasn’t that delicious, I would have thought the same too. The kind face that came to mind with the food was blurry.

While emptying the food, which was a little dry, Jang Yoonsung told a little about his grandfather. It was mainly a small memory of Chairman Jang’s drinking habits, but most of them were new to me, overshadowing the short time we spent together.

It was a pity to go back to Seoul after a long time, so we went to the nearest beach for a cup of coffee. It had been a long time since I’d had such an exciting two-day trip. Sitting at the table of the cafe which was near the sandy beach, we drank coffee and observed the sea. Even though the waves were constantly rushing into the white sand, breaking and receding, it was amazing to see the calm horizon in the distance.

Has the sea always looked like that? A long time ago, at night, in the darkness.

Jang Yoonsung also looked in the distance but he didn’t seem to be looking at the sea. It was as if he was thinking about something with a blank face, and took a sip of his coffee as if he became conscious of my gaze.

“Does it bother you?”

“What?”

“About the woman, I remembered yesterday…her.”

“I’m not sure.”

Even though the words sounded bitter, they couldn’t help but bother him. Since it was just a clue that came to mind. Jang Yoonsung looked into the coffee with a blank face and opened his mouth again.

“I think I know who it is.”

“…What?”

“There was a girl that my late grandfather was looking for. She died long before that but there was a huge scuffle surrounding the girl and finding her. At that time, my father who felt threatened by the succession of management rights because he felt left out by my grandfather hid the fact that the girl died and hired a fake and told them to act like her. Perhaps, that girl was one of them.”

Jang Yoonsung explained the story with a calm face as he knew I didn’t know anything about it. Even if he didn’t remember, he explained it pretty well. He paused for a moment and resumed talking.

“If that is right, I must have kicked her out. It was because I knew that the girl passed away a long time ago.”

Knowing that Jang Yoonsiung didn’t kick the fake out, I nodded awkwardly. Luckily, he didn’t seem to care what kind of expression I was wearing.

“By the way…”

At first glance, it seemed like he was talking to me but he might have been organizing his thoughts. His incomprehensible words hung in the air.

“Why was she smiling?”

“Huh?”

“She was smiling. Even though there shouldn’t be such instances with me.”

He was rather curious about that. When did Jang Yoonsung recall the memory? I retorted lightly as I had nothing to do with his memory.

“There must have been something to smile about, with you.”

“Me? With that fake?”

Jang Yoonsung looked at me as if he wasn’t capable of that.

“I don’t know.”

I shrugged my shoulders as if I had nothing to do with it. Jang Yoonsung still looked unconvinced. Indeed, he wouldn’t be able to understand if he didn’t remember. How he flew from a faraway land to kick out the fake but only ended up giving his heart. I didn’t know how you made that choice.

“No one told me that…that someone was in that villa…”

So where did she go, without a trace? While muttering like that, Jang Yoonsung tilted his head as if he was confused.

I felt stuffy for no reason and crumbled the paper cup in my hand.

“Let’s go back. You have work tomorrow.”

We took the car on the way back. There were a lot of cars on the road because it was Sunday evening. There was silence in the slow-moving car. Jang Yoonsung was staring out of the window all the time as if he was thinking deeply about something. He wasn’t as angry as he was then and I tried not to care.

Rather, I kept my role in mind and moved on. Insisting that I wasn’t Han Jiyoung. It didn’t matter whether Jang Yoonsung believed it or not. We would be able to get out of that past with that.

The blocked road didn’t seem to clear. Thanks to that, we were stuck in the car for a long time and thought about each other. Though the starting point was the same, the direction was different.

We got off at the underground parking lot of Jang Yoonsung’s apartment and took the elevator with our luggage. Jang Yoonsung said in a relaxed voice that he had a hard time driving as if he had a lot of things to worry about. Compared to the hard work he usually did for me, it was something that didn’t fall under those things.

“Are you going to find her?”

“What?”

“That girl.”

Of course, it was something to ask. If Jang Yoonsung came to find the fake Han Jiyoung, I would have to stop him or make other arrangements.

“Well, I’m not sure.”

Fortunately, the answer that came was lukewarm. Instead of asking why, I stared at him. I think he meant he wasn’t letting me off the hook. He just responded to the words I asked with a slightly bitter expression.

“Would it mean anything? She is someone who didn’t think of contacting me in the last 7 years.”

He said that in a smiling face and he blamed the other person for not contacting him. The lost memory did not seem to come back easily. If he remembered everything, he wouldn’t have thought of blaming the fake for not contacting him for the last seven years.

“You said you don’t remember her at all.”

Jang Yoonsung gave me a questionable look. As if he was asking, “What about it?”

“If she contacted you, you wouldn’t have recognized her at all.”

I said that because I thought it would comfort him but I couldn’t help but regret it. Jang Yoonsung was silent. He might be trying to remember if he received a vague call.

But if there was such a call, would he remember it? He probably wouldn’t remember. That was why I brought it up but when I thought of it, it wouldn’t be comforting even if he remembered.

“I’m just saying, it might be possible.”

In the end, I had no choice but to gloss over my nonsense. As soon as Jang Yoonsung was about to say something, the elevator dinged and the doors opened. I took the lead as we exited.

“What are you doing, let’s go.”

Jang Yoonsung didn’t think of moving so I shook my head and urged him. Only then, he moved.

“I’m tired so I’ll go in first.”

Putting down the box on the porch, I purposely stretched and said so, pretending to be stiff. Jang Yoonsung still didn’t forget to say good night, even with a sour face.

I washed up and lay in bed, but I didn’t think I would fall asleep easily. The ceiling of the dark room with the lights out resembled the night that came to mind.

I shouldn’t have said that. It didn’t change the fact that Jang Yoonsung could be comforted just because I contacted him once nor did it change the fact that I cut him off coldly. I shouldn’t have done that. I clumped the fluffy blanket and hugged it.

The first time I contacted Jang Yoonsung was more than half a year later after leaving the villa. After talking to the doctor, I would always hang around the hospital as if I had nothing better to do. It was because I didn’t dare to return to my mother’s hospital room.

After walking and walking for a long time to calm down, I was able to look at my mother’s face and tell her it was okay. So as always I walked towards a place I didn’t know and suddenly I found a payphone. There must have been several payphones but because it was a hospital, the single payphone box suddenly caught my eye.

I didn’t think of Jang Yoonsung’s number because I wanted to have a conversation with him. It was because I remembered Jang Hyunsung’s words when he said that he couldn’t guarantee Jang Yoonsung’s life or death. So if I had to make an excuse, I wondered about Jang Yoonsung’s life. It was funny that half a year later I came up with such a pretext.

It was a way not to leave my caller ID as evidence so I contacted him. I was going to hang up when he answered the call. I thought it would be enough to know he was alive.

It rang for a long time. Whether it was because the phone was not working or the number was incorrect, I couldn’t hear anyone’s voice in the end.

Still, I didn’t conclude that Jang Yoonsung passed away. There might be many reasons why he couldn’t answer the phone. I thought he might be back in the US, changed his number or he didn’t answer my call because he didn’t recognize the number.

So even after that, whenever I found a pay phone, I pressed the number like a habit. I charged the call with a coin again and again.

After repeating those stupid actions for a couple of months, I stoped. I decided to quit. He was alive, somewhere. Somewhere.

I didn’t want to assume that Jang Yoonsung was dead. It was too much for me at that time to accept such a thing. So time went by again.

The last time I contacted him was the night I put my mom in a small jar. With the help of Jang Myeongsoo’s money, after putting my mom to rest, I shamelessly pressed that number again.

I had to because I thought I could only accept it then. Mom, Chairman Jang, and Jang Yoonsung were no longer in this world.

It was a very difficult day for me so I was crying and listening to the ring which was leading me to a place I didn’t know.

Interestingly enough, the ring was cut off and I could hear someone.

-…Yes?

It was noisy on the other side. There was a tumultuous mixture of thumping music and the voices of several people. In the meantime, someone answered the phone in an irked voice.

“Uh…Um…”

I didn’t think anyone would answer the phone so I was dumbfounded. Even though it was a relief, tears poured out to the point my vision was blurred. After rubbing my eyes, I spat out the words that came to mind.

“Where are you? I miss you…Now, I want to see you…now…”

I thought I could talk about anything if we could meet again. My name, age, where I lived, why I left like that. At that time, I had never thought about how Jang Yoonsung would feel when he answered the phone. I did not doubt that if he was still alive, he would be like the person he was like when we were in the villa.

But the other person across the receiver asked as if I was someone else.

– Who…

“What?”

– Who are you?

Jang Yoonsung asked in a slightly irritated voice. I was speechless and licked my lips. Only then did various possibilities come to mind.

Beyond the call, a curious woman’s voice could be heard, “Why, who is it?” The voice sounded very clear as if she was very close to him.

– I don’t know. But he is crying.

Jang Yoonsung’s voice answered, “Is that your ex?” When the woman asked him, Jang Yoonsung denied it as if it wasn’t possible.

– No, this person is a man.

At that time, my head went blank as if I had been beaten down and I suddenly came to my senses.

– You have to tell me who you are at least.

“Um…uh…no, I dialed…wrong-wrong…I thought I was calling my friend…um…ah…I thought it was someone I knew…”

Nevertheless, I couldn’t speak naturally because my stomach kept twitching like I was having hiccups. I thought it was someone I knew. Someone I knew…

While I was muttering like that, Jang Yoonsung didn’t hang up or say anything. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I kept apologizing and hung up first. It seemed like I heard, “Wait” but I put the phone down as if I didn’t hear anything.

That was it.

I didn’t remember what I was thinking after hanging up. Has he already forgotten me or was he angry and pretended not to know me? He didn’t doubt me at all at the villa but now he was saying that my voice sounded like a man.

I thought about it a lot after that and I didn’t blame Jang Yoonsung. I just realized that it was the reality. The summer was over and I was no longer the man he wanted.

All that remained was the long winter. I didn’t want Gunwoo to endure the harsh cold alone. So I decided to live in the real world.

It wasn’t that my heart was okay with Jang Yoonsung’s attitude of pretending to not know me or not recognizing me. However, knowing he lost his memory after all that time didn’t change anything. No law said Jang Yoonsung who lost his memory wouldn’t feel betrayed.

However, it was a little surprising that he could easily kiss and touch me, who was a man. When did that person who answered that I was a man to a question if I was his ex, change? My eyelids slowly became heavy as I took out the old memories after a long time. I closed my eyes hoping not to dream.