CH 62

Lu Ye entered his apartment, and as the door closed behind him, he leaned against it, letting out a long sigh.

He felt like a weary traveler returning from a long journey, his whole body covered in a soft exhaustion. His breath was heavy, and even the slightest movement seemed strenuous.

The smart lock automatically engaged, and the faint sounds of mechanical clicks in the quiet night were quite distinct. Lu Ye gazed at the doorknob for a moment, and then he silently changed the passcode.

The smart system quickly updated with new data, and both the LCD screens inside and outside the door received the signal. The indicator light turned from red to green, indicating that the passcode had been successfully changed.

Lu Ye didn’t know if the surveillance cameras on the other side of the corridor had captured this scene or if Qi Yanbai was standing just outside, watching him. He only knew that he was exhausted today, and he didn’t have the energy to worry about all these details.

The room was dimly lit, and Lu Ye didn’t bother turning on the lights. He casually kicked off his shoes, removed his coat, and took a quick hot shower. This seemed to revive him a bit, and he walked heavily out of the bathroom, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

The drawer of the bedside table was still slightly open. Lu Ye reached out to wipe away the deliberate marks Qi Yanbai had left on it. Then, he glanced inside the drawer for a moment, extended his hand to open it, and took out a neatly packaged ring box.

Lu Ye had originally planned to give these rings to Qi Yanbai as a Valentine’s Day gift, so the packaging was particularly exquisite, with layers upon layers of wrapping.

But now, this playful aspect of gift-giving had become a small obstacle. Lu Ye tore and unraveled the layers of wrapping, spending quite some time to remove the paper from the ring box.

After the glittering wrapping was removed, the originally exquisite “gift” had turned into an ordinary box. Lu Ye sat with his back slightly arched, staring at the ring box for a while, and then with a little force, he lifted the lid.

He picked up the rings which were the perfect size, fitting snugly on Lu Ye’s ring finger. He moved his finger slightly, and the shadow cast on the ground shifted, revealing a trace of the ring’s imprint.

As light and shadows interplayed, Lu Ye’s gaze fell to the floor, and he let out a soft sigh.

Before this, he had imagined countless times the expression Qi Yanbai would have when he saw these rings. He expected him to share his joy, to see Qi Yanbai’s smiling face, and most of all, he hoped to use this as a commitment to make Qi Yanbai understand that from now on, he wouldn’t be alone.

Unfortunately, all those plans seemed to have gone up in smoke.

The year had passed, and Valentine’s Day was approaching. But now it seemed that these rings might not serve as Valentine’s Day gifts.

Lu Ye couldn’t decide whether he felt more regret or sad in his heart. He sat there for a while with the ring on his finger, but eventually, he took off the ring, placed it back in the box, and tossed the ring box deep into the drawer. Then, he pulled the covers over himself and lay back on the bed.

The bedding, emitting a faint, soothing fragrance, cradled his limbs seamlessly, and Lu Ye was finally able to relax a bit after a long time.

The high-tension emotions he had ignored earlier were now returning to his senses, and he suddenly felt a pang of pain in his stomach.

He had been absent-minded all day, not even eating properly, and he had hardly drunk any water. When he was preoccupied with his thoughts, these minor issues had gone unnoticed. But now, as he relaxed, these uncomfortable sensations resurfaced.

His stomach ached, as if a cold, hard stone were lodged in it, making him uncomfortable no matter how he lay.

His rational mind told him to order takeout, but emotionally, he felt exhausted. The confrontation with Qi Yanbai had drained the little energy he had left. Lu Ye lay on the bed, not wanting to move.

He tossed and turned on the bed for a while, and somehow, he suddenly remembered the first time Qi Yanbai had come to his house.

Back then, he had a high fever and had unintentionally missed their date. Qi Yanbai had searched for him everywhere and finally entered his home.

Now, looking back, all those excuses like “the door wasn’t properly closed” were probably just nonsense. Qi Yanbai had likely already learned his door code from somewhere, but he had kept quiet until that day when he “disappeared” and took the risk to enter.

His previous memories were now clouded with the suspicion of ulterior motives, but Lu Ye took a deep breath and realized that he wasn’t offended immediately.

When a person is feeling unwell, they tend to remember the good in others. Lu Ye glanced at the living room and kitchen, suddenly recalling that evening when Qi Yanbai had taken care of him.

The air conditioning provided a dry yet comfortable temperature, warm moisture lingering in the air. The scent of rice wafted through the entire living room. Qi Yanbai, tall and graceful, stood under the light, carefully cutting a piece of oil-soaked waxed meat into small chunks.

The peaceful and tranquil atmosphere from that time still made Lu Ye feel nostalgic. He gently closed his eyes and felt that the loving care from that time still flowed in his veins, providing him with a sense of peace and contentment.

Qi Yanbai had said when confessing that Lu Ye was the first person to protect him. However, what he didn’t know was that from the moment Lu Ye left his home until now, a span of fifteen years, that one time was also the first time he had woken up from his illness and found someone taking care of him.

Lu Wenyu was always busy building her career, and there were many trivial matters that Lu Ye didn’t want to bother her with. He stumbled through many difficulties on his own, relying on sheer determination to overcome them.

After more than a decade of struggling alone, that was the first time he had a place to call his own.

Regardless of what happened with Qi Yanbai afterward, at least at that moment, Lu Ye had genuinely wanted to spend his life with him.

In the dim light of night, the electronic clock on the bedside table chimed on the hour, emitting a very light alert sound. Lu Ye, whose mind had wandered away, was brought back to the present by this faint sound. He blinked his eyes gently, realizing that only the dim light illuminated the room now.

Lu Ye let out a long sigh and then turned over to lie on his back in bed. He reached out to cover his eyes with his forearm.

If only Qi Yanbai hadn’t deceived him, Lu Ye suddenly thought.

Others might not know, but Lu Ye himself was aware that the reason he despised being deceived, wasn’t because he saw things in black and white or couldn’t tolerate any ambiguity; it was because deception was often accompanied by “earth-shattering chaos” and “self-indulgence.” He had learned a painful lesson in his youth, and since then, he had never wanted to face that uncomfortable feeling again.

Lu Ye had never mentioned the circumstances of him coming out to his parents to Lu Wenyu. It was actually quite funny in retrospect. At that time, he had been so naive and had overestimated his position at home. He naively believed that as long as he used his own existence to threaten his parents, making them realize that he couldn’t “carry on the family name” just like Lu Wenyu, they would change their minds and take Lu Wenyu back home.

But he was wrong.

His parents went from disbelief to hysteria in just half a day. They suddenly seemed like completely different people overnight.

His mother, who had never uttered a harsh word, started cursing him as if she had gone insane, throwing his things out of the door. His once gentle father was also furious, and he nearly tore a belt apart while lashing out at Lu Ye, saying that Lu Ye was “not his blood.”

People he had been so familiar with suddenly became strangers, and his usually loving parents forced him to take back what he had said, threatening to disown him if he didn’t. They called him “disgusting,” “perverted,” and even acted as though he was already dead.

At that moment, Lu Ye realized that he had been living in a massive lie from childhood to adulthood.

He had always thought that his family was harmonious and that his parents genuinely loved him. But what he didn’t expect was that they didn’t love “Lu Ye”; they only loved the gender he represented.

Lu Ye didn’t blame them. After all, he had chosen this path himself, and he knew that he couldn’t blame anyone else. But the earth-shattering blow he had suffered on that day had left a deep mark on his soul, like an emotional wound. It made him extremely sensitive to deception, and every time he faced it, he would recall the unbearable embarrassment he had experienced.

Since then, Lu Ye had been particularly sensitive to “deception.” He was like someone who had been bitten by a snake once and was afraid of the well rope for ten years. He always tried to keep his distance from such situations.

He had been in two relationships before, both with scoundrels who deceived him. However, when they deceived him, their intentions were not much different from his parents during his adolescence. In essence, they didn’t take him seriously.

If Qi Yanbai were the same, Lu Ye could easily break up with him. But, contrary to that, Qi Yanbai went in the opposite direction. He clearly deceived him more than those previous scoundrels, but it wasn’t for the sake of cheating or playing with him; it was because he loved him.

Qi Yanbai was fake, but his feelings were real.

Hidden behind the deception was even stronger and more intense affection. Lu Ye found it hard to understand this misplaced deceit at times, but his inner balance teetered because of this “misplacement,” and he couldn’t arrive at a decision.

On one hand, he felt that Qi Yanbai’s actions still left some room for maneuvering, but on the other hand, he genuinely had reservations about the act of “deception.”

Qi Yanbai’s upbringing had shaped his extremist approach to handling things, and Lu Ye was well aware of this fact.

But, awareness aside, accepting deceit and concealment went hand in hand. Today, Qi Yanbai might love him passionately, but what would he do in the future if his feelings changed? Lu Ye couldn’t help but worry.

Lu Ye knew that the safest approach would be to make a clear decision and cut ties promptly. This way, regardless of what happened in the future, whether Qi Yanbai turned out to be good or bad, at least they wouldn’t be involved anymore, and he wouldn’t get hurt again.

But he found it difficult to make up his mind this time.

Lu Ye felt that he was being indecisive and hesitant. His rationality had already made the best decision for the current situation, but his emotions were still unable to reach a conclusion. As a result, he was left hanging in mid-air, torn between advancing and retreating.