Volume 4 - CH 75.3

On the other end of his razor-sharp gaze, Echidona let out a small sigh.

[Echidona: ――If you wish to reach the optimal future, you would have to permit certain sacrifices along the way. Could it be that you lack even that resolve, Natsuki Subaru?]

[Subaru: ――――gh]

Her response neither affirmed nor denied what Subaru had asked her.

Echidona’s words just now weren’t meant to dispel his doubts.

[Echidona: This extraordinary ability you possess, the Authority of Return by Death: Its utility is something you don’t yet truly comprehend. By refusing to allow endings that are contrary to your desires, you repeatedly retry, and repeatedly reach for the future―― that is the near-perfect ideal of an inquirer. But of course. In the first place, once an event has reached its outcome, it would mean that no other outcome could take its place. While in the process of reaching an outcome, it is possible to hypothesize on various possibilities of what that outcome may be. Such an approach under such conditions can serve to verify such various hypotheses. But when there is an actual result you want to reach, the outcome of each experiment and the hypothesis it verifies must forever remain singular. All the while, to truly reproduce the exact same conditions is impossible. No matter how meticulous the preparation, deviation from the conditions of that particular point in time is inevitable. And so too, is the question: “What would the results have been if I had done things differently?”―― forever out of the reach of an inquirer such as myself, instead being what you’d call a dream beyond a dream. Possessing the “Memories of the World”, there are indeed ways in which I could come to “Know” the answers. But while they exist, I have no desire to use or rely on such methods. My “Desire to Know” is not simply a “Desire to Have Knowledge”. Even for me, that distinction is quite a contradictory and loathsome thing. But I’m getting carried away, let’s return to the topic at hand…… for one such as myself, with no choice but to accept the singularity of the outcomes, having but one means of observation, your existence and your Authority is a godsend. Using “The Same Conditions” to conduct “A Different Test”, and see “A Different Outcome” from “What Originally Should Have Been”―― who would not desire such ultimate Authority? Seeing it laid before one’s eyes, who could go without first trying absolutely everything? Of course, I have no intention of taking it by force. In the end, you will be making full use of Return by Death for your purposes. I will ensure that you reach your desired future to the absolute best of my ability. And, in the process, if possible, I would like to sate my curiosity to the fullest possible extent. Surely, you won’t fault me for such a measly request? You will get your answers. I will sate my curiosity. Our interests are entirely aligned. Since I don’t know the answers myself, I certainly won’t misguide you on purpose towards the most wretched endings possible. When first encountering a problem, I’ll be just as ignorant as you are to what the optimal solution may be. So together, we will ponder, agonize and find the answers as comrades. I can say this without the slightest embarrassment. I am immensely fond of you, that is, for your capacity to increase my means of inquiry, and I swear I will never do anything to impede you. Of course, when initially without answers, I cannot guarantee a smooth resolution to every problem even with my help. While I can aid you with the strength of my knowledge, I can never directly interfere with reality. Should the obstacle before you require physical, material strength, I cannot help you. Time after time, perhaps in the hundreds and thousands, your mind and body may be shattered and torn. But if and when it is, I will faithfully tend to your heart. I must admit that not wanting to lose something as useful as you has a part to do with it. But, my fondness for you, and my intention to lend you my strength is genuine. I hope you won’t think badly of me. Though I’ve said this over and over, I am confident that I will prove valuable to achieving your purposes. Indeed, just as I will be, in a sense, using you to satisfy the Greed of my curiosity, you can also use me to “Attain Your Perfect Future”. It is precisely my wish to become that convenient girl you can always call on. If it means spurring you onward, then I will gladly offer you my very existence. Although, paltry as it is, seeing how I’m already dead, whether you will have me is another question. Alas, I suppose that would be unfair to those girls within your thoughts. The subjects of your longing―― the silver-haired Half-Elf, and the blue-haired Demon: the girls that your heart has sworn to save and protect. I won’t go into what I think about the intense emotions you feel towards them, but I will simply say this: The barricade standing before you is far greater than you could possibly imagine. Just the obstacles you are aware of now already have you struggling at your wit’s end. While your resolve to overcome them alone is admirable, it would be far too desperate a fight. There is not the slightest falsehood in my desire to lend you my help. And you have every reason to make use of my willingness. You must use everything you have, use everything you can, and only then can you save the ones you hold dear. Isn’t that the oath you have sworn, and the conviction you took onto the painful path you have chosen? That is why I challenge you, repeat with you, and feel for you. The path you have sacrificed your lives to forge, as ironic as it is, has now been validated in the form of the Second Trial. Perhaps, the Trial might offer the illusion that it existed to make you understand the nature of the path you have walked, and as such, was necessary. Yet the truth is it wasn’t necessary, and those scenes in fact only served to wear down your heart. However, between a state of ignorance and a state of knowing, no matter how appalling the truth may be, I will always value the latter. You have, and will continue to use your life as the price for Returning by Death and for inching ever closer to the future. As you do so, you will constantly keep in the back of your mind the possibility that the sacrifices you have made and those worlds themselves “Might Still Exist” in some form or another. Until one day, you will cease to feel anything about paying with your life, your human emotions will have faded away, the deaths of the people precious to you will no longer strike upon your heart, and so drowning your days in unmovable, emotionless apathy, even if you eventually reach that perfect future, there would be nothing left of you to hold it―― therefore, in order to avoid drifting into a future in which only that tediousness remains, this is necessary. Indeed, there is not a single useless thing in this world, every path is necessary, everything is an indispensable piece of the puzzle: It was for you to understand this that the Trial existed. If you need to make sense of the reasons why you have now stopped in your tracks, then you can think of it this way. And I will affirm your thoughts. If my words can give you the strength to move forward, then I will endeavor to give them. Be it consolation, incitement, whispers of love, or evocations of contempt, if it can become your strength then I will not hesitate to use it. You might hate it, but you will certainly need me on your path ahead. If you are to proceed along this road of unavoidable pain and solitude, then you will need someone to walk alongside you who will never veer their sight from the path. If you leave this role to me and to no one else, then I am willing to walk this road alongside you without question. I will repeat it, I will restate it, I will convey it as many times as necessary until it reaches you. ――You need me. And I need you. I need you immensely. My curiosity can no longer be quenched by anything except you. You are the only one in existence who can satisfy me. My insatiable Greed would be fulfilled by you alone. Your existence is already indispensable to me in this closed-off world. If you wish to be someone else’s hope and use your power to slice open their world, could you not take pity on my miserable self so that I may partake in the fallen scraps as well? If you will bequeath me this kindness, then without a moment’s hesitation, I will offer up my body, my knowledge and my soul. And so I beg of you. Please trust me. That I haven’t told you my true feelings until now was never because I wanted to deceive you. I was merely waiting for the right moment to do so. At this stage, the instant I appealed to you with even a fragment of my true intentions, you surely would have left me. That would have been an unbearable loss to me. And of course, for you as well, as it would certainly be a loss in the sense that you’d be distancing yourself from the future you seek. Although, with the power of Return by Death, you will inevitably reach your desired future. Nevertheless, it will certainly be preferable to reach that future while paying as little in compensation as possible. With me, with me you can lighten that price. I do not want you to make the mistake of thinking that this means as long as you reach the desired future, the greater good can overrule the lesser and the details can be held in contempt. Indeed, falling into temptation and failing to advise you of the optimal path just so I can see the end of a thread―― is not something which I am so confident in my control over my desires that I can guarantee will never happen. This I will admit. But, I will never mislead you. If on the off-chance I do betray your trust in this way, I will under no circumstances try to hide it from you. I will certainly disclose it. And then, do everything in my power to repair that damaged trust. No matter what happens, I will deliver you to the perfect future you desire. Absolutely, absolutely. And now, if you agree that this is necessary, then won’t you choose me? All I want from you, all I ask of you is as I have mentioned in the contract. After that, it is simply a matter of how much suffering you are willing to endure for your desired, coveted wish. I have told you my resolve. Now I would like to hear yours. Prove it to me, seal this contract with me, enlist my assistance, and muster the will to reach your destined future. Do so, and you may for the first time boast that you have conquered the Second Trial. From there, proceed to the Third Trial, and overcoming that, liberate the Sanctuary. Then, considering the disaster that will befall the Sanctuary, those you love, and those you hold dear, that shall be greatest Trial of all. Show me that you have the strength and resolve to surmount it. Once you do, plunder me, use my knowledge, and take hold of the future ahead. What I desire from you, what I request from you, and what I offer you in return is as I have stated. All is as I have sincerely, honestly, willingly confessed it. So now, I want you to tell me―― what is your decision? That, in itself, would satisfy a portion of my curiosity]

――A lovely smile rose onto Echidona’s face.

With her white, snow-like hair swaying and her cheeks flushed red from the heat of passion, she turned up her eyes to Subaru, awaiting his answer.