Volume 4, 2 [Insults and Gratitude]

Volume 4, Chapter 2 [Insults and Gratitude]

—Oy, Subaru, dying here would be pretty miserable.

Still muddled, lying there shaking his head, Subaru lifted himself up and looked around.

He was usually good at waking up, but the reason he couldn’t get his thoughts together was simply because he wasn’t exactly “sleeping”. He tried hard to remember what had happened before he lost consciousness, but the first thing that occurred to him was that he was in a very familiar room.

[Subaru: This is the Mansion’s living room... isn’t it?]

[Oh, Subaru, you’re awake?]

A voice mumbled as if trying to make sure, then the door opened and Emilia’s face poked through.

Her silver hair in a braid, she had a slightly bright expression on her face as she walked over to Subaru on the couch, and bending over, she met his gaze.

Being stared at so intently by her wide, round eyes, Subaru shrank down a little.

[Subaru: Uhm, Emilia-tan, what happened?]

[Emilia: As soon as you entered the mansion we heard you scream. Otto and I were really shocked. Then when we ran inside to see...]

[Subaru: I, was sleeping?]

[Emilia: Saying it like that is a little deceiving......but it’s not technically wrong, I suppose?]

Emilia put a finger to her lips, and tilted her head slightly to the side. There was no sense of urgency in her reply.

Scrambling when he just woke up, now seeing her in this relaxed manner, Subaru realized there was no emergency. Yet even so, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was out of the ordinary.

He was certain that just before he lost consciousness, some kind of animal with sharp fangs had—–

[Miss Emilia, might I have a moment?]

There was a knock on the door from the outside, followed by the sound of a woman’s voice calling out to Emilia. Looking in the direction of the voice, she gave her assent with a small [Sure], and the door opened slowly.

Looking at the door casually opening, Subaru couldn’t help but feel mystified.

—I don’t recall ever hearing that voice before.

His doubt was soon confirmed when he saw what stood just outside the doorway.

[I brought drinks and additional hand towels —Oh, I see you are awake already]

The form of the smiling woman imprinted itself into Subaru’s eyes.

It was a woman with long, almost translucent blonde hair, the lines of her back were in perfect posture. Her appearance and behavior was in every way refined, and in her fluid motions there was not a hint of unnecessary movement.

She was wearing the same familiar outfit as other servants of the Roswaal Mansion —the cute and practical maid’s uniform, with not so much as a crease or wrinkle visible.

The plate in her hands held a water pitcher and hand towels, which she placed softly down on the stand in the center of the room without making a sound. —If she were being scored, she would have passed with flying colors...

...that is, only if you overlooked her ferocious-looking physique and her fiendish smile.

The uniform may be worn perfectly, but the one wearing it was slightly taller than Subaru, with an athletic build similar to his. If she were a he, it would have seemed healthy and strong, but when it was on a female, everything instantly crumbled.

What’s more, the smile at the end of her perfectly fluid motion —was completely ruined by the set of sharp fangs peeking out through the corner of her mouth. Looking even closer, there was something unnatural about the sharpness of her gaze, and her greens pupils seemed to give off a glinting light, like a carnivorous, feline beast eyeing its prey.

[Frederica: It is a pleasure to meet you. I am a servant of the household of Margrave Roswaal L. Mathers, Frederica Baumann...]

[Subaru: Scary face—!?]

Her respectful introduction was interrupted by the overly candor words that slipped out of Subaru’s mouth. Upon hearing this, the woman’s expression congealed, and after her fiendish eyes blinked several times ——tears began to form.

[Frederica: ...sniffle, sniffle...]

[Subaru: Wha...?]

[Emilia: Subaru you dunce!!]

Without a word, the woman turned her face away, and even Subaru was shocked. Right after, he was assaulted by both an angry voice, and the painful sensation of having his ear pulled. [Ow, ow!] Letting out a cry and turning to look, he saw Emilia with her usually gentle brows furrowed angrily.

[Emilia: That’s a terrible thing to say to a girl! Frederica did so much to take care of you and you...]

[Frederica: I-I ask that you might let it go, Miss Emilia. It is quite alright. I was...I was the one in the wrong after all. I was so happy to have been called back to the mansion, I got too over-excited...and forgot that my looks are usually unpleasant for many...]

Pulling on the hem of Emilia’s sleeve, she— the woman called Frederica was shaking her head. With her other hand she was covering her mouth.

[Frederica: I apologize for startling you so. More than that, I did something very inappropriate a short while ago. I never thought I would mistake Natsuki Subaru-sama for an intruder]

[Subaru: Intruder....ah, wait a minute. I think I understand what happened now]

Released from Emilia’s chastisement for the moment, Subaru massaged his ear while taking in her words. In fact, he kind of realized the gist of what happened.

Basically, the mysterious figure he ran into right after entering the mansion was—

[Subaru: When I returned to the mansion, Frederica-san thought I was an intruder, and so tried to take me out. Then, Emilia-tan came in after me, and cleared up the misunderstanding, and that brings us to now...right?]

[Frederica: That’s exactly right...you really can process things quickly I see]

[Subaru: There are things I can’t read from just the situation though...no, before that]

Frederica’s agreement confirming his thoughts, Subaru then turned his gaze to Emilia who was now standing behind Frederica, nudging her chin to point in Frederica’s direction. He was painfully aware of the meaning behind Emilia’s action. So Subaru stood up from the couch, and facing Frederica, said

[Subaru: Nice to meet you, I am very sorry for saying something so uncalled for all of a sudden. I know I can’t make excuses like having just woken up, or that I was just joking around and expect to be forgiven. You can decide whether to boil or fry me...though I would be really thankful if there wasn’t much pain involved]

To say he was acting like a man, it was more like Subaru dipped his head while saying this somewhat limp apology.

They definitely started off on the wrong foot, but unlike her, who had only attacked a suspicious intruder, Subaru’s words were just completely rude. So, just as he said, if it would clear up her anger, Subaru would willingly accept any kind of punishment.

Preferably without physical pain, and his hopes were rather leaning towards emotional abuse instead...

That much was the commitment of the man Subaru’s rather effeminate apology.

[Frederica: —-Haha, you really are a funny guy]

With those words, her smile hiding behind the hand covering her mouth, Frederica blew it all away.

At the question mark floating above Subaru’s head, Frederica bowed, the translucent, golden hair flowing around her face.

[Frederica: I should really be the one apologizing. On Miss Emilia’s request, I have been testing you]

[Subaru: Testing?]

At Frederica’s words, both Subaru and Emilia tilted their heads. They had no idea what she was talking about.

It’d be fine if Subaru was confused, but if he were to believe her words, then it would be strange to see Emilia showing the same air of confusion as well. Looking at their synchronous response, Frederica’s smile deepened.

[Frederica: Even though I may have been acting according to my sense of duty to protect the mansion, what I did to Subaru-sama was still rude. I was prepared, or rather left with no other choice, but to be relieved of my position after such an act]

[Subaru: No, I think you jumped to that conclusion way too soon. I’m a guy who will understand if we talk things out, right?]

[Frederica: Then, Miss Emilia asserted herself ever so firmly. She really tried so hard, I thought for sure even my face would turn red from the flowery things she was saying about Subaru...]

[Subaru: Wha!?]

Shocked by what she had just said, Subaru let out a strangled cry, looking towards Emilia. While Emilia was standing there trying so hard to hide her own deep scarlet countenance.

[Emilia: Fre–de–ri–ca–!]

Hands on her hips, Emilia uncharacteristically let out a hysterical voice, glaring sharply at the maid. On the receiving end of all that, Frederica calmly retorted

[Frederica: Oh my, so scary... I see Miss Emilia hasn’t changed, still not cute at all. Normally, whether what I said was true or not, turning red and getting flustered would have been the prettiest response]

[Emilia: Eh, really...? Wait, I’m not going to get tricked today. Even someone like me, always getting tricked, would learn to know better! That’s right, I know when you’re lying, one of your eyes goes lazy!]

[Frederica: I had no idea that was the case. By the way Miss Emilia, did you know that whenever you lie, your ears get a little longer?]

[Emilia: No way!?]

Emilia’s expression of victory, an arm outstretched and a finger pointing towards Frederica, was interrupted when she darted her hands back to grab both her ears. Getting this response, at that point Frederica’s victory was complete.

If Rem was here, if Emilia was watching— if both of them were here now with him, surely he would have that unwavering strength.

[Subaru: I brought it upon myself..... No, I forced Rem to pay that price. What a deadbeat I am!]

There should have been a better, more perfect way.

He had believed that he did his uttermost, up to the end of the loop several days ago he deeply believed that. But there must have been an even better, seamless, perfect outcome somewhere. But Subaru had missed his chance to find it, in his complacency, in his cowardice, he compromised into an imperfect future. And Rem’s sacrifice was the price.

If he had been more competent, he would have noticed it.

Before evacuating Emilia and Ram from the mansion, the handwritten letter he had given to Crusch’s messenger had already turned blank. He had thought that a Witch Cultist accompanying the messenger had switched the letter in a ploy to sow confusion, but that is laughable.

There was no chance the Witch Cult could have been aware of their threat, and how could he have believed that the Witch Cult would use such a roundabout way to plant seeds of distrust between their two forces? More than that, if they went to all this trouble, compared to a blank letter would it not have been more effective to alter the contents?

Then why, why was the handwritten letter blank? If it was not the work of the Witch Cult, then there could only be one answer.

[Subaru: Rem wrote the letter. I was the one who asked it to be delivered, and Crusch was the one who gave it to the messenger, so the reality of it being handed over remained, and only the contents were erased]

That is the Authority of “Gluttony”, and the fate of those whose name and memories were eaten. An existence erased from the world, leaving only a complex web of incongruities behind. If you weren’t aware of it, you’d never feel the unease, you’d never even realize anything had been missing.

If that was the case, for who, or for what, would have been the purpose of that existence—-.

Looking deeper into the fact that the letter was blank, properly investigating, fathoming, delving into the truth, perhaps he could have done it.

What Emilia had said then, come to think of it, the letter had arrived on the evening before the final day. At that moment, the contents of the letter were already gone, then Rem would have been attacked before that time. If so, then hardly any time had passed since Subaru and Rem had parted ways. The chances of being able to catch up were minuscule, but at least there was a chance.

Only, Subaru had let that chance slip by. Why it had slipped by, he could no longer tell. Had he really not felt anything was out of place?

Ram, with her sister-complex, Emilia, who was aware they had left Rem with him in the Capital, yet they had not mentioned Rem at all, so why—

[Subaru:—Ah]

He finally realized it.

At that moment, Subaru let out an idiotic cry and brought his hand to his forehead. With wobbly movements he slid over to the wall, and smashed his head as hard as he could against it.

Shock and pain. But once wasn’t enough, again, again, and again he repeated.

[Emilia: Wh, Subaru!?]

At his inexplicable action, the three with him were shocked into speechlessness. But Emilia was first to return to her senses, and called out to him bewilderedly. She gripped his shoulder from behind, turning him around,

[Emilia: What’s wrong all of a sudden? It’s not like this is the first time you’ve done something strange, but this is... Oh—, look your forehead has gotten all red!]

[Subaru: The extent of my stupidity, from the bottom of my heart I am amazed, really]

Feeling the coolness of the tips of Emilia’s fingers on his forehead, Subaru shook away his head in a trance of self-loathing. Like he said, he could not bear to look at this own foolishness.

Then, suddenly drawing close to Emilia, Subaru fixed his gaze into her’s.

[Subaru: Emilia-tan, I have a favor to ask]

[Emilia: Wh, wha—? Hold on, Subaru, your face is close, and your eyes are scaring me......]

[Subaru: My helpless idiocy... could you please insult me a little?]

[Emilia: Huh?]

Startled, Emilia grew wide-eyed. Seeing rejection in her response, Subaru reached out to place both hands on her shoulders, holding her tightly preventing her from running away, and then brought his face in even closer.

[Subaru: Please. Don’t forgive me, just insult me]

[Emilia: Th, that, I can’t do that. I don’t think you’ve done wrong or anything......]

[Subaru: JUST FIND A WAY!]

[Emilia: Even if you ask me that......]

[Subaru: Please! If you do this for me, I’ll offer you my very soul......!]

[Emilia: Saying something this heavy is only making me more uncomfortable! Geez, I guess I really don’t have a choice]

Emilia hesitated agonizingly against Subaru’s desperate, perverse plea, but finally she nodded in resignation. She cleared her throat and looked up at Subaru.

[Emilia: Subaru you blockhead!]

[Subaru: Uuu—]

[Emilia: You naughty, hyperactive, stubborn, selfish, rascal, don’t know when to give up, get way too cocky jerk!]

[Subaru: Gu..gu..gul...]

[Emilia: No one asked you, yet you only worry about other people, and don’t know your limit. You’re a softie who supports a hated half-elf. When I am rebuked and feeling depressed, you take my place, and behave rashly, get abused and do reckless things]

[Subaru: gu......Eh?]

[Emilia: You listen but don’t respond properly, a coward who flirts and then runs away. A fool who comes to help someone in trouble, even after they had a huge fight. When things just aren’t working out, when you want something you say the right thing it’s so unfair. Then, when it’s all over, and everyone is running around taking care of the loose ends, you go to sleep by yourself and slack off. Subaru, you dullard!]

[Subaru: Dullard, now there’s a word you don’t hear much anymore......You know, Emilia-tan]

He had been expecting a rebuke, but the abuse he received was far from it. The words didn’t scratch at his heart and leave ugly scars, instead they were deep and kind, and left their mark on his and Emilia’s hearts alike.

At Subaru’s call, Emilia kept her gaze pointed up at him, pursing her lips.

[Emilia: What]

[Subaru: How do I say this... is that how you feel about me?]

[Emilia: I know, it’s like all my feelings just flew out. Then I sort of went with it and after a while I had no idea what I was saying. ...Subaru, do you think that is how I really feel?]

[Subaru: I wonder. When you get caught up in the moment, are they your true feelings......I don’t know if I could tell]

At the very least, Subaru had experience regretting things he said in the heat of the moment.

Were those long pent up feelings wanting to finally escape her heart, or just the thoughtless emotions of a moment blurted out all of a sudden?

He thought no one could ever answer that question.

[Subaru: Thank you, Emilia-tan]

[Emilia: All I did was say bad things about you. To get thanked for that......Subaru, you really are abnormal aren’t you?]

[Subaru: ‘Abnormal’, but for Emilia-tan alone. If I hear it from you, then no matter if it’s insult, abuse or a traffic safety poem, it will stir up my pleasure senses]

[Emilia: The last one I didn’t understand, but it seems like something I reeally don’t need to know so I’ll forget I heard it. —So, are you satisfied now?]

She tried to respond while suppressing a giggle, but in the very end, her eyes looked tinged with sorrow.

It was unfair, the raw expression she showed him sometimes, and it was why he couldn’t leave her be.

In answer to her gesture, Subaru smiled a broad smile that showed his teeth.

[Subaru: Yeah, I’m fine now. Actually, maybe I’m still not okay. But, if I were to get a kiss from Emilia-tan to break my curse, I should be able to find the courage I need, if only......]

[Emilia: That’s too bad, because the request office has closed for the day]

[Subaru: Damnit! I screwed up! Why am I always......too late......ah!]

As if full of regret, Subaru fell to pieces. Seeing this, Emilia let out a wry smile. After spending some time looking wretched, Subaru finally stood up and looked around the room.

[Subaru: That said, I’m afraid there is some business I need to take care of. I feel bad for leaving everyone and Emilia-tan, but I need a little time. I don’t think it will take too long but....What’s with your face, Otto?]

[Otto: I feel like charging you for reparations after witnessing that ticklish scene, but I’ll leave the negotiations on pricing for later...What were you doing!?]

Otto, forgotten until now, voiced his discontent, to which Subaru crossed his arms and cocked his head in contemplation. Come to think of it, Otto doesn’t know about the last person in this mansion he has yet to become acquainted with.

If that’s the case, to tell Otto where he was planning on going next, just what words would be proper.

After agonizing over the problem for just a bit, Subaru unfolded his arms and said,

[Subaru: Well, I’m going to go meet a loli with drill curls holed up in a room that smells like mold]

With that, he completely abandoned any responsibility to explain the situation, and left Otto to his state of confusion.