Volume 4, 95 [Sigma]

Volume 4, Chapter 95 [Sigma]

[Ram: Barusu. Have you made any progress with your nefarious plotting?]

Leaving Emilia after she had cried herself to sleep, Subaru ran into Ram as soon as he exited the building.

With his hand still on the door, Subaru squinted his eyes at Ram, who was apparently waiting for him to come out.

[Subaru: “Nefarious plotting” sounds super disreputable and kinda scary so could you please cut that out?]

[Ram: Two grown men skulking around obviously planning something, what else would you call it? Since Roswaal-sama has given his consent, I won’t say anything about that merchant doing as he pleases around the Sanctuary, but......]

The “Merchant” Ram was talking about was probably Otto.

Although they were both living inside the Sanctuary, Ram, who spent most of her time tending to Roswaal, only had very brief interactions with Otto. Waiting for Emilia to come back from the Trials must have been some of the only opportunities they’ve had to talk to each other.

As for Otto, he was really only here because Subaru brought him along. So, without having much information in regards to his personality, he was no doubt lacking in credibility as far as Ram was concerned.

And even for Subaru, personality aside, Otto’s competence as a travelling merchant was still up for debate. Just from his meeting with Roswaal, it was obvious that he was more suited for the role of a straight-man than a merchant.

Nevertheless, it was true that Roswaal had given Otto permission to stay in the Sanctuary. Unable to openly expel him, Ram’s opinion of Otto had always been harsh.

[Subaru: Well, that’s something he’ll have to work hard towards on his own. I won’t try to change your mind about that]

[Ram: That doesn’t sound like something a friend should say. When he’s so intent on helping you, shouldn’t you at least make some effort to repay him, Barusu?]

[Subaru: Friend...... huh. I mean, I won’t say anything to contradict that, but, does it look like we’re friends to you?]

[Ram: When you’ve abandoned all restraint and are interacting with such familiarity...... do you mean to suggest that you’re not? If that’s just how you interact with anyone regardless of your relationship, that’s quite a horrifying thought]

Ram hugged her shoulders and made a show of shuddering. At her words and her reaction, Subaru’s cheeks slightly softened as he chuckled from the depths of his throat.

As if creeped out by Subaru’s stifled laugh, Ram backed up a step while still holding her shoulders, putting some distance between them,

[Ram: Now, Barusu, I’ll repeat my question. ――Have you made any progress with your nefarious plotting?]

[Subaru: Well you...... could say it’s slowly coming along, but there’re still some kinks to work out]

Regardless of the details, her true intentions were obvious.

This was Ram, a card in the hand of Subaru’s contracted opponent, Roswaal. Although Subaru wasn’t sure to what extent he could trust her, chances were, she was carrying out the task of acting as the eyes and ears of the bedridden Roswaal.

So it was inevitable that she would take an interest in their movements. As for the way she was grilling him directly on the matter, that was just the kind of thing Ram would do.

[Subaru: And what about you? You came here for Emilia, right? You shouldn’t be wasting time talking to me]

[Ram: Since Barusu already came out, you must’ve made sure that she’d fallen asleep, correct? Falling asleep after so much bawling, she won’t wake up anytime soon]

[Subaru: ......That’s a pretty harsh opinion]

[Ram: It’s a frank and objective opinion. You should keep that in mind for reference]

Tossing out that blunt remark, Ram stared at the side of Subaru’s lowered face.

Feeling the pressure of her gaze, Subaru pressed back a sigh inside his chest.

――The termination of Emilia and Puck’s contract had happened about two and a half hours ago.

Despite having discussed the matter with Puck beforehand and having prepared himself for the confusion, grief, and shock that would strike Emilia in its wake, when he actually saw her there, the regret he felt was indescribable.

As if having lost the only lynchpin holding her together, Emilia was half-crazed and wailing.

Her beautiful silver hair was a mess, her nails had scratched her fair skin, and she was indiscriminately hurling all the objects around her, laying her emotions bare like a child in the middle of a tantrum.

It was fortune amidst misfortune that she didn’t have the option of using magic in her rampage, both for herself and for those around her.

In any case, knowing what was going to happen, Subaru had been waiting outside, and when he heard her shrieking, he flew in and took her tightly into his arms.

Then, for the two and a half hours afterwards, he alone tended to her faltering cries, laments, and her frail acts of destruction, until at last he had set her in bed and left.

Just when he wanted to ask Ram to help change Emilia’s clothes and wipe down her body, he ran into her right outside the door. Perhaps she was thinking the same thing and had been waiting for him to come out. When he saw her there with her water bucket and towel, Subaru certainly felt some sense of relief.

While Subaru was occupied with such thoughts, Ram quietly whispered,

[Ram: Barusu. ――Are you really putting your hopes in her?]

[Subaru: ............]

[Ram: Just looking at Emilia-sama’s state up until last night, it’s obvious she doesn’t have what it takes to overcome the Trials. And right when it seemed like it couldn’t get any worse, this happened. So the Great Spirit-sama has left Emilia-sama’s side?]

[Subaru: ......So you know that too, huh]

[Ram: When it’s being screamed, repeatedly, so loud that you can clearly hear it from outside the building, even an idiot could figure it out. And if Barusu could figure it out, then Ram could figure it out. Isn’t that obvious?]

[Subaru: I’m getting the feeling that I’m being equated to an idiot here, but I can’t dispute what you’re saying. Emilia’s situation has just worsened, there’s no getting around that fact...]

Honestly, Ram’s voiced concerns precisely mirrored Subaru’s own anxieties.

Though he didn’t go so far as to swallow Puck’s words whole, Subaru did agree to his proposal. That was the truth.

Puck’s claim that his existence was what was stopping Emilia from facing her genuine past, the more-than-minor changes between the loops and Subaru’s misgivings about Roswaal’s Gospel, Beatrice’s screams, Emilia’s testimonies, and Puck’s existence――

All of these factors combined led Subaru to accept Puck’s proposal, condemning Emilia into that prison of solitude. The result was that, for the first time in her life, she was truly and unequivocally alone.

In order to escape it, what she needed was time and opportunity.

Yet she had neither of those things right now. Her circumstances would not give her any reprieve to sort out her feelings, and the strength to jumpstart the process existed only within herself.

It was up to Emilia to find her way out. Ram understood this, and did not believe that any such change was coming.

Aside from that last part, Subaru agreed with Ram completely.

[Subaru: Even so, I’m still placing my hopes in her, and I still believe in her]

[Ram: ......That’s an optimistic expression. And what are you basing your high hopes on, exactly?]

[Subaru: I’ve decided to believe in what I feel I should believe in, that’s all. And thanks to the “Friend” who’s trying so hard to help me and the dragon who’s always saving me...... I’ve come to believe in myself a little more]

[Ram: And what does that have to do with believing in Emilia-sama......]

[Subaru: Since I’ve already come to believe in myself, what’s so wrong with believing in the one I have a crush on? I like Emilia, and I want to become her strength. I like her, partly because she’s super pretty and all...... but the real reason... is something else]

Looking back at Ram’s suspicious gaze, Subaru shrugged.

The first time Subaru began having feelings for Emilia was when he was first summoned to this parallel world―― left hopeless and with nothing to cling to, she was the first person who was kind to him.

She saved his life, and over the time he’d spent with her, Subaru came to know the girl named Emilia and began wanting to help her. Part of it was justified as wanting to repay a debt, but, at the time, even Subaru wasn’t fully aware of the truth behind it.

And then he lost her, and when he passed through Return by Death and rewound the world, the shared memories of their meeting were gone. But still, Subaru changed the future and saved her from the fate of death.

Everything that happened at the Mansion, at the Capital, and in the battles against the Witch Cult―― all of it had started from the passion of that very first feeling which continued to burn at his back every step of the way.

She saved him in the Capital.

She saved him in the Mansion when he was about to crumble.

And for saving his life and his heart, he had wanted to repay her, but, in his conceit, he only wounded her.

In the time they’d spent apart, a mutual gap developed between them. But, given the chance to reflect on his actions, he stood up once more.

Felling the White Whale, defeating Petelgeuse, and fighting on even now, what was it all for?

Having realized his deep connection to the Witch, having let go of his past and bid his parents farewell, why was he still striving, spurred on by incomprehensible powers even now?

[Subaru: It’s because I love her]

[Ram: ――――]

[Subaru: The girl I fell in love with... is persevering, stubborn, not honest with her feelings at all, and won’t admit that she wants to cry even when she does...... the kind of girl who wouldn’t hesitate to risk her life for someone else’s]

[Ram: You’re the one convincing yourself of that, Barusu. Yes, Emilia-sama has a tendency to put others before herself...... but that’s just her way of safeguarding her own heart, isn’t it? It’s a mechanism to protect herself from the contempt of those around her, isn’t it? You fell for it through and through, so doesn’t it bother you that you’re being used?]

[Subaru: No]

Hearing her lengthy question answered with a single syllable, Ram was left speechless.

[Subaru: Anyway, I’m glad we finally got a chance to talk. After all, considering your position, Sig...... today’s Lewes-san, I figured you might not have wanted to talk]

[Lewes: Sigma’s fine if you’re having trouble. Seeing how you want to refer to us as individuals, it’s only fitting that you call us different things... Though there’s never been a need for that until now]

[Subaru: Really? Then I’ll happily oblige. If you want a cuter name, though, I could work something out with the other three as well]

[Lewes: ――No, Sigma’s fine. In fact, please just use Sigma]

Lewes revised her answer with a slight change in nuance.

Blinking at that response, Subaru figured that Lewes wasn’t interested in continuing with that topic. [Now], Lewes continued, changing the subject,

[Sigma: I’m pretty sure I already know, but...... what would you like to talk about, Su-bo? How much do you know about the circumstances the Sanctuary’s wrapped up in?]

[Subaru: Well, I guess I want to know everything I don’t know already...... but, for now, I want to know what you saw in the Tomb, Sigma-san. I heard from Alpha-san the day before that there were two Lewes-sans who challenged the Trials. Sigma-san is one of them, correct?]

[Sigma: Correct. I am one of the two Leweses to have entered the Tomb. But that said, I only went in once, and briefly...... it was nothing more than stepping inside to bring Gar-bo out after he ignored the agreement and went in the Tomb]

What Lewes Sigma was relating was just what Subaru had heard from Frederica before.

Hoping to liberate the Sanctuary, Garfiel entered the Tomb, but when he didn’t come back, his sister went to ask Lewes for help. The Lewes Frederica went to must have been Sigma, who was standing before him now.

[Subaru: It was just stepping inside...... but, you must have seen something after you went in, right? Like, your...... your past, maybe]

[Sigma: ――――]

[Subaru: If the Tomb totally hates you like it hates Roswaal, your body would’ve been repulsed the moment you went inside. Roswaal almost exploded, and Patrasche got riddled with wounds when she went in to drag me out. So going in there without qualification must’ve required just as much resolve as someone challenging the Trial]

[Sigma: It’s entirely possible that I was prepared to be wounded when I went in, isn’t it?]

[Subaru: That would’ve made a beautiful story...... but then how do you explain the fact that Sigma-san is opposed to liberating the Sanctuary? That doesn’t make much sense]

[Sigma: ――――]

It was information she had never confessed to―― neither Lewes Sigma or Theta had ever openly expressed opposition to liberating the Sanctuary. But Sigma chose to react with silence without denying it.

And, in practice, her silence was equivalent to affirmation.

[Subaru: You saw your past inside the Tomb. And because of that, you’ve come to abhor the possibility of liberating the Sanctuary. So, what exactly did you see?]

[Sigma: ............]

[Subaru: In terms of possibilities... you saw the circumstances of your birth, maybe? It could be when you were born from the crystal, or it could even be......]

[Sigma: Lewes Meyer’s past, you mean?]

Before Subaru could finish, Sigma struck the core of the matter.

Wordlessly, Subaru tightened his lips, silently acknowledging that continuation.

Going by the name of Lewes Meyer ever since they were born, these four Lewes replicants have taken up the role of the representative of the Sanctuary. If there was anything in their past worth regretting, Subaru imagined it would have to be before this life―― before they became the Leweses they were now.

And he could now see from Sigma’s reaction that he wasn’t mistaken in this thought.

[Subaru: If the past you saw was the past of the original Lewes-san inside the crystal...... I can imagine why you’d be afraid, Sigma-san. The reason she was sealed inside the crystal must also be the reason behind this, right?]

[Sigma: ............]

The one who sealed Lewes Meyer inside the crystal was the Witch of Greed, Echidona.

Remembering the “Event” of being sealed by the Witch should have been more than enough to make Sigma give up on the Trials. But,

[Sigma: My my, Su-bo, just how much do you know?]

[Subaru: ............]

[Sigma: What happened to the Lewes Meyer inside the crystal is known to only a few select people in the Sanctuary. And I highly doubt that any of those who knew would have revealed it to you, Su-bo]

There was a certain hesitation on the side of Sigma’s expression. Without turning her gaze to the speechless Subaru, Sigma looked up to the ceiling.

[Sigma: I don’t think even Ros-bo, or the other Lewes who knows about the Tomb...... would have told you. So just where did you hear this from, Su-bo?]

[Subaru: ――――]

Subaru wasn’t sure how he should respond.

It was a rather basic question, but far from simple.

A tingle ran up the back of his neck as he sensed the shift in the air. It was the perilous atmosphere that Subaru had experienced many times before―― and although the matter wasn’t life-and-death, it was a “Moment” which would determine the outcomes of the fatal reckonings afterwards.

It was a sensation reminiscent of the scene in Crusch’s Mansion when he asked her for her help in the battle against the White Whale.

In other words, the outcome of the exchange this instant will tilt the entire future of the Sanctuary.

[Subaru: ――――]

Falling into silence once more, Subaru painstakingly contemplated his response.

The answer Sigma requested of him will shape everything that comes after.

Subaru was never good at reading other people’s emotions. In fact, he was overwhelmingly ignorant of the subtleties. So it wasn’t just turning a few gears in his head, but a mental task requiring setting every brain cell aflame just for him to reach the level of a normal person.

In this case, the answer Subaru chose to give was――

[Subaru: I heard it from Echidona. In the Tomb]

[Sigma: ――From the Witch-sama?]

Hearing the name of the Witch, Sigma’s expression slightly tensed.

Over the time he’d spent in the Sanctuary, Subaru had come to painfully understand the heavy significance of Echidona’s name. Roswaal hated hearing her being referred to as “Witch of Greed”, while Garfiel and Lewes both avoided calling her “Echidona”.

Echidona’s name was most likely a taboo to them. And as for whether it was in a good or a bad sense, it would certainly depend on what kind of shock they had experienced in their past.

He was taking a chance on how she would react when he violated the taboo, but Subaru had made his choice.

[Subaru: Well, my qualification’s revoked now, but I was qualified to challenge the Trials at one point. So I know a thing or two about what it’s like inside the Trial. Same goes for what Echidona’s planning, why she created the Sanctuary, and why she made replicants like Sigma-san]

[Sigma: ......I did have a feeling you knew too much to have heard it from Ros-bo]

[Subaru: And that’s why I know a bit more about some things than you were expecting, Sigma-san. Now that I’ve told you all I know, I was kinda hoping it would help you decide what to reveal or withhold from me]

[Sigma: Always the flatterer]

Sigma wryly smiled at Subaru’s backpedaling statement. Then, she placed her small palm to her forehead and exhaled a long sigh.

It was the necessary ritual for her to make up her mind.

[Sigma: Since you already know the Witch-sama’s connection to the Sanctuary and about me and Lewes Meyer, it’d probably be strange if I kept hiding it from you......]

[Subaru: So then......]

[Sigma: Don’t rush. I understand how you feel, Su-bo...... but it’s not that simple. ――What you want to ask me is “What did Lewes see inside the Trial”, correct?]

Subaru was about to confirm with a “Yes” when a subtle sense of awryness led him to hold his words.

Sigma said “Lewes” rather than “I” just now. But just when Subaru furrowed his brows, contemplating her true intentions, Sigma simultaneously muttered [Sharp one],

[Sigma: If the question was about “The past I saw in the Tomb”, my answer would be “I don’t know”. After all, I did not take the Trial inside the Tomb. Although I was certainly the one who returned from the Tomb]

[Subaru: ......and what... does that mean?]

[Sigma: It’s simple. Don’t you think it strange, Su-bo? There should only have been one chance for Lewes to enter the Tomb to bring Gar-bo out. And yet, there were two Lewes Meyer replicants who had entered the Tomb. The number of chances and people don’t match up at all]

[Subaru: a......]

Only when it was pointed out for him did Subaru realize what an idiot he had been. Indeed, she was completely right. There were two Leweses who entered the Tomb, yet only one chance to enter―― there could only be one explanation to eliminate this contradiction.

[Subaru: The Lewes-san who went in... is not the Lewes-san who came out......]

[Sigma: Precisely. According to your arrangement...... the Lewes who came out would be Lewes Sigma, myself. And the Lewes who went in, that would be Lewes Theta. The one who saw her past was Lewes Theta, while I merely brought Gar-bo outside. As for my stance, rather than being opposed to the Sanctuary’s liberation, the process of elimination should leave me at neutral]

And so, she looked to the near-dejected Subaru and continued.

[Sigma: ――If there is anything I can tell you, it would be what Gar-bo had been so desperately hiding. The past that child saw... or fragments of it, anyway]

-=Chapter 95 End=-