Volume 4, CHAPTER 117: LOVE LETTERS

Volume 4, CHAPTER 117: LOVE LETTERS

With Garfiel's hostility quashed and the shocking reveal of his age, a period of rest falls upon the scene outside the tomb.

Everyone surrounds Garfiel, each waiting for their chance to speak.

Subaru: “But man... our guy to guy fight sure starts feeling different now that it was just us ganging together to beat up a middle schooler. It's iffy.”

Otto: “Garfiel's age is a shock to me as well, but surely those misgivings would be unwarranted? The fact that our opponent, who we all needed to work together and gang up on to defeat, was actually fourteen holds not the slightest bearing on the details of the combat.”

Ram: “Exactly. Garf is disproportionately powerful for a babyish teen, and no rationale exists to begin hemming and hawing over the fact that we ganged up on him.”

Garfiel: “All of yer shut yer traps 'bout gangin' up on me! Yer lookin' fer another tussle!? Eh!? My amazin' self's always ready fer it!”

Subaru, Otto, and Ram all nod. Garfiel sends spit flying.

Thinking back on everything that Garfiel's said and done so far, and seeing him yelling and asserting himself the way he is now, yes indeed this is a fourteen year old.

The way that Subaru had been treating Garfiel as if he was in the same age-group may have actually placed a filter over how he interpreted everything that was happening.

Subaru: “Actually, how old were you when you took the TRIAL before? It'd be from that point that your stubbornness got worse.”

Garfiel: “My memory fer it ain't perfect, but... think I was three or four. Don't 'xactly remember anythin' 'cept th'TRIAL.”

Otto: “You'd expect that, yes. Three or four... why, that's the same age as when I still thought that the world was hell.”

Subaru: “You're bringing up heavy stuff out of nowhere, stop. I don't wanna hear it.”

A grim smile arises on Otto's face as he speaks.

Otto must have his problems, but delving into them right now is going to be overload. Subaru's arms are already chock full of more baggage than he can carry, and he's resorted to balancing it on his head and hammocking it in his lap.

Emilia: “Do you mind if I ask you for specifics?”

With the joking over, Emilia kicks off the real topic. Her face is tense.

Her gaze fixes on Garfiel, and her question most likely means SPECIFICS ABOUT THE TRIAL. Garfiel snorts.

Garfiel: “No real spec'fics t'tell. Me n' you're gonna have different pasts n' they're gonna need t'be beaten' differently. Don't think I'cn tell yer anythin' useful.”

Emilia: “I know. My TRIAL is my trial. It won't help very much to ask you about it.”

Garfiel: “—? Then what on earth're yer askin' 'bout?”

Emilia: “Now that you've overcome the TRIAL... no, overcome your past, do you feel like you've changed? That you can accept that change in yourself?”

Garfiel narrows his eyes in silence.

The atmosphere is getting tense. Subaru and the others swallow they breath as they wait for Garfiel's response.

A period of silence. Garfiel touches his nose, for his fingers to then trace upwards along his scar. With that done,

Garfiel: “Can't tell whether t'say ths'thing changed, or t'say that I got it back.”

Emilia: “Mm.”

Garfiel: “This scar on my noggin's somethin' I did t'myself. T'try n'forget a bad memory.”

Garfiel taps his forehead, his gaze fixed on the person standing beside and looking at him—Ram. Her cerise eyes blink.

Ram: “Garf.”

Garfiel: “Shut it, don't say nothin' 'Tll make me miserable. Pushed th'blame fer it ont'er someone else so I could hide a bad memory. ...Realising now how yer knew that n'went along with it fer me suddenly makes me feel like crap.”

Garfiel grumbles. Ram watches him somewhat resignedly.

Subaru cannot grasp the exact significance of what they're talking about, but he can tell that this information refers to things that only Garfiel and Ram would understand.

And can also tell that Garfiel and Ram have a definite, warm, and familial kind of bond.

Garfiel: “Anyway, whether we're sayin' it changed er came back, I ain't th'same as before. Yer guys changed me. So now's to see how yer'll all change... makin' sure yer don't wind up all talk.”

Emilia: “Mm. Good. ...And I'll be doing my best to match your expectations.”

Garfiel's cheeks twist while Emilia smiles, full of determination.

Subaru abruptly realises that if you consider the mental factor alone, these two are the same age.

Fourteen year olds.

A boy and a girl in the emotional throes of puberty, and a situation requiring that the future rest on them.

Subaru is seventeen verging on eighteen so he can't say much, but what a manga-ish, anime-ish, something-in-that-vein-ish predicament that this has wound up being.

Emilia: “...Staying too long is just going to dampen my resolve.”

Emilia stands up and wipes off the grass from her waist.

She gives a deep breath out, her eyes gleaming with strength and looking at the tomb—the site of the TRIAL.

Subaru: “You're going?”

Emilia: “I am. ...Following Garfiel's performance, I'm absolutely going to beat it.”

Garfiel: “Can yer do it?”

Emilia: “I am doing it. I've decided not to fear change.”

Subaru's question, Garfiel's question, Emilia nods to each.

Subaru stands up and falls into line beside Emilia as she starts walking toward the tomb. He might not be able to enter and stay with her, holding her hand, but he has determined to keep at her side until her departure.

Ram: “Emilia-sama.”

Emilia stops and turns around, for Ram to give her a curtsey. While holding her skirt, solemnly, as if she were a servant paying respect to someone of higher status.

Subaru: “Well no crap. Emilia-tan is a master to her.”

Ram: “Silence your muttering, Barusu. Practice prudence enough to know that this is no situation for that.”

Ram sternly rebukes Subaru's mumbling. Emilia's eyes widen, and Ram collects herself by once again bowing her head.

Ram: “I request forgiveness for my rudeness. I had, in full sincerity, doubted whether you would rise to the situation.”

Emilia: “...Mm. I'm sorry, for being so ineffective.”

Ram: “Indeed you were ineffective and a blight to onlooking eyes.”

Subaru: “Oh come on.”

How much courage had it taken Subaru before he could convey that sentiment to Emilia? While grinding his teeth at Ram and her easy scaling of difficult hurdles, he listens on.

Ram: “But now you have risen, and have resolved to challenge. Whether that was anteceded by a desire to, or whether your sincere wish had been to flee, presents not the slightest of an issue.”

Emilia: “...”

Ram: “I had determined. Would your stance be one to challenge the TRIAL, or be else? Where I would entrust my own problems rested upon that. Should you have exhibited a desire to flee in surrender, I would have followed to the world's course. But should you have exhibited desire to fight—”

Ram glances at Subaru.

How did he connect to this part of her speech, punctuated here at it was? Perhaps that provided the answer for why she allied with Subaru and Otto to fight Garfiel.

Ram: “May your endeavours proceed well, Emilia-sama. For your safe return shall I await.”

Ram curtseys in silence, an impeccable exhibition of a maid giving farewell to her master. Seemingly empowered by Ram's send-off, Emilia gives a firm nod with her expression cheery.

Seeing this, Subaru uncrosses his arms and nods.

Subaru: “So just with how this conversation's going, you got anything to say Otto?”

Otto: “Well it's amazing how demanding that prospect feels now, but is this truly a situation where I should be saying anything!? Don't you find anything wrong with this!?”

Subaru directs the conversation onto Otto, figuring that he will have prepared something to say, but apparently whatever he had in mind can't beat Ram's speech.

Seems like he wanted to pay consideration for the situation, and let it all end cleanly—but.

Emilia: “Okay. Please go ahead.”

Otto: “—!”

Unheeding to Otto's distress and figuring that he'll encourage her, Emilia is 100% ready. She waits with her expression tense, failing to notice his panic.

Otto puts his hand to his forehead with a look of resignation.

Otto: “Erm well yes, Emilia-sama.”

Emilia: “I'm listening.”

Otto: “It happens that actually, I've paid some rather considerable damages thanks to this whole debacle. Though yes naturally this includes a 'joint-investment' nuance, and the damages involved are ones where I had factored in beforehand the fact that I would be paying them...”

Emilia: “Um?”

The topic transforms into money business. Emilia, not the brightest in mathematics, looks confused. Otto bites his lip and raises his finger.

Otto: “Well yes so!”

Otto: “I chose to undertake these damages with the anticipation that someday you would grow into something great and hefty. So you will need to prevail and ensure that I regain the expenditures I made for this bet!”

Emilia: “...I think I'm already all grown up. Eating will make me fatter though.”

Subaru: “Don't use tricky phrasing on our sheltered angel. Also Emilia-tan I think everything you're doing right now hits the golden ratio so just keep going like that. Right now you are loveliest.”

From her head to her toes, Emilia's current state is perfect.

That said of course he'd still find her lovable regardless of whether she thins down or fattens up.

But leaving Subaru's sentiments aside, Otto looks like he cannot find anything to say about the fact that his statements aren't communicating, and after a bit of flailing,

Otto: “...Come back safely. I'm supporting you.”ilia: “Mhm, understood. Otto-kun, thank you for helping me too.”

Emilia responds to Otto's hideously safe summarization with a strong nod.

Garfiel gives slumped-shoulders Otto a comforting shove. Witnessing that, Subaru and Emilia once again head for the tomb.

Night has fallen over SANCTUARY. Time is such that the TRIAL will occur.

Emilia takes one last session of deep repeated breaths, in and out, to steel herself. With her beside him, Subaru considers what would be the best thing to say to see her off—what would? What would? And—

Emilia: “Subaru.”

Subaru: “Hm?”

Emilia: “So about the thing in the tomb...”

She's anxious about the TRIAL.

Figuring this, Subaru waits for Emilia to continue. But she is unable to say anything as she glances at him sporadically, her expression uneasy.

For some reason, her cheeks are tinged red.

Subaru: “Emilia?”

Emilia: “S-so, erm, the thing in the tomb.”

Subaru: “Thing in the... oh, you don't mean what's coming up, you mean the stuff from before?”

Emilia: “Yes. Geez.”

It's so obvious I was, says Emilia's expression as she puffs up her cheeks. But considering how the whole scene had been going until now yeah Subaru can't agree with this criticism of hers.

Like anyone would think that Emilia, ready to imminently challenge the TRIAL, was worried not about the future but the past. Though considering that the TRIAL waiting inside the tomb is also the PAST, the whole topic of time starts getting fuzzy.

And though the momentum and all the grisly stuff that followed meant Subaru forgot about it, thinking back on it, the deed that he committed was something which could send his face bursting into flame.

Emilia: “—Mm. You're right. Let's go for it, Subaru.”

With her fingers lovingly brushing the letters, Emilia responds to the etched words. Instantly, she feels herself falling into slumber, the world's edges turning dim.

The TRIAL is coming.

That terrifying past is coming.

—But Emilia's lips stay smiling.

※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※

Subaru: “Broke my promise to go write love letters, and then someone else winds up seeing them first... My life's over...”

Garfiel: “Yer exaggeratin' it...”

Surrounding Subaru who is too stricken by shock to stand, Garfiel and the others allow themselves to look as flabbergasted as they want.

But having said that, there is nothing for the group to do here except wait for Emilia to come out. While it does sound cool to hang around here believing in her, it also composes a trial for everyone who has to sit around and wait.

Subaru: “It took Garfiel about an hour... so we should probably think that Emilia'll take that long too.”

Otto: “Supposing that she succeeds, you'd be corre—ow!? Also awgh!?”

Otto's reward for his insensitive gaffe is Ram's elbow. Seeing Otto jabbed by Ram, Garfiel's face twists in jealousy and he sends his finger flying to poke Otto's forehead.

Otto topples backwards as he tumbles to the ground, which nobody mentions as they,

Subaru: “Actually, there was something I wanted to ask you and Garfiel, Lewes-san.”

Lewes: “Sermthing ter ask me and Lil' Gar?”

Lewes stands there uncomfortably as she looks up at Subaru.

She had gone into hiding, and although unintentional, wound up aiding Subaru and the others in their plans to defeat Garfiel. She still seems somewhat lost as to how to approach Garfiel, their grandmother-grandson conversations having been rather awkward for a little while now.

That said, Lewes is the only one worrying about it, and Garfiel feels not a scrap of negativity toward her.

Subaru: “Yes. A question. Though that said it's tricky whether or not you'll be able to understand it right now, Lewes-san.”

Tricky to understand right now, meaning tricky to understand for Theta.

Alpha, Beta, Theta, and Sigma are the four Leweses representing SANCTUARY. With the Garfiel problem resolved, the Leweses' stances toward SANCTUARY's liberation should hopefully be in accord, but it's essential to check.

But most importantly, there are still some things which don't feel quite right.

Subaru: “Garfiel, you're all for SANCTUARY's freedom now right?”

Garfiel: “It ain't a thin'v bein' fer it, Captain. My amazin' self lost t'yer. N'so I'm not gonna get in yer way while you go freein' SANCTUARY. I'm gonna be actin' t'make sure th'people in that changed SANCTUARY ain't sufferin'... 's my stance now.”

Subaru: “Right, that standpoint right there.”

Garfiel: “Eh?”

With his finger raised, Subaru pulls the breaks on Garfiel's speech.

Garfiel looks mystified, as does everyone else listening. Nobody must have felt that Garfiel said anything strange. But Subaru is uneasy.

Subaru: “When we first came here, your standpoint wasn't for it or against it, it was pretty neutral...

the same kind of thing like you said just now.”

Garfiel: “...I was thinkin' yer'd all get on guard 'bout me 'f you knew where I was leanin'.”

Subaru: “But you got wary about us instantly and plainly. Maybe we tripped and made some blunder, or say tripped on a tiger's tail, but anyway what was with that change in mentality?”

It's just weird.

At least on Emilia's first day taking the TRIAL, or until just around the time that she took the TRIAL, Garfiel's presentation towards Subaru's group was friendly.

Garfiel always exposed his hostility on that night after she failed the TRIAL. With the witch's miasma emanating from Subaru as his pretext, Garfiel would declare himself an enemy.

But Garfiel cannot actually smell the witch's miasma from Subaru. Someone else is noticing the miasma, and Garfiel is entirely opting for hostility after learning about the fact from them.

The person reporting to Garfiel about the miasma, and spurring him into hostility is—

Subaru: “Lewes-san, not in favour of SANCTUARY's freedom, was eyeing me.”

While looking down at the silenced Lewes, Subaru rests his raised finger on his crossed arms.

The Lewes here is Lewes Theta—the only duplicate which had been not in favour of SANCTUARY's liberation.

Alpha and Beta are in favour of liberation, and Sigma is neutral. Theta knows of the true Lewes Meyer's past, and views SANCTUARY's liberation as dangerous. If he's going to add any more support to his speculation, then it's to note how inconceivable it is that any other Lewes would spur Garfiel's change of attitude.

Garfiel nods, his face puckered.

Garfiel: “Yer nailed it, Captain. Nanna told me that...”

Lewes: “Yer got it figured wrong, Lil' Su. I never told Lil' Gar about...”

Their voices coincide, but their arguments conflict.

Subaru furrows his brows as Garfiel and Lewes look at each other. Garfiel's mouth flaps open and shut uselessly as he points at the stunned Lewes.

Garfiel: “H-Heck're yer sayin'? Yer told me on th'first night that lady took th'TRIAL. Yer smell witch from th'Captain. Then there's th'half-witch lady too, maybe they're the witch's assistants... n'so, I...”

Lewes: “Did I mention...? No, I herv noticed the miasma around Lil' Su, and I dern't have the most spotless thoughts about Emilia-sama's heritage, but... that ern't relevant ter this. I wers trying ter make my decisions ter follow along with Lil' Roz's outline as best I could, and...”

Subaru: “Wait! Wait, freeze! Lewes-san, you just said you don't know anything about this.”

Lewes is rejecting Garfiel's statements.

Garfiel looks to be in utter disbelief, but being that these are words coming out of Lewes's mouth, they are true.

The people of this SANCTUARY are contracted NOT TO TELL LIES while inside SANCTUARY.

Subaru: “Leaving aside situations where the person doesn't think they're lying, Lewes-san's assertions that she hasn't done something can't be a lie.”

Garfiel: “But, it's true that I!”

Subaru: “I'm not doubting you. ...I know you've been lied to. Lewes-san. Do all the Lewes-sans accord with what you just said?”

Lewes's face pales as she nods.

This means that none of Leweses Alpha, Beta, Theta, or Sigma are the LEWES who spurred Garfiel's change of attitude.

But Garfiel himself had stated that his change of attitude had been prompted by LEWES.

Subaru raises his head, looks at Garfiel's face.

He clicks his teeth as he shakes his head, not a trace of a lie in his complexion. His personality isn't suited to telling lies anyway.

And now that his pretence of being SANCTUARY'S BARRIER has been stripped away, it's ever the more apparent.

Subaru: “Ram.”

Ram: “...I will mention that no magic exists to change a person's shape. Not even Roswaal-sama would be capable of such a thing.”

Subaru: “What do you think's going on, then?”

Ram has no response.

She must not know how to resolve this contradiction either. But Subaru is generally convinced that this is A TRAP SET BY ROSWAAL. Or more really, there's no other options for what it could be.

Subaru: “Would like to wait here 'till Emilia comes back, but...”

Only ten minutes have passed since Emilia entered the tomb. Once she clears the TRIAL and comes back out, Subaru wants to be the one to welcome her with arms spread wide. Wants to celebrate her. But—

Subaru: “Let's interrogate Roswaal. Have to find out what bad things he's doing at this last hour.”

※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※

—Emilia cannot tell whether waking up inside a dream ought to be called awakening.

Until just a moment ago she had been inside a stone chamber. Ejected from the TRIAL room, Emilia now finds herself inside a familiar forest.

Tall trees surround the environs, cool breeze on her skin and warm earth at her feet.

These memories, flashbacks.

What she would see during her TRIAL, a white forest snowscape.

But that has not begun yet.

No snow falls, green being the welcome to Emilia's consciousness-only self.

Where,

???: “Hey. These past few days have had a real turnout.”

While Emilia holds her breath to confirm her own position, she hears a voice.

Emilia's visitation has formed this dream world. Within a scene from a memory which until now had not even existed, standing there in the tree-shade, as if this is all entirely natural, is somebody.

Head to toe garbed in black vestment, hair and skin like scattered snow, this woman of white. With only two hues in repertoire, but having divined from them sublimity, this witch of beauty.

Who presides over the TRIAL, lord of the tomb which shows visions of the past—the WITCH OF GREED, Echidna.

The witch stands with the tree trunk aiding her as she tilts her head at Emilia. Emilia stares back at the witch from straight-on. Swallows her breath.

Echidna: “Truly, a turnout. Both of guests warranting a warm welcome—and the undeserving uninvited.”

Emilia: “...”

Echidna: “It's amazing how you can come back so shamelessly after flaunting all that hideousness. Even I have to find myself shocked at your audacity and at your failure to quit.”

The witch staring at Emilia strikes her with words, things full of spite and disdain.

These numb, dark eyes have not the slightest resemblance to those dark eyes which always look at her so kindly. With all the malice she has known and been showered in, Emilia can tell.

This is malevolence on an entirely different dimension from what she knows.

All of the spite aimed at Emilia until this point had been for A SILVER-HAIRED HALF-ELF, a blade lacking reason.

But the spite from this witch is not like that.

This is not for A SILVER-HAIRED HALF-ELF, but EMILIA-focused enmity.

Echidna: “You hit setbacks and bawl, but provided you can debauch a man into embracing you you don't care, you whore. You defiler who desecrates my world. Shameless and self-loving you are as he forgives you over and over, you reprobate. —What do you think, witch-child?”

Until recently, these abusive words had clawed at Emilia's heart.

It wasn't that she yielded before this malice and gave up on the TRIAL, but these words did begin the flaying and abrasion of her heart, chipping away at her capacity to resist her past.

The witch did not wish for Emilia to take the TRIAL, or to overcome it.

The witch did not have any single expectation that Emilia would overcome the TRIAL at all.

< Nobody is expecting anything from us. Is there anything more fun than proving them all wrong? >

Why indeed Subaru is exactly correct.

And so Emilia raises her arm, jabbing her finger toward the heavens.

The same way that Natsuki Subaru did when stating the audacious, when stimulating his courage.

Emilia: “My name is just Emilia. Born in Elior Forest, the Witch of Glaciation.”

Emilia can tell that the witch is daunted.

Feeling satisfaction in that, Emilia lowers her skyward finger to point at her.

Emilia: “A fellow witch's spite isn't going to make me bend. After all, me, I'm a pain in the ass of a woman.”

7Echidna's pronoun during Garfiel's trial was watashi. For Emilia's it is back to boku.

Echidna's comment about getting men/a man to “””embrace””” her can also be a euphemism for sex.