Arc 5 – 20, 'Shared Empathy”

Arc 5 – Chapter 20, “Shared Empathy”

Squatting on the ground, breathing heavily, Subaru finally resisted the urge to collapse.

Emilia and Beatrice surrounded him, wearing looks of concern, and even Liliana seemed worried. Priscilla seemed faintly interested, cooling her face with her fan.

Bathed in their concerned voices and gazes, Subaru gradually reoriented himself.

Feeling like time was slowly accelerating back to normal, Subaru realized what the taste in his mouth was.

He was reminded of switching channels on a TV.

There was no sense of a loss of smell, taste, or sight, but his surroundings had suddenly disintegrated into powder, and transformed into something entirely different.

Subaru’s eyes, ears, nose, and skin had all adapted to the new world, but his consciousness could not forget the previous channel, so there was a sense of violation.

All he could do was ignore it, to chew, chew, chew, and swallow the sense of unease that came from switching channels until it was finally over.

Subaru: “——”

Subaru clenched his teeth and finally climbed to his feet.

He shook his head and looked around. The park full of bright sunshine, fountains and green lawns, and a colorful spread of flowerbeds.

Subaru was presently surrounded by four beautiful girls — Emilia, Beatrice, Liliana, and Priscilla. He’d heard Liliana’s words twice now.

Emilia: “Are you alright, Subaru? Your complexion doesn’t look so good.”

Subaru: “...Emilia-tan. Just now, did Liliana say that she’d sing another song?”

Liliana: “Where do I even start!? I, Liliana, was ignored to such a degree that this situation shocked and hurt my heart! Compensation! I demand compensation!”

As she spoke, Liliana seized Subaru’s sleeves in a frenzy, declaring a lawsuit, only to be shaken off by Subaru. He ignored the indignant “hey!” the Songstresses issued and turned to Emilia, who seemed to pick up on Subaru’s seriousness.

Emilia: “Yes. Liliana said that she’d sing us another song that we missed. Then Subaru and Liliana started quietly chatting about something.”

Subaru: “That happened just now? I got it, thanks... thank you.”

Thank you. Just saying those words, he felt an unspeakable sense of disgust.

Subaru couldn’t help but raise a hand to cover mouth. Seeing him in this state, Emilia made a puzzled frown.ilia hadn’t done anything wrong. Needless to say, his appreciation wasn’t a bitter one. However, it evoked the painful memories of the previous world.

Subaru: “So, this means that I...”

Died, he finally realized, but he was unable to vocalize the word.

— Natsuki Subaru had died.

After he died, he returned again from the time he said goodbye to the world. Although he was relieved at his successful return, remorse also rose in his chest. Obviously, Subaru should have been so fully awake.

In that forest a year ago, in Sanctuary, during the Trial, Natsuki Subaru had resolutely rejected

Death, and the grievances that accompanied it.

But he had still died. And so easily, too. Without resistance, without a sense of defiance, without even awareness.

Why was that? The situation had obviously been abnormal, obviously this is a fact, but even Subaru himself had no clue what had happened. He’d clearly experienced it himself, but he couldn’t rationalize any of it.

Subaru hadn’t even realized how abnormal that situation had been. And it wasn’t only Subaru. Everyone present had been afflicted with the same madness as him.

They’d obviously seen the chained up, howling boy, but they had all frenziedly cheered for his solidarity. Not to mention the insane round of applause that had accompanied the child’s fall.

Exactly what had triggered all of that?

And when Subaru had witnessed all that, how exactly had he died?

He hadn’t been able to recognize an agent for his Death and, even now, he couldn’t find one. Or perhaps it had been in front of him all along, and he’d failed to see it as a threat.

But he couldn’t trust anything he’d felt then. Although he’d registered the abnormality of the situation after he’d died, until that very moment, he hadn’t been able to think clearly.

How had he died, in the end?

Were there any explosives attached to the boy’s body? They could have exploded upon his impact with the ground, taking everything with them. In fact, that was almost exactly like the memory of this death.

It was all very vague. His memory at the instant of his Death was greatly blurred by his madness at the time. Even if he were completely calm now, the state of mind he’d been in at the time prevented him from being able to rationalize that memory at all.

If Subaru had been in a state of madness then it would be virtually impossible to remember what had actually happened.

Emilia: “Are you really okay, Subaru? Even Liliana’s wearing such a bothered expression.”

Liliana: “I’m not doing anything so pointless. How Natsuki-sama thinks of me doesn’t make me sad at all, so please don’t get the wrong idea.”

Emilia: “See? It’s so obvious that it’s really bothering you.”

Even the clueless Emilia had seen through Liliana’s brazenness. Through their dialogue, Subaru remembered his current situation.

Subaru, at this point in time, was supposed to take advantage of Liliana’s song to go run an errand and buy reconciliation sweets. And shortly after buying something, he’d met the monster who was called Wrath.

— There were less than fifteen minutes before that nightmare of a speech would occur.

Subaru: “You’re kidding me...”

In his experience with Return by Death, never had the time between the save point and the death been so close together.

Time ranging from a few hours to a few days, that was what Return by Death had always given Subaru in the past. The time he had now was short, almost to the extreme.

In just fifteen short minutes, what could Subaru do?

But even while he puzzled over this, time flowed on.

In this situation, merely avoiding death would be incredibly simple. Subaru only needed to avoid the place where the speech would be delivered. That way, the cause of death, such as the possible bomb, wouldn’t affect him.

It was incredibly unlikely that a bomb affecting the entire city had been prepared.

So, if Subaru only wanted to live, he could just not go. Sirius wouldn’t appear near Subaru. There didn’t seem to be any specific target, and Subaru just happened to be there.

Therefore, even if Subaru weren’t present, that square would still be Sirius’s crime scene. The speech that was unrelated to Subaru’s presence would happen in its original location, and everyone there would be affected.

However, no matter how that turned out, that falling child would be doomed to die.

Subaru: “I have to stop it... damn, I have to...!”

Subaru scratched his head and arrived at a decision.

He couldn’t not save him. That child, Lusbel, was looking forward to a newborn brother or sister, and had taken his childhood sweetheart’s place on that tower. How could anyone be so shameless as to think only of themselves and not attempt to rescue him?

Subaru: “Beako and I...”

Will go together, Subaru hesitated to declare.

Beatrice: “And what, Subaru?”

Turning to face Subaru, Beatrice voiced a serious question.

Now that he knew a critical situation was imminent, bringing Beatrice with him was the obvious option to choose in terms of combat effectiveness.

If she were absent, Subaru’s combat strength would be cut in half. Even so, Subaru hesitated. It wasn’t for a sentimental reason like not wanting Beatrice to fight.

Of course, saying that that wasn’t a consideration at all wouldn’t be true, but it wasn’t Subaru’s key reason.

That would be Emilia. Or rather, leaving Emilia here.

Subaru: “——”

The Witch Cult was in this very city.

Those fanatics — although he had yet to know whether or not that phrase should be plural, at least the Archbishop of Wrath was present. He had no clue as to whether or not she was working with any other cultists.

However, in a city where the Witch Cult was active, the notion of leaving Emilia alone with no one to protect her left lingering anxiety in Subaru.

Leaving someone important in a place beyond his reach was far too dangerous.

This preemptive sideways attack, which sought to prioritize its curved, angled speed over power, seemed to mirror a move in badminton.

The head of the snake cut through that air, biting toward its target’s unprotected back, trying to down that wicked figure.

However,

Sirius: “Why are you so angry?”

The silhouette whose back was facing him replied in a distracted voice.

Immediately thereafter, she swung her right hand at lightning speed to deflect the blow from Subaru’s whip, using the chains that hung around her arm.

It was as if one snake had soared through the sky to intercept another.

For a second, Subaru was stunned by that sight, but recovered and tilted his arm to the edge as he determined that the front of the whip had indeed made contact with its prey.

Sirius: “Oh, my?”

With a little giggle, the collapsed figure, Sirius, regained her balance and climbed to her feet.

Although the chain dangling from her right arm deflected Subaru’s blow, the whip bit into part of the chain’s locks, dragging Sirius to the ground as Subaru yanked.

Subaru: “H-Ha!”

Facing that struggling Sirius, Subaru further tightened his grip as he rushed toward that bandaged freak in a semicircle, ramming into her with a shoulder. Her body, which was lighter than expected, easily flew forward under his body mass.

Sirius: “Mn, Gah!”

Sirius gave a soft cry, and, after thudding onto ground, tumbled through the window, just as Subaru had planned. From here to the first floor was much more than ten meters high, a child who fell to the ground from here would be crushed.

Subaru: “Are you okay, Lusbel!?”

Subaru did not confirm Sirius’s impact, instead running to the other figure on the floor. That small body belonged to Lusbel, who held the ends of a chain in both hands, gazing up at Subaru with fear.

The chain in his hand was connected to the chain wrapping around his entire lower body, another expression of Sirius’s bad taste.

Subaru: “That guy...! Forcing you to tie yourself up...!”

Little by little, he realized the extent of the horror that Lusbel must have tasted, being forced to hold that chain against his neck. Even now traces of terror were still engraved in his face.

Once aware of that maliciousness, Subaru felt an uncontrollable anger. He immediately grabbed the boy’s shoulders, taking the chain from him.

Subaru: “Enough! You’ll be fine. You’ll never have to do such a thing again. Come with me!”

Lusbel: “But, if... I, I don’t follow, the terms of our agreement, then Tina... Tina will...!”

Lusbel replied, eyes watering and lips quivering.

Seeing him, Subaru’s throat became choked with emotion.

That child had, in an attempt to protect his childhood friend, agreed to the devil’s transaction. And, even experiencing what he had, Lusbel was more worried about his friend than he was about himself.

Even though his legs trembled, even though his teeth chattered, even though his vision was blurred by tears, even though he was no longer capable of forming coherent sentences.

Subaru: “No. In this city, there are... many... reliable people.”

His hoarse voice was unable to convey say what he wanted to say.

In order for the youth to feel at ease, he needed to speak comforting, authoritative words. The Sword Saint was in the city right now. As were the Knight of Knights, and the kingdom’s leading healing, and various people who could destroy a city.

Therefore, there was no need for any fear. No evil forces could rampant. Yeah. Exactly. Fear was completely unnecessary. There was no need for it at all. And, so,

Subaru: “So... legs, stop, shaking!!”

In front of Lusbel, whose eyes had become unfocused from fear, Subaru desperately beat his unresponsive legs and yelled.

His voice, laced with grief, unexpectedly echoed and compounded the fear residing in his chest. Subaru felt as if there were a sense of disgust, with an unidentified origin, entangling his entire body.

Lusbel: “— Guuhk”

Lusbel vomited with a sound like the bursting of a bubble. He started to spasm as he exhaled, collapsing in a pool of his own vomit. Subaru wanted to help him up, but then he too felt as if own organs were being twisted inside him, and he spewed out the contents in the stomach, feeling as if he’d been thrown into flight.

The Daisukiyaki he’d eaten in the morning had become unrecognizable, and the acrid, visceral smell of his gastric acids were overwhelming. Gulping, Subaru continued to retch vigorously, tasting only pain as his vomit threatened to drown him.

While he vomited and vomited, dizzily, tinnitus ringing in his ears, his was still shivering

non-stop. Not from cold. An invisible hand was twisting his stomach, his internal organs being knocked askew. Subaru was aware of its origin.

They were, undoubtedly,

Sirius: “— Your fear is but proof of your gentleness.”

Hearing the gentle voice coming from behind him, Subaru vomited again.

Almost drowning in the fluid overflowing from his stomach, Subaru collapsed onto the dirtied ground. He felt a touch of slimy liquid on his cheek. He was so close to the accumulation of filth on the ground that, every once in awhile, a short breath led to the bursting of a yellow bubble.

Most people wouldn’t be able to bear such a terrible sight, yet she gazed it at with a soft smile.

While Subaru and Lusbel looked at each other, desperately struggling to breathe in their own vomit, wracked by invisible tremors,

Sirius: “People are able to understand each other. People can become one. Gentleness does not exist for one’s self. It exists for others. Gentleness only shines because it exists for the sake of others. Only being gentle to yourself, that is selfishness! So, your gentleness, existing for the sake of others, is worthy of reverence! Ah, ah, this is Love!

Subaru: “Gu, ah, hk...”

Sirius: “Please feel comfortable. Let me witness. Feel, and let me witness your Love. Your endless tenderness. Your virtue that bid you to save Lusbel-kun!”

As she spoke, Sirius broke into a dance as she gazed at the two, both lying in a pool of vomit. She crossed her arms with one hand pointing to Subaru and the other to Lusbel, shaking her waist. As if dancing. As if offering a tribute.

Sirius: “Lusbel-kun’s fear, you two gentle souls will feel together. You’ll feel Lusbel-kun’s fear, and, through that, Lusbel-kun’s feelings will pass to you. Lusbel-kun, through your fear, feels what you will feel again from him. Your fears once again felt, and Lusbel-kun’s own fear is compounded. Your compounded fears, felt by Lusbel-kun, will in turn compound your own fear. That fear, mixed with Lusbel-kun’s fear, will become a brand new, fresh fear, and the freshness of Lusbel-kun’s fear will again passed to your true fear. The true fear that you feel, and the second fear born through Lusbel-kun, will lead to the his fear, and the next level of fear generated by Lusbel-kun’s heart will be added to your own new greatest level of fear...”

Something was whispering into his ear. That overwhelming momentum approached nonsense. Subaru had no time to try to comprehend those words. Why? Because for Subaru, everything passing through his hearing and his vision were terrifying. If breathing were terrifying, then blinking was terrifying. But not blinking was very painful and unbearable. Even that pain existed only to symbolize of terror Subaru. Feeling one pain means feeling the pain that he’d feel the next time. That would make Subaru feel a continuous, endless, infinite fear. So it wouldn’t do to refuse to blink. But, if he blinked, the world would fall into darkness for an instant. In that dark moment where nothing could be seen, he wouldn’t know what was happening. Although there might be nothing at all happening, he had no way of knowing for certain. Being unable to confirm anything was terrifying. If the unknown instinctively aroused fear, then to live was but an endless attempt to overcome the fear. In the end, the so-called fear had always been the feeling of weakness that began to plague a creature when it felt a threat to its life. Being able to have this emotion was synonymous with being a life form. The function of this horror was similar to pain. After all, creatures who left their instincts of danger behind could not survive. To numb your fear was to condemn yourself.

Sirius: “Oh my? You two look to be losing your minds. Loving and emotionally enriching people can sometimes be very fragile. Ah, that’s because Love is just painful. However, it is precisely because love exists that we can survive. This is really very difficult. Then, I’ll get Tina- chan to help me. Lusbel-kun has worked hard.”

Being numb to the value of life meant violating an inherent survival ability. In other words, fear was necessary. Therefore, there was absolutely nothing to be ashamed about even praising the performance of feeling so frightened, like right now now. Of course, that kind of thing was just an assumption without any meaning. But, conducting such thought experiments was the best method to resist an overwhelming, dominating fear in the hope of finding a victorious breakthrough, wasn’t it? Subaru certainly thought so. Lusbel, in front of him, began to convulse as his eyes rolled back in his head. The candlelight of that young boy’s life was about to be extinguished.

That was sad and regrettable. However, Subaru couldn’t be discouraged. He would struggle and fight to the end, wasn’t that what he had so vowed? Even in that terrible, toilsome, damaging trial last year. If not, why exactly did Subaru find it so sad and painful to survive, even so? Scary.

Very very scary. Terrifying. Everything was terrifying. Alive. Terrifying. Blinking. Terrifying. Breathing. Terrifying. Rancid. Terrifying. Disgusting. Terrifying. Scary. Scary. Scary. Scary. Scaryscaryscaryscaryscaryscaryscaryscaryscaryscaryscaryscary—

※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※

Liliana: “After the song ends and they chat again, shouldn’t we prepare food and drinks for them? Indulging in sweet snacks will certainly create a mood that will close the distance between them, don’t you think so?”

The world immediately flipped upside down in the blink of an eye, and Subaru collapsed as soon as he heard the fresh sound. A girl’s awkward face caught his fall as he collided fiercely with her forehead.

Liliana: “Gah!?”

Subaru: “Huh?”

A sharp voice cried out.

Subaru stumbled several steps backward from the sudden, piercing pain. Somewhere in front of him, a sound of something falling into grass was made. Subaru did not respond immediately as he was too busy rubbing his forehead.

Subaru: “W-What just...?”

Emilia: “What’s wrong, Subaru? You suddenly headbutted Liliana. That’s no good. If you don’t like, you should resolve your differences by talking it out.”

Beatrice: “That’s right, in fact. Before resorting to violence, we should give that uncouth looking girl ample warning that we want to send her flying, I suppose.”

Liliana: “Am I really so ugly!?”

Liliana leapt to her feet with an unexpected cry.

Upon hearing her words, Emilia and Beatrice exchanged glances without speaking. Liliana suffered another blow and collapsed again.

Priscilla: “What a ridiculous farce. Commoners are not allowed to treat mine songbird in such a manner. This will never happen again.”

Refusing to stand for the violence being imposed on Liliana, Priscilla issued a complaint about Subaru’s behavior.

Subaru gave her a perfunctory nod, confirmed his location, once again, and,

Subaru: “...disgusting.”

A second reset hadn’t changed his evaluation of that freak at all