Arc 5 – 41, 'Heroic Reveries”

Arc 5 – Chapter 41, “Heroic Reveries”

[Anastasia: You sure came back early?]

As they returned to the City Hall, Anastasia greeted them with a somewhat strained smile.

Having left the building full of bravado only to return like this, honestly, Anastasia’s was about the last face Subaru wanted to see.

But this was no time to be concerned with such feelings.

[Subaru: Yeah, I’m back. But I’ll head out again as soon as I’m done here. There’s just something I have to try in the City Hall first]

[Anastasia: Did you come up with somethin’ again? I got a bad feelin’ about this]

[Subaru: Well...... the first shelter was a horrible sight, I mentioned that in the communication mirror already. And I think the influence of Wrath must have affected other shelters as well]

[Anastasia: So they’ve succumbed to the emotional resonance... It’s not like I don’t feel it myself. If I let my mood drop, it feels like it’ll just keep on droppin’ forever. ......But I guess it works a little differently on everybody]

Subaru nodded at Anastasia’s analysis.

In fact, Subaru had also noticed this on the street. The effectiveness of Sirius’ Authority can vary drastically between people.

Perhaps simply being aware of the Authority’s existence could help alleviate its effects: The fact that Subaru was able to calm Garfiel and Al this way precisely proved this.

[Al: I dunno how the shelter got like that, but I can’t help but worry ‘bout the same thing happenin’ to our main guys bunched up here. I’d really rather I didn’t come back here only to get caught up in another blood sacrifice or somethin’]

[Anastasia: Well, you had no need to worry about that. Luckily, we only have intelligent, rational people here. Though I can’t say the same about the guy who’s always screwin’ up the atmosphere]

Al, who came back with Subaru, said this while looking around the first floor of the City Hall. Hearing this, Anastasia snorted, putting a stop to Al’s smart-assery with a gibe.

Seeing Al reply with a silent shrug, Anastasia turned back to Subaru.

[Anastasia: So, what’re you plannin’ to do? You came back ‘cause you had an idea, right?]

[Subaru: Aah, right. ......By the way, where’s Julius? He isn’t with you?]

[Anastasia: I don’t like bein’ bombarded with question after question, you know...... Julius’ been actin’ a little strange. I think part of it’s because we haven’t found Joshua yet, but I’ve a feelin’ that’s not all of it]

[Subaru: Acting strange...... Now that you mention it, he was a little strange, wasn’t he?]

Waking up after the failed attack on the City Hall, Subaru did notice that Julius was less articulate than usual. He seemed to be making judgements and suggestions that he would never have made in normal circumstances, and there was a visible lack of confidence about him.

He was a man with a strong sense of duty. Subaru had thought that it was because of regret for letting Gluttony escape, but perhaps it was more than that.

[Garfiel: Capt’n. It’s a bad habit t’be concernin’ yerself with every problem out there. I know you’re worried ‘bout Julius, but that ain’t somethin’ we can fix right now]

[Subaru: Ah, yeah, you’re right. Well, I’m sure that guy’ll do just fine on his own without anyone worrying about him. Compared to that, we got our own things to deal with. Anastasia-san. The broadcaster on the top floor is still in working condition, right? It’s not like it’s broken, or we lost the manual or something...]

Brought back by Garfiel’s reminder, Subaru asked this question. On the receiving end, Anastasia blinked her round eyes a few times before answering,

[Anastasia: It’s not broken, and I’ve worked with similar devices before so that’s fine...... but what do you plan to do with it?]

Seeing the surprise in Anastasia’s eyes, Subaru scratched his cheek.

Even though he’d expect her to oppose it, it was the only plan he could think of. In terms of minimizing casualties, it would also be the most effective measure.

[Subaru: As I said in the communication mirror, the area is currently under the influence of Wrath’s Authority. The shelter we visited....... became washed in blood because some small irritation was allowed to fester. The slightest negative emotion could spiral into the extremest disaster. It’s scary]

[Anastasia: Yes. My thoughts exactly. The more people there are, the harder it is to control and the more rapidly panic spreads. That said, with the refuge shelters...... or even without the shelters, people will tend to huddle together. Right?]

Subaru quietly nodded to Anastasia’s question.

What’s so frightening about Sirius’ Authority is that the more people are together, the more powerful its influence becomes. And when people heard the Witch Cult’s threats over the broadcasts, that started an inescapable trend of panic: A truly sickening way of exploiting people’s helplessness.

It was unclear whether the Witch Cult was hoping for their cooperation, but the fact is that it created a vicious cycle that was threatening those people’s lives this very moment.

[Anastasia: Do you mean to say... you’ve thought of a way to counter it?]

[Subaru: It’s only a “Maybe this could work” kinda thing. I do think it’s worth trying. It’s just......]

Subaru’s words abruptly trailed off in front of Anastasia’s expectant gaze.

Seeing this, Anastasia narrowed her eyes as if to peer into Subaru’s innermost thoughts, while Subaru exhaled a deep breath,

[Subaru: Once we start doing it, everything will be heard by the Witch Cult, word for word. So there’s the possibility that we could run into other dangers if we provoke those guys]

[Anastasia: And in exchange, there’s a good chance that we can reduce the existing threat]

[Subaru: Yeah, that’s right. Now that we’ve retaken the City Hall, and with Sirius’ Authority being the only one affecting the shelters... even though it’s hard to balance the risks, I still think......]

It’s impossible to imagine how the Witch Cult will react if they did something big here. The dangers were equivalent to bringing a burning match into a gunpowder arsenal, as is always the case when dealing with the Witch Cult. What makes it so difficult to assess is that the gunpowder could also blow on its own at any moment whether they bring in the match or not.

[Anastasia: ――I think I know more or less what you’re planning to do now, Natsuki-kun]

[Subaru: Really?]

After briefly sinking into thought, Anastasia let out a long sigh and said. Hearing this, Subaru raised his brows, surprised at her reaction,

[Anastasia: Going by the flow of the conversation, and since you asked about the broadcasting device at the start, I’d be more worried if I still can’t figure it out after that]

[Subaru: W-well, yeah, I guess. So what do you think? You’re against it, aren’t you?]

She’ll probably oppose it, just as he thought beforehand.

And so, Subaru would have no other choice than to clear the giant hurdle of convincing Anastasia――

[Anastasia: Haa, what am I gonna do with you...]

[Subaru: ......Egh, you’re ok with it?]

[Anastasia: Logically speaking, it would be the best course of action. Regardless of how much I like winning, if it means leaving a mountain of corpses behind by the time we eradicate the Witch Cult, there’d be too bad of an aftertaste]

Getting that unexpected answer, for a moment, Subaru stood there stunned.

Meanwhile, Anastasia chewed her lips as if trying to deal with some indigestible emotion inside her, but it was Garfiel who broke the silence.

[Garfiel: Yo, Capt’n and Big’Sis-chan. What’re you guys talkin’ ‘bout doin’ again?]

[Anastasia: Such an unperceptive child... Even my Ricardo could’ve figured it out]

To Garfiel, who was left out of the loop, Anastasia tossed that unsparing remark. Garfiel gritted his fangs as he heard this, but Al patted his shoulder from behind, laughing at Garfiel as he turned around,

[Al: Basically, what bro’s thinkin’ is this: Rather than tryin’ to stop the Authority of Wrath from spreadin’ throughout the city, it’d be quicker ‘n easier to try to turn it to our advantage instead]

[Garfiel: Turn it, like what......]

[Subaru: Sirius’ ability causes the sharing of emotions. When people are anxious and afraid, that emotion swells as more people bunch together, until eventually, it gets set off by something small and explodes. So...]

[Anastasia: If you can replace fear and anxiety with another emotion...... paint it over with something like hope, then that’ll be what’s shared instead]

Garfiel’s question was answered by Al, and Subaru, then lastly by Anastasia.

While listening, Garfiel’s eyes grew wider as he leaked a groan of understanding,

[Garfiel: Aaah so that’s it! Then they won’t be killin’ each other. And if things go well, even the ones whose spirits’re broken’ll return to the fight]

[Subaru: When they’re engulfed by the surrounding atmosphere, even seasoned fighters would be unable to stand. If we can release them from that anxiety, I think we won’t have any problem bolstering our forces anymore]

[Garfiel: Ain’t that awesome!? Do it, Capt’n! We got th’arcane device. So th’sooner we start......]

[Anastasia: Wait wait! It’s not all that simple. It’s not like I hadn’t considered it myself...]

Anastasia clapped her hands to stop the over-excited Garfiel.

Getting hit with another bump to the forehead, Subaru stumbled backwards.

Watching Subaru back away holding his head, and Al gave his single shoulder a shrug.

[Anastasia: I’m of the same opinion. If anyone should do it, it’d be you, Natsuki-kun]

[Subaru: Anastasia......]

Saying this, Anastasia looked down.

It was an expression that seemed to be lamenting her own powerlessness, all the while entrusting that hope to someone else.

At this point, seeing that expression, Subaru finally noticed the great expectation resting on his back.

[Subaru: Garfiel... you think so too?]

[Garfiel: I dunno any details ‘bout you killin’ some Sin-bishop “Sloth”. But yeah, I’m thinkin’ th’same thing]

At Subaru’s quiet question, Garfiel scratched at his short head of hair,

[Garfiel: If there’s a voice in this city that can become people’s hopes...... I say that voice’d be your’s, Capt’n. If y’really give it your all, I’ve a feelin’ y’can do it. That’s what I think]

[Subaru: ――――]

That is a baseless, and tremendously heavy trust.

Surprised, and holding his breath, Subaru clearly understood the magnitude of the faith placed in him.

Looking back, he saw Anastasia. Who nodded.

Next, he saw Al. Who shrugged his shoulder.

As before, Garfiel was still watching Subaru. When Subaru turned to face him, he nodded as well.

[Subaru: ――――]

Taking in each of their reactions, Subaru turned up his head.

Narrowing his eyes to the light of the weak crystal lamp, he exhaled a long, deep sigh.

――They think way, way too highly of him.

He had felt it from Wilhelm, Julius, and Reinhardt as well.

They’ve got it all wrong about Subaru. All wrong.

They themselves were so much better, have worked so much harder, and were so much nobler than he was.

Yet, as if it were a matter of course, they praise Subaru, offer him their help, and greet him with such warmth. That fact had always tormented Subaru.

When the person you respect, the person you don’t want to lose to, and the person you can never catch up to all give you their affirmation, it’s not just a simple matter of being overjoyed.

It made him anxious. That someday, when his real self is exposed, he will surely disappoint them.

When they realize that the real Subaru is actually pathetic, weak, and hopeless, surely, they’ll be saddened, and will regret the warmth they had shown him.

That was what he had always thought. And yet,

Even Al, Garfiel, and Anastasia, had such expectations of Subaru.

On the verge of being crushed by its weight, Subaru had pushed himself to his limit, and yet his limit was not nearly enough as he tried to live up to that expectation over and over.

This is the road Natsuki Subaru chose.

――The road he had once promised to a single girl that he would take. Her hero’s road.

But, one way or another, he was no longer just her hero. What Subaru was carrying now, was――

[Al: If you do this, bro, from now on it’ll be heroic reveries that you’ll be carryin’ on your back]

Al suddenly gave this warning to the silent Subaru.

Watching Subaru’s eyes drop, Al continued in a listless voice,

[Al: You can never lose. You must only win. You’ll take up their hopes, carry their expectations, and fight to show them the future. If you make this decision here, that’s what you’ll have to do]

[Subaru: ......I can never lose, huh. Sounds just like how it’s always been, doesn’t it?]

[Al: The weight of it’s different. If bro loses here, the defeat won’t just end with bro]

Subaru didn’t understand what Al was saying.

Subaru’s battles had always been this way. When Subaru loses, Subaru isn’t the only one who’s lost. Everything Subaru wanted to protect would be lost with Subaru’s defeat.

It had always been this way. It had never been otherwise.

If defeat didn’t cost him anything, he would have had no reason to fight.

The fact that Subaru was fighting was because there were things that could not be protected unless he fought.

And after today, their numbers would swell to unbelievable proportions.

[Subaru: Tch, isn’t that still how it’s always been?]

[Al: ――――]

Exhaling a sigh, he had made up his mind.

The pounding of his heart until now settled down as his vision cleared.

Though he couldn’t see Al’s face, he could sense that Al was holding his breath, watching him with an astounded expression.

[Subaru: Anastasia-san, I’ll do it. If my voice can make a difference, then leave it to me]

[Anastasia: ......You’re sure? Once you take on people’s hopes...]

[Subaru: It’ll be no different from what I always do. “Hero”, doesn’t sound too bad, does it. Though honestly, it’s kinda embarrasing to be calling myself that......]

Seeing Anastasia’s worried expression, Subaru softly rubbed the tip of his nose,

[Subaru: If it’s just a matter of being a hero, I’ve already made my decision a year ago. Otherwise, I’ll bring shame to the girl watching over me, and the girl whose back I’m watching]

[Anastasia: ――Is that so. Well, alright. Boys always like to show off, after all]

As if saying “There’s no helping it”, Anastasia smiled, and gave Subaru a light poke in the chest.

Subaru was a little taken aback by that reaction.

Since that might’ve been the first time he had seen Anastasia let down her guard and show her true emotions.

With that feeling rapidly melting into his chest where he had been poked, Subaru lifted his face.

[Subaru: Thank you, Garfiel. Al. For helping me make up my mind]

Saying this to the two at his back, Subaru followed behind Anastasia.

Just what would he say when he’s standing in front of the bradcasting device, he wondered.

He’s still not sure what or what not to say.

But, strangely, there was no confusion or anxiety accompanying it.

After all, it’s just the same as usual, right?

――Because he knew that, just as usual, he has no choice but to show off again.

-=Arc 5 Chapter 41 End=-