Arc 8, Chapter 23 - 'Louis”

Arc 8, Chapter 23 - “Louis”

Truly, their relationship had been a peculiar one, Natsuki Subaru thought.

Perhaps rather than peculiar, it ought to be called a malignant providence that had guided Subaru and his companions thus far.

Their ideologies, their ways, he despised absolutely all of it with every fiber of his being; the Vollachian Empire.

The one who had given him the unbearable yearning to cry his heart out for reasons he did not understand; bereft of her Memories, Rem.

The one he had cast the entirety of the blame upon, who he had utterly loathed; the Sin Archbishop of Gluttony, Louis Arneb.

Served with a situation he could not help but curse, lamenting and raging in accordance with the path that had been laid out for him, while he repeatedly continued to crash, Subaru had been able to survive through these days by dying over and over again.

Here, there were also people who he had made contact with, who had helped him, and he had helped; the Vollachian Empire.

He was together with the one whose kindness and deep thoughtfulness made him yearn to weep; bereft of her Memories, Rem.

The one who had risked her life time and time again, bravely devoting herself to him; the Sin Archbishop of Gluttony, Louis Arneb.

Processing the curse that had been served to him, refusing to follow the path that had been laid out for him, while they continued to gently hurt each other, Subaru had been able to survive through these days by dying over and over again.

Was it malediction, grief, or hatred? Or perhaps, without cursing, without grieving, it could be forgiveness?

The time had come to resolve this relationship, which up till now had continued to remain ambiguous.

Subaru: [――――]

Subaru’s declaration upon entering the guest cabin cloaked the space with an air of tension.

Present in the room were Rem and Louis, joined by Ram and Tanza, totaling four. The former two were directly concerned in the matter, the latter two, witnesses; Subaru desired to converse with them.

Emilia, Beatrice, and the rest were waiting for the resolution.

Regardless of the form Natsuki Subaru’s answer would take, they were waiting.

Rem: [...Has the important discussion with Abel-san concluded?]

Before Subaru, who had been considering how to broach the subject, Rem was the first to speak.

Seated beside Louis, with her hand in hers, Rem’s words, whether she was conscious of it or not, seemed like an attempt to keep things in check.

In response to her question, Subaru shook his head,

Subaru: [It’s paused for now. That discussion can’t proceed until we’ve resolved our own matters... The discussion with Abel also involves Louis.]

Louis: [Aau?]

Rem: [Why, is Louis-chan involved?]

Subaru: [It’s because according to the prophecy of the Stargazer guy, Louis’s presence is crucial for us to win this battle.]

Rem: [――Hk.]

As Subaru presented the prerequisite without concealing anything, a bitter expression crossed Rem’s face. Holding Louis’s hand, Rem looked at Subaru with her pale blue eyes and said “So that means”,

Rem: [You’re saying that you’re going to make Louis-chan fight? Despite her being so small, just a child who doesn’t understand anything, you’re suggesting such a cruel thing...]

Subaru: [Whether she needs to fight or not is a question for later. But, let me clarify something first. ――The notion that Louis is just a kid who doesn’t understand anything, is a mistaken one.]

Rem: [What do you...]

Subaru: [Even though communicating with words is difficult, Louis clearly understands the situation she’s in. She chooses who she wants to side with, and who she doesn’t. Knowing that, she is here with us.]

Rem: [That’s... Hk.]

At Subaru’s calm words, Rem lowered her head, speechless.

Rem, too, understood that Subaru’s objection was the truth. If it were not so, Louis would not be here in the first place.

From the moment she had been cast into the Vollachian Empire, she was in an incomprehensible situation; she acted like a clingy child, imprinting herself onto the first people she encountered, Subaru and Rem. ――However, such an explanation could not account for the myriad of brutal trials that they had surmounted together.

If the imprinting was not a sign of love, but rather a manifestation of a defensive instinct seeking a protector in order to survive, it would go without saying that being together with Subaru and Rem was detrimental to Louis’s survival.

If she merely wanted to survive, it would have been easier for Louis had she not been with Subaru and his companions.

Ram: [On that point, Ram agrees with Barusu. Although only bits and pieces of the situation have been heard from Rem, that child being here, despite having been separated from both Rem and Barusu, is a result of her own choosing.]

Rem: [Nee-sama...]

Ram: [Don’t misunderstand, Rem. Ram is entirely on Rem’s side and has resolved in her heart to tear Barusu apart together with you later, but she won’t twist the truth.]

Subaru: [There was one part of that declaration that I can’t ignore, but thank you.]

With a feeling somewhere between gratitude and bitterness, Subaru thanked Ram, who had interjected.

To Subaru, that too felt like an attempt to keep things in check from Ram’s side. At the same time, it was an indication that Ram would be impartial in this conversation and had no intention of emotionally siding with Rem.

That was exactly in line with the way that Rem used to often describe her assessment of Ram’s behavior.

Subaru: [Nee-sama, is far too kind... huh?]

Whether those words murmured within his mouth could be heard or not, Ram snorted without giving any words, then crossed her slender legs and brought her cup of tea to her lips.

Beside her, Tanza, who seemed to have been somewhat bored, looked at Subaru with her dark eyes, and,

Tanza: [Similar to Ram-sama, I also shall not support Schwartz-sama. I am unable to gauge the situation, so please do not be mistaken if you were intending to make me an ally here.]

Subaru: [I know. Tanza is being reliably strict with me. I didn’t think you’d take my side anyway.]

Tanza: [――――]

Subaru: [Huh? That seemed to have upset you a little? Why?]

Having followed Ram’s lead and declared her status as an impartial witness, Tanza’s expression became a bit sulky.

Tanza’s expression rarely changed, but this sullen face was relatively common. Most of the time, it popped up in response to Cecilus’s unreasonable words and actions, or when Hiain said too much.

Also, it was quite frequently directed toward Subaru.

Nevertheless, thanks to Ram and Tanza stating their positions, he had finished mentally preparing himself.

With that, Subaru once again turned to face his main focus, Rem and Louis.

And then――,

Subaru: [Louis, we’re about to discuss something important. It’s about you, and I won’t conceal any of what I feel within my heart of hearts. Will you listen, without running away?]

Louis: [...Aau!]

Subaru: [I see. You’re a good girl. Thank you.]

After a moment’s hesitation, Louis nodded with a lively voice.

That reaction was yet another piece of evidence that she had a good understanding of what Subaru and the others around her were talking about. Rem, avoiding any eye contact, glanced at Louis’s profile.

Therein, Rem was hoping to see the emotions she desired; if Louis would show even the slightest sign of discomfort, she could use that as a reason to stop the conversation.

But, in Louis’s profile, she had been unable to find a reason to do so.

Subaru: [Rem, Louis, I think both of you have realized. That from the start, I was always really wary of Louis, and that I always shunned her... and, that I had always hated her.]

Rem: [――――]

Subaru: [The reason for Rem being so excessively suspicious of me at first; that was the main source. When I tried to somehow separate the two of you, I even got my fingers broken.]

Rem: [About that time... I also went too far.]

Subaru: [It’s fine. Looking back, it’s just another good memory between me and Rem.]

Rem: [Huh?]

Subaru flexed the fingers of his left hand as he answered, and Rem made a face as if doubting his sanity. Not only Rem, but Ram and Tanza too made similar faces, so despite the topic being broken fingers, Subaru changed the subject by saying, “Anyway” before his heart could be broken.

Subaru: [I was actively wary of Louis. And so, Rem was actively suspicious of me. I don’t know how Louis was feeling, but you must have felt that tense atmosphere, right?]

Louis: [Uu?]

Subaru: [Even after we got separated at one point and later were reunited with all the Shudraqians, even after we retreated from Guaral, and after that around the time of the siege of Guaral, it had always been like that.]

Because of that, the gap between Subaru and Rem kept getting wider and wider, making it difficult to fill.

As for the reasons Subaru had felt hatred for Louis, the fact that her existence caused his relationship with Rem to worsen was something that undoubtedly had a great influence.

His animosity towards Louis only began to change after they arrived at the Demon City of Chaosflame, having separated from Rem.

While spending time with Louis without Rem as a mediator, she had worked her hardest to protect Subaru, and little by little, Subaru had no choice but to acknowledge that.

That was why, after they had split in the Demon City, and he was reunited with Beatrice at the Imperial Capital, he had been honestly happy that Louis was also there. At that point, none of the animosity that he had from the beginning remained.

Subaru: [If we just stayed like that, continuing to go on without thinking too much about it, I think it definitely would have been easier. But, that’s just not possible. It’s the same as a wound. Some wounds will heal if left alone, while others will only get worse. This is a wound that we can’t just leave alone.]

In order for the wound to heal, it needed to be treated.

And, for treatment, one could not just rely on magic or medicine, in some cases, more daring methods had to be used.

Thus, this was a wound of the sort where they had no choice but to resort to such means.

Therefore――,

Subaru: [Up to now, I’ve never once said it. The reason, Louis, why I hated you.]

Louis: [Uau...]

Staring into those blue eyes, Subaru poured out his feelings.

As if responding to Subaru’s serious gaze and tone of voice, Louis did not avert her gaze either. This girl had resolved herself to accept whatever he might say.

Instead――,

Rem: [...Please stop.]

Biting her lip, it was Rem who spoke in such a trembling voice.

In a voice that trembled as if she was pleading, she remained holding Louis’s hand as she spoke. ――No, that was wrong. It was not that. The one with their hand being held, was not Louis.

It was Rem. It was Rem whose hand was being held by Louis, that much was clear.

Rem: [I don’t... want to hear it. The reason that you hated Louis-chan, I don’t care about such a thing. Isn’t it fine to just think that you were cold-hearted?]

Weakly shaking her head in refusal, Rem rejected Subaru’s words.

Stopping herself from putting pressure on Louis’s hand by instead clenching her other hand so tightly that her bones creaked, Rem tried to refuse what came next.

He wanted to respect those feelings of Rem’s. He wanted to grant all of Rem’s wishes.

Subaru: [I’m sorry. I won’t let you plug your ears on this matter.]

But, he must not do so.

Neither could he fulfill Rem’s wishes, nor could he show them respect.

If she did not want to listen, her only option was to flee this room. Subaru had no right to stop Rem if that was what she truly wanted to do.

However, Rem also understood.

That plugging her ears to Subaru’s words here would be tantamount to turning her back on her own missing Memories, and――,

Rem: [――――]

And it also would mean betraying the feelings of Ram, who was silently watching over her.

Rem: [Even so, I don’t want it... I don’t want... to hear it... hk.]

Clenching her eyes shut and gritting her teeth, Rem chose to not run away from here.

However, she felt a very, very strong urge to refuse Subaru’s next words.

While struck by her words, Subaru, again, kept his eyes fixed on Louis.

Louis: [Uau.]

Louis’s lips moved, indeed, she voiced a sound that did not form a coherent word.

That sound, he understood perfectly well that it was calling out his name, “Subaru”.

And because he understood that.

Subaru: [Louis, the reason why I hated you... why I detested you, is...]

Subaru: [――Louis, do you still want to become me?]

Louis: [...U?]

Rem: [...What, are you saying?]

Seemingly not understanding the meaning behind Subaru’s question, the two of them tilted their heads together.

Indeed, they had both tilted their heads. Not only Rem, Louis had too. ――”Louis” had, too.

Subaru: [As I told you earlier, Rem. Even if you forgive Louis, I won’t forgive her. The many other people who have suffered harm due to Gluttony won’t forgive Louis either. But...]

Rem: [...But?]

Subaru: [But, Louis, I want to forgive you. If I was able to forgive you, that’s what I would want to do. So, let me ask you this.]

Firmly, conscious to not let his voice waver, Subaru looked straight at Louis.

He saw Rem squeeze Louis’s hand, and Louis squeezed it back. While he hoped that this would be the answer to the relationship between the two.

Subaru: [Are you a Sin Archbishop? Or, is it possible?]

Louis: [――――]

Subaru: [It’s been said to me a lot. And, I agree. The world will not forgive the Sin Archbishops, and it must not forgive them. The Sin Archbishop of Gluttony, Louis Arneb, is a being who must not be forgiven.]

Louis: [――――]

Subaru: [But, you helped me. You protected me over and over again. You didn’t even know that you once wanted to become me. You’re completely different to the Louis Arneb that I knew. Still, you can use the Authority of Gluttony. You possess a Witch Factor.]

That was Subaru’s full impression of “Louis” from the time he had spent with her thus far.

She was of the same appearance as the Sin Archbishop, Louis Arneb, whom he had encountered in the Hall of Memories, and even though she possessed the same Authority, she did not seem to be the same person.

That was just like “Natsuki Subaru” from some time ago, and “Rem”, who was like this now.

Someone who, while being the same, was different.

Someone who could make that choice of their own will, to be the same, or to be different.

To that “Louis”, he wished to ask.

Subaru: [Are you a Sin Archbishop that no one in this world can ever forgive? Or, is it possible that you might be able to take back what the Sin Archbishop has done?]

Louis: [A, uu...]

Subaru: [Can... can you, start your life anew?]

What if, just what if.

What if the situation that “Louis” had been placed in was the same as that of “Natsuki Subaru” and “Rem”? Then, Subaru was asking a terribly cruel and unfair question.

Having no memories, having no clue as to what was happening, the hardship of being burdened by the self that one is not; Subaru was keenly aware of those feelings. Rem, too, knew them well.

And now, he was trying to force those same things upon Louis like this.

However――,

Subaru: [If you can do that, if that is what you desire, then take my hand.]

As he said this, Subaru slowly held out his hand to Louis.

Louis’s eyes traced back and forth between Subaru’s face and the proffered hand; similarly, as Rem held her breath next to her, her gaze shifted between Subaru’s eyes and hand.

Subaru: [Louis, a lot of people curse you the same way that I do. I can’t speak for all of their feelings. But, I can just say one thing.]

Louis: [――――]

Subaru: [I don’t know what you would need to do to get everyone to forgive you. It’s just... just, what you need to do for me to forgive you, I can tell you that.]

Before he had come here, before he had been permitted this time, Emilia had told him.

Emilia had said it was something Subaru had taught her, but that was unthinkable. After all, Subaru was always learning from everyone else.

He did not even know how to resolve his own feelings without being taught how to do so.

Questions like, why did Subaru want to forgive Louis?

And, how could Subaru be able to forgive Louis? All of it.

Thus, the way to reach that, to reach the point of compromise, was――,

Subaru: [――Louis, save lots of people.]

Louis: [――――]

Subaru: [Right now, you’re going through unreasonable circumstances. I know that without any memory, you’re being forced to bear an outrageously unreasonable burden. Even so...]

Taking a deep breath, with unwavering eyes his gaze fell upon Louis, he told her.

Subaru: [You can help lots of people.]

Louis: [――――]

Subaru: [If you help and help, and keep helping, continuing to help more than you’ve stolen... at least I, and I alone, will be on your side.]

――The things you’ve done won’t ever disappear.

That was what Anastasia had said to him once in the past, and then again just before, a statement that froze Subaru in his tracks.

Now, Subaru found those words no different to traumatic advice that there were some things that even his Return by Death was unable to overturn.

However, when Anastasia had made that statement, she had also said,

Subaru: [If you want people to believe you’re doing the right thing, you have no choice but to show them something that backs that up. The only way to change their appraisal is to overturn it with a different one.]

That was the most important part of the traumatic advice that Subaru had received.

The fact that Subaru was offering his hand to Louis like this now, was also because through her actions, she had overturned the animosity Subaru harbored towards her.

That change of heart that had happened to Subaru, would happen to all the people who suffered from the damage of Gluttony.

That was――,

Subaru: [――That’s the “From Zero” I’m offering you.]

Not just from zero, but on a world-wide scale, she had no choice but to start from the negatives.

Facing such an absurd, outrageous, and tremendously nonsensical challenge, it was grandly delusional reasoning, for who in their right mind would believe that such a thing could be accomplished?

But, that was the best that Subaru could offer.

So then, if facing this absurd, outrageous, and tremendously nonsensical challenge, was a grandly delusional reasoning that nobody in their right mind would believe could be accomplished, Subaru would lend his aid.

In the same way that it had once been done for none other than Natsuki Subaru in the past.

Louis: [――――]

Hand outstretched, Subaru remained still, awaiting an answer to come.

He did not rush her. Nor could he wait forever. He was giving her the time she needed, and quietly awaited the needed answer.

Rem: [I... I don’t know...]

During that stillness, beside the silent Subaru and Louis, Rem muttered.

For but a moment, it seemed as if that statement meant that she did not comply with Subaru’s proposal. However, Rem’s eyes said otherwise.

She, continued.

Rem: [About the ones called Sin Archbishops, about the name Louis Arneb, all of it.]

Subaru: [――――]

Rem: [But, if those so-called Sin Archbishops, and also this Louis Arneb person, if their existence is not forgiven in this world... then what, what will this child become?]

Her voice, trembled. But, her pale blue eyes were not filled with tears.

As if to say that with a blurred and moist vision, neither would she be able to see the answer she coveted, nor the answer the other person presented, Rem’s eyes were direct.

To be neither a Sin Archbishop, nor Louis Arneb, if such was her choosing, what would she become?

As “Louis”, she would bear many unreasonable burdens, and walk a path seeking forgiveness, unaware of whether it truly existed on the other side of it all. ――Such a girl, just who would she become?

When proffered this question, all Subaru could say was――,

Subaru: [――Spica.]

Rem: [Huh...?]

Subaru: [To this girl, starting over as a new self, with a new way of life, I bestow this name.]

Rem’s eyes widened, and Louis’s eyes followed suit.

If she chose to live in a different way to how she had lived thus far, and set her sights on a completely different future from now on, Subaru intended to do everything he could to support her.

Because, in a world where nobody would forgive a Sin Archbishop, in a world where nobody would forgive Louis Arneb, he still wanted to forgive the girl who stood before him from the bottom of his heart.

So that Subaru could forgive the girl, he wished for her to become such a person, thus――.

Rem: [Spica...]

Stunned, dumbfounded, Rem uttered the name, then looked to her side.

The young girl fixed her eyes on Subaru. He, too, looked at her without averting his eyes.

He wanted things to be like this, such was his wish.

But, if he spoke it out loud, the girl would surely do so. Not of her own wishes, but because she respected Subaru’s; thus, he would not say it.

Because he wanted her to choose for herself, and not for anyone else.

He wanted her to walk and walk and keep walking, so that when she looked back at the path she had walked, she would be able to think that it was a path that she had chosen to walk.

Louis: [――Uau.]

Subaru: [――――]

The girl’s thin lips moved. Subaru’s name, was called out gently.

Silent and still, Subaru waited. He did not want to rush her. Nor could he wait forever. He had given her the time she needed, and she had chosen what was needed; he wanted to hear her answer.

Then, as Subaru desperately tried to contain himself, the girl’s expression changed.

Louis: [Auuau.]

Gentle and tender, words were spun, and a smile emerged.

Then, as tears trickled down from the corners of her blue eyes, the girl’s hand softly grasped the hand Subaru had held out.

Welcoming that light, soft touch, Subaru clenched his eyes shut.

To be neither a Sin Archbishop, nor Louis Arneb, a new way of life.

Having been a Sin Archbishop, having been Louis Arneb, a past that could not be erased.

Taking that upon herself, she would need to walk a thorny path, the girl―― “Spica”, he held her hand so tightly and firmly, as if to never let go.

Subaru: [One day, I want to forgive you. ――So, let’s do our best together.]

Spica: [...Au!]

Flashing her white teeth, Spica gave a wide grin with her tearful face.

Having witnessed that smile of Spica’s from the side, Rem’s emotions swelled up inside of her, and burst forth.

Rem: [――Hk.]

With more passion and more tears than ever before, Rem embraced Spica.

Embracing her, cradling her, wailing her heart out, Rem cried. Startled by the embrace, Spica was drawn in by Rem’s emotions, and as her expression clouded over and scrunched up,

Spica: [――Aaaau!]

Spica, too, with a loud voice, her face scrunching up, in a manner befitting her age, while shouldering a destiny that someone of her age should never have to, she burst into tears.

Just like how any other being who was newly born into this world would.

Wailing like newborn babies, the girls kept crying. They just kept crying.

――Subaru also cried a little.