Chapter 347 Don't Look Back

Chapter 347 Don't Look Back　　If you like music while you're reading, try "Right Where it Belongs" by Nine Inch Nails. It's what I was listening to while writing this chapter!

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~ ZEV ~

When they were dressed and had reached the door, Zev caught Sasha's elbow before she opened it, turning her to face him.

Her cheeks were still a little flushed, and her eyes bright. But he could scent—and sense—the tension hanging over her. He took her face in his hands and kissed her. 

"I don't want to be apart from you," she whispered, her eyes closed, and clinging to his forearms. They had agreed that he would shift, go ahead, to the City and make sure the males understood how important it was that they didn't press the females when they arrived. Sasha didn't trust that a simple message was enough. 

It was a good idea. And the right thing. And would let him prepare the Alpha bedchamber for her. But his stomach clenched at being apart from her even for a couple of hours.

"I don't either," he said, his voice low and gruff. "But when you get there, it's going to be amazing, and I want to make sure it goes as smoothly as possible."

He prayed she didn't notice the tremble under his skin. He needed to get out of this house, but when he did, he'd be getting away from her, and he didn't know which was worse.

"Thank you, Zev, for pulling me away. I needed that."

"You and me both," he growled softly.

Sasha giggled and leaned up to kiss him one more time. "Two hours," she whispered.

"Two hours."

They embraced, then she turned and opened the door, stepping outside and taking a deep breath.

Zev watched her climb down then start back towards the medical building clearing before he jumped down, then shifted and started running to the trail towards the City. 

But there was a rumbling tension in his skin so it seemed like his bones ached. He kept snorting the air from his nostrils.

Despite washing her, the scent of Sasha was on him. Normally he would love that. But now his skin crawled, itching, ratcheting tension in his back and neck that made him want to bite something. 

She smelled like Nick. And the compound. And all the smells he'd prayed he would never smell again. 

He had been so desperate to be close to her, he'd been pushing it away, filtering it out. But now… now she was painted all over his skin, and even the scent of soap couldn't cover it completely. 

The scent of that place hung in her hair and painted her skin, and until he got her completely doused in water and scrubbed from her crown to the soles of her feet, it was going to keep turning his stomach until he wanted to vomit.

Being close to her had been wonderful. He'd been able to push the darkness aside when he was so consumed with her. But he'd dozed off when they were done, and sunk into a nightmare immediately. He'd taken several seconds to come awake properly, to be utterly certain that Nick wasn't there, that the board hadn't just ordered him away from her to be caged. That they were both still free.

He wanted to be next to her, at her back, supporting her, doing what was needed—he didn't trust anyone else to anticipate what she needed faster, or better than himself. But there was a tiny corner of his heart that was relieved to get away, both from her and from Nick. 

His guts were twisted up like a horse with colic. He wanted to throw up. 

As he ran for the City, pushing himself despite his weariness, ready to be distracted, ready to have something else to think about, he pleaded with the God that Sasha was so certain would hear him that he could be free of all this. Free of the way his body tied up when he was inside walls for too long. Free of the way the smells of that place turned his mind into a dark cave. Free of the gut-wrenching fear that Sasha had been changed by her trip—either that they'd interfered with her, or that they'd manipulated her somehow so that she would betray him. Fear of Nick somehow getting inside his head again…

Nick was here. In Thana. 

Ugh.

Zev snorted the air from his nostrils again.

He'd been so sure that would never happen. That Nick would never find anything that motivated him more than his fear. And yet, here they were. 

And Sasha was protecting him?

Zev shook his head until his ears snapped. Then he ran on.

He couldn't change any of these circumstances. He couldn't change what had already happened, only prepare for what was to come and hope to bring the others with him safely.

His mind swung back and forth throughout the trip, teasing him with the beauty and heat of his mate and how wonderful it would be to take her to the Alpha bedchamber tonight. Then dousing him in cold water with thoughts of Nick, the compound, and what might have happened to her there—or to the other females.

They'd all lost their sparks. They'd lost their confidence. 

They'd lost themselves.

He shouldn't be surprised. He'd been the same. Nick and those fuckers had kept him trapped in his own mind for three years—they hadn't even held him at the compound the whole time! He'd become their dog on a leash… that's how confident they were.

He couldn't believe he'd fallen for it. 

When he turned the final corner towards the City, he pushed all thoughts of Nick and his past away. He couldn't do anything to help that now. But he could help the females. He could make up, at least in this, for all the ways he'd failed them.

So as he ran, he lifted his chin and howled—and was immediately answered by the males within, excited barks and snarls rising. They probably hoped he had the females with him already.

They were going to be disappointed. But he ran on and when he reached the City walls and stepped into the courtyard, he shifted back to stare at the milling crowd of males—mostly wolves, but from all the Clans—all babbling and shushing each other as they waited to hear what he had to say.

They went silent, staring wide-eyed.

Zev forced himself to smile. 

"She did it," he said. "She's brought fifty of the females back. They're here. They're really here!"

The courtyard erupted around him, and Zev piled into the fray, sharing scents and howling. 

He would have to tell them the bad news soon. But he wanted them to have this moment. This was the heart that the females needed to see.