Chapter 391 Haunted by the Past - Part 1

Chapter 391 Haunted by the Past - Part 1　　~ ZEV ~

Zev waited for Sasha on the trail where they'd said they would meet. When she finally arrived, Yhet hovering at her side, he was at Sasha's side in a heartbeat.

"What is it, what's wrong?" he said, hands at her waist, looking back and forth between Sasha and Yhet.

Yhet gave a nervous grimace and opened his mouth, but Sasha reached past Zev to put a hand to their friend's arm, as if to soothe him before she looked at Zev.

"It's okay, Zev. Yhet was just telling me about… about when his mate died and it made me sad. I was already frustrated about Nick. That's all. It's nothing."

"Oh," Zev looked up at their friend. "Are you okay, Yhet?"

"I will be," Yhet rumbled.

"Yhet, could you do me a favor?" Sasha asked and Zev wanted to growl. Her scent was a twist of so many feelings—anger, sadness, hurt, relief. They all tossed and tangled, as if she didn't know which to feel at any moment. "Can you run ahead to the City and let them know that I need to gather all the females—even those who aren't staying in the hall? Tell them it will be an hour or two."

"Of course," Yhet said, obviously relieved to have a reason to leave them. "I'll see you back at the City."

They both nodded and Zev braced Sasha as Yhet turned and ran down the trail, making the ground shiver for several seconds until he was out of sight.

Then Zev turned to her, still holding her at her waist and leaning down over her, frowning. "What did Nick say?"

Sasha shook her head. "Either he didn't know about me, or he covered really well. He didn't get suspicious or cagey. It seemed like he was just answering my questions about the females. Like he didn't suspect anything. Or maybe he just didn't care?"

Bingo. Zev muttered a curse. "He definitely doesn't care. Are you okay?"

"I think so," she said hesitantly. "I did find out one thing that I think is important. Or confirmed it, anyway." The uncertainty in her scent—and the hurt—shoved to the forefront. Zev held her more tightly.

"What's that?"

Sasha swallowed and looked down. "He said that the other females that you… bred with… it wasn't that they got pregnant and lost it or anything like that. They just… never got pregnant at all."

Zev went very still. His stomach churned. He felt ill. He felt cold. He felt so angry—and so scared. He stared down at Sasha until she finally found the courage to meet his eyes.

"That's… good news, I suppose," he said softly, then braced himself. "Are you okay?"

When Sasha shook her head, he wanted to bite something.

"What can I do, Sash? Just tell me, please…"

"Nothing. There's nothing you can do. It all happened in the past."

She started to turn as if to walk up the trail, but he held her, stopped her from moving and she relaxed back into his arms. "Sasha…" he had to clear his throat. "I know I can't change the past. But… this is about our future. Please. Talk to me. Tell me what you need. I wish I could take it back."

"I wish you could too," she didn't smell angry, but very sad. And very hurt.

Zev wanted to scream. "You know I have no feelings for any of them, right? That I never would have chosen that?"

Sasha made a strange, strangled huffing sound. "Zev, I… Nick took me to the breeding arena Zev. And there was a pair in there… I just… it was sick, and sad, and there was nothing there that was sexy or… it just broke my heart. It broke my heart for you, and it broke my heart for me, because there was no love in that. And…" she made a noise that he knew meant she was frustrated with herself because she was beginning to cry. "I just hate it, Zev. I hate it so much."

"I do to. And I hate what it does to you, Sash. I do."

"I know, but you didn't see them, Zev. Those females… I met some of them and they were… They're over there aching for you Zev."

Zev screwed his eyes closed and he dropped his chin.

"You should have heard the sound one of them made when they learned that I was your mate, Zev. They'd been pining for you the way the males here pined for their mates. They were bonded to you, even if you weren't bonded to them and… it was killing them."

Fuck. He was going to be sick. He stepped back, letting her go, looking around. He wanted to run, to fight something. He needed to do something. But what?

"And the thing that kills me, Zev is… Those females… we're going to save them." Her tears spilled over. "I'm going to have to be with you in front of them and that's going to hurt them even more than it does me—and that pisses me off. Because it hurts me, Zev. You hurt me when you made that choice, and I get it. I get that you didn't want it, and I get that they were controlling you—and I get that the females wanted it and were there willingly. But the whole thing is just so sick and the thought of you… with them…" A little sob broke in her throat and she stepped back, away from him, hands to her mouth. She was trembling.

Zev thought he might vomit. "Sasha," he rasped. "I'm so sorry… so sorry… I don't know what to say."

"Neither do I."

They stared at each other and for a minute Zev wondered if his heart could break again when she was right there in front of him. Because that was how it felt.

But then her face crumpled, and she threw herself into his arms and Zev, taken off guard, grunted, but pulled her in, trembling and tense, but relieved. So relieved.

"I love you, Zev. I love you so much. I know we can't change it. I'm trying to let it go. I am. I just… it hurts so much."

"I know, babe. I know."