CH 45.2

For a second, Qin Juran felt like she was hallucinating. She felt Fan Chuan’s gaze boring into her as he stepped closer and closer. In a split second, a cold voice pierced her ears: “You were drinking?”

“Speak for yourself.” Qin Juran felt a strange sensation.

Fan Chuan kept leaning closer, but Qin Juran didn’t want to risk any contact with him. She crept deeper into the corner of the hall opposite the stairway so that any passerby wouldn’t notice them.

“Didn’t you promise me that you wouldn’t drink so casually anymore?”

???

Qin Juran laughed coldly in his face: “It’s not considered casual if I’m drinking with the person I like, isn’t it?”

She caught a whiff of alcohol emanating from Fan Chuan and noticed that his eyes didn’t seem entirely sober. Not wanting to waste another second with him, Qin Juran tried to maneuver around him.

“Qin Juran.”

Fan Chuan called out to her.

“Don’t you remember how badly you damaged your stomach from drinking during high school?”

Qin Juran frowned. “Thanks for the reminder.”

“……”

Due to the alcohol, Fan Chuan seemed more irrational than usual today. He once again walked up to Qin Juran, propping an arm on the wall beside him, then spoke in a choked voice, as if trying to suppress the anger in his heart: “Qin Juran, what exactly are you doing? Are you really saying that after all those years of love, your feelings changed just like that?”

Qin Juran wanted to rebuke him, but then she realized that indeed, he was the original male lead. It wasn’t her place to judge the history of grievances and feelings between the two.

And so she only let out a soft sigh and raised her head to look at Fan Chuan: “Fan Chuan, Qin Juran truly doesn’t like you anymore. Stop messing with yourself like this.”

She was about to step away when Fan Chuan seemed to lose control, grasping her wrist so forcefully that she stumbled forward a few steps. “I don’t believe it, Qin Juran, I don’t believe it. You’ve told me before that as long as you had a name tattooed on your body, then your feelings would never change for your entire life.”

Hearing the word “tattoo” leave his mouth, Qin Juran felt her head start buzzing. Fan Chuan knew about that?

Seeing her moment of hesitation, Fan Chuan tried to ride on the courage from the alcohol and leaned closer, but Qin Juran immediately used both of her hands to shove him forcefully to the side. “If it weren’t so indecent between a man and woman, I’d really love to show you my leg so you can see that the tattoo you’re talking about is no longer there.”

“By the way, Fan Chuan, since you know about that tattoo, I’m sure you must’ve known what it stood for, right?” Qin Juran stared at Fan Chuan unwaveringly, continuing:

“Since I grew up poor, I’ve always wanted to make a lot of money ever since I was young. So those letters stood for my childhood nickname, Qin “Fa Cai.” 1

“……”

Qin Juran didn’t delay any longer. She brushed past Fan Chuan and returned to the room. However, once she entered, she noticed that Ruan Nan was gone. When she asked Huang Ying, Huang Ying replied that Ruan Nan probably went to the restroom to check up on her since she hadn’t returned for so long.

Qin Juran felt a thud in her heart, but she didn’t show it as she sat back down in her seat. Soon after, Ruan Nan also returned. Everyone had pretty much finished eating, and as people kept leaving to the restrooms, the game ended right around then, before Qin Juran or Ruan Nan had a turn. After the dinner, Qin Juran went to pay the bill, only to find out that it had already been paid by Zhou Ziqing. She asked the clerk for the price and transferred the exact amount back to him through her phone.

As they walked out, Lin Wei and his friends who were drinking planned on calling a cab back to their dorms. Since Ruan Nan could drive, Huang Ying was in the middle of contemplating whether it’d be fine to get a ride from her again when Lin Wei waved her over: “Huang Ying, right? Come, come, you can ride with us. Who knows whether Qin Juran is even planning on going back to her room tonight.”

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The group burst into laughter. Even Ruan Nan let out a little smirk, not saying anything back.

Since it was already late November, the evening air was quite chilly. Everyone’s noses were turning pink after standing outside waiting for a few minutes. Once Qin Juran climbed into the car, Ruan Nan turned on the heat but didn’t start driving, merely glancing at Qin Juran from the rearview mirror, as if waiting for her to say something first.

Qin Juran hadn’t brought a change of clothes with her today. After thinking for a moment, she replied, “I think I’ll go back to my dorm today.”

Along the drive, the two chatted about what happened during the dinner. Ruan Nan remarked that she was surprised to see that Zhou Ziqing no longer held any misgivings towards Qin Juran anymore. In reply, Qin Juran gave her a recount of what happened the other night.

“He didn’t want you to worry at the time, so he told me not to tell you.”

The car soon came to a stop outside the entrance to Qin Juran’s dormitory. Qin Juran’s body temperature was already higher than usual due to the alcohol, and combined with the strong waves of warmth blasting from the Porsche’s heating system, her face had turned bright pink.

When Ruan Nan parked the car, she turned towards Qin Juran and asked, “You seem to be very candid.”

“Aren’t I?” Qin Juran answered.

Ruan Nan turned away, tapping her fingers against the steering wheel. A heavy silence fell upon the car for a few moments until Ruan Nan finally asked, “Then what about ‘Qin Fa Cai?’”

Qin Juran froze as she realized that Ruan Nan must’ve already found out about the incident, but she didn’t expect her to actually mention it out loud. She leaned back against the seat, obscuring her face in the shadows. Her voice came out hoarse: “You heard everything.”

The narrow space in the car suddenly felt extremely claustrophobic, a heavy silence weighing upon the both of them. The warmth within the car and the cold outside air felt like two completely different worlds.

Ruan Nan’s fingers continued drumming against the wheel: “I remember the time when I went to your home, there was a band-aid on your thigh. When I asked you about it, you said you got hurt.”

“I also remember what you said when you got the ‘Gypsophila’ tattoo on your ankle: once you imprint the permanent mark, you’ll never be able to forget the memories associated with it.”

“Qin Juran, do you just say ‘I like you’ to anyone so easily? Both men and women?”

“Or maybe, whatever this is between us, is just part of your plan to toy with Fan Chuan?”

Although her voice came out clearly from beside her, the words sounded far away and distant in Qin Juran’s ears. Ruan Nan turned her face away once she spoke her last question, as if wanting to hide in the shadows.

Without replying, Qin Juran only pursed her lips and reached into her bag, pulling out a small pocket knife. When Ruan Nan caught sight of it, she straightened up, on alert. Meanwhile, Qin Juran swiftly unbuttoned her coat, lifted up the hem of her skirt, then gently tore at the fragile stocking underneath.

She then used both of her hands to rip the stockings even further, revealing the area of her thigh where the band-aid was before.

There was no tattoo there, only a faint red mark.

“When you ran into me at the tattoo studio that day, I had actually gone there to get it removed. I put the band-aid on at the time because I didn’t want you to see it and feel awkward. The day after National Day, I went to A District to get it removed.”

Qin Juran had never used so many words to express such a simple meaning. But even with her thigh exposed like this, she felt that no matter how much she explained, she wouldn’t be able to stop the helpless sensation washing over her.

Seeing that Ruan Nan’s expression hadn’t changed a bit, Qin Juran smiled wryly: “Ah-Ruan, truthfully, it’s not just about the tattoo, is it?”

“Regarding the worries and doubts you’re having now – it’s all in the past. Each time Fan Chuan appears and each time we interact, it may remind you of the ‘deep love and persistence’ I had felt for him, so you’re probably thinking that as long as Fan Chuan keeps chasing back after me, I’ll eventually accept his feelings?”

It was as if Qin Juran’s words pierced Ruan Nan. Without saying a word, she kept tapping her fingers on the steering wheel. After a long while, she began speaking slowly, her eyelashes trembling slightly:

“Qin Juran, I’ve never liked anyone before. Ever since I was young, no one dared pursue me because of my cold attitude.”

“But you seemed different. Your feelings are too shameless and strong, and everything you say is enough to make anyone blush. It’s too wonderful that it feels unreal, and I can’t even believe it myself.”

“And I know that I’m not that perfect myself, so sometimes I can’t help wondering whether one day, you won’t like me anymore. Especially if both you and Fan Chuan are telling the truth, I’m worried that once he begins truly pursuing you, your choice will change.”

“Qin Juran, I feel insecure when I’m with you.”

Ruan Nan’s voice became smaller and smaller, having kept these doubts and insecurities buried deep in her heart for a long time. Many times before, she had chosen to conceal these feelings, but tonight, she bared them all to Qin Juran.

“Ah-Ruan, I’m sorry.” Qin Juran smiled sadly, “It seems that I’ve been overlooking this point all along.”

“There’s one thing that I don’t know how or when to say. Can you give me some time, and let me prove it to you in other ways?” Qin Juran’s voice was so quiet that it was almost inaudible in the car, but her promise was impossible to refuse.

Ruan Nan gripped the steering wheel tightly, trying her best to remain steady: “Don’t push yourself too hard, Qin Juran.”

Qin Juran knew what she meant.

She didn’t say anything more. She wanted to pat Ruan Nan’s hair, but in the end, she only raised her hand and put it back down. She told Ruan Nan to get home safe then got out of the car.

Once she returned to her dorm, Huang Ying noticed right away that her spirits were low, rushing over to ask what was wrong, since they seemed to have such a good time while eating dinner.

Qin Juran only shook her head, then took a quick shower and climbed into bed.

From hatred to neutrality, then from neutrality to liking, every development in their relationship must’ve taken a lot of courage for Ruan Nan.

From Qin Juran’s point of view, she had practically already experienced the lives of Ruan Nan, Qin Juran, and even Fan Chuan, as a spectator. She knew about the “importance” of each character and event in the original story and thought that it could help her speed run things, but this wasn’t the case for her relationship with Ruan Nan.

Ruan Nan didn’t know that Qin Juran had reincarnated, so of course she was insecure and jealous. Qin Juran pursed her lips silently in the dark as a sense of bitterness washed over her.