CH 59

Qin Juran arrived outside Ruan Nan’s apartment building, glancing up to see the brightly lit living room window of her unit. She picked up her phone and dialed Ruan Nan.

“Hello.” Ruan Nan’s voice resonated from the speaker.

“Ah-Ruan, where are you?”

“Me?” There was a second of silence. “I just got out of the Global Exchange Center, and haven’t gotten back yet. What’s up?”

Qin Juran laughed bitterly into the microphone: “Ah-Ruan, open the door.”

After she hung up, Ruan Nan sat in silence for a moment, then walked over to open her apartment door, where Qin Juran stood outside. She was dressed rather plainly today, as if she had decided to come on a whim; she had even forgotten a scarf, and her nose was pink from the cold.

Ruan Nan pushed open the door fully, but neither of them moved at first. Ruan Nan loosened her grip on the doorknob, avoiding eye contact as she asked in a low voice: “What are you doing here?”

Qin Juran entered and took off her shoes, locking the door behind her. She stood before Ruan Nan: “Didn’t you say that you weren’t home yet?”

Ruan Nan walked to the living room and poured her a glass of water. “I finished earlier today, so I arrived sooner than usual. I didn’t tell you since it’s getting late, and I was worried that you’d come over.”

“Is that the only thing that you’re not telling me?”

Ruan Nan’s hands froze, causing the water inside the glass to spatter.

“Ah-Ruan, your name isn’t even on the list of study abroad students.” Qin Juran looked expectantly at Ruan Nan as if waiting for an explanation.

“Oh, so you found out.” Ruan Nan tone was inscrutable.

“Why, Ah-Ruan, why wouldn’t you tell me about this?”

“And your reason?”

Ruan Nan shook her head. She glanced at Qin Juran as if she wanted to say something, but she changed her mind. “I just didn’t feel like going all of sudden. It’s pretty lonely being by yourself so far away during the holidays.”

“You could’ve made new friends over there, or you could come back home for the holidays. If not, then me and Lin Wei and Zhou Ziqing and the others even could’ve gone over to visit you. That’s no excuse.

“I saw that the departure date was right before the final competition day. Did you decide to stay so that you could watch me in the finals?”

It was apparent that Qin Juran didn’t find this idea gratifying or touching at all. As she stared incredulously at Ruan Nan, Ruan Nan hesitated, but she held her gaze firm as she replied, “If I say so, then would you accuse me of being presumptuous and holding you back?”

“That’s not it,” Qin Juran pinched her brows together, “How would you be holding me back? Ah-Ruan, you must understand that the only reason why I’m so surprised right now, that I even rushed over here to ask you, was because I feel like you’re doing this for my sake, but I didn’t even know about it. Why didn’t you talk to me before making this decision so that we could’ve discussed it together?”

She asked each question very carefully, trying to maintain an even tone of voice. However, she couldn’t help leaning forward subconsciously, causing her to accidentally knock the cup of water on the table so that some droplets spill over.

“So, me suddenly deciding to not go abroad has interfered with your plans?” Ruan Nan suddenly raised her head to ask, her eyes wide open as she met Qin Juran’s.

“You didn’t interfere with my plans, Ah-Ruan, I just thought it was something you aspired to do. You’ve been planning on going on an international exchange program ever since the start of the semester, so if you were going to change your mind because of me, I think you should’ve talked to me about it earlier, rather than leaving me in the dark, alright?”

“So are my decisions a burden to you?”

“That’s not the issue.” Qin Juran straightened in her seat. She didn’t know when Ruan Nan had become so stubborn, but she continued, “Ah-Ruan, we’re about to be official partners, and since we both care about each other, I think that when it comes to planning our future, we should be transparent with each other.”

“And have you been transparent with me?” Ruan Nan suddenly raised her head, the full force of her icy stare hitting Qin Juran in the face. There was an air of frigidity that Qin Juran had never seen before.

Qin Juran was held frozen in place.

For a long, lingering moment, the intensity of these accusations weighed heavily upon Qin Juran’s body, all the way up to the alarm bells ringing in her ears. Only her logical reasoning was telling her that, no matter what happens, despite who might be “right” or “wrong,” she shouldn’t argue with Ruan Nan any further.

“Ah-Ruan, I, I really believed that I’ve been honest with you, with the appropriate matters.” Qin Juran turned her head away.

“You really have a way with words, Qin Juran.” Ruan Nan laughed icily: “When it comes to the ‘appropriate’ matters, you’re honest with me. So in what circumstance is it is not? When you deem something inappropriate and an overstepping of boundaries, am I not deserving of your honesty then?”

Qin Juran’s thoughts were all muddled. What exactly did Ruan Nan know? So far, the only thing that she was hiding was the fact that she wasn’t originally from this world – she was just about to utter the question “So you know that I’m not actually Qin Juran?” but she eventually controlled herself. She got up from the sofa and stood up, extending a hand to pull Ruan Nan up, but Ruan Nan avoided it. “Qin Juran, you can’t always be like this.”

With her hand left hanging midair, she pulled it back and began to pinch her eyebrows dejectedly, but she didn’t sit back down. “Ah-Ruan, I’m a little confused right now.”

As the tension simmered, the room was quiet to an almost frightening degree, while the wind howled outside. Ruan Nan noticed Qin Juran’s taut figure, with her hands tightened into fists at her sides, and let out a sigh. “You should go.”

“Ah-Ruan…..” Qin Juran muttered weakly, but seeing Ruan Nan’s resolute attitude, she didn’t continue to pester her. With a wry smile, she walked to the door: “Then I’ll get going first. Make sure to go to bed early; I’ll see you at the final exams.”

“Mhm.” Ruan Nan didn’t move from where she stood.

Qin Juran walked to the door, changed her shoes, and grabbed the doorknob. Then in a split second, she turned back and wrapped her arms around Ruan Nan in a firm embrace.

The warmth of Qin Juran’s breath on Ruan Nan’s neck and the strength of the embrace was almost dizzying, and Ruan Nan began to tremble.

After a while, Qin Juran’s soft voice echoed from behind her.

“Ah-Ruan, one of the principles that I live by is that I don’t want to fight with the people I care about the most. If that counted as a fight, then I sincerely apologize. If it was only a misunderstanding, then give me some time, I will explain everything clearly.”

“Trust in me, Ah-Ruan.”

The next Thursday and Friday were spent studying for the finals. Qin Juran practically sent Ruan Nan messages constantly every day. At first, Ruan Nan’s replies were very short and stilted, but after a while, perhaps from seeing her persistence, she began sending longer sentences in reply.

After a period of studying, Qin Juran picked up her phone and saw the notification from Ruan Nan. She smiled ruefully at the screen.

Huang Ying had noticed that ever since she came back, Qin Juran didn’t seem like her usual self. And since she and Ruan Nan weren’t meeting lately, Huang Ying assumed that they had encountered some sort of rift, but she didn’t feel bold enough to inquire any further.

Since she returned from Ruan Nan’s place the other night, Qin Juran really had been out of sorts. She had intended to ask Ruan Nan how she could make such a decision without telling her, but how did it end up turning into Ruan Nan accusing her of being dishonest?

Ruan Nan definitely wasn’t the type of person who would provoke a fight without any reason, so something must’ve happened.

What could’ve been the catalyst?

As Qin Juran read through her textbooks, she caught a glimpse of Huang Ying’s reflection in the mirror on her desk. She furrowed her brows in thought for a moment, then turned around and asked, “Huang Ying, on the night right before the competitions, why did you suddenly bring up that spam email?”

Hearing her name abruptly summoned, Huang Ying was a bit flustered as she quickly replied, “Ah, I just randomly remembered it…..”

“Huang Ying,” Qin Juran spun around in her seat to look evenly into Huang Ying’s eyes. “Do you remember what I told you when you turned off my alarm earlier? Sometimes when you think you might be doing me a favor, it isn’t necessarily for the best.”

Seeing that she still didn’t look like she was going to cough up the truth, Qin Juran sighed, “Huang Ying, Ruan Nan and I are fighting. And I’m not exactly sure of the reason.”

“Ah?” Huang Ying’s eyes widened, and she rushed over: “Juju, is it because of Chi Ying?”

“Chi Ying?” Qin Juran frowned.

“It’s just that, that day went you went to drop off Chi Ying and you accidentally left your phone in the pocket of your other coat, Sister Nan had called when you were away. I assumed that you mentioned it to her when you guys were chatting earlier, so I told her that you went to drop Chi Ying off…Don’t worry, I had explained the circumstances very clearly, and Sister Nan didn’t want to distract you, so she told me not to tell you that she’d called.”

The night before the competition…Qin Juran recalled that she had told Ruan Nan that she’d gone to sleep early because she didn’t want her to worry.

Fuck.

Qin Juran thought back to how on the next morning, Ruan Nan mentioned that Lin Wei was going to drop off some snacks for her. She quickly texted Lin Wei: 【Did you come to look for me at school on Saturday at 6 am?】

Lin Wei immediately replied: 【Qin Juran, did you send that to the wrong person? This is Lin Wei, not Ruan Nan. How could you misread that badly? 】

Right, it wasn’t Lin Wei – it definitely must’ve been Ruan Nan.

At the time, Qin Juran’s mind was entirely consumed by the competition, and the thought that Ruan Nan would drive by so early in the morning to meet her didn’t even cross her mind. The time she had sent the message just about coincided with the time that she was getting onto the bus, so it was likely that Ruan Nan had witnessed the entire scene that had occurred outside the bus.

No wonder Ruan Nan didn’t sound very enthusiastic during their exchanges throughout the bus ride.

Fuck.

She quickly scanned through all the news, social media posts, and chat conversations related to the competition team members.

On the night that they had gone for hot pot, Zhang Ying had posted a photo of Qin Juran sitting beside Chi Ying, raising her wine glass up high, to her social media.

There was also a record of a ten-second-long call in her phone logs.

……

“Qin Juran, Qin Juran, where are you going…..” Before Huang Ying had time to ask, Qin Juran had changed into her coat and shoes and was out the door.