Chapter 300

Chapter 300

Then we built a fire, dried off, and waited until Ping-Ping came back chewing on a tentacle. After that, I woke you up and now were off to lunch.

Punctuating my Sending with a kiss on her cheek, Lin smiles sleepily and reclines in my arms. Hiding a yawn with her ever-present white silk scarf, she narrows her eyes in concentration for several seconds, looks at me expectantly, then pouts and asks, Is Mama Bun okay?

Talented as she is at Lightening, my wifey has yet to learn how to Send, much to her chagrin. To help her get a feel of it, she asked me to speak only in Sending while she tries to respond in kind. Im always happy to see her apply herself and if Im being honest, I love her sulky, pouty expressions. Shes so happy and cheery most of the time, this is a rare chance to enjoy her adorable grumpy expressions. Mama Buns fine. Teacher looked her over, Guard Leader swaddled her in blankets, and both scolded me for not paying proper attention. Taduks been much nicer to Mama Bun ever since she led him to a stalk of rime bamboo and therefore vindicated my decision to raise a horde of bicorn bunnies.

After another concentrated effort and abject failure, Lin whispers, Poor hubby. Why do you think Mama Bun went for a swim? Do you think she found... something? And umm... did the other thing... do anything?

Shrugging, I Send, Who knows. Its possible she smelled a Spiritual Plant, but it might also be she wasnt paying attention and forgot to jump off of Ping-Ping. Hell, maybe she wanted to get away from her sixteen needy babies. As for Blobby, he didnt react, hes doing what he does best. Which is nothing, the slacker.

Are you gonna go look? Sensing a chance for adventure, Lins eyes widen in excitement as she bounces in place, having forgotten were sitting together on Mafus back while surrounded by hundreds of devout citizens here to see Ping-Ping. Control yourself Rain. Sure, Lins not a little girl anymore, nor is she as skinny and scrawny as she used to be. Shes a lovely, petite young woman with a plump, round posterior. Her bright brown eyes are so warm and inviting, I could lose myself in them for hours on end, while her dusky skin is so soft and fragrant it makes you want to wrap your arms around her and never let go. Even now its taking all my self-control not to nibble on her ears or send my hands out on an exploratory expedition, curious to know what her reactions will be once I...

er...

What was I getting at again?

Right. Propriety and boundaries. Stop bouncing around please. Maybe we should stop riding together, but I love cuddling with my tousle-haired little wifey. What was her question? ...I doubt Mama Bun can sniff out plants growing underwater and even if she can, its not safe to go deep diving in the Azure Sea. If Im feeling suicidal, there are much easier ways to off myself. Teacher and Guard Leader are already looking, so if somethings there, then theyll find it together. Poor Mama Bun, doing her best impression of a soggy mop while Taduk and Guard Leader fight over who gets to bring her diving. If Mama Buns mid-morning swim was a mistake, its not one shell make again any time soon.

With a disappointed grunt and almost provocative full-body wiggle, Lin settles in and closes her eyes for a nap, her long, velvety hare ears hidden beneath a headscarf. While going skinny dipping with my lovely little wifey is a tempting idea, Ill definitely lose control the moment were alone together. Steeling my nerves, I focus on anything and everything that isnt the enchanting, innocent, defenceless young woman wrapped in my arms.

Though I wasnt allowed to keep the Royal Guards, Dastan and his former retinue are doing an admirable job as escorts, looking stately atop their massive warhorses while keeping the crowd at bay so my family and I can head into the city for lunch. Not that I need the guards, the more zealous onlookers are quick to reprimand anyone who breaks one of their unspoken rules, and most people are happy to admire Ping-Ping from afar. Or maybe its just their self-preservation instincts keeping them away from the gargantuan turtle. Theyd be screaming in fear instead of kneeling in reverence if theyd seen her chomping on a still-writhing tentacle, thicker than a person and longer than she is.

Fuck going into the water. She was gone for less than half an hour, which means the giant, tentacled monstrosities arent exactly far from shore. No wonder everyone sticks to the coastline, that shit is fucking terrifying. Even more terrifying is how capable Ping-Ping appears to be, defeating and devouring sea-dwelling behemoths without breaking a sweat. She returned unharmed with only the one tentacle, so Id imagine theres an irate kraken still swimming around out there short an arm. For a kraken to cut and run shows how formidable Ping-Ping really is.

Its possible the quins stole and ate most of Ping-Pings meal while she swam back to shore, but I doubt it. They love Ping-Ping even more than the devout citizens do, clustering around her as much as possible. Despite being banned from my yurt, Mafu hasnt voiced a single squeak of complaint, happy to camp outside next to the terrapin along with the other quins of my retinue. They even trust her enough to let their pups play on and around her, which is extremely rare. If youre not a quin or one of their favourite people, you could easily lose a hand by reaching for a pup, something I learned firsthand after Zabu tried to gut me way back when the pups first hatched.

I wonder if Yans here yet. I miss her hearty, unrestrained laughs at my vulgar or obscene jokes, not to mention our silent training sessions. Then there were the long awkward nights sharing the same tent, where Id do my best to avoid temptation while dreaming of her long, shapely legs and luscious pink lips...

No! Bad Rain. You have Lin and Mila already, which is two more wives than you deserve. Stop overreaching before you end up with nothing. Yan's the disciple and heir of Du Min Gyu, which is almost royalty here in Central. She probably has more suitors than she can shake a stick at and considering her nature, a dozen infatuated pretty boys dancing to her tune and three dozen more waiting in the wings. Whatever Mila wrote in her letter and wants me to pass along, I doubt it was encouraging Yan to join my harem. Probably the opposite, in fact, warning Yan to stay away. Despite her many virtues, my freckled beloved is a jealous woman, which I find utterly endearing and only a little scary.

Its her parents who really scare me.

With Ping-Ping at my heels, the gate guards let us through without question while a long line of angry nobles and uppity warriors glare from the side. Once past the gates, the number of Mother lovers declines sharply, which is no surprise. The wealthy and powerful rarely care for anything outside their own interests, and the people who would be interested in paying their respects either already did so last night or are busy working. Picking up the pace, I lead the way back to the same restaurant we ate at last night, since it's the only place we can go to where Ping-Ping can park herself and keep an eye on me without blocking traffic. To my surprise, we find a table ready and waiting for us as the owner welcomes us into his establishment and thanks us for our patronage.

Finally, things are looking up. I mean, Ive nearly died countless number of times since I arrived in the world and skipping lines hardly seems like an adequate reward, but Ill take what I can get.

Unlike the owner, the restaurants clientele appear less than enthusiastic to see me and my family, though it probably has more to do with Roc and his squawkers settling in on the windowsills or my well-dressed bears and cats sniffing at their meals. Flashing a polite smile and apologetic looks, I herd my floofs to our table with Lin and Li Songs help. Giggling and waving at the gawking Ping-Ping, Tali and Tate sit with their parents on either side, looking angelic with their white hair and horns peeking out from under their hoods. Similarly covered, Alsantset even went to the trouble of hiding her tiger tail as she surveys our surroundings.

While Ive yet to see a local half-beast, I dont understand why Alsantset and Lin feel the need to hide their half-beast traits. Li Songs walking around with her cat ears and tail in plain sight, and so far nothings happened. Taking my seat across from my sister, I reach over and squeeze her hand while the owner lists the days specials. Relax, I Send with a wink. Relax, everythings gonna be fine. Your little brother is a man of status now.

Rolling her eyes, Alsantset smiles and shakes her head. Liar. We both know the Legate is using you.

Ridiculous, scoffs a young noble. Do you even have a thousand gold?

You realize a Second Grade Warrant Officer is paid a thousand gold a month, right? The young noble flushes with shame, probably because hes grossly outranked by a Northern Savage. I'm miffed they removed the Undying part. Thats the best part. Whatever. Li Song, may I borrow your ring and armour please?

Luckily, she only hesitates for a second before agreeing, removing both with Lin and Alsantsets help. Bringing them onto stage, she reluctantly hands them over with a small sigh before retreating to Lins side. At least she said yes, it wouldve been embarrassing if she refused. Handing both to the Justicar, I say, A Runic cultivation ring and a Runic breastplate should easily sell for twenty-thousand gold, collateral if I cant pay in full. Theres my wager gentleman, so I must insist you all pay yours upfront as well.

My scheme pays off in spades. Overcome with greed, the twenty idiots agree to my terms and send their people to collect the money, all while arguing over how to split to proceeds as if my defeat and bankruptcy is guaranteed. I dont have twenty-thousand gold in coin, but I only need to win ten matches to break even.

By the time the gold arrives, a large crowd has gathered to watch, shouting and clamouring as they place their wagers. Not on victory or defeat, but on how many opponents before Im defeated. Ever confident, Alsantset and Li Song both wager on my complete victory while Lin cheers me on with the twins on Ping-Pings shell. My first luckless opponent is a painted young noble wearing a white robe embroidered in red, blue, purple, and green and a circlet spouting three really, really long, curved feathers, almost longer than he is tall. Approaching with a sneer, Feathered Big Bro points his blunted jian and says, Yesterday, you humiliated my younger brother, but I am an Expert of the-

Rolling my eyes, I interrupt with a loud groan. Dont care, didnt know his name, dont wanna know yours. Ready.

Arrogant savage. Ready.

Begin.

Leaping back at the Justicars signal, Feathered Big Bro makes himself look like an idiot as I stand in place, crouched behind my practice shield. Like Im going to charge out, there are nineteen other matches to fight. Planting my feet, I stand and patiently wait while he leaps and twirls, waving his jian around in fancy patterns to the cheers of the crowd. I dont understand, hes not particularly fast nor are his movements all that refined, but the audience loves it. I suppose its pretty to look at, with his flapping robes and fancy feathers bobbing in the wind, but its hardly practical. Akanai would say its all style and no substance, a performance instead of a battle.

The moment Feathered Big Bro slips in range, I strike. Lunging forward, the tip of my shortsword clips his chin and rattles his brain. The heavily Reinforced blow shatters his jaw and sends his comatose body crashing aside as his teeth rattle off the stage. Sheathing the sword, I grab Feathered Big Bro by the boot and drag him to a neutral corner, leaving a wet trail of blood behind us and soaking his pretty feathers. Returning to centre stage, I draw my shortsword and say, Ready.

That was close. If Id connected with the side of his head or on his neck, Feathered Big Bro would be dead. A hundred percent Reinforcement is too much, gotta tone it down. Fifty maybe?

My second opponent is another painted idiot who looks exactly like the first, wearing a predominantly red robe with hints of white, blue, and purple. No feathers this time, but he has literal bells in his hair which jingle with every step. Maybe Im racist but I cant really tell these guys apart except for their clothes, so I don't really know who said what back in the restaurant. Are they all related? Is that why everyone seems retarded? Because theyre all inbred? As Bells opens his mouth to monologue, I preemptively interrupt and say, Ready.

I am -

Ready, I repeat, interrupting Bells again. I have eighteen more matches to finish before lunch in forty-five minutes, I dont have time to listen to your verbal diarrhea.

The crowd falls silent except for the twins chanting, Verbal Diarrhea! Verbal Diarrhea! Verbal Diarrhea!

Oof. Im gonna pay for that later, Alsantset will not be pleased. Eyes narrowed in anger, Bells says, Ready.

Begin.

Darting to my left, Bells stops and tries to pivot right, stupidly pausing right in front of me. The crunch of bone fills the air as my shield slams into his face, followed by a peal of chimes as Bells drops to the stage and groans. Hmm... fifty percent Reinforcement is too little, but at least Bells isnt choking on his teeth. Stomping his head once, I check if hes unconscious before stomping once more for good measure. Id forgotten how hard it is to knock someone unconscious. Sheathing my sword, I grab his boot and drag him off to join Feathered Big Bro in the corner.

Two down, eighteen to go, and still plenty of energy left in the tank. Is this really all they got? I mean, I understand these are mostly local kids and not indicative of the entire province, but this is way too easy. Seriously, if theyre all this bad then thisll be the easiest twenty-thousand gold Ive ever made, and I've earned tonnes of easy money.

Honestly, if this is what Central is like, then we might as well call it and head home. The Defiled are gonna make this province and everyone in it their bitch, and I ain't dying for them.

Chapter Meme