Chapter 435

Chapter 435

I hate to admit I grade and rank them, but out of all my pets, Mama Bun is the best cuddler.

Aurie is an affectionate sweetheart, but he likes to sprawl out while he sleeps, usually over my legs with a big swathe of blanket stuffed in his mouth. The other wildcats dont enjoy hugs so much as tolerate them, though they will nuzzle and boop when theyre in a friendly mood. In contrast, the bears love hugs and their fur is so soft and warm, but theyre so heavy its hard to breathe with their fat heads resting on my chest. Roc and the other birds dont sleep lying down, the bun buns tear up the bedding, and Blackjack is too small and fragile to hug too tight. The cattle are nuzzlers, but aside from their massive size, weight, and terrible smell, their horns make it dangerous to move around in the dark. Even the cows have horns, which confused me at first, but apparently, thats how cattle do in the Azure murder-world.

Cant really blame them either. If offered the choice, Id want a set of ingrown weapons too.

With Ping Ping being too large to compete, Sir Inky disqualified on account of his perverted nature, and Pong Pong refusing to participate, this means Mama Bun is the best cuddler by default, but shes not content to rest on her laurels. When I lay on my back, she stretches herself across my chest in a full bun hug, and when Im feeling vulnerable and lay on my side, she flops right up against me and squeezes her head under my chin, playing the little spoon to my big. Not only is she affectionate enough to cuddle and give bunny kisses, shes also the perfect size to snuggle, her twenty kilogram frame light enough to shift around, but sturdy enough to give her a good squeeze without hurting her.

Which makes her a great companion to have when Im depressed and down in the dumps.

So like everyday, but especially today in particular. Having stayed in bed longer than usual, Mama Bun finally reaches her limit and slips out of my embrace, headbutting the door and thumping her feet to indicate she really has to go. Striding over in my nightshirt, I let Mama Bun and Blackjack out to pee, leaning in the doorway to watch them scurry off to the meadow. Pong Pong has long since slipped away on his own, though not before leaving a comparatively enormous amount of turtle poop in his toilet pan. Why he still uses it instead of pooping outside, Ill never know, but if I dont leave a pan of water out for him, hell poop in my washbasin, teapot, or whatever else he can swim in, as I learned in the worst way possible. Emptying the pan next to my yurt, I chuckle at the memory of Mama Bun smacking Blackjack aside to chow down on the lone flower sprouting in this very same spot, a flower which had probably been nourished by the turtle poop we left here the last time we visited. Its the circle of poop. Eat, poop, grow veggies in said poop, then eat again, or at least thats how it is when Mama Bun doesnt skip over the veggies part.

Gross. I should wash my face.

Sadly, as a man with responsibilities, I cant spend all day in my yurt giggling about poop, nor can I wander the camp in my pajamas. After washing my face and brushing my teeth (in clean water), I throw on a black high-collared shirt with golden embroidery, eschewing the outer robes and matching vest Luo-Luo insists I wear, along with the stupid cap and jewelled accessories she made me bring. Honestly, if I didnt put my foot down, she wouldnt have even given me any pants, expecting me to go into battle wearing whats essentially a male gown. While many of Centrals warriors go into battle wearing something similar, they also powder their faces bleach white and wear more rouge than most prostitutes in the North, so Im not exactly rushing to follow in their fashion footsteps.

Having delayed long enough, I take a deep breath and centre myself before going out to meet the day. Falling in line alongside my Death Corps escort, Song hands me my breakfast of jerky, hardtack and preserved vegetables washed down with a cup of fresh milk, which I devour without tasting as I take a walk around camp to gauge the overall mood. Subdued, in a word, as soldiers go about their business of looking busy while having nothing to do, oiling leathers, polishing metals, sharpening blades, and other such chores. XinYue and his cavalrymen groom their horses while Ulfsaar and his cattlery do the same, checking hooves, filling feedbags, and in Neeras case, braiding hair. Wendy the big red cow is looking lovely with her new hairstyle and prances in delight as I head over to say hi, her nasty shoulder wound already Healed over thanks to the half-bear matrons careful attentions. Moomie and some other cattle wander over for their fair share of attention, and I make an effort to speak with their handlers while massaging cattle cheeks.

Hows that gut wound Daru? Get it seen to sooner rather than later, else youll be making more work for the Healers.

No Desmal, I dont have any heavier polearms, but Ill see what I can do when we get back.

Redan, Big Mac deserves more grain than that. Hes gotta carry your fat ass around and Ive seen sacks of turnips ride with more grace than you do.

Being the forward thinking leader I am, I remember to include the newest members of my retinue too. Zari, right? I knew you and your Sanshu boys could ride, but last night, you showed me you can fight too. Well done. The reinforcements from Sanshu seem embarrassed by my familiarity, but Im trying to ease them into it the best I can. Its not just XinYues bunch who are uncomfortable in my presence, even the former Corsairs seem to think Im some hoity toity noble who should act like my shit dont stink, but Im slowly chipping away at their apprehension one day at a time.

Or maybe theyre just upset because I got their friends killed last night.

In stark contrast, the Protectorate are always on sharp lookout for any sort of snobbery so they can call me out on it, which is equally as bad. Good shooting out there, I say, but I might as well have said grass is green. If any of you can handle a bow like Sai Chous let me know and Ill see what I can do. My second statement is received with more warmth and good cheer, albeit a bit too warm. I want to be liked, but respected too, and with how free the Protectorate are with their shoulder punches and back slaps, Im pretty sure Im neither.

As for the Death Corps, they remain a conundrum. Though stoic as always, Im learning how to read their general lack of expression, and from what I can tell, theyre not quite nervous, but not as calm and composed as theyd like me to think. Its small things, a twitch of the cheek here, an averted glance there, minor signs of surprise or disbelief when I try talking to them like normal people. I find remembering their numbers is next to impossible, but Ive familiarized myself with a few dozen faces, except none of them seem willing to build a rapport, probably because they resent having to die in service to my stupid ass.

Even the Ones do everything they can to avoid conversation, or Father forbid, offering an opinion, which gets tiring after awhile. I understand its how theyve been trained and theyre leery of making friends with someone who literally holds absolute power over them, but if theyre going to fight and die for me, then Id like to at least know something about them so I can commemorate their memory. Today, like every other day, I get nothing for my efforts. Yes, Great One. No, Great One. By Your will, Great One. I tried changing the way they address me, but the only alternative theyre willing to accept is Imperial Consort, and they immediately discovered how much I loathe that particular title.

Then theres the Khishig contingent of my retinue, with whom I never know where I stand. Beautiful Maral greets me with a glare from her lovely amber eyes, while her husband Gansun moves protectively between us as if I can see through clothes. In contrast, Altan, Tomor, and Mugi all scurry over to greet me, doing that thing kids do where they pretend they dont care but actually care too much. Hey boss, Altan says, his hands moving to salute before he decides a casual nod is better. Messy hair and sloppy clothes aside, the kid is a model Khishig and I can see him going far, assuming he survives long enough. Er, I know we just joined up, but uh, like, do you think you could like, talk to Sumila about, you know, crafting Spiritual Weapons for us? After weve earned them, of course, he adds, making sure I know this isnt a demand.

Chipper Tomor chimes in, a pretty girl who tries way too hard to emulate Yans casual strut and devilish attitude, though it looks like shes got Altan and Mugi wrapped around her finger. Then again, judging by the way both boys keep glancing at Song, Tomors hold over them isnt as firm as shed like. Like, we saw what your guns did to that Demon, and holy shit, that was fucking. Crazy!

Didnt do nearly enough. Two bullets to the head and seven to the stomach, but the thing barely flinched. It even kept going with two Spiritual Weapons jammed through its skull. Fucking unbelievable. I cant make any promises. Milas been really busy working on Imperial requisition orders and it takes her a week or two to make one of those guns. And it hardly seems worth the effort. Im not even sure a Spiritual Minigun couldve brought the water Demon down, so whats the point in crafting more rifles? I thought clever ingenuity might make up for raw strength, but apparently, everyone was right and Ive been wasting my time and money. If you dont mind a more standard weapon, I could probably get you guys spears or swords.

Their surprised gasps remind me just how lucky I really had it, having been adopted by Baatar instead of tossed into an orphanage like they grew up in. Still, despite my poorly thought out offer, all three insist theyre happy to wait until Sumila has the time. After a bit more awkward conversation, I leave Song to distract them and thank the Mother Lin, Mila, and Yan dont say like, you know, and um so much. Worried their youthful stupidity is going to get them in trouble, I drop in on Orgaal, looking savagely regal as he smokes his pipe and strokes his thick, shaggy beard. Subtly nodding towards the youth contingent, I mutter, Do me a favour and keep a close eye on the children. Last thing I need is for them to lose their heads, figuratively or literally.

It also revealed a little more about water manipulation. The Demon only used a finite amount of water in its attacks, which is in accordance with Elder Mings notes about binding physical water with Chi, i.e Chi-infused water. Bullets were drawn from the shield and the whole thing melted away to form tentacles, and I cant imagine it wouldve done that if it could use the ambient water to attack instead. Its also different from what Tenjin and Lei Gong do, using Chi to mimic fire or lightning which is supposedly easier. Why couldnt the Demon do the same with water? Why was it limited to the water it had bound? Maybe its time to put more effort into figuring out how to use Chi-infused Water instead of feeding it all to Pong Pong and Ping Ping for no gain whatsoever aside from their cute turtle smiles.

Bah. Im doing it again, making baseless speculations. Didnt I just agree to stop reaching beyond my grasp and let nature take its course? That doesnt mean I wont experiment, but I cant devote too much time to it. The Forms is where the bulk of my efforts should be focused towards, that and... Ugh. Learning strategy from Daxian. The man literally jumped in front of a bullet to save me, but I still cant bring myself to like him. When I thanked him last night and joked about how I didnt think he even liked me, he straight up said, I do not like you, but you are my superior officer. Thus, it is my duty to keep you alive.

Itd be so much easier to hate him if he wasnt so... right all the time.

Pei. Pei. Pei! Suddenly sitting beside us, Guan Suo bristles with indignation and says, Ive had enough of your groaning and moaning, like a damned bellows with a leak. Shut it or get gone and leave an old man to smoke in peace.

Sorry, didnt know you were here. Though to be fair, if you hide yourself so well people cant even see the clouds of pipe smoke, you shouldnt get so upset when people accidentally intrude on your privacy. Besides, if he wants privacy, then he can go home to Ping Yao or whatever. Not like hes even remotely useful, didnt see him once during last nights battle. Probably slept through the whole thing. Song and I will get out of your hair.

Hmph. The girl can stay if she wants. Lying back down in the grass, he adds, I like her. Shes quiet and respectful, unlike a certain mouth-breathing brat who fakes good manners while thinking rude thoughts. Whats the matter? See your first Demon and shit your pants? Regret your decision to play soldier?

Ive seen Demons before, I reply, more annoyed than I probably should be. Killed one too, though Ill be the first to admit it was more luck than anything else.

Guan Suos snort of laughter is infuriating to the extreme. You? Kill a Demon? Whatd you do, smack it once before it died and now youre claiming credit?

Ran it through, actually. And sent a droplet of Heavenly Water directly into its Natal Palace, but he doesnt have to know that. I figured I hit a vital organ or something, because it died.

Pei. Now I know youre lying. Deigning to sit up and look me in the eye, Guan Suo empties his pipe while we speak. Demons dont have vital organs. You saw it yourself, that thing had a Spiritual Weapon clean through its skull and kept on moving. A damn fool is what you are for thinking your piddly little dagger couldve changed things. Even if you cut its head right off it wouldve made no difference, and you almost got yourself killed trying.

...Okay, so he watched the battle. Still doesnt absolve him from staying out of it. My protectors, my friends, they almost died and he did nothing. ...So how do you kill a Demon?

Finished packing his pipe, Guan Suo fixes me with a knowing stare. You dont. Neither do I. I aint here to fight your battles, boy. The Protectorate is help enough. Me, Im just looking after the big girl there and keeping her safe from the fool shes hellbent on following around. Next time you see a Demon about to kill your protectors, you turn and run away, you hear? Aint no point throwing yourself on the Enemys swords, especially not if you bring the big girl with you. Leave the Demons well alone and live to fight again another day. Laying back down in the grass, his pipe glows with heat even though I didnt see him light it. Now quiet down or get gone.

Quietly turning to go, I pause at the sound of Songs voice. Rain is no coward and he did not lie, Venerable One. He killed a Demon in Sanshu, though I do not know how. A single stab and it died, as I and others in camp have witnessed. By your leave. Stalking away, she motions for me to follow and whispers, The only way to kill a Demon is to inflict massive trauma to its body or starve it of corpses until it weakens and falls.

Ah. Thanks. Good to know. Surprised she would come to my defence, I hesitate to correct her, but in the interest of honesty, I add, Truth is, I was terrified last night. Still am. How am I supposed to fight such a creature?

More slipped out than Id intended, but Song takes it in stride. There can be no courage without fear. You struck at the Demon while all others, myself included, stood idle. That is enough. If you mean to face the Demon, then you must train until such a time when you can defeat it. Such is life. Almost as an afterthought, she adds, We can discuss training methods together, if youd like.

...Is she trying to console me? I would. Thank you. Throwing caution to the wind, I ask, Song, you dont have to answer, but do I make you uncomfortable?

No.

And thats all she says as we move to another unoccupied area around the pond, but its good enough. I dont make her uncomfortable, and even though we took a bloody nose last night, we still came out on top. Dont get me wrong, Im still going to get anxiety attacks thinking about fighting Pudge again, not to mention the sheer despair of knowing my guns didnt do shit and how insurmountable a difference in true Martial strength really is, but er...

Fuck.

I forgot the point I was trying to make...

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