Chapter 476

Chapter 476

The Prime Minister is one of the three most politically powerful men in the world, just below the Emperor and on par with the Grand Marshal. While the former holds absolute authority as head of state, and the latter drafts laws and manages issues of economic, the Prime Minister acts as judge, jury, and executioner while working through his army of clerks, Enforcers, Adjudicators, and Justicars. He speaks with the Emperors voice and dispenses justice in the Emperors name, and now I am at odds with his stupid son because the little shit thinks he can buy Luo-Luo.

What a way to kick off the start of a new year. Wooooo.

The carriage ride back from Yang Jixings manor goes by without incident, and after thanking the borrowed Death Corps for their help, I send them back with a poop-free carriage and a barrel of rice wine for their troubles. Its not their fault theyre working for an irate man-child, and the Death Corps do love their wine. I dont know why it surprised me to learn they like to unwind with a drink or two, but seeing Ravil and Bulat organize a team drinking contest with the Ones was an eye-opening experience.

And not just because none of the Death Corps seem to have a gag reflex. What the fuck were the Imperials training them for?

I hope Jixing doesnt punish his Death Corps for escorting me home. I dont think anyone expected me to get back in the carriage after having Ping Ping flatten half the manor, but fuck it. Id rather be ambushed and assassinated than walk all the way back or wait for a rickshaw. Ive already done my three hundred steps today, and Im fucking exhausted.

After hugging Ping Ping good night, I hobble inside and find my entire family battle-ready and armed to the teeth, though this didnt stop them from enjoying new years cake. Not exactly surprising, though Lins war gear warrants a double take, looking oh-so-adorable in her form-fitting leather armour, scandalously tight leggings, and ever-present white silk scarf. Wider and longer than Id deem practical, my wifey wears the scarf like a hood and mantle, draped over her head and wrapped snug around her shoulders before spiralling down both arms where theyre tied off at the wrist, probably to keep it from getting in the way of her archery. Though Id prefer she never got within bow-range of an enemy, better to have and not need than need and not have. I love your outfit wifey. Very forest-ranger slash hunter-chic.

Beaming at the compliment, Lin snuggles into my chest and giggles while I soothe Milas jealous pout away with a smile and assure everyone I wasnt harmed or humiliated. Once theyre all convinced theres no need to exact vengeance or preemptively retaliate, I sit down at the dining table and narrate the course of events while envying Luo-Luos unusually warm welcome from the floofs. Aurie, Jimjam, and Sarankho are almost fighting for the right to rub against her legs while Banjo and Baloo nestle their heads in her lap, and I sit here two seats over all but ignored. Though theyve been getting along lately, this is the first time Ive seen the animals be so affectionate with her, and I cant say Im not jealous.

Man... If I knew Luo-Luos music would make my fur-babies love her more than they love me, I wouldve torched her stupid zither months ago. Didnt even sound that great, a boring, one instrument melody with no accompaniment or vocals, though I do admit, there was something about her performance which made me think. I cant quite put my finger on what was so entrancing about her song, but if I had to put it into words, it felt like... her music was more than just the strumming of notes on her instrument, but a melody which came to life and tugged at the heartstrings of emotion, a piece which transcended the mundane and approached the divine, almost a natural force unto itself.

It was... an ineffable, spiritual experience, and Luo-Luo used it to steal the love of my floofs...

Luckily, Mama Bun still loves me best since she wasnt present for the recital, so I stroke her ears and tell my story while the sweet bun cuddles Pong Pong and snores in my lap. When I get to the partial destruction of the manor, everyone accepts my actions with the same stoic pragmatism as always. Akanai, Dad, and Alsantset nod in approval while Charok and Mila shake their heads and laugh, but Mom seems a little put off by my actions. Never one to hold her tongue, I soon learn shes not mad because I offended an Imperial Scion, but because I didnt explore my options. A replacement consort was only the opening offer, Mom explains, swatting aside Dads futile attempts to keep her quiet. I am not advocating we accept and sell your consort, but you could have at least bargained to see how much value he places upon the girl. Fixing Luo-Luo with a calculating stare, its plain to see Mom doesnt understand why the Imperial Scion is going through so much effort to... obtain her, but my consort only tears up a little in the face of Moms casual disregard.Visit no(v)eLb(i)n.com for the best novel reading experience

Poor Luo-Luo, life must be rough with a dragon lady for a Mother-in-law, but to be fair, Mom grumbles about all my wives. In her eyes, nothing short of absolute adoration and dutiful devotion is good enough for her son, so even Lin, Mila, and Yan fail to make the cut. Song might pass muster if she threw her name in the hat, so theyre not exactly healthy or realistic standards, but all mothers want the best for their children, so Luo-Luo shouldnt take the disapproval too seriously. Unfortunately, Akanai makes things worse by opening her mouth. Perhaps the offer was a sham, a ploy to shame the boy by taking what is his. Accept, and he earns a reputation as a cuckold, refuse and he earns himself a powerful enemy, a situation designed solely to make trouble for us.

Flashing Luo-Luo a smile to raise her spirits, I shake my head and reject Akanais theory. I dont think so. If that were the case, the offer would have been made publicly. Jixing expected me to agree and was genuinely surprised when I rejected him. Offending me wasnt his purpose because in his eyes, Im nobody, a mere savage of no consequence and an ant to crush without thinking. He seemed upset we were even breathing the same air, so why go out of his way to ensure a private meeting using an Imperial Missive? No, hes legitimately interested in Luo-Luo, Id stake my fortune on it.

But why?

Though Im too polite to voice the question, Husolt has no qualms about dealing another blow to Luo-Luos pride. Dont see why hed go to all this effort. He wouldve had to get permission to come all the way out here, and Imperials outside the East are about as rare as a rat on a sinkin ship. Lovely and special as yer girl is, I cant see an Imperial puttin so much significance on a servant, especially considering how they like to keep their bloodlines pure and whatnot. Wincing as Akanai pinches him under the table, Husolt adds, No offence.

Seeing as Mila inherited her jealous streak from her mother, Im not sure if the pinch was because of his blunt statement or because he called Luo-Luo lovely. Pure bloodlines? I ask, glancing around the table. Are Imperial Scions really so much stronger?

Hard to say. Half-smiling and half-sneering at the thought of a challenge, Dad explains, Every few decades you hear tales of Imperial Scions coming out to test the Empires greatest warriors in single combat and offering employment to those they deem worthy. The Scions usually win these duels, though whether this is the truth or merely the challenged warriors giving face, only the participants themselves can say. The matches are always carried out in secret with no witnesses allowed, and oftentimes the recruited warriors simply disappear, either killed or brought back east without fanfare.

Metal hands wouldnt be the worst thing in the world, but what if I go full Pudge? I dont want to be fat...

Or ugly.

Or an inhuman murderous monster.

But mostly, its the fat thing. Gross.

Initially, I thought those were my only two options if I couldnt fix my Core, but Pong Pongs poop offers a third alternative. Divine Poop gives rise to Spiritual Plants, which Bicorn Bunnies and presumably other animals eat to help Forge their Spiritual Hearts. If thats the case, then theoretically, I could eat Spiritual Plants and turn my body into a Spiritual Heart too, or at least parts of me. How it works, Im not entirely sure, but Ill figure it out as I go. From past experience, I know Divine Poop can give rise to Spiritual Plants in as little as two weeks, so Taduk should have results in another ten days, but Id like there to be more time between the poop fertilization and the going into my mouth steps, for both sanitary and sanity reasons.

Historically, studies have shown eating Spiritual Plants does nothing for humans, but no one has ever sat down and actually tested it out. Why would they? Spiritual Plants are too valuable to waste on feeding plebs, and while some have reported suffering complications from eating certain varieties of Spiritual Plants, thats not conclusive evidence. Itd be like saying all plants are bad for you because hemlock is poisonous. Sure, there are certain varieties of plants people shouldnt eat, but what if I grew Spiritual Turnips or Spiritual Rice? So long as I eat enough, I could have Spiritual Bones, Spiritual Muscles, Spiritual Organs, and even Spiritual Skin, turning myself into a nigh invincible warrior the likes this world has never before seen. Forget feeding an army of rabbits, I could feed an army of people and have indestructible warriors out the wazoo once Taduk figures out the specifics of how to grow the right variety of Spiritual Plant.

Okay, thats not exactly how Spiritual Hearts works, but a man can dream. Seriously, personal power through eating has got to be the best training regimen ever. No sweat, no effort, just om nom nom and a Martial Warrioring I will go, right along the easiest Path to the Martial Peak. Besides, if it turns out Spiritual Plants dont do a body good, then I can still use Pong Pongs Divine Poop to grow useful resources like Idamare, fox-glove, Blood Needles and other stuff. The little turtle is now eating three servings of shrimp per day and pooping an equal amount, and the only reason he isnt getting more is because Im worried hell get bored of the taste.

I have a few other theories in the mix, like how raw cannibalism is the secret to the superior Defiled physique, but Id rather not dive off the deep end until Im well and truly desperate. There are also external sources of power I could use, but most of those would only put me in more danger, not less, because people are greedy. Lastly, I could appeal to the Legate for help, but I doubt hell care enough to keep me safe, unless the Prime Minister happens to be one of those political enemies he keeps harping on about. Even if they are at odds, relying on the Legate isnt a viable long-term solution since once I no longer have anything to offer, he has no reason to keep sheltering me. I need personal strength, and essentially my options are as follows: accomplish the impossible and become an Ancestral Human, succumb to the heretical and become a Demon, or take a page from animals and form a Spiritual Heart. Those are my three choices for getting better, and each one is a tall order for a frail, drugged up cripple besieged by enemies on all sides.

Traversing the road to recovery will be a long and arduous journey, one I am determined to see through, but the problem is: will my enemies give me the time I need, or will they strike before I am ready?

Theres nothing I can do about it except take things one step at a time, starting with a letter to Broken Blade Pichai begging for advice. As for the rest, I have family to rely on, and besides, even without personal strength, I am not entirely without fangs. Yang Jixing may have a Prime Minister in his corner, but I have a family and allies of my own, not to mention a vast fortune, Spiritual Guns, Runic Devices, and Divine turtles to boot. If the little Imperial Shit wants to throw down, then Ill gladly send him running back east, whether it be through economic, military, or terrapinian might.

Terrapin-ion? Terrapinician? Turtilian? Whatever. Turtles, I got them, and soon, maybe super powerful bunnies too. Then, the world shall know true fear as I, Falling Rain, unleash my hordes of heavily-armed heavenly floofs against them!

...

I swear Im the good guy here.

...

Most of the time.

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