Chapter 519

Chapter 519

There isnt much to do on the front lines.New novel chapters are published on

I mean, yea, its a warzone and people are fighting and dying and such, but aside from the increasingly sporadic skirmishes, there isnt much else to do. I cant fight, I cant train, I cant cook, and I cant play with my floofs, at least not in the ways I want to. No rickshaw races or bear wrestling matches, no flying kites with the twins or chasing the wildcats through the forests, though in retrospect, I cant do most of that now anyways. I cant even research Zhen Shis notes without going through a risky and shameful process to hide it, which means I spend most of my time sitting around with nothing to do. I debate religion with the Abbot, argue Military law with Watanabe, talk strategy with Masahige, brief Nian Zu to keep him up to date, and discuss the finer points of physical medicine with the army Healers over tea, most recently with the one-eyed Taiyi ZhuShen who still wont give up on obtaining a section of my skin to study.

In short, in the last thirty or so days, Ive been teetering on the brink of unbearable boredom interspersed with brief but action-packed hours of excessive excitement, if one can call being afraid for ones life and the lives of everyone around him exciting.

Reminding myself that boredom isnt the worst thing in the world, I snuggle in beside Lin and pass the time lost in my thoughts while the soldiers and Sentinels gathered on Sinujis training fields do their best to progress along the Martial Path. As much as I miss being a powerful Martial Warrior, I sure as hell dont miss the ever present compulsion to train and grow stronger for fear of losing face, reputation, or my life. Maybe even all three at once if I got unlucky, but now that Im crippled, Ive come to terms with my weakness. As I am, a child could kill me if they really wanted to and theres little I could do to resist, but even at my best, any random Demon or Expert couldve ended my life just as easily if I didnt have people to guard me. The only difference now is my guards have more threats to assess, but me? I dont need to do shit. My talk with Lin after blowing up at the Abbot really helped put things into perspective. Regardless of my level of strength, theres little I can do to affect things, so whats the point in being all anxious and afraid?

Plus, the Abbot showed me I can still sorta use Chi, albeit so far in only one specific manner which I have yet to replicate. While I havent seen Kukku since or spotted any Concealed Experts despite knowing theyre there, the single success means my shattered Core is still somewhat functional, if only in the sense that a broken cup can still hold water, for a short time at least. Im broken, but not hopeless, though itll take years, if not decades to mend.

That isnt to say Ive completely given up on a speedy recovery, but theres no sense getting all worked up and distressed about something I cant fix. It sucks being weak, but being gloomy and apprehensive wont change a thing, so Ill keep doing what Im doing without letting my situation get me down. While the dearth of entertainment makes it difficult to keep my spirits up, Im handling it well enough, working at rehabilitation while doing my best to sway public opinion over to my side, though neither effort has seen much progress of late. It still takes effort to stand unaided or fill my lungs to the brim, but Im now strong enough to amble around all day with my walker at a slow and steady pace, though the consequences of overexertion keep me rickshaw or palanquin bound more often than not.

As for the other thing... Well, Im not one for small talk or glad-handing, and even Nian Zus efforts to drum up support have had little to no effect. Despite Dastans phenomenal talent and future potential, theres been no public outcry condemning our situation even after a month-long tour in Sinuji. Granted, the front lines are nowhere near as hectic as they once were, trading daily raids for twice-weekly assaults, and even those have diminished into measly tantrums thrown by a mere sixty-thousand or so Northern Defiled tribesmen. The Southern brand of Defiled have yet to make an appearance, and the desert-dwelling Western variety have all but disappeared in recent weeks, which makes sense I suppose. The Defiled have always been outnumbered by the citizens of the Empire, but considering all Defiled are Martial Warrior equivalents compared to only one percent of the Imperial population, the disparity in total population doesnt matter as much. Even then, the Western Defiled carried out a sustained offensive over the front lines for almost an entire year, and towards the end, they lost tens of thousands of warriors per battle, with multiple battles taking place over the course of a week, if not every day, so it makes sense that there arent too too many of them still kicking around. Those who still survive are the wiliest and luckiest of the bunch, and I daresay the most dangerous too, especially after surviving through so many life and death situations. These elite Defiled will also have had plenty of corpses to feast upon, and if the Abbot is to be believed, this means theyll be that much stronger for it. Hes big on claims and light on facts, so Im not entirely convinced the Defiled really gain strength from eating the corpses of their kin and enemies, or whether its simply the aftereffects of consolidating so many Spectres into one host whove convinced the poor crazed cannibals that theres a good reason to committing these unspeakable acts.

Honestly, the more I learn about the Defiled, the more I empathize with and pity them, especially those born into the life. They got a bum deal straight out of the womb, and if it werent for a combination of ten percent luck, twenty percent skill, and fifteen percent concentrated power of will, I mightve almost maybe couldve turned out exactly like them.

...There was a lot of uncertainty packed into that one sentence, because lets be real... no one wants to believe they mightve become a monster if not for a series of improbable twists of fate. At least, I dont, because that leads me to question my whole atheist-coloured stance on Divinity and religion in general, as well as the whole Mother/Father dichotomy going on. Its a matter Ive given a great amount of thought to in the past few weeks, mostly so I can convince the Abbot that those Deities dont exist, or at a bare minimum, dont give a shit about humanity as a whole. Spectres aside, I cannot for the life of me figure out why Imperials and Defiled share so many similarities, yet end up creating two almost antithetical results. It cant be as simple as good versus evil, because thats not how things work in the real world. Things arent inherently good or evil, not in nature, and while all of life is based on interactions between positive and negative ions, thats in reference to electric charge, not morality. Why would Heavenly Energy be any different?

Disturbingly enough, Zhen Shi also thinks the same way, or he did according to how his notes read. No Mother, no Father, no heaven or hell, just energy, plain and simple. Im not entirely thrilled about sharing the same opinion as a murderous torturer, but considering were talking about what I believe is a fundamental law of the universe, its hard not to concur with his train of thought. I mean, if Zhen Shi says water is refreshing, Im not gonna change my opinion just because we share it, so really, theres nothing wrong with agreeing with him, in this one specific instance.

Ethics aside, if Heavenly Energy isnt Heavenly, and there is no good or evil to it, then where do Spectres fit into all this and why do they drive said Defiled to commit horrific atrocities? Its been a question plaguing me ever since I became aware of their existence, but while debating with the Abbot and preparing for future debates in my bedroll late at night, I might have stumbled across the answer. I once likened Spectres to supernatural herpes as a joke, but I mightve been closer to the truth than I thought. Its not unheard of for a disease to alter an individuals behaviour, like rabies or mad cow, so its possible the Spectres are something along the same vein, a metaphysical infection brought about by the manifestation of ominous thoughts. Im living proof that humans unconsciously utilize Heavenly Energy to simply survive in this hellish deathworld, not to mention regrow teeth and probably fight off a whole host of mundane diseases, so its possible that we also unconsciously use Heavenly Energy to create Spectres as a self-defence mechanism, divesting ourselves of dark and morbid thoughts to fight depression and suicidal thoughts, just like I saw firsthand with Jorani and Awdar. They were ready to die, eager to even, but after birthing a Spectre which subsequently got Succed into my belly, they were... better. Not great, but not suicidal anymore, which was an improvement.

Her part said, Alsantset walks away before I have time to rebut, which was smart because I didnt have a proper one ready and wouldve said something stupid instead. Shoulders shaking as she giggles into my arm, Lins eyes light up as I look to her for support and am left wanting. I already told you what I think hubby. You should really marry her. Luo-Luo is tall and pretty and so sweet with children, plus it means I dont hafta handle any of your business stuff anymore. Suppressing another giggle, she adds, Plus, shes so fun to bully ya? Oh hubby, you should see how wide her eyes get when she screams, like this one time, during a rickshaw race...

Sweet Lin, a woman after my own heart. When her story is done, I tap her nose in reprimand and say, Ill try to be nicer, but I doubt anything will happen, not with me looking like this. I try not to think about it too much, but after a month in Sinuji, a lot of old issues are cropping back up, like the pimples, body odour, and general grossness which all began when I lost my Chi-beautifying treatments and had under control for all of a week, if that.

Which raises another question, one I sink my teeth into while looking at Ping Pings giant head resting on the ground beside me. It sounds mean to say this, but I have no idea how she ever came to be worshipped as a Divine Beast, because she shares a lot of my... physical flaws. At first glance, she looks like something out of a monster movie, a jagged, reptilian beast with a spiked shell, sharp beak, and beady, black eyes which watch my every move. Shes a giant, gentle sweetheart with a kind soul, but that doesnt mean her appearance doesnt still terrify me on an instinctive level. Its honestly a little ridiculous that shes the shining example of the Mothers presence in the Empire, especially considering she has the mental attitude of a sulky, overly attached toddler to go with her armoured saurian appearance.

Seriously... shes supposedly an alligator snapping turtle cranked up to thirteen, but Ive seen Ping Pings mundane cousins, and theyre nowhere near as metal as she is. In fact, Id even go as far as to say she looks a lot like what Id imagine a Defiled alligator snapper would look like, more menacing with her irregular surfaces and asymmetrically spiked shell much like the Defiled themselves are misshapen and malformed. It might sound like Im hating on Ping Ping, but these are the facts: Heavenly Energy makes Martial Warriors pretty. Ping Ping is ugly, even for an armoured dinosaur like herself. Ergo, there must be something going on with Ping Ping thats keeping her from becoming the beautiful terrapin heart-throb shes supposed to be, and considering shes supposed to be close to Divinity, I think theres something to be gleaned from all this. Maybe my reptilian aesthetic senses are off, but comparing Ping Ping to Pong Pong is like night and day, and not just because of their sizes. Although his hygiene leaves much to be desired, Pong Pong is a stunning Adonis of a turtle with smooth, rounded edges and a hypnotically symmetrical pattern etched into his shell, the vibrant yellow marks standing out from his dark green skin. Meanwhile, Ping Pings yellowish-brown markings seem scattered about at random, with no pleasing pattern or overall motif to catch the eye, as if her discoloration is the result of some disease instead of being her natural appearance.

Its okay Ping Ping, looks arent everything, but Id be lying if I didnt say you were ugly. Man, I feel terrible about even thinking it. Youre a sweet girl and I love you to bits. As soon as my people figure out rubber, Im gonna make you a giant floating ball to play with. Oh, just imagine the havoc we could wreak after I teach you to play fetch...

Fun and games aside, all of this musing on my ugly self and even uglier Defiled brings to mind Joranis experience at the Canston Winery, more specifically his second visit with Du Min Gyu in tow. Their trip almost ended in disaster when a Defiled Ancestral Beast made an appearance, a mole-rat lady who according to Jorani looked like a half-melted mess of skin and warts. Her ugliness isnt whats important here, but rather, something she said while toying with the three Peak Experts sent to the Winery. Eccentric Gam called her ugly, and Jorani said she called her physical form a temporary set-back, one she would fix once she rediscovered how everything works. I did so as a beast, a creature barely capable of rational thought, so I most certainly can do so again.

I never paid her much mind, what with her talk of calling mole-demons her babies making her sound nutty as a chipmunk in autumn, but it sounds a lot like she was talking about using Heavenly Energy. Is it possible that the path to true Divinity, to Pong Pongs Divinity, lies not in Balance, but in embracing both positive and negative sides of Heavenly Energy? True Balance, which was exactly what the Old Healer told Jorani. Embrace all emotion, take love and hate, joy and sorrow, courage and fear, and let them flow through you in perfect harmony.

...Why do all the crazies make so much damned sense?

Come brother. Reappearing at my side with Luo-Luo in tow, Alsantset pulls me onto my feet and directs my Death Corps to gather my palanquin. The Colonel General demands our presence. Her brow furrowed and feet restless, she paces in place before switching to Sending to add, The Emissary marches on Sinuji at the head of another army, and I fear he comes for you.

To finish what Gen started, I suppose, or maybe Zhen Shi hopes Ive had a change of heart and will accept his offer the second time around. Sitting in my palanquin, I reflect on todays discoveries and wonder what I would do if he asked me to join him again, knowing what I know now.

He may be a murderous psychopath hell-bent on destroying the Empire, but he has so many answers I need...

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