Chapter 572

Chapter 572

I love waking early.

I dont mean early as in the wee hours of the morning, but early as in before Im expected to wake. Its counter-intuitive, but Im happy to trade a few minutes of sleep for some much needed snuggle time with all my sweet floofs. Well, not all of them, because theres no way theyd all fit in my bed, so in the interest of fairness, Ive been rotating them through a snuggle schedule. Todays lucky contestants are Flopsy and Quake, both curled up together in the crook of my arm as one grey and white mass. Mama Bun is here too of course, stretched out across my chest and alternating between soft bunny snores and smacking her lips, dreaming of a delicious meal as she so often does. Aurie as per usual is laid out over my legs, sprawled out in what looks to be the most uncomfortable posture ever, while Roc roosts in a pile of laundry he claimed for himself, all heaped together atop the nightstand sitting right next to my bed.

Quiet bunny snuffles, rumbling kitten wheezes, and faint birdy whistles fill the room, and for a few sleepy, blissful minutes, all is right in the world.

Then reality rears its ugly head and reminds me that the banquet is tonight and this might well be the last comfy morning of my life, which pretty much ruins the whole peaceful atmosphere.

Between the minor anxiety attack and my pressing need to use the chamber pot, I reluctantly slide Mama Bun off my chest and ease myself out of bed. Despite my careful efforts, my sleepy animals come awake and greet me with sleepy stares, adorable yawns, and captivating stretches. Much better to concentrate on those than looking around for the Concealed Warriors standing guard, but even as the thought strikes me, my eyes scan the bedroom and pick out six hidden individuals scattered about in various shadows. Although I cant identify them in any way, I know from experience that two are Sentinels, two are Imperial soldiers, and two are former Aspirants, because none of those groups trust the others to guard me on their own, which means I have to put up with having a hidden entourage of at least six people everywhere I go.

I really, really, really hope that this constant surveillance is a recent development, because the alternative would leave me with no choice but to curl up and die of shame. Forget pooping, I used to masturbate like every other day. Its the hormones I tell you, theyve got me in a constant state of frustrated arousal.

It takes a monumental effort of will to use the chamber pot without bursting into flames, and only because I brought in my wooden, outdoor bath dividers to give myself the illusion of privacy. The move was more controversial than expected, as it sparked off a heated and informative debate about the dangers of a hidden blind spot represented to both me and my Concealed guards. I already knew Concealment wasnt true invisibility, but rather a means of affecting the perceptions of nearby observers. What this means is that when I look at a Concealed individual, my eyes are perfectly capable of seeing them, but my conscious mind doesnt register their presence, even though my unconscious mind does and keeps me from bumping into them. This works on more than just the visual level, as it filters out sounds and smells as well, and true masters of Concealment are said to be capable of fooling even the sense of touch and Chi.

This last point was of particular interest to me, because before my newfangled anti-Concealment vision kicked in, I used to wave my arms around like an idiot when searching for Concealed assailants in enclosed spaces. Whats more, it explains how others check rooms for Concealment, by simply expanding their Domains to do a quick sweep. This whole time Ive been envisioning Domains as spheres, but in reality, theyre actually shaped like the Martial Warriors bodies themselves, as if someone drew an outline of themselves and then enlarged it. Not by too much, as Domains generally extend from ten to thirty centimetres in all directions. They can be much smaller, like with BoShui, whose Domain barely extends past his skin, but its rare to see one that goes beyond one metre in radius.

Which is not at all what I expected, since my short-lived, wooden-roofed Domain was the size of a large bedroom. I have no idea what to make of that, and seeing how I was pretty traumatized at the time, Im ready just to chalk this all up to faulty memory.

Putting the unusual aspects of my personal experience aside, Ive been told that while Domains naturally form in the shape of the Martial Warrior, they can be manipulated into other configurations. So long as the total volume remains the same and stays attached to the surface of your body, you can shift the bulk of your Domain around and turn it into say... a long tendril of Chi. You can then use said tendril to sweep your surroundings for Concealed hostiles, because Domains cannot overlap and theres a tactile response when you encounter one. Granted, this method isnt foolproof as there are ways (which remain unknown to me and most) for Martial Warriors to avoid detection, which is why on the first day of our journey, Binesis sweep of my yurt found the hidden Aspirant hanging on the roof-beams, but not Naaran standing off to the side of the room.

All interesting stuff, but my unreasonable need for privacy while pooping has thrown Binesi for a loop. See, Concealed guards usually work in pairs for multiple reasons, prime amongst them being that the drawback with searching for Concealed hostiles using ones Domain is that the moment you uncover someone, you also reveal yourself to them, because they can easily follow your Domain back to its source. As far as all parties are concerned, youre all still Concealed, but unless one of you knows how to fool Chi senses too, then you might as well have giant, fluorescent arrows over both your heads labelled Concealed Expert here.

Of course, the metaphorical giant arrows are only visible to the sweeper and the sweepee, which is one reason why Concealed guards work in pairs. One does the sweeping, while the other remains hidden and ready to strike against possible revealed assailants looking to escape. The problem is, this method of detection isnt perfect, so Concealed guards also make physical sweeps, just to cover their bases. This makes my provisional poop-room a danger-zone, because it forces my guards to funnel through a small opening while searching for hidden assassins. Super dangerous according to Binesi, so now I have to move the heavy wooden dividers into place every time I need to poop, and then move them back against the wall when Im done.

Its annoying, but a small price to pay for privacy. I sketched out a few ideas for a ring of curtains I can set up inside my yurt, but itll have to wait until were back in the Northern Citadel. The alternative is I learn how to Conceal myself, but thats a whole lot of work just to poop and masturbate in privacy...

After my morning constitutional and general skincare routine, I head out in casual dress robes for breakfast, since wearing fancy clothes to meals is a recipe for disaster. As per usual, Pong Pong is nowhere to be found, likely already splish splashing away in the tiny pond he shares with Ping Ping, Sir Inky, and the quins. Im still not sure if I want to bring Pong Pong with me to the big banquet tonight, because Im worried the Legate will spot him and wonder why this tiny turtle has a ginormous Natal Palace. Problem is, I cant exactly leave Pong Pong at the manor, because if things go south at the banquet, Jorani and Ral have orders to book it out of the Citadel with all my pets in wagons. Since Pong Pong refuses to reveal himself to anyone besides Lin-Lin, Taduk, and Mom, all of whom will be at the banquet with me, this means that in the event of an emergency, theres a decent chance Pong Pong will be left behind.

I suppose thats it then. I gotta bring the little guy with me to the banquet and hope the Legates Natal Palace peeking skills doesnt extend to piercing through Concealment. Maybe I can keep the tiny turtle tucked away in a pocket somewhere, with a whole stash of fresh shrimp, but then Id hafta worry about him pooping all over me...

Despite my early arrival, everyone else is already more or less ready for breakfast, save for Charok who is still slaving away in the kitchen, and Luo-Luo who is still busy doing... whatever it is she does to get ready every day. Hell if I know, because as far as I can tell, she doesnt usually wear makeup, yet somehow manages to look gorgeous all the time regardless. Morning everyone. Cracking the door open just enough for Aurie to get through, I use my foot to keep the bunnies at bay while I slip into the dining room and close the door behind me. Usually, Id be more than happy to let them hop around my feet while the whole family eats, but the most recent addition to our happy little family has yet to acclimate to her new surroundings. Good morning Princess, I croon, moving a little closer to the snarling weasel-bear propped up in Songs lap. Arent you looking adorable today?

Aside from the vicious snarl, rumbling growls, and steady stream of saliva dripping from her narrow, fanged jaws, of course. Dressed in a frilly, flower-embossed garment which leaves her furry belly exposed and a yellow ribbon daintily tied about her neck, Princess the weasel-bear is a darling creature with a ferocious temper and pungent scent. The odour isnt exactly unpleasant, just... powerful and somewhat overwhelming, but it scares the bears and wildcats something fierce and sends the quins and bunbuns into a vicious, violent frenzy. Songs been working on integrating Princess with the other animals, but its not going so well. In fact, the whole reason Princess is wearing a dress is because we have to somehow smuggle her into the banquet tonight, since much like Pong Pong, Princess trusts no one besides her favourite person.

If someone asks, Ill say Princess is a hat in training. God that would be so adorable to have her stand on my shoulders and perch on my head. This sucks. I wanna pet her floofy belly and those cute, clutching paws, but Princess is a biter and Id rather not feed her any fingers. Granted, losing chunks of myself to new pets has become something of a running gag by now, but this is as good a time as any to break the trend of floof-on-Rain violence.

After failing to pet the adorable weasel-bear a few more times, I glance around the room and find Mom and Alsantset staring off into space with a faraway look in their eyes. Theyre still ruminating on whatever Insights they found while meditating in Taduks bamboo grove, who is conspicuously absent from the dining table since hes taken to sleeping in now that theres no Spiritual Herb garden to obsess over. Mila, Yan, and Lin-Lin are also sleeping in, as is per usual, but were joined by Grandpa Du and his recently adopted grandson, Kyung, with the latter sitting in stoic silence while the former plays silly word games with the twins. Though cramped and busy, the small dining room still feels a little empty with so many people missing, but I suppose its for the best. There are really only five empty seats left once you account for Charok and Luo-Luo, and we like to leave two on either side of Song so Princess doesnt devolve into a snapping, slavering mess, so at most, we can really only fit one other person at the table.Updated from novelb(i)n.c(o)m

With no one to really talk to, I pass the time comforting my poor, trembling floofs, all of whom are pressed together in the corner behind me, as far away from Princess as they can possibly get. Honestly, I dont know why theyre so scared, since the weasel-bear has yet to do more than snarl and snap, even when Mama Bun landed a clean headbutt on the poor girls dangling butt. From what I can tell, Princess is more scared of everyone else than we are of her, so itll be a while before the sweet floofs all get along.

Hearing her arrive long before she reaches the door, Luo-Luo hums a merry tune as she glides into the dining room and shuts the door behind her with baffling ease, as there isnt a single intruding bunbun to be found. Beaming beautifully as she makes her way around the table, she greets everyone with a lyrical and informal, Good morning everyone, before taking her seat beside me, as the twins have claimed the chairs on either side of great grandpa Du. How are you this fine morning, Lord Husband? I trust you slept well?

I did, yea. Small talk, ugh. ...how about you?

Reaching back to pet Jimjam, Luo-Luos smile grows even brighter. Like a baby, until this one woke me to demand I share my pillow. I swear he thinks hes a little person, entitled to sleep tucked under the blankets like everyone else.

...Dammit that sounds adorable. Why doesnt Jimjam do that around me? Cute. Now what do we talk about? So... whats on the agenda for today?

Im terrible at this, but Luo-Luo takes the awkward segue in stride. Nothing too pressing, thank the Mother. Weve already met with most of the important players yesterday, so today is for less influential factions and unlikely allies. No need to worry Lord Husband, I made sure we would have plenty of time to prepare before the banquet tonight. After breakfast, youll only have a short break to play with the Guardian Turtle before our first appointment at...

As Luo-Luo lays out my schedule for the day, I inwardly groan at the prospect of another long day of socialization and politics ahead. My first full day in the Central Citadel was spent dancing to the Legates tune, so I figured itd be harder for him to jerk me around if I padded my schedule with events, but I didnt expect Luo-Luo to set such a frenetic pace. Theres no helping it of course, because if I visit one ally, like the Ryos, I cant well snub my other allies, like the Yos and other merchant partners Ive helped make richer, which means a lot of travelling around to shake hands and smile with everyone whos anyone. I had tea with Chen Hongji to congratulate him on his recent promotion, bought lunch for Tam Taewoong, Wu Gam, and several other friendly junior officers I became acquainted with in Sinuji, and hosted a small dinner party with Taiyi ZhuShen, Taokang Geyan, Lishan Suzhen, and the other Healers who checked my health in Sinuji, which meant paying a restaurant an exorbitant fee to reserve the entire building for the night.

Passing Blackjack over so he can greet me with a kiss, Lin-Lin asks, Wheres Luo-Luo rushing off to?

Oh, dont mind her, shes worried an hour isnt enough time to get dressed for the party.

Eun-Eun is the same, shes been fussing over Yan-Yan and Mi-Mi all day, bringing out so many different dresses, ribbons, and jewels just to settle on the ones I picked out beforehand. So silly, ya?

Exactly. Youll all look beautiful no matter what, so why work so hard?

Really? You think so?

I know so, wifey. Kissing her just above the eye, I nuzzle her cheek and smile while Mama Bun squeezes herself between us. All of you are beautiful all the time, and you need not change a thing.

Beaming prettily at the compliment, Lin-Lin tweaks my nose and giggles. Youd make a great toady for Mi-Mi or Yan-Yan, like those silly, poofy dum-dums who are always following behind some smug blockhead. You could wear one of those headbands with the really, really long feathers, ya? Only one feather though, because you cant have more than your blockhead boss.

Ill happily be toady to your blockhead, wifey.

Noooooo! Youre the blockhead, blockhead.

After a bit of back and forth about my sweet wifeys day, I bring her hand to my lips and rest my head against hers. You know the plan for tonight?

Yup. Stay with Daddy no matter what. Tilting her head to smack me with her hare-ears, Lin-Lin scowls and says, Dont worry so much hubby. You just be you, and everyone else will be them, and whatever happens will happen, ya?

Wise words from a wise woman.

Biting my wrist which is so conveniently located nearby her mouth, she scrunches up her nose in a huff. I mean it hubby. You can worry all you want, but it wont change what other people are gonna do. So just relax and do your best, then well get through the rest together. Snuggling into my shoulder, she points at the door and says, In a few hours, youll probably stumble in slightly tipsy after a fun and yummy banquet, then curl up in bed with Mama Bun wondering why you worried so much. Giving me a light kiss on the cheek, she grins and adds, Besides, if they really want to kill you, theyd wait until later, like on our way back to the Northern Citadel again, ya?

...well, shes not wrong.

What would I ever do without you, wifey?

Be all mopey all the time, instead of sorta mopey some of the time. After sticking out her tongue with a smile, Lin-Lin seamlessly transfers into telling me all about how the floofs also moped all day while waiting for me to come home. Its heartbreaking and adorable all at once, and I love every minute of it until Eun comes out into the courtyard with Song, Mila, and Yan in tow.

Frowning at us from high above, the stocky matron purses her lips and extends a hand to help my wifey to her feet. Come now, miss Lin, lets get you dressed for tonights event. Youll look so lovely in your blue dress, though I still say its utterly scandalous to show so much leg. I thought little Yan was bold and brazen wearing those tight trousers of hers, but it seems you lot do things differently up north, like having unmarried men and women lying side by side in the grass. Thankfully, shes more concerned about us being seen doing these things than actually stopping Yan from coming over for nightly visits, as Central is weird about that. Theyre all prim and proper in public, but all bets are off behind closed doors. Narrowing her eyes as I kiss Lin-Lin goodbye, Eun pointedly ignores me and turns to Kyung. You look after the girls while I help miss Lin. We wouldnt want any ruffians to take advantage while Im not around to protect them.

I probably should be offended, but she has good reason to warn me off. The ladies are looking lovely in their slinky, high-neck dresses, so similar to the ones they wore during new years, but brighter, shinier, and frillier. The leggy outfits aside, Yan and Song are also wearing matching jewelled hair-nets dotted with pink diamonds and emeralds respectively, while Milas wild curls have been tamed by Euns magical touch and sports a sleek, full-bodied hairdo accentuated by a lovely ruby-studded tiara.

Honestly, Eun was right to leave Kyung to guard them, because if not for him, I dont think I could possibly keep my hands to myself. Not that Id grope them in the courtyard or anything, but maybe take their hands or squeeze a hip or something. Im even tempted to proposition Song, because Id forgotten how... much she had hidden under her Runic armour, which she is currently not wearing.

Stop staring. And stop drooling.

Kyung looks snazzy too, in his high-collard, black-silk longshirt, almost like a pocket-less trench coat except the buttons go along the shoulder and under the armpit instead of straight down the front. Wide white cuffs sit at the end of his sleeves, matching the broad sash tied around his waist which holds his plain, leather scabbard in place. His long, brown hair is tied back in a neat ponytail and held up by an understated silver hair clip with a sinuous dragon etched across its surface, and to top it all off, he has a shiny gold tail ring that loops three times around his furry tail, which sweet Sarankho is currently batting about while lying on the ground behind him. Looking good Kyung, I say while looking him up and down, envious of how he looks so snazzy in such a simple outfit, whereas I always look like a kid in adults clothing no matter what I put on. I have a white-jade token that would really complete the outfit, something to hang on your sash there. Ill bring it out when Im done changing.

Kyung barely even nods in reply, but his hand shoots out to hold me back as I attempt to casually stroll past him and give Yan and Mila a quick kiss. A few more attempts end in similar failure, so I give up and head back to my room to change and grab Kyungs new jade token. This is probably for the best anyways, as the last thing I need right now is for Mila to take my hand then forget to let go, like she did when she hugged Banjo yesterday for two hours straight. Apparently the poor guy struggled for a full twenty minutes before falling asleep, which sounds hilarious and adorable at the same time.

Seriously though, what is up with these Insights? Are Mila, Yan, and Alsantset gonna snap out of it anytime soon? Im worried about marching into danger with them distracted like this. Then again, maybe it doesnt matter. Maybe Lin-Lin is right and nothing bad will happen tonight. It makes way more sense for the Imperial Nobles to try to kill me on my way back to the Northern Citadel, since they wouldve had the time to gather their forces here while getting ready for the banquet tonight. It stands to reason that tonights banquet will be a lighthearted affair with good food to be had, and by first light tomorrow morning, Ill be on my way out of the Citadel and back home to Dad, where well finally be safe and sound once more.

...So long as Im in denial, I might as well say that the Mother Herself then comes down from the Heavens above to smite all my enemies and clear out this little Defiled problem we have brewing in the West, before bestowing me with phenomenal cosmic powers and crowning me as the Immortal God-Emperor of mankind.

If Im gonna dream, then I might as well dream big, right?

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