Chapter 600

Chapter 600

I dont dream very often, and I never remember them.

Nightmares though? Those stay for hours after I wake, sometimes even until Im ready to revisit them the next night. Granted theyve grown less frequent in recent times, as several months away from the front lines and two wonderful marriages has done much to ease my troubled mind, and my tried and true tactic of smothering the bad thoughts with floofs is always applicable. Still, there are mornings where Ill wake up in a cold sweat with visions of dead comrades, horrific Demons, and zombie pig-men haunting my memories, while Mila or Yan stare at me funny and ask if Im alright. Thankfully, I dont kick or scream in my sleep, I simply tense up, tremble, and sweat, but it still cant be a pleasant experience for my beloved wives. One good thing thats come from all this is Ive learned that Mama Bun is a genuine, self-taught support animal, who throws herself across my chest if Im trembling too much and nuzzles me until I settle down. According to Yan, this usually works and calms me down almost instantly, though Mila has yet to witness it since my nightmares are rarely bad enough to wake her in the middle of the night.

I can tell theyre both worried, but they came to some sort of agreement with the rest of the family to let me deal with it on my own terms. I cant imagine nightmares are a rarity amongst the survivors of this hellish death world we all inhabit, and while everyone has been extremely supportive, no one has come out and forced me to talk about it, which is good because I wouldnt even know where to begin. Do I talk about reliving through my times in the mines, or should I explain about the immense backlog of guilt I have yet to process, from soldiers lost to truths left unspoken? What about my irrational regrets, like being unable to save Mahakala from Anathema, or not telling Grandpa Du about Panacea, or getting more people killed because they were trying to protect me...

That last one really hurts for some reason. Like, they all hurt to think about, but the last one hurts so much I cant keep thinking about it, so I go back to musing about nightmares. Theyre not all about blood, pain, and gore, because lets be honest, Ive gotten pretty used to all of the above. This means my brain has to get creative when trying to torment me, and believe you me, its up to the job. Sometimes, Ill be running from something unknown, or frantically trying to complete some impossible task, or rushing to an exam Id completely forgotten about, and the sheer terror is enough to carry me through the nightmare and keep me from wondering about the details, because my brain just feels like panicking for no real reason. Thats just how it is, and considering my history of traumatic events and mental issues, Im grateful things arent worse. The nightmares are simply a fixed constant of life, and Ive been getting by well enough with the support of my beautiful beloveds, loving family, and adorable floofs.

As for dreams, those are as rare as unicorns and double rainbows, unless you count daydreams. Okay, maybe less rare, since I dont think either of those things really exist, but I cant remember the last time I woke up from a nice dream, which makes today all the weirder. I dont exactly remember dreaming, but I remember... doing something and having a sense of accomplishment maybe, with many other warm, fuzzy feelings. Still half awake, I bask in the aftermath of these good vibes and try to remember what I was dreaming about, but the more I struggle to cling to the memories, the faster they slip away. All I can really bring to mind is a fleeting sensation of concepts I dont entirely understand anymore, but somehow did in my dreams. Its like dream logic, where everything makes sense, until you wake up and wonder how you ever got from point A to point D, without coming across B or C.

All I remember is I did something, and it worked because I know things. Knew them. I knew something about... Dio? It was me? No, thats not right. Dio Oxyotl Ribs and Nuclear Acid. How do you say that word? Nuh-cu-ler. New-clear? I think the dream also had something to do with Panacea, though theres a curious wrongness to the word now, as if I should be calling it something else, but I cant remember what. There was a table of periods too, though Im kind of glad I dont remember what it looked like, because now that I think about it, that sounds real gross.

Long story short, there was a problem, and I think I fixed it, but I dont remember what the problem was, what I did, or how I did it. Something happened, then I felt a big sense of accomplishment, so Im pretty sure I succeeded, except now I feel... empty. The accomplishment is still there, but its... foreign. Unfamiliar, like its not mine, and now theres a void in my heart, mind, and soul, because Ive just lost my greatest accomplishment ever to someone I used to be. I was warm, confident, and most importantly, happy, but now I cant even remember what that felt like, and the emptiness remains to remind me of the loss I cant remember.

Which sucks a big one. I still remember every last detail of having my fingernails pulled, but the greatest feel-good moment of my life was so fleeting it already seems like an illusion, and so unreal Im not ever sure if I really dreamt it, or Im dreaming of dreaming it. If thats the case, then theres something seriously wrong with me, because then Id be dreaming about a dream in which I was unequivocally, impossibly happy. Probably because theres no other way I can envision that level of happiness. Fucked up right? Its easier to inception the idea of happiness to make me believe it somehow exists, that theres true perfection out there, because I believe I will never make it that far on my own.

Hang on... Inception? That means the beginning or the starting point of something. What the fuck is wrong with my vocabulary? I dont really know what that word has to do with dreams, but it fits, so whatever.

With that cheery thought in mind, I ignore my throbbing headache and force open my eyes, only to find myself enveloped by darkness, but no matter how much I yawn, blink, and stretch, my enhanced night vision refuses to kick in. Pretty sure I got that from almost going Defiled, seeing how no one else I know has night vision like me except for other, almost Defiled Martial Warriors like Dastan, Ulfsaar, and a few others. Eventually, after inwardly grumbling about my malfunctioning eyes and muttering about candles, I steel my nerves and shift a leg to slide off the bed, only to discover I shifted the wrong way. The edge of the bed is on my right, which throws me off since I almost always sleep on the other side and never have trouble orienting myself in the dark anymore, but as I slide the other way to get out of bed, the world finally comes into focus and I shy away from the cold air to retreat back into the warm comfort of my heavy blankets.

Scanning my familiar room with head buried in the pillow, Im struck by a certain sense of wrongness in everything around me, though that might be the headache talking. I cant quite put my finger on what it is, other than the fact that its not the colours of the room, the texture of my blankets, the firmness of my pillow, or the physical arrangement of objects. Nothing stands out as different, but nothing seems entirely right, as if Im looking at things from the wrong perspective, but not in a physical sense. Its as if this isnt my room, but an exact replica which lacks the homey, happy feelings I associate with the place. Maybe Im just not used to my new manor, though youd think Id have gotten used to the place after three months of living here. Then again, its been a long time since Ive woken up alone in bed, which might have to do with why everything feels wrong. Im not bragging about my sex life or anything, since there are mornings when Yan wakes before I do and leaves me to sleep, but I can always count on Aurie and Mama Bun to keep me company, except theyre curiously absent, and I dont like it.

I was... doing something... before bedtime. Something important that kept me out of the house. Something unpleasant too, which means Id rather not dwell on it, so I give up on going out to forage for floofs and roll over onto my side instead, hugging my pillow tight as I close my eyes and silence my tortured and conflicted mind. Part of me wants to get up and find out whats wrong, but another, larger part of me wants to wait out this headache, go back to sleep, and chase down that happy dream. Instead, neither side gets what it wants as I drift about in the unsatisfactory space between blissful dreams and waking consciousness for an unsettling amount of time. Im not even sure if I fell asleep, but each time I return to my senses and open my eyes to the lonely, not quite right room, I surrender to inertia and go chasing sweet dreams once more. How many times I repeat my futile efforts, I cannot say, but I am... not happy, but satisfied with wallowing in this indistinct non-action, at least until the fog lifts from my mind and the world feels right again.

Except...

Shouldnt I have to pee? Ive been lying in bed for like... forever now, but Im as empty and unhurried as can be. And its quiet. Really quiet. Too quiet. No rustle of leaves or whispers of wind, no crickets chirping or frogs croaking. Im not hungry either, or even tired if I really think about it, just unwilling to get up and face the day without a hug from Aurie and a nuzzling from Mama Bun. In the absence of modern pharmacology, my floofs are my choice of drug, while a snuggle session with Mila or Yan is like methamphetamine for the soul. Well, without all the bad side effects of course, since drugs are horrible and will ruin your life, except for good drugs given to me by my loving Taddy and sweet wifey Lin-Lin.

Still unable to sleep, I shift beneath the blankets and peer out the window, only to get the direction wrong again and have to readjust. No idea why I dont just move to my side of the bed, but its warm here and I dont want to change things. Straining my neck to get a good angle outside, my efforts earn me nothing as all I can see is the dark nights sky, with the moon and stars hidden behind inky black clouds. Maybe less time has passed than I thought, or maybe Im just having trouble sleeping again. Im no stranger to insomnia, though its been a while since Ive felt its disquieting hands settled upon my shoulders, like an unwanted frontal massage with full on eye contact from the creepiest person in existence. My insomnia pretty much went away after... well, after Baledagh went away, since it turns out having a split personality does horrible, horrible things to ones brain chemistry. Natal Souls are really an incredible useful application of Chi, but there are downsides to be wary of. While Chi appears endless in the Natal Palace, practising there does come at a cost. My constant fatigue and insomnia was probably a symptom of overusing Chi, which is an actual thing I never knew about. No one warned me because they didnt know I had a second personality toiling away inside my Natal Palace at all hours of the day, and I never cared to mention my constant fatigue, throbbing migraines, and inability to think clearly.

Other symptoms of Chi overexertion, headaches and a fogged mind, so maybe I cant sleep because Ive been using too much Chi? Doubt it, considering my Core is in shambles, but like I told Yan, human beings and Martial Warriors use Chi or ambient Heavenly Energy far more often than they suspect, so it might be overuse of Heavenly Energy. Humans use it to regrow teeth, and I assume animals use it to live for ridiculous amounts of time, so who knows what else we inadvertently use Heavenly Energy for in our daily lives? Hell, we could be dependent on Heavenly Energy in so many ways and never even know it, like needing it to filter life-ending contagions out of the air or shield ourselves from flesh-melting levels of radiation.

Oh man... What if I never transmigrated, and merely reincarnated? I mean, what if this was earth all along?

...

Nah, that cant be right. Ive seen maps, and poorly drawn though they might be, it looks nothing like the world I sort of remember. For one thing, I dont recall any giant super-continents from my old world, and... well, thats all I got.

Whatever. Who cares? Old world, new world, same difference. The world still sucks, so I might as well stop wasting time not sleeping and do something productive, like sleep. Or, failing that, I could get up and read or something, but that would be productive and I dont like that. Even though its technically the middle of the night, any day that doesnt start off with wives or floofs is bound to be a bad day, so I just want to put it off getting up for as long as I can. I shouldve installed pet doors, but I still havent gotten around to it. No chance Mama Bun or Aurie will come looking for me, but maybe Yan will pop over for a midnight liaison, or Luo-Luo will try to seduce me again. The Naked Woman play, a bold, yet effective gambit. Totally wouldve worked too, except the Abbot made his presence known just in time. Then he did it again, except I was the one trying to seduce Luo-Luo, sorta. Man, that girl has some of the worst luck ever, getting clam jammed by the Abbot twice now. In his defence, he had a really good reason the second time around, considering...

Oh shit. The Abbot. GangShu.

...

And Guan Suo!

...

AND PING PING! NOOOOOO!

Leaping out of bed, I pause briefly to make sure Im clothed before bolting out of my room, though it strikes me as odd I was sleeping in my normal, everyday outfit. The unlit courtyard flashes by as I sprint through the overgrown grass and out the manor doors, which for some strange reason have been left open and unguarded. Rationalizing it as my Death Corps guards having been deployed to set a perimeter before I blacked out, my argument falls flat as I do the same after tripping over something hard and metallic only a few steps outside the manor. Thats what I get for running headlong into the night with faulty night-vision, but my muttered curses die down as I get a good look at what I tripped over.

Or rather who. Whom? No, now is not the time, this is serious business.

Pale face frozen in death, Kuang Biao stares back at me with unseeing eyes and lips stretched in a silent scream. Theres no mistaking his corpse for a sleeping soldier, as his torso abruptly ends around the rib cage, with the clean, glimmering cuts in his dark, Death Corps armour indicative of the work of a Honed edge. My knee-jerk reaction is of course to look for his lower half, but the investigation doesnt take long as I spy another armoured, Death Corps corpse.

And then another.New novel chapters are published on

Please, I retort, rolling my eyes with feigned indifference. Your half-assed illusions are barely believable, once you understand the game. Thats the only reason youve stayed ahead for so long, because no one else knew you were playing, but now that youre out in the open, your parlour tricks are mediocre at best. Like watching a soap-opera with ham-fisted acting and immersion breaking product placement. Once you see it, you cant unsee it, and while he had me going at first, I dont think I truly believed him even for a second.

Such disrespect, Zhen Shi hisses, and his hand darts out to grab me, but this time Im ready for him. No matter how far he stretches his hand, it will never reach my throat, simply because I will not allow it, and my will makes it true. From an outsiders perspective, the two of us zip about the unending whiteness in a struggle to capture and evade, but from mine, we simply face one another while the world moves around us. My practice with Pong Pong serves me well, as this is almost the same as moving through water, except now, Im moving the water around me.

Zhen Shi is good at the game, but not as good as Pong Pong, so we are stuck at an impasse. Maybe he can eventually chase me down and overpower me, but it wouldnt change anything, because I am not here in the flesh. Our little back and forth lasts longer than it should since Zhen Shi refuses to give up, but as the seconds stretch into minutes, my amusement gives way to awkward pity and I consider throwing him a bone. Brightening up at the idea, I sigh and say, Fine, while allowing him to grab me by the metaphysical throat. Happy?

Insolent worm, he hisses, releasing his grip in a rage. All but growling his next words, he says, But you are a talent who shows much promise, and much can be forgiven. Not just in the Martial Path, but in the tools of man as well, and this Sovereign has always been magnanimous in the search for Truth. Extending a hand in invitation, he says, Join this Sovereign, and he will not only restore you to glory, but also guide you along your new Path and bring you to never before seen heights. Refuse, and this Sovereign will crush everyone and everything you hold dear, while you stand crippled and helpless to stop it.

Taking all of a second to consider the offer, I shoo him away and say, Hard pass. Tempting offer, but I bet you made the same one to Gen, and we all know how that went.

Hmph, Gen. Zhen Shis sneer drips with contempt as he scoffs at my refusal. Blessed with luck and talent, yet possessed by such meagre dreams and lack of ambition, a waste of potential and promise. Still, not an investment entirely without return, for this Sovereign is nothing if not adaptable. Eyes burning with fervour and excitement, he extends his hand once more, this time as if asking me to take it. You, little worm, live in the dirt, and you cannot see the grand designs this Sovereign has in mind. You stand on the wrong side of history, for the Dog Emperor and his Imperial Clan are but parasites on the human race, and this Sovereign intends to remove them. You, little worm, you toil day and night to help the people, but while your intentions are good, your methods are flawed. You seek to feed, clothe, shelter, and provide for them, and in doing so, you consign them to death. The strong thrive, and the weak die, such is the law of nature, and what you do goes against it.

Sure, if we were all still dirty apes living in the jungle. Scoffing at how stupid Zhen Shi sounds, I shake my head and explain, Humanitys strength doesnt come from strength of arm or durability of hide. It is our minds which set us apart, and my flawed methods are indicative of that. Your Grand Design would have us down in the dirt fighting wolves and tigers with fists and fortitude, while eschewing bow and spear because it would make us weak, but you dont understand the heights humanity can reach with our minds alone. I do, because Ive seen it, and I wont let some power-crazed maniac hell-bent on elevating humanity into half-Defiled abominations ruin my dreams of indoor plumbing.

Im sick and tired of shitting in an outhouse. It beats shitting in a chamber pot, but it stinks and I hate it.

Bah. Only a fool who knows not the heights of the Heavens would dare scorn its power so. Waving his hand in dismissal, Zhen Shi harrumphs and says, So be it. This Sovereign sees in you the hand of fate, a tool sent to stop this Sovereigns grand designs, but fate is not enough. Curling his lip in a derisive sneer, he adds, Especially when fates champion is a broken, beleaguered, failure of a child who knows not what he is meddling in.

I know enough, and Ill muddle through the rest. Seeing an end to the conversation, I decide to test my theory and raise one hand to grip him. Not his neck, but Zhen Shis entire body, held fast in a giant, invisible hand controlled by mine, and to everyones surprise, it actually works. Look at that, I say, marvelling at my work and enjoying Zhen Shis shock and anger while I try and fail to outright kill him. Im learning already. It takes an incredible amount of focus to keep him from slipping away, like holding onto a thousand slippery eels trying to wiggle free in different directions. Theres no way I can keep him here though, not without staying forever, so I might as well get rid of him. Positioning my other hand to flick him square in the nose, I add, By the way, tell Zhen Shi, the real Zhen Shi, that I look forward to meeting him. You may have been the one to cripple me, but ultimately, I cant hold a puppet responsible for his actions. Doing my best not to smile, I plant a small seed of dissent in the Natal Soul before me, because Im positive thats who Im dealing with. The real Zhen Shi cant possibly be this... temperamental, which means this is his Natal Soul whose been infected by Gens mannerisms. If thats the case, then maybe I can sow some discord between the Natal Soul and the original. Im not sure if Natal Souls can actually take over the original, but that would be an improvement since it would be much easier dealing with this... Gen/Zhen Shi amalgamation persona than the scary, unseen puppet master himself. After all, you only exist so long as he wills it. I may be a worm, but you? Youre nothing more than a slave.

With that said, I unleash the godfather of all finger-flicks and send Not-Gen flying into the all-white walls, which shatter to reveal the empty darkness of the Void. Taking a moment to look around, I see and sense nothing, which is less than helpful in determining if Im in my Natal Palace or someone elses. With nothing else to try, I close my eyes and will myself awake, but when I open my eyes again, Im faced with the same black, unending Void all around me, and with no Ping Ping, Pong Pong, or Zhen Shi to send me back to my body.

...

Okay then. Might as well try again.

And again.

Andddd again.

One more time.

...

Ill try twenty more times, and then Ill think of something else.

...

Might as well keep trying, since theres nothing else to do.

...

Having long since lost count of which try Im on, I close my eyes, will myself awake, and open them again. Closing my eyes to try again, they snap open as I take in the darkness around me, and find that its not so dark after all. This isnt the void, this is the real world, with me back in my room at the manor. Rolling over to sit up, it takes a moment to register I barely even moved and that it takes a lot more effort to sit up than it should. Hello? I croak, or at least I try to, as my voice comes out dry and strained. Thankfully, I dont have to try again, as something shuffles in the darkness and scampers around on my bed, as if running in excitement yet mindful of my presence. After a few circuits around the bed, the floof finally slows down as my eyes adjust to the dark in splendid Defiled darkvision.

Only to find an adorably pint-sized Ping Ping wagging her turtle tail on the bed beside me while tippy-tapping up a storm. Her smooth curves and wide eyes melt my heart, as does her loving Aura and furiously wagging tail. Before me is Natal Palace Ping Ping, albeit much smaller than usual, though now shes the perfect size to cuddle and hold. Hey sweet girl, I half-croak and half-whisper. Good to see you survived. Learned how to Aura too I see, which is cool.

So still I didnt even see it, I flinch as another floof ambles across my bed, and I come face to face with the chonkiest, grumpiest red panda in all of existence. Rather than coming to say hi, the darling bandit bear ambles over, hugs Ping Ping around the neck, and glares at me in a fit of adorable pique, all of which strikes me as too cute to be real. Reaching over to pat the panda earns me a dainty swat, though it looks like the little chonker gave it his all. Its adorable, hes baring his claws and fangs, but theyre so smooth and nubby. Leaving him alone for now, I tickle Ping Pings chin and ask, So you remade your Natal Palace already? Whys my room here now?

Of course, she cant answer, so I settle for a hug and nuzzle instead, and she finally gets so excited she lets loose with a chorus of squeals. Footsteps sound outside the door, and some seconds later, Luo-Luo sashays through wearing her silken nightgown and a tired smile. Shush sweet girl, she says, her voice melodic as ever, You keep doing this, and we might stop coming in to see whats wrong. Lord Husband will wake when he is - gasping in fright, Luo-Luo freezes in place before letting loose with a piteous cry of, Lord Husband! Rushing over with unladylike haste, she jumps into the bed and wraps her arms around my neck while driving me headfirst into her frilly bosom, which oddly enough is more unpleasant than it sounds. I think she wrenched my neck clean off, and Ill need a long, hot soak to smooth out the kinks. Youre finally awake!

...Ugh, I rasp, worried about the implications of actually being in the real world with a pocket-sized Ping Ping, but there are more pressing concerns to worry about. What do you mean, finally?

Youve been unconscious for almost two weeks now, Lord Husband. Freeing me from her warm, bosomy embrace, Luo-Luo cradles my head and forces me to look her in the eyes, her expression a mixture of joy and concern while I idly wish I could hug the red panda which they no doubt got to comfort Ping Ping. The Defiled have marched, and the war has begun in earnest. Rumours say the front line is readying to fall back, but whether they can evade capture before arriving at the second line of defence is a matter of some debate. Pausing as if unsure she should tell me this next bit, she bites her lip and says, Sister Mila, Yan, and Alsantset left almost fifteen days ago to lend their efforts to the fight, and I am unsure how they currently fare.

...

Welp, out of the fire and into the frying pan. I suppose a few days to rest and recuperate wouldve been asking for too much, but at least I have a chonky red panda to cuddle now...

Chapter Meme