Chapter 620

Chapter 620

I dont remember much from my previous life, but somehow, I dont think Ive changed much.

Granted, I probably never killed anyone before my transmigration, or even killed an animal judging by how much I cried the first time Alsantset brought me hunting. Considering the sheer amount of paranoia and anxiety it takes to get my ass out of bed every morning, I was probably a lot lazier too, but otherwise, Im probably a carbon copy of my past self. I love animals, make stupid jokes, have a short attention span, a penchant for monologues, and a healthy streak of perversion that is in no way abnormal.

What I lack however, in this life and I assume the last, is an appreciation for the arts, meaning Luo-Luos musical talents are completely wasted on me.

A pleasant tune filters in from the bathroom windows as she strums on her zither in the courtyard, but while my coma rebooted my receptors and let me feel Aura and Aura-related skills again, I still feel nothing when listening to her music. Dont get me wrong, it sounds pretty and pleasant, but theres no surge of emotions or swell of sensations to accompany it. By now, Ive heard Luo-Luos Rise to Glory at least a hundred times, and I still feel the same as I always have, that its a cool song that sounds technically demanding to play, but is just too boring with only one instrument. To my admittedly musically-ignorant self, the zither is just a horizontal guitar that is capable of carrying a song on its own, but I was never a huge fan of acoustical covers. Then again, I was probably never a huge fan of music to begin with, seeing as I never felt its absence in the eight years I spent on this world before Luo-Luo came into my life. It sounds mean to say this, but Luo-Luos music might as well be background noise to fill the silence, and while I appreciate the hard work and effort that goes into her playing, I dont know enough about music to understand why everyone calls her an amazing musical talent.

Its like going into a lecture on advanced quantum physics with nothing more than an elementary school education. You recognize the words and understand that the lecturer is speaking a language you understand, but you dont know enough about the subject matter to judge if the speaker is brilliant, mediocre, or spewing gibberish. Maybe thats why Luo-Luos music doesnt work on everyone, because music is a very personal experience, and for me, music is simply something to listen to without caring too much about the content.

Seriously though... if music was all Jixing wanted Luo-Luo for, he couldve just said so. Im sure she wouldve been happy to play for him whenever her services were needed. Who knows, maybe the two of them wouldve hit it off after a few weeks of private performances and she wouldve realized she wanted a life with a real Imperial who treated her like the amazing woman she is, rather than stick with a short cripple who drowns her in paperwork and doesnt appreciate her artistic talents.

...

The fact that this imagined scenario makes me irrationally jealous speaks to my character, and not in a favourable light. Its not like I have any real claim to Luo-Luo, and Im still not sure how I feel about marrying her. For the most part, shes just there, a business partner and fixture in my life that I could not function without. Professionally, that is, though I will admit I dont hate having a beautiful woman to admire while my wives are away at war. Luo-Luos not just a pretty face though, as her hard work and brilliant moves have single-handedly kept our business ventures afloat, and she also played a pivotal role in the creation and successful introduction of War Bonds. Without her, I wouldve never thought to dress up the War Bonds to look fancy and important, or gone to personally visit influential merchants, nobles, and officials to personally explain the concept beforehand. The War Bonds wouldve rolled out as single-page contracts and no one wouldve bought them besides my family, who to this day still dont entirely understand what they represent even though Ive explained it a thousand times. Granted, I originally envisioned them as a proper investment tool and its now become something entirely different, but Luo-Luo was the one who saw the potential of the idea and explained why everyone would be fighting to purchase them for face. The wealthiest nobles in the Empire all have their collections of War Bonds framed in glass and modestly displayed, taking after Yuzhen who has her massive collection cluttering the walls of her office and meeting rooms.

In contrast, Akanai and Dad gave their War Bonds to me for safekeeping, but mostly because they didnt really know what else to do with them.

Long story short, I owe Luo-Luo so very much, and while it sometimes feels like we dont have a lot in common, I suspect she actually understands the modern part of me better than anyone else. To most, my ideas are just odd little notions which make no sense whatsoever and are quickly forgotten, but Luo-Luo is the only one who bothers to ask questions and try to understand what Im talking about. Its nice to be taken seriously by someone, whereas Mila would just roll her eyes while Yan and Lin-Lin tend to humour me until the conversation grows boring. Not to throw shade at them or anything, because they all put up with more than any person should have to, but sometimes, I have trouble accepting this world as it is and I like having someone I can talk to about possibly turning my strange notions into a reality.

A shame she instantly shut down my proposal to outlaw slavery. Not on moral grounds, but pragmatic ones, stating that slavery is so ingrained into the everyday workings of the Empire that everything would fall to pieces if I ever tried to force the issue. Apparently, almost everything everywhere is largely produced by slaves or includes the efforts of slaves in some vital way, whether it be renting slaves to help out on seasonal duties or making up a large percentage of the workforce in unskilled labour, the Empire would never financially recover from outlawing slavery without years, if not decades of preparations leading up to it.

Which again, makes me want to flip the board and leave Zhen Shi and the Emperor to duke it out so I can rebuild everything from the ground up, but keeping the status quo is indisputably the lesser of two evils. Theres no supporting a crazed massed murderer whose lifes ambition is to cause endless bloodshed and conflict to raise humanitys strength as a whole, and the threat of civilians turning Defiled during periods of upheaval is still a very real concern. One could argue that the Empire contributes to all the pain and suffering experienced by millions of unfortunates in this world, but theyre the lesser of two evils. Even ignoring all their efforts to keep morale high and eliminate Defiled wherever they might be, theyre also not actively supporting an army of psychopathic cannibals urged on towards violence by weird ghostly beings created from the dark emotions of Martial Warriors.

Unless they are, and I just dont know it, in which case were all royally screwed.

Taking a deep breath to calm my spiking nerves, I settle down in my bath chair and do as Xing Yong Wei suggested, seek solace and ease my troubled conscience. I find this not in the music of my devoted concubine or in the arms of my absent wives, but rather from a different feminine presence in my life, one who followed me into the baths for a bit of fun and games. Smiling from ear to ear, I giggle quietly as Ping Ping shakes her butt in sheer delight while I run a hard-bristled brush across her shell, thoroughly enjoying the tender care and none too shy to show it by radiating a warm and happy Aura. Like me, Ping Ping doesnt seem too enthused by Luo-Luos music, and while this isnt the usual sort of fun I have in the baths with Yan and Mila, this is soothing in a different sense. Theres something wildly fulfilling about bringing joy and happiness into someone elses life, even if that someone else is an animal. Having pets is hard work, and even harder without a team of servants scrambling around to make sure all the floofs are properly tended to, but I can honestly say I have never experienced anything that is more rewarding. The simple act of brushing a pet brings me so much joy, I cannot for the life of me understand why other people dont love animals as much as I do. Maybe things will change when I raise children of my own, but I doubt it. I spent a fair amount of time raising the twins, and as much as I love them, I still love floofs more, and Im not only saying that because the twins are older now and no longer as adorable.

Okay, that has a lot to do with it, but whatever. I still love Tali and Tate to bits, but cute is justice!

After a thorough scrub and rinse, me and Ping Ping head into the bath for a nice soak and swim with a modicum of splashing. One caveat about the joys of pet companionship is that not all pets are equally rewarding. Ping Ping is a wonderful sweetheart who is almost overly attached, whereas Pong Pong is too cool to hang out now that he knows he can pop over to Taduks garden for three servings of shrimp every day while living in the quiet river by the farm. I get it, hes a strong, independent turtle who dont need no man, but I kinda wish hed show more concern after seeing me fall into a coma, and maybe come visit every now and then. Then again, maybe he was spooked off by Ping Pings ascension and didnt understand what happened to me, but I bet hed have a grand old time splashing around the tub with Ping Ping. Still, I cant really blame him if he enjoys living out in the wilds over cuddling up with Mama Bun every night, so Ill have to find some time to visit the bamboo grove one of these days and check in on the little guy.

Not anytime soon though. Theres too much heat on me right now, with nobles, Imperials, and Defiled alike watching my every move, so even if I didnt have the fate of the Empire resting on my shoulders, itd be silly to take a few days off for a pleasure trip.

Sensing my melancholy, Ping Ping paddles over to gently headbutt me in the face, and it never fails to make me smile. Not because I particularly enjoy the act itself, but because of how she draws back to see the effects of her work. Though smarter than most animals and many people Ive met, Ping Ping is still very much a turtle who operates on turtle logic, so its funny to try and figure out how she sees the world. I realized early on that she headbutts me because shes seen me headbutt the bears, bunnies, and wildcats, so she thinks I enjoy the headbutts which is why shes playing along. Simply said, shes here to cheer me up, and it is sorely needed because Im worried Im losing my way.

Keeping my voice to barely above a whisper, I lean in close and stroke her cheeks while confiding in this sweet, amiable turtle. I sentenced a lot of people to death today, and Im not sure if they all deserved it. I should feel horrible, feel it gnawing away at my conscience and expect not to sleep well for days to come, but I know as soon as I get back to my room and finish work for the night, Ill lay my head down, close my eyes, and be asleep in seconds. Itll be this way because Ill never have to see those villagers, those preachers, those possible innocents and consider the effect of my actions. I wont have to hear them plead for mercy or watch them draw their last breath, because all I did was sign some papers and hand them off to someone else. Blowing out sigh, I sink into the water and say, It shouldnt be this easy, but it is, and Im afraid of what itll do to me in the long run. Will I one day just stop caring? Or worse, see my work as a bothersome distraction and pay less attention to it than I should? I wont even know if I made the right decisions, and even though it bothers me now, Ill probably forget about it in a few days and never think about them again. Thats not right. Things shouldnt be this way, but I dont see any alternative.

Finally free to enjoy my Heavenly dessert, I open the lunchbox and remove the secured travel bowl from inside, with the lid clamped on tight and a small glass container of golden-brown ginger-infused syrup strapped in next to it. Tofu pudding just looks like tofu in water, and the syrup is more water than syrup, but together, these two items represent the culmination of Taduks gardening work, with a little help from Charok to blend it all together since my sweet Teacher can barely light a campfire much less boil water on his own. Stomach grumbling at the sight of this delectable treat, I fondly recall my first taste of Spiritual Tofu Pudding, a mouth-watering delight which Shen ZhenWu brought back from the East and probably jump-started my whole healing process. A shame Taduk and Charok havent been able to replicate it yet, but heres hoping eighteenth times the charm.

Ignoring the fact that these soybeans were grown in turtle shit, I dig in and savour the first bite. Unfortunately, I already knew itd be a failure, because Mama Buns nose hasnt even twitched in my direction, meaning something important and magical is being lost in the cooking process. Dont get me wrong, the tofu pudding is a yummy treat, but no more delicious than any normal dessert, as opposed to the sublime Spiritual Tofu Pudding Shen ZhenWu treated me to. Still, Im not too bummed about it since even if we never figure out how to make Spiritual Plants fit for human consumption without ruining their magical properties, I can always pop over to the closest Demon-riddled battle-field for a quick Succ if Im ever feeling metaphysically peckish.

This does raise up a whole host of questions though, but theyve mostly been sitting on the back-burner since I have more important things to think about. Why do humans not benefit from eating Spiritual Plants when it seems like rabbits and other herbivores clearly do? It also seems odd that the carnivores dont care about the Spiritual Plants, which brings me back to what the Abbot spoke about when discussing Spiritual Beasts and the formation of Spiritual Hearts. Im pretty sure the Defiled gain strength through cannibalism, and animals gain strength from eating other animals or Spiritual Plants. It doesnt really explain how so many herbivores become Spiritual Beasts though, since Id imagine Spiritual Plants are few and far between, or why humans dont grow stronger from eating Spiritual Beasts, but not knowing things is hardly new. Either way, I finish off my bowl of tofu pudding without offering to share, not because Im greedy, but because according to Taduk, I am his test subject and no one else can try it because he wants to keep the variables to a minimum.

Not the worst idea, but I just think hes insisted on this because he knew I would want everyone to have some. Growing Spiritual Soy Beans was a lot of work, and he wants me happy and healthy again before anything else. Warmed by his good intentions, I enjoy the sweet treat for what it is, and try not to feel too disappointed by the lack of magical happenings or orgasmic deliciousness. Theres just something missing, and I dont know what, but you gotta hand it to those Imperial chefs. They sure know how to cook up some Spiritual Plants, assuming thats what the Legates tofu pudding was made of.

Wait. Spiritual Plants.

Imperial Chefs.

Whats the matter hubby?

Peering at me in a mixture of curiosity and concern, Lin-Lin awaits my final verdict, so I smile mournfully and shake my head. Nothings wrong. The tofu pudding was delicious, but still not the same.

Mmm, then what was that face you made?

Frowning in exaggerated mockery of my expression, Lin-Lin puts on the ugliest scowl Ive ever seen, complete with overly pursed lips and slumped shoulders. Squeezing her cheeks between thumb and forefinger, I scowl normally and say, That is not how I look, and I did it because Im an idiot. Reiterating everything Xing Yong Wei told me about the Supreme Families and conclude, I thought the Di family was all about farming, because theyre named for the Earth, but I just realized they probably specialize in growing Spiritual Plants and processing them for human consumption.

The sympathetic glances from Luo-Luo, Lin-Lin, Sorya, and Anrhi wound me gravely, and once again, Im reminded that I am a giant idiot. Wait, Lin-Lin says, scowling for real this time, and its adorable even though Im still squeezing her cheeks. Does that mean they have Divine Animals too? Makes sense, ya?

Oh, maybe. Thinking it through, I shrug and say, Well, we cant rule out the possibility that they have another way to grow Spiritual Plants. Or they specialize in cooking long pig, a la Defiled. Theres power in cannibalism, I know there is, but how and why? Maybe the Di family fertilizes their fields with dead Defiled or something. Ugh, I shouldve picked the Abbots brain more when he was around and asked him about how he raised three Spiritual Beasts. He wouldnt say, but I think at least one of his animals formed a Spiritual Heart by eating Defiled, which further proves my suspicions.

So what is so special about the Defiled? Why dont humans gain Spiritual Hearts from eating Spiritual Beasts? I ate the snakey snake who supplied the Spiritual Heart for Yans shield, but it didnt taste any different from regular snake, nor did it make me any stronger. Unless it did and I just never noticed, much like the elixir I won from the ill-fated Society Contests. Seriously though, what the hell, world? Have some consistency. Why do Defiled get stronger from eating human corpses, and predators grow stronger from eating their prey, but regular old humans dont get stronger from eating rice and beef?

So many questions and never any answers. Sometimes, I wish I could just turn my brain off and accept things for what they are, like I did as Baledagh. The questions were still unanswered, but he could use Chi and Heavenly Energy better than Brother could, because Brother had issues putting aside the unknowns, just like I do now. Im beginning to understand Gerels concerns over my lack of faith, because I can finally see how its been affecting me all along. He accepts that his strength comes from the Mother Above, empowering him with purpose to defeat the Defiled, but I lack faith and question everything, which in turn limits what I can do. Its Guiding all over again. I used it flawlessly for weeks before Mila pointed out what I was doing, and then it became a struggle to pick up Guiding again until I learned to trust my instincts and just throw my damn sword. I hate not knowing the answers, but Im not smart enough to figure things out on my own.

Such is my curse, the curse of knowing just enough to know I dont know shit.

Interrupted by another pinch to the cheek, Lin-Lin chastises me for dwelling on my thoughts again and drags me and Luo-Luo away to play with Aurie, Sarankho, and Jimjam. The night passes quickly and soon it becomes time to sleep, so I trundle over to pick up the sleeping red panda and cuddle his unconscious form. It feels wrong to do this without his consent, but hes too adorable to resist, and Ping Ping doesnt seem to mind as she ambles along behind us off back to my room. Once were all under the covers with Aurie splayed out over my legs, I stroke Ping Pings head and nuzzle her close, wondering if this is the night I pay another visit to her Natal Palace. I havent been back since waking from my coma, but Im not sure if this is because I cant do it anymore, or if she doesnt have a Natal Palace, and without Pong Pong, its impossible to confirm. Its possible Princess has a Natal Palace, but she refuses to leave Songs side, and Kankin, Akanais old, surly quin, most certainly doesnt, since I already tried napping with him during the trip over here and almost lost a hand in the process.

Then again, maybe Kankin does have a Natal Palace and I just wasnt invited in. Who knows. Not me, thats who, and I hate that theres no one around to ask.

Contrary to my earlier expectations, sleep eludes me for some time as I ponder the Dao and my worldly problems, but eventually, the darkness comes to claim me. However, this is not the shadowy stillness of slumber, but the limitless nothingness of the void come to claim me. My heart surges as I open my eyes to take in the Void around me, but the emptiness disappears and is replaced by a seamless, endless boundary of white. Realization settles in as I turn to face Zhen Shi, sitting high above me in his embroidered robes depicting all manner of atrocities in motion, like a sickening, living tapestry thrown about his form. What concerns me even more is that hes sipping tea at a table exactly like the one Mom and Akanai sat at, with the details perfect right down to pattern on the ornate porcelain teacups and sweet, fragrant scent of the tea.

God dammit. I really need to figure out call blocking or something, because I do not want an eight-hundred year old mass murderer on speed dial in my head...

Chapter Meme