Chapter 685

Chapter 685

Somethings not right, but I know exactly how to fix it.

Conjuring up yet another pillow, I set it down under my doggys chin just to make sure hes extra comfy, and give him a few more scritches while Im at it. Curled up on my bed with the blankets covering his head, Buddy sighs in contentment and closes his eyes to sleep, exhausted after our long walk around the Natal Palace. Not entirely true, considering he is a creature of soul and emotion living in an environment of the same, meaning he could walk from now until the end of time without growing tired so long as my Natal Palace remains intact, but sometimes, when dealing with your pets, its nice to put reality aside and pretend theyre real people.

The truth is much less fun, in that Buddy is my Natal Guardian and is tired because I myself am physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted after staying up for multiple nights in a row in an effort to convince my waking self to go find Kukku. I dont understand why Buddy is exhausted while I still feel fresh as a daisy, nor do I understand why he chose to sleep on the bed rather than on the office chair, which I figured was my Natal Throne. Then again, maybe Ive been taking the word throne too literally, as theres no reason it has to be an actual chair. Pong Pongs Throne is a coral bed, and Ping Pings was a mud bank, so maybe my whole bedroom is my Natal Throne, the safe space where I oversee my entire Natal Palace, and the chair and computer are just the envisioned mediums through which I control it. Still doesnt answer why Buddy needs to sleep and I dont, but it is convenient considering I have things to do and people to see.

Giving Buddy a kiss on the head and another on the snoot, I quietly back out of the room so as not to disturb him. Closing the door ever so gently, my hand lingers on the handle as I fight the urge to go back inside to greet him, knowing just how happy and excited hell be to see me again, to hear his squeaky cries of greeting as he circles around me, all the while wagging his tail so hard his whole butt shakes. Part of me recognizes that this probably isnt healthy, depending so much on a dog Ive already lost once before, but I cant help it. Buddy is not just a dog, hes my dog, and he was with me for a huge part of my past life. Just having him here with me makes me feel more real, more sane and not so crazy anymore, because he is proof that I existed in a past life in another world, something more than just vague memories and recollections. Though I might still be a stranger in a foreign land and possibly even an invader in a stolen body, I am still Rayne and Falling Rain both, my past and my present coming together to create a brand new me. While Ive experienced this more literally than most, this is how it is for everyone, because no one is the same person they were two seconds ago. So long as we draw breath, we humans are forever changing, adapting, growing, and developing, becoming someone new with every step we take on this journey called life.

And though we all must forge our own paths, we never do so alone, because every person we meet and interact with comes along for the journey in some way. My dog, my family, my wives, my pets, my friends, my allies, my enemies, and even casual acquaintances, each of them have shaped me in some way and left their marks on my soul, however minor it might be. These marks might not always be permanent, but the most substantial ones will not only shape my path forward, but will also be carried with me from this life into the next, and every life thereafter. Maybe in my next life, Ill rely on Aurie, Mama Bun, or someone else entirely to get me through the darkest of times, but here and now, Buddy is my rock, the moral foundation upon which I build my ethical guidepost. Honestly, not the worst choice to make, considering he was the sweetest dog ever, though I am a little worried Ill develop an irrational hatred of squirrels and intense fixation on chasing balls. Its okay though. Buddy is the most loyal companion a man could ask for, and if he starts affecting my thoughts and behaviour in a negative manner, I can just fine tune the amount of influence his soul has over mine. He wont mind it at all, unlike Baledagh who resented playing second fiddle to Falling Rain, because lets be real here; Buddy is a dog, sweet, loyal, and stupid. I mean, to be fair, having Baledagh around did help, although it probably caused more problems than it solved in the long run, but only because I insisted on treating him like an actual separate person, one with his own goals that were not always the same as mine. On the other hand, Buddy is a dog, and while I will spoil him silly, hes still just a dog, which means I dont feel bad if he stays in my Natal Palace all the time, because he just wants to be close to me and guard me from the bad things, even if I myself am the source of said bad things. Sure, hell be lonely when Im gone, but hes a strong, independent dog who dont need no man, or rather needs his own personal time and space. Itll just be like going to work everyday, and when I come home, Ill take him on long walks and bring plenty of friends for him to play with.Updated from novelb(i)n.c(o)m

...Okay, I realize reviving a long dead pet inside my imaginary mind space probably isnt the healthiest way to deal with my unresolved issues, but if its stupid and it works, well then it aint stupid.

Backing away from the door, I teleport myself to the pier and gaze down in the depths of my Natal Lake. The waterpark has long since been hidden away after playtime finished, but the natural currents churn and writhe with the collective enmity of all the Spectres I recently Cleansed, carried down into the depths yet struggling to make its way out again. Thats Buddys work, as he closed off the Natal Fissure which was dumping all my bad juju out into the Void and essentially trapping all those negative emotions shed by the Spectres. I considered closing the fissure myself for the sake of Balance, as negative emotions have their place just as positive ones do too, but theres more at work here than I consciously understand. The symbolism was previously lost to me, but I now realize this lake represents more than just the Cleansing waters of my soul, but is also indicative of the power at my disposal. Most of the lake water is just Chi, but a small, minute portion of it is usable Heavenly Energy. There was a time when I kept the latter in a bowl atop my nightstand, but now I understand that Chi, Water Chi, and Heavenly Energy are really all one and the same, though I have yet to comprehend how to properly utilize it. In this, I am no different from any other Martial Warrior, because while Chi can do anything Heavenly Energy is capable of doing, the limits are not in the type of energy used, but rather our imperfect understanding of how to utilize what we have at our disposal.

In short, using Chi is like cooking from scratch, while Heavenly Energy is ordering a pre-packaged meal. Both are still food, and can even taste exactly the same, but the difference lies in my own understanding of what goes into the whole process and the effort required. Maybe theres a better way to explain it, but thats the best I got now, though Im still not sure if Im right.

As for these negative emotions trapped inside my Natal Lake, I know emotion is power, so I would be a fool to vent it all into the void, as I have been all this time. If Buddy thought keeping all of this bad juju would harm me, he wouldve done away with it in an instant, but he deliberately closed my Natal Fissure and kept all this enmity contained here. Its odd, because I should know everything he knows, and I know he knows that this is a good thing to do, but I have no idea why he did what he did because he doesnt know either. He just knows, and thats enough for him, which I suppose should be good enough for me too.

Hmm... It seems like having Buddy around has not done anything to improve my indecisive nature. Not that I shouldve expected it to, because why would it? Im still me, whether Buddy is around or not, and only I can change myself if I so desire it. Putting aside my questions of the Martial Path and emotions, I focus on more pressing issues as I raise my head and stare out into the Void. Overhead, the rifts still lies open and unguarded, but the torrent of invading Spectres has long since come to an end. Only the black stillness of the unending Void lingers to greet me, inviting me out into its cold, dark embrace, and I would be a fool to not be afraid. This stillness is unnatural, for the Void is all encompassing, and the measly few Spectres Ive already Devoured were nothing more than a side dish in the grand scheme of things. I feel that someone or something has cut me off from the Void, placed a barrier between me and the vast emptiness I see laid out before me, which likely means I have once again caught Zhen Shis attention.

Stepping outside unprepared might well be fitting the noose around my neck, and yet leave I must, because I require aid and answers, which I will only receive if I am able to make my way over to the Abbots Natal Palace.

It wasnt too long ago when Zhen Shi tricked me into leaving the safety of my Natal Palace and trapped me in a living hell of his own design, and that experience nearly unmade me. This time however, if he is waiting out there, then I will not be caught unawares. I will not be powerless like I was before, because now I have an inkling of how to fight him. Though these past few days, Ive been unable to contest the Spectres out in the Void, I now understand that this isnt because I cant fight them, but because I didnt know how to. Spectres are emotion bound in slivers of soul, just like the Natal Souls I sent out to do good in the world, which was why Gen Shi let slip about how surprisingly apt my naming sense was. Spectres are simply Natal Souls by another name, ones filled with hatred, suffering, vitriol, and all other manner of negative emotions, and it is for this reason why I was unable to fight them.

Not because theyre strong and Im weak, but because I forgot how to arm myself with the proper weapons.

Peace and Tranquility appear in my hands, so naturally its almost as if they were always there, my hands closing around hilt and handle with barely a second thought. My armour blinks into existence, the golden Runic plate modelled after Shen ZhenWus trappings, but on a whim, they transform into something more familiar and comforting, dark Sentinelarmour made of carnugator leather, with open mouthed beasts on each shoulder alongside a bestial helmet fashioned in the same style. I keep a few things from the Legates armour, like the character etched across my chest, the open-mouthed turtle on my belt, and the various animals depicted across the armour to liven things up, but at the core of it all is the armour I wore briefly during the Societys Contest. Alsantset and Charok gifted it to me, and even though I didnt have it for long before my skirmishes against the Society Adherents tore it apart, I always loved how it looked and the thought they put into this princely gift. I lost an arm and almost my life to the carnugators, so my sister had this armour made from one of the carnugators I killed and specifically requested it be reminiscent of the overgrown lizards, because she knew the symbolism would help me overcome my fear, and it worked magnificently. I never really developed a trauma over carnugators, because she showed me that I had already conquered them, and therefore had no reason to fear them again.

Hang on. Is this why the Defiled make armour out of their enemies? Maybe I should kill Gen and keep his metallic hands as a trophy. Gruesome, I know, but I mean if it works...

Much like the last time I faced Gen Shi in my Natal Palace, I make sure my armour is Runic in nature and feel my confidence gradually building in the back of my mind. The armour protects me because I believe it will protect me, thats the basic premise of power in the Void. Thats why the Spectres are ugly and bestial in form, to scare me into believing they can hurt me. Maybe they actually can, but my belief in their abilities makes them that much stronger, and while I might not be able to render them weak and helpless with faith and conviction alone, these weapons and armour infused with my emotions should allow me to at least hurt them.

Just to have another weapon in my back pocket, I bottle up the worst of the Cleansed emotions into a dozen gourds hanging off my belt, as well as a few gourds of pure Heavenly Energy. Im not sure how to use them, but I do know they should come in handy if Im caught in a pinch. Spectres are weaponized emotion, so I might as well fight fire with fire, right?

The only thing missing is Unity, and while theres nothing stopping me from materializing the transforming glaive in hand, a vague sense of uncertainty strikes me as I consider doing just that, a gut feeling that says its too soon for this. Though worried I might just be second guessing myself, I decide its best left for later when I have more time to reflect on my memories and emotions from my third binding ceremony and move onto more pressing matters. The Void beckons to me, calling me to step out into its cold, dark embrace, and though Id be lying if I said I had no reservations about accepting the invitation, Im about as ready as I can be at the moment, so theres no time like the present. Armed and armoured in faith and conviction, I step through the rift

And find myself seated in my courtyard manor, with my beautiful wives by my side.

Mila clutches my right arm while Yan has my left, radiating heat from their scantily clad bodies as they press themselves against me. Their unrestrained hunger making them more bold and adventurous than Ive ever seen, and I yearn to give myself over to them and fulfill their every desire. Mounting a leg each, they pull me into their embrace and I lose myself in the heady, intoxicating haze of lust and longing, my carnal appetite unleashed and ready to be sated. Their smooth, silken skin, their soft, tender flesh, their fresh, carnal scent, I take it all in and only crave more as my mounting desire peaks and

Arf.

...Hang on. Thanks to the medicinal baths, courtesy of Taduk, Taiyi ZhuShen, and Li TieGuai, I have a refined body thats tougher than your average Martial Warrior. Does this mean... I can have happy fun times with Mila... without breaking any bones?

God dammit! Ive wasted so much time already. I need to get back in working order and er... test this theory, stat!

Taking a seat in front of the Abbot, I resist the urge to launch into a litany of my own problems and study him instead. You... dont look well.

Do I not? Gesturing at himself with a wince, he makes an effort to straighten up with pride. Even old as I am, I am still sometimes surprised by my reflection in the water, one I barely recognize at times. This form however, this is how I saw myself for many a decade, a handsome man with a winning smile, despite never winning anyone over with it. Frowning as he studies my features, he adds, Odd that you see yourself as older and less handsome than you are in life Junior Brother SanDukkha, an idiosyncrasy I would gladly delve into if matters were less dire.

SanDukkha? Oh yea, my monk name which means perpetual suffering. No one ever uses it, so I almost forgot all about it. You know how matters are progressing in the outside world?

No. Shaking his head with a knowing smile, which I cannot deny is charming, the young Abbot looks me up and down, though his gaze lingers on my many gourds of negative emotion. But if matters were not so dire, then you would not risk the destruction of your eternal soul to come here, even if you are armed for bear.

...See, I figured thats what was happening here, but its still disconcerting to have confirmation. Even though I dont really know what a soul entails, I dont feel great about risking it every time I go Natal Palace delving. Then again, the fact that Pong Pong and Ping Ping are willing to come visit me and risk their souls is heartening indeed, and it might be the same with Mama Bun, except Im pretty sure she doesnt understand the risk. Cute as a button but dumb as a bag of rocks, thats my sweet Mama Bun, and I love her so. Okay, so I find dumb animals adorable, sue me. Yea well, Im having troubles communicating in real life. No idea why. Still reluctant to dive right in and bombard him with questions, I glance around the Abbots Natal Palace in search of something amiss and ask, So... whats happening with you?

I am dying. Though delivered with a casual tone and easygoing smile, the statement hits with the force of a truck and knocks the non-existent air out of my unneeded lungs, but he continues speaking without missing a beat. Slowly, but surely, and short of a miracle of Heaven, I fear there is no cure in sight. Holding a hand up to forestall my argument, he does that thing people do where they read my thoughts and then later deny having ever done so. Damage done during a battle between Divinities is not limited to mere flesh and bone. Suffice it to say, my injuries go beyond the physical, and even your unique Healing method is not enough to save me. Pressing his hands together, he bows in apology, and its easy to see how much even this minor gesture costs him. Apologies, Junior Brother SanDukkha. This monk studied your methods in secret without first obtaining permission, and has long since uncovered the secrets to your undying flesh. A clever method, to rely on the bodys ability to naturally Heal and merely accelerate the process, though the base root of your method speaks to an unprecedented knowledge of the human body.

Thats bait if I ever saw it, an attempt to lure me into changing the subject and moving on from the Abbots dilemma, but I refuse to take it. What sort of injuries go beyond the physical? Even as I ask the question, the answer reveals itself to me. Damage to the soul? How can that keep you down though? Repairing the soul is easy, just... do things you enjoy. Enjoy the company of people you care about. Reflect on memories that bring you comfort and happiness. Give Kukku a hug or something. All things that are good for the soul.

A remarkably astute observation for one so young and unlearned. Tilting his head, the Abbot asks, Did Brother Mahakala tell you this? Or perhaps your Teacher, the Medical Saint? No, neither one would be so irresponsible as to share such pertinent information before you were ready and risk ruining your future progress. Eyes lighting up in understanding, he continues, Of course, of course. You no doubt have a unique perspective of the soul, seeing as you are the Devourer. Eh-Mi-Tuo-Fuo.

Partially true, but not entirely, as I owe most of my understanding to those feel-good story books, Chicken Soup for the Soul. Also, I did sever a whole bunch of my Soul and Devour it again, which now that I think about it is kinda gross, like swallowing something Id already vomited up. Stop deflecting. Why wont any of my proposed solutions work?

Because, Junior Brother SanDukkha, the Abbot says, his expression softening into one of easy acceptance. This monk has no more people he loves or cares about, and believes he has nothing left to live for.

Now theres a conversation stopper if I ever heard one, so I sit and wait for him to elaborate. Glancing about the monastery, his eyes take on a forlorn cast as he sees something I cannot, something he remembers rather than what is shown before him. You saw the illusion, yes? The differences in the monastery? That was in a time long past, one this monk can barely recall anymore, for it was long before I Formed a Natal Palace. Though I have tried to lock those memories in place, I cannot help but wonder about the details Id since forgotten and wish I could remember them in greater clarity, if only so that I might indulge myself a little better. Pointing at a now vacant spot, he sighs and says, There, my Senior Brother sat, the role model for all to aspire to. Moving his hand to point at the front where the aged monk sat and beat out a steady rhythm on his drum, he continues, And there sat my Mentor, my Teacher, and a man who became a father to me, for he took me in and tended to my broken self when none others would have me.

And now theyre both gone, I whisper, understanding where hes going, and the Abbot nods in reply while reflecting on memories of a past that are denied to him forevermore.

After a long silence, the Abbot heaves another sigh and brushes away an unseen tear. Not only this, but I have ruined everything they sought to create. By passing over Senior Brother and appointing me to Abbot, my Mentor inadvertently knocked Senior Brother off his Path, a misstep I failed to help him recover from before he died at Zhu Chanzuis hands. Under this monks leadership and his endeavours to better influence the mortal world, the Brotherhood was forced into hiding, and recently fractured beyond all repair. Now, the world teeters on the brink of non-existence, but its members are too indifferent to even care, and this monk does not know how to sway them to his cause. Whatever will be, will be, is their prevailing thought, abstaining from taking a side for fear of being tainted by the red dust of the mortal world. Mistaken though his beliefs may be, at least Brother Vyakhya had the wherewithal to act on his convictions, while the others simply hide their heads in the sand and hope to weather the storm unscathed. Such arrogance, such sin, Eh-Mi-Tuo-Fuo. Hanging his head in shame, the Abbot closes his eyes and sighs a third time, his heart heavy and tears flowing, grieving his failures and welcoming the inevitable end, because he sees no other way to escape the pain.

I came here in search of help, but it seems the Abbot needs help even more than I do. Though I have no idea what to do, I do know that sometimes, people dont need others to solve their problems for them, they just need someone to listen to them vent. Ive done it often enough to know how it feels to have my problems trivialized by people who dont understand. Why are you depressed? theyd ask, before the inevitable, Just go out, relax, and have some fun, thatll cheer you up. As if I havent tried just being happy. Thanks for the advice, cured my depression right there. Ill just be happy instead of being sad. Genius.

Knowing he has plenty more to get off his chest, I reach out to take his hand and wait until his eyes meet mine. I am here to listen, if you care to talk.

Despite the sorrow in his eyes, the Abbot manages to squeeze out a small smile, albeit a brief one that disappears soon after. You have much wisdom for one so young, he says, puffing up with the tiniest bit of pride. Perhaps not all of this monks decisions were misguided, for though it divided the Brotherhood more than anything that came before, your words and actions have proven that you deserve your place as Wisdom of the Brotherhood.

Arguable, but I dont think now is the time to bring this up. Maybe later, when the Abbot is no longer suicidal and back to full health, but for now, we need to take the spotlight away from me and focus on him for a bit.

A shame he cant be like me and just get a dog. That would for sure fix all that ails him, the love and companionship of a sweet pupper.

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