CH 42

“Didn’t you also say that I’m a rotten person?”

Lu Yong heard Shen Wenqiu’s question.

Lu Yong’s expression changed greatly as if he getting hit in the head.

He had said this before when Shen Wenqiu just arrived. Shen Wenqiu was still covered in thorns and said to him, “I am no longer who I was ten years ago. I haven’t been a long time. Do you still think I’m a good person?”

What did he answer? Oh yes. He said, “I don’t think that way. I know you’re a rotten guy.”

He always couldn’t lie—he wanted to be honest with Shen Wenqiu.

At that time, Shen Wenqiu was a little annoyed. He chased after him to explain, but he left it alone because he thought that this matter was just plainly revealed. In fact, a landmine was buried.

Before, Shen Wenqiu was not gentle at all. His soul was pierced with sharp thorns by many setbacks and pains. If someone asked if he couldn’t hug because of this, he would say with a bad temper, “I don’t want to hug you either. Don’t be too sentimental and think that hugging me will hurt you.”

That was how it was sometimes.

Basically, when someone the person who spoke meant it one way, but the person who listened to it understood it in a different way, that would cause many misunderstandings.

Lu Yong was very anxious, so he took a deep breath. He wanted to talk to him face-to-face and explain solemnly. He hurriedly wanted to walk in front of him.

Lu Yong had just lifted his foot. When Shen Wenqiu heard his footsteps and ran away immediately. When Lu Yong finally caught up, Shen Wenqiu turned around and didn’t want to look at him.

Lu Yong insisted on leaning in front of him. If passersby saw them at this time, they would see two people running around in circles in a silly manner.

They were clearly side by side, but one was hiding and the other was chasing, so they couldn’t face each other.

Lu Yong lost his temper, and now his temper flared up. He knew that Shen Wenqiu was ill… He should be more patient! He couldn’t force Shen Wenqiu! Be gentle, be gentle. He was originally a gentle person.

But now he really couldn’t be gentle anymore.

Every time Shen Wenqiu was the one who took the initiative, and every time it was Shen Wenqiu was the one who patted his butt and refused to admit it after they slept. He wanted to be responsible and there was chance to be responsible. Shen Wenqiu would let him regained his dignity!!

Lu Yong was extremely annoyed. He grabbed Shen Wenqiu’s arm firmly, pulled the person over hard, and turned him straight to face himself.

Shen Wenqiu turned his face away, and he clasped Shen Wenqiu’s wrists with his left hand, clipped them behind his back, and squeezed Shen Wenqiu’s chin with his right hand. While forcing the person to lift his face, he said with his calm and angry voice, he said, “Look at me, Shen Wenqiu.”

Shen Wenqiu closed his eyes.

Lu Yong was really furious.

He lowered his head and him kissed directly. He didn’t know what was going on with him either. He seemed to have learned how to kiss without a teacher. Or maybe it was just instinct to invade and plunder him up. The evil thoughts in the darkest part of humanity took the advantage to emerge, raging insanely. 

Shen Wenqiu was being kissed to the point of being scared.

He could hardly breathe, and his face turned red.

Lu Yong’s character was so overbearing. He was clearly such a weak and insensitive person—even if someone ridiculed him, he could be calm and indifferent, as if nothing in the world could make him angry. It was very rare to see Lu Yong angry.

However, once he was angry, Lu Yong would be like a changed person, and anyone who saw him would be afraid.

For example, last time at the casino.

For example, now.

在‌床上时就会这样，仿佛在‌和野兽zuo/ai。

Shen Wenqiu even had the illusion that Lu Yong wanted to tear him apart and swallow him. Lu Yong’s anger seemed to be steaming, heart-warming, and frightening. In fact, Lu Yong did this occasionally, like a dark temperament that spilled out inadvertently.

This happened when in bed, as if he was making love with a beast.

Shen Wenqiu was kissed till he was confused, and even more absurd thoughts came out falteringly, Lu Yong… Lu Yong would not want to force him here, right? His current mental state was already sensitive, and he couldn’t help shivering.

Only then did Lu Yong let him go with a dark face.

While he hugged him fiercely and pressed Shen Wenqiu’s face into his own arms, he stroked Shen Wenqiu’s trembling back stiffly. His anger still hadn’t been completely relieved. “I’m not trying to scare you, Xiao Baa…”

“You never listen to my explanation, and I don’t even know what to do.”

They hadn’t done intimate things before when things like this happened last time, so he could only hold back his anger. Now that they had done everything they should and shouldn’t have done, there were more options for them to better communicate with each other.

Kiss first and then they’d continue.

Lu Yong was extremely depressed, “You were in that state at the time. Do I have to lie to you and say that you are a good person?”

As expected, Shen Wenqiu wanted to cry again. He wanted to break free and said, “I know, but I don’t need you to remind me.”

But Lu Yong’s arm was too strong. When Lu Yong only had one hand, he could still shake Lu Yong off. Now, Lu Yong was equipped with a prosthetic limb. With two hands, he couldn’t escape at all, and Lu Yong tightly held him in his arms.

Just like in the river that day.

No matter how deep he drowned in the swamp as if he was abandoning himself, Lu Yong would do his best to pull him out.

Lu Yong paranoidly and frantically said, “I love you, Shen Wenqiu. I love you, I love you, I love you more than you think.”

“I love you, I love you, I love you…”

It was like he couldn’t finish what he said. They were like love words or curses.

Shen Wenqiu stopped slowly, gave up struggling, and let Lu Yong hug him.

Lu Yong’s head was hot. He couldn’t organise his words at all, he expressed his suppressed thoughts for many years out instinctively, “I don’t want to be like this, like a madman, like a pervert, which will make you afraid. I know you are actually very timid. I don’t want to scare you.”

“That’s why I never dared to tell you.”

“That I love you, and I love you—I will love you if you are a good person, and love you even if you are a bad person.”

“You know I’m stupid. I don’t know how to deal with feelings, I can’t get along well with people, and I don’t know what love really is. But I dare to say that I love you, not only for your optimism, kindness, and gentleness when you were a teenager, but also for your timidity, inferiority, and paranoia. I love it because they all belong to you.”

“If you’re a good Shen Wenqiu, it’s better. If you turn into a bad Shen Wenqiu, I like it too. Why do you think I’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend all these years? It’s because I like you. I can’t like anyone else. I only like you, and you only!”

“I’m such a despicable person.”

“I know that you have a relationship with me because of loneliness and pathological reasons. You want to feel that you are living in the world from the love making, and I just can’t refuse you. I meanly took advantage of your loneliness.”

“I want to have you, I want you so much! I want you so much that I’m going crazy. Maybe I’ve been crazy since I was sixteen, and I haven’t been cured until now. So as soon as I get the chance, I can’t convince myself to let it go!”

Shen Wenqiu pushed him, but Lu Yong still didn’t break free. Shen Wenqiu cried so much that his face was covered in tears, his cheeks were flushed, the hair at the temples was also messed up, and stained with tears stuck to his face. He was very embarrassed. Shen Wenqiu stared with his red eyes and clenched his teeth tightly until his cheeks hurt. He glared at Lu Yong fiercely, and asked bluntly like a prying clam after a while, “You said you like me? Then why did you not come to me for ten years?”

Lu Yong stared at Shen Wenqiu with deep eyes.

Shen Wenqiu felt that Lu Yong was holding him in the palm of his hand in a condescending manner, yet like a believer who bowed down in front of him reverently, “Since you loathe me, you tell me not to appear in front of you. As long as it is you, I will follow what you say. My rules are in your hands. You can break them, but I can’t. I don’t want you to hate me more.”

How absurd.

However, Lu Yong was serious.

So he was the one who told Lu Yong not to show up, and Lu Yong could endure not showing up for ten years, even if he still loved him. So he called Lu Yong at the police station. With just a word, he could summon Lu Yong to make him leave the others behind, and go thousands of miles to come to him.

“Shen Wenqiu, I wish you happiness more than anyone else in the world. I want you to have the best life.”

“I don’t think I’m the best, so I don’t want to appear in front of you. I can only wait for you to want me. Suppose you were still the youngest son of the Shen family. With so many friends, so many people who like you that are all better than me, who are first of all able-bodied, and each one is better than the other, how can someone like me be worthy of chasing you?”

“I can’t deny that you were a rotten person when we met again. If it didn’t turn out to be like that, and no one else wanted you, how could it be my turn?”

“I don’t know how it is for them, but to me, Shen Wenqiu is Shen Wenqiu, and what I love is Shen Wenqiu himself.”

“I know you don’t really like me. I’m just your helpless and desperate choice.”

“After your illness is cured, really cheer up and choose someone better than me, I will respect your choice. I just want you to know that I love you.”

“Lu Yong loves Shen Wenqiu. Shen Wenqiu without anything on him. Even if you hate me.”

Shen Wenqiu’s eyes were sore, his throat was dry, and his heart was throbbing with pain. He wanted to cry and was happy. He said slowly, “…How could I possibly hate you? Don’t slander me.”

Shen Wenqiu really wanted to cry very much—he really didn’t look like a man. He sniffed and said in a sobbing voice with difficulty, “Why do you think I didn’t study abroad in the end?” 

…

Lu Yong, the person who seemed to be the closest to Shen Wenqiu, was the last person in the Shen Wenqiu-centred clique in his high school class to know that Shen Wenqiu would most likely study abroad.

It was probably because he didn’t have a good relationship with anyone other than Shen Wenqiu, and he didn’t necessarily get to speak ten sentences in a semester, and they were all nonsense like “okay” and “oh”. If he had to say something, he would probably speak to Sheng Xu more.

But they weren’t good words.

Sheng Xu loved to target him in a weird way.

Sheng Xu had inadvertently leaked this matter secretly.

At that time, Lu Yong was stunned, and Sheng Xu understood from his too straightforward reaction that Shen Wenqiu didn’t tell him, and was quite happy, “So Xiao Baa didn’t tell you? Haha, we all know that I’m going to go with him to study abroad. The procedures are almost ready, and we’ll definitely be able to apply to the school.”

“You should ask him more yourself. I thought Shen Wenqiu liked you more, but he didn’t even tell you that?”

It was so heartbreaking.