CH 53

Shi Jingzhi suddenly felt a bit sad.

As he wandered through the world, Shi Jingzhi rarely empathized with others. Other people’s joys and sorrows felt like they were behind a veil, coming and going, and he couldn’t see them clearly. His heart was unaware of spring, and he always rushed through life, only seeing the superficial desires of people, unable to perceive their joys, anger, and sorrows.

However, in this moment, his shell was stripped away by the scene before him, causing him some genuine pain.

If the roles were reversed, would he be left behind? What about Yin Ci?

Were worldly attachments such painful things?

Su Si in the illusion of the inner demon cried in such agony, and Shi Jingzhi didn’t know if he cried for his parents’ deception or if he faintly sensed what he had truly given up.

“He never told me… He could have hidden me away back then. Why couldn’t he leave with Taiheng?” Yan Qing’s voice trembled, and his face lacked any trace of color.

Shi Jingzhi remained silent for a long time. “Even if he left with Taiheng a few days later, would you survive? …Is he willing to abandon his only playmate but not his only relative?”

In the world, there was only one person who stumbled after the carriage, telling him that it wasn’t a good place, and he shouldn’t go.

In just one sunrise and sunset, Su Si gained another relative, leaving only this one remaining relative.

The black snake hovered in mid-air with its head slightly lowered. Its killing intent weakened, and its state seemed somewhat trance-like.

Yan Qing made an effort to move in its direction and spoke with a bitter tone. “But I would rather die than become his inner demon.”

Shi Jingzhi waved his flag and blocked Yan Qing. This time, he didn’t deliberately show any gestures, but his every move exuded a leader’s aura. “Now that we have finally stabilized, don’t move for now… His inner demon might not be you.”

The two inner demons entangled, and the scene changed once again.

Su Si had grown taller, and Yan Qing’s cheeks had filled out, giving him a healthy and refreshing look. Both of them wore simple yet clean clothes, seemingly not in the village. It was dim all around, clearly night.

[Uncle Tan praised my skills today.] Su Si rolled up his sleeves, showing off his slender arms. [He said that when I grow up a bit more, he will officially take me as his apprentice. But I don’t want to learn how to butcher pigs. When I become one the Greats in the future, everyone will have pride on their faces.]

Yan Qing had a childish face, but there seemed to be wrinkles forming between his eyebrows. [First, take off your outer garment, and I’ll soak it with today’s clothes. Later, Grandma Tan will want to sleep, and I have to go wash her feet and change her clothes… Uncle Tan took us in only half a year ago, kindly letting us stay at his house. You should still restrain yourself.]

Su Si chuckled. [You don’t understand. I am a great talent who can enter Taiheng.]

[They say the earlier you start martial arts training, the better. If you really want to go, we can head to Yidu tomorrow and take a look at Taiheng.] Yan Qing hesitated for a moment before replying earnestly.

[They are hunting down Yan family members everywhere. If you really enter Taiheng, won’t you have to pretend to be blind every day? Besides, what if you can’t get in? I can’t just leave you outside. We’re still young now, a few more years won’t matter—at least until you’re old enough to take care of yourself.]

They were the same age, but Yan Qing had suffered from malnutrition for a long time. Compared to Su Si, he still looked like a six- or seven-year-old child. When Su Si hit a sore spot, Yan Qing became so angry that he burst out. [I’ll be eleven next month! When I grow up, I’ll definitely be taller than you.]

He thought for a moment and found an excellent way to retaliate. [A’Si, did you memorize today’s lesson? If you want to become one the Greats in the future, you can’t be illiterate.]

Su Si immediately whined. [Hey, little brat, you’re so young, how can you sound like an old Confucian scholar?]

Shi Jingzhi instantly realized—eleven years old; that meant it was ten years ago.

According to Yan Qing, after Yan Qing’s father died, the two of them made a pact to escape from the village. At this moment, it was the year when they relied on each other for a few years before they completely lost contact.

Seeing Yan Qing with a serious face taking out a book, Su Si’s head spun. He glanced around and held onto his coat tightly. [I have to go out tonight. There’s a market on the north side of the town, and it’s bustling.]

Yan Qing’s expression changed. [You promised me this morning that you wouldn’t go out tonight.]

[Those apricot pits you play with? San Zi, usually it’s fine, but tonight is important, so don’t worry about whether it’s auspicious or not.]

Su Si played with his money pouch, intentionally making the copper coins inside jingle. [There are many cheap things at the market. I’ll buy you some candy.]

[Don’t go or take me with you.]

[If you leave, who will take care of Grandma Tan? If she’s unhappy, Uncle Tan will get angry, and we won’t have any good things to eat.]

After a series of threats and temptations, Yan Qing still didn’t buy it, tightly gripping Su Si’s clothes. [You promised me not to go out. I have a bad feeling, really.]

[If I had known, I wouldn’t have let you pretend to be blind and play outside. I’ll definitely give that old monk who taught you fortune-telling a beating when I see him.] Su Si gritted his teeth. [Alright, alright, it’s just a few apricot pits—a little trick to fool people. Look how scared you are.]

Su Si carefully pried open Yan Qing’s fingers. [I’ll be back soon. It’s almost the Lunar New Year, and everything nearby is expensive. It’s rare to catch the market…]

Yan Qing pursed his lips, and the two of them stood in a stalemate for a while.

At that time, Su Si was a head taller than Yan Qing, and Yan Qing felt the pressure of his gaze. Under Su Si’s relaxed gaze, Yan Qing’s expression shifted from determination to hesitation and finally to a lack of confidence, as if he were wondering if he was being unreasonable.

Su Si rubbed his head forcefully, seizing the opportunity. [Stop being difficult. Be good, or else I’ll get angry.]

Yan Qing wrinkled his face and finally hesitantly let go. [Then, then come back earlier.]

After Su Si left, Yan Qing stared blankly at his own hand, slowly biting his lip.

He quickly attended to the elderly woman, helping her wash and get ready for sleep. Then he sat on the doorstep, anxiously waiting for Su Si to come back. The night gradually grew darker, but Yan Qing didn’t move from the doorstep. He stared intently at the entrance gate, tightly clutching the apricot pits, his thin fist turning pale.

At that moment, the adult version of Yan Qing by Shi Jingzhi’s side trembled, and the eyeballs in the shackles of flesh rolled wildly. Shi Jingzhi furrowed his brow slightly, as if realizing something.

That day, Su Si never returned.

Yan Qing tearfully waited through the night, waiting until morning. He searched repeatedly near the town, but he found nothing. Afraid that Su Si couldn’t find him, he obediently returned to the Tan family and waited.

Unfortunately, without Su Si, the naturally powerful helper, Butcher Tan didn’t want to keep a “blind” servant boy all by himself. Not long after, Yan Qing was kicked out of the house.

He stood there, holding his belongings, lost in thought for a long time. Finally, he turned around and walked alone towards the direction of Taiheng.

On the other side, Su Si’s inner demon filled in the missing pieces of Yan Qing’s memory—

That night, Su Si took out the majority of his savings and bought a crude longevity lock at the market. He specifically asked the merchant to wrap it in red paper and carefully put it in his pocket.

However, before he had taken a few steps, the carts and donkeys jumbled together, and the merchants clung to their goods, pushing and trampling each other. People screamed loudly, and the firelight reddened the night.

The Chigou Sect and the Ling Sect clashed nearby. Their members fought without respite, and the conflict spread all the way to the market.

After gaining the upper hand, the Chigou Sect eliminated the Ling Sect completely. While cleaning up the battlefield, one of them noticed the dazed Su Si amidst the pile of corpses. He lifted Su Si up and said, “This kid has a good face and a strong build. He’s good material for killing.”

Su Si, with his rough clothes and having rolled in the mud and blood, clearly wasn’t from a wealthy family, making him an easy target.

As he was lifted up, Su Si regained consciousness and immediately struggled with all his might. Unfortunately, the Chigou Sect wasn’t like the Taiheng Sect, and they didn’t bother with reasoning. With one slap, when Su Si opened his eyes again, he had already been taken far away, not knowing how many miles.

The surroundings grew increasingly dark, gradually losing its coherence. Horrible scenes emerged, with countless faces mocking or in agony. Colors merged into a bloody mess, and various things twisted together, forming a giant elderly face.

The elderly person looked down from above with an oppressive feeling that was suffocating.

The black snake hung its head, curling up into a ball.

Shi Jingzhi recognized that face. It was the face of Matron Wuxue. Within this uncontrollable inner demon, Matron Wuxue’s voice remained hoarse and unpleasant. [I have never been wrong about people. With your disposition, you are destined to join our Divine Sect. If you want to run, go ahead. Escaping will be considered your ability…]

The distorted inner demon scene became even more twisted, nearly reaching the point of collapse. The images constantly shifted, becoming increasingly difficult to discern—

Su Si really did escape. He trained diligently, breaking through guards time and time again, fleeing to the darkest and filthiest corners of the martial world.

But as the leading demonic sect, the Chigou Sect wasn’t to be trifled with. For every inch the righteous path rises, the demonic path follows suit*. Su Si could only evade capture for two or three months at a time before being captured again. But Matron Wuxue didn’t mind his defiance; to her, it seemed like an effective training method.

*(魔高一尺，道高一丈) It’s a proverb that means that as goodness and righteousness become stronger, evil and corruption also grow in response.

Caught, then escaped. Escaped, then caught. Su Si had been on the run for ten years, without respite.

[For so many years, haven’t you seen enough of the filthy corners of the martial world? Your foolish friend and that so-called dream of Taiheng are about to become your obsessions… Well, if you give up so easily, you don’t deserve that position…]

[Kid, you were personally chosen by me as our young Patriarch. One day, you will willingly return…]

Hearing these words, Yan Qing stood frozen in place. His inner demon was completely suppressed, while the darkness from Su Si’s side surged overwhelmingly.

On the brink of collapse within the inner demon scene, Matron Wuxue’s voice grew louder, resembling thunder above and mountains crumbling.

[In this world, there is no such thing as karmic retribution. Ultimately, good is not rewarded, and evil is not punished. Look up three feet, and you won’t find gods or spirits. Act wantonly, as you should. You should understand this better than anyone else…]

Scars were left on the human heart. In the wickedness of the world, once one experienced it firsthand, the shattered innocence and expectations could never be pieced back together.

Ten years was enough to grind a person into dust.

And in the orthodox martial world, it mostly relied on pure-hearted dedication, with an unwavering sincerity that showed no cracks. No matter how young Su Si was, he had witnessed too much malice, and uncontrollable darkness and suspicion were ingrained in his bones. He was destined to have no connection with Taiheng again.

The black snake let out a long hiss as tears of blood streamed down its scales. It suddenly went mad and slammed into the rocks, as if trying to scrape off its own scales. Unfortunately, after the frenzy, the scales remained firmly attached, and it only gained several bloody wounds.

Shi Jingzhi no longer protected Yan Qing. He looked at the gigantic face formed by countless images with a blank expression.

Bound by resentment, with no master to direct it, it devoured its own heart.

What exactly did Su Si’s “ignorance” mean? Was it an inability to distinguish between good and evil, or was it a fading of hot blood, yet still unwilling to let go of the delusion of “clear justice”, unwilling to sink into the path of evil?

Yan Qing grabbed the soil on the mountaintop with both hands. The mountaintop was littered with sharp stones, causing his ten fingers to bleed, tears streaming down his face.

The shackles of flesh finally stopped attacking Su Si. They entangled together, turning their murderous intent towards their master.

Above them were withered faces cast from the wickedness of the world, while all around them was a network of flesh shackles adorned with crimson ghostly eyes, resembling a scene from hell. Blood and tears flowed on the ground, creating a chaotic mess. Amidst the shattered cracks of the disintegrating inner demon scene, a faint hint of blue sky still shone through.

Pure and transparent, yet utterly ruthless.

Shi Jingzhi leaned on the flagpole, feeling a sudden suffocation.

“You are not his inner demon. He resents the distant heavenly mandate*.”

*Clarity: Basically, he resents fate/destiny. 

Shi Jingzhi murmured without looking at Yan Qing.

In this treacherous world, Yan Qing wasn’t Su Si’s inner demon. He was more like his last trace of innocence.

“Yan Qing, you are the opposite… What angers you is not the injustice of the heavens, but your own powerlessness.”

From the beginning until now, even though he had been involved in every twist of fate with Su Si, he couldn’t salvage anything. Ten years had passed, the world had changed, but it still retained its former appearance.

The ghost eyes of the Yan family were still detestable, and Yan Qing himself was still a rat crossing the street, barely surviving in the guise of being blind. He had entered Taiheng, the most just place in the world, but life was still an uphill battle, exhausting all his efforts in superficially embellishing peace.

His anger had ignited over a decade ago and had never extinguished. Year after year, the resentment turned inward, becoming an entrenched illness.

Upon hearing Shi Jingzhi’s words, Yan Qing wiped away his tears haphazardly and suddenly burst into laughter.

Treading on his own inner demon, he stood up unsteadily, as if losing his sense of pain. Red eyes burst open one after another under his feet, making a squelching sound like thick blood.

Yan Qing approached the severely injured black snake and gently embraced it.

The flesh shackles surrounded them from all sides, binding them together, rendering them immobile.

“In the end, birds of a feather flock together.” Yan Qing closed his eyes and embraced the snake’s body. “You and I are the same, resigned to our fate long ago, yet still unwilling… A’Si, from now on, I will accompany you.”

They were both still alive. Even if it meant struggling hopelessly, they didn’t need to continue alone.

The scales of the black snake finally loosened a bit, shedding its black scales to reveal Su Si’s bloodied upper body. The flesh shackles remained still, not retracting, but no longer attacking indiscriminately.

Shi Jingzhi sighed and slowly lowered the flagpole in his hand.

He approached the two individuals, both on the verge of death, and looked at Su Si, covered in blood, with his eyes half-closed. “Su Si, can you still hear me?”

Su Si raised his eyes and weakly nodded.

Shi Jingzhi’s face showed no expression. “Then let me ask you, if you could go back to the beginning, to the moment you first met Shi Zhongyu, would you go with her?”

Su Si hesitated for a moment, then revealed a weary smile that bordered on emptiness.

He shook his head ever so slightly, without any hesitation.

Shi Jingzhi stood in silence for a moment, then bowed respectfully to the two before him.

“Thank you both for enlightening me.”

Yin Ci, who was observing from a distance, sensed that something was amiss and approached with a swift turn. “The Lord of Hatred and the Lord of Ignorance haven’t shown themselves yet. Why did you awaken them?”

Once the inner demons were dispelled, hatred and ignorance would also vanish. Without a target, the demon lords would depart on their own. The clue left by Yan Budu would also come to naught.

“Because we no longer need them.” Shi Jingzhi turned his back to Yin Ci. His voice was somewhat stiff, as if suppressing his emotions. “They were already heavily injured. It’s better for them to rest in advance.”

Yin Ci watched that figure and keenly sensed that something was amiss. “What’s wrong with you?”

“A’Ci, I won’t ask about your inner demon. I just want to ask you one thing—why weren’t you surprised by the fact that ‘I have no inner demon’?”

Shi Jingzhi’s voice trembled slightly.

“You already saw through my situation, didn’t you?”

Before, he had thought Yin Ci was indifferent. But now it seemed that he himself was severed from the world, observing from a distance. Wasn’t he the same?

Shi Jingzhi felt a faint pain in his chest.

The inner demons had transformed, fueled by the power of the heart. Yan Qing and Su Si were already at their limits, and with their emotional knots pierced, the inner demon scene instantly collapsed. The murky fragments floated and swayed like a dark snowfall.

The Lords of Hatred and Ignorance carried Yan Budu’s spell, destabilizing people’s mental states. It was indeed a deadly path full of malice, but it could also be an opportunity for enlightenment.

In the recent inner demon scene, the cries of a child were piercing, and the despair of parting ran deep. Yet, Shi Jingzhi inexplicably felt a trace of envy.

In an instant, various scenes from his life flashed through his mind.

From the confusion, the desire to please and guard, to the swirling red leaves like butterflies in a hazy state, and the entwined hair under the starry sky, ending with the joy and indulgence on the Buddha’s head.

In the vivid whirlpool, only Shi Jingzhi stood alone in the center. His memories of the “other” were blurred.

Indeed, he wanted a disciple to experience the bonds of worldly attachments.

It could be anyone as a disciple.

As long as the purpose was achieved, he could give his care, reliance, and worries to them.

He stood high above, desiring only a taste of that slight sweetness and stopping at a surface level. Unfortunately, worldly attachments were still worldly attachments. If he was unwilling to personally stir up dust, then what was the point of worldly attachments?

After entering the formation, Shi Jingzhi had a vague sense of awareness.

His accumulated thoughts, their origins unknown, their outlets unseen, and never revealed to others. Over time, he himself couldn’t distinguish those suppressed emotions, simply regarding them all as “despair”.

In the midst of anguish and confusion, his original aspirations seemed distant and intangible. Naturally, there would be no mundane obstacles.

Yin Ci’s lack of surprise was because he saw through his true nature, right? What did Yin Ci think of such a “Master”? …Not knowing the thoughts of the other person was indeed unsettling.

The previous intimacy and apprehension were now all washed away, leaving behind an indescribable emptiness. The Lord of Greed brushed away the clouds that covered his eyes, seeking to dissipate them, revealing only an empty and suspended true self.

Perhaps it was time to take the first step.

Continuing to be alone and detached, he couldn’t give birth to an inner demon, nor could he touch deep emotions.

Shi Jingzhi turned around, looking at Yin Ci with a smile on his face as his eyes gradually turned red.

“A’Ci, you continue to search for the Lords of Hatred and Ignorance,” he said softly. “With me here now, they won’t leave.”

Yin Ci didn’t move.

Shi Jingzhi didn’t need to explain further. At the moment his words fell, countless pale thorns shot out from under his feet, spreading frantically.

The “Purifying Words” instructed him to ask the heavens and himself, not the world. Yet now, he wanted to blame the heavens and be angry at himself, intertwining love, hatred, anger, and foolishness, projecting them onto the world.

The thorns stretched out in despair, carrying the attachment of unwillingness to depart and a determination to resort to any means necessary. They entangled the mountains, the swaying “bare branches,” and the giant headlights, as if to devour everything. In an instant, the thorns climbed the distant mountains, covering the sky and the earth with their sharp tips pointing straight to the firmament.

In this moment, Shi Jingzhi’s long-standing defenses collapsed. In front of Yin Ci, he personally smashed his heart into the mortal world, leaving behind a ground filled with ordinary grievances, unwillingness, and liberation.

Like mountains covered in snow.

Unstable in his state of mind, hatred and ignorance erupted, and an inner demon was born.

Shi Jingzhi tightly grasped the thorny inner demon. The thorns cut into his palm, causing black-red blood to slowly drip.

“Go and find them quickly,” Shi Jingzhi repeated.

His complexion was pale, and his smile was unsightly. His voice trembled, with a hint of indistinct sobbing.

Yin Ci still didn’t leave.

For some reason, compared to the fleeting glimpse when he was dealing with the Lord of Greed, Shi Jingzhi’s current state, though miserable, appeared more alive—alive enough for Yin Ci to be unable to abandon him.

Yin Ci carefully crossed through the thorns, just like when his eyes were still blind, and firmly grasped Shi Jingzhi’s wrist.

“Shizun, you’ve only given birth to an inner demon; not be consumed by it.”

His actions were resolute, and his voice was calm.

“If we’re going to find them, let’s go together.”

Kinky Thoughts:

Ah I cried… I can’t express how disappointed I am that Su Si and Yan Qing aren’t a CP. I mean common!!!

Just a note on the three Lords. Nian Zhong is (most likely) basing them on the three poisons of Buddhism (which is actually quite apt given that they are in the Buddha Heart Formation). They are:

So while Yan Qing is actually affected by Anger (嗔), I’ve decided to translate it as Hatred following the 3 poisons (as anger is a subset of Hatred). 

Think of Greed, Hatred, and Ignorance on a more conceptual or spiritual meaning than the actual definition when applying it to what’s happening in this novel. Hope that makes sense.