Chapter Fifty-Eight: Changing Links

Chapter Fifty-Eight: Changing Links

It ended up being another sleepless night, though the calm, steady breathing of the girls around me eased my nerves considerably. Noelle was still staying in the other tent, so it was still just me, Rhallani, Serena, and Tiana. All was well until early morning came around and my heightened senses picked up a hammering heartbeat at my side.

Rhallani was silent for the most part, and it was just as she started to whimper that I reached for her. She jerked away before I could try and rouse her from her nightmare, and before I could even ask if she was alright she was up and ducking out of the tent, throwing one of my shirts over her naked frame.

After carefully disentangling myself from the other two, I followed. I found her sitting on the other side of the wagon with her knees tucked to her chest. She didn’t so much as look up when I sank down next to her, but I could tell by her expression that she was distraught.

I gave her some time to just sit and think before I felt she’d had long enough. “Talk to me, Rhallani,” I said softly.

“No ‘Angel’ tonight?” she asked without looking at me.

“Not when you’re clearly hurting. What’s wrong?” She tightened her grip on her legs, pulling them in tighter.

“We can start with whatever your nightmare was about, if you want.”

She let out a long breath. “Remember the day after we left the tower? When we got ambushed?”

“I do.”

“I’ve had nightmares about that day since it happened, but they’ve gotten worse the last few days,” she admitted. I put an arm around her shoulders and she leaned into me. “The look on the man’s face when the golem ran him through. Watching him bleed out and die. I can still picture it so vividly, even now. I killed him. I did that.”

I understood all too well, unfortunately. “And now that we’re getting close to a fight with more bandits, your fears are resurging.”

She nodded. “I’m sorry. I thought I could handle it, but I just...I’m afraid. What if I lock up? What if I hesitate and get someone killed? I know the man I killed was a bad person. I know that if I didn’t kill him, he’d have killed me. I know the men we’re about to fight are just as bad, and they’ve already done horrible things to innocent people. My stomach just doesn’t care, and neither do my nightmares.”

I pulled her in tighter. “I’m never going to hold it against you that you don’t want to kill people. Bad or otherwise. Karn turned me into a killer when I was fourteen, and by then I’d seen enough death that it didn’t bother me.”

I ran my fingers through her hair and she sighed. “Rhallani, me being able to kill people and not lose sleep at night isn’t because I’m strong, it’s because I’m broken.” She jerked up at that, turning to me with the words already on her lips, but I silenced her with a finger. “I am. Karn left me a broken, shattered human kid, and though I’ve come a long way, I’m still broken. I’m getting better every day, in no small part thanks to you and the others, but I am broken inside.”

She still looked like she wanted to argue, but she leaned her head back on my shoulder instead. “I’m scared.”

“Good,” I told her. “Being brave isn’t the same as being fearless, it’s moving forward in spite of those fears. You’re much too smart not to be scared with everything that’s happening. I’m terrified of something happening to one of you, but that just means I care enough about you all to be afraid. If you don’t want to kill people, that’s fine. Honestly, I think I prefer it that way. I can work with that.”

“Really?”

“Remember how I wanted you to work on a non-lethal summon?” She nodded. “When the fighting starts you’ll have one job. I want you to incapacitate one of the two collared slaves they’ll be using and take them out of the equation. No killing.”

She started to relax into me. “I really do love you, you know,” she said finally.

I pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I love you too.”

“And I look forward to telling you that again someday when the Accords are long gone.”

“I’m looking forward to that, too. For a number of reasons.” She made a contented sound and we just sat there for a while. Eventually, I checked my Essence pool.

[Soul Essence: 79/120]

“Do you want to Forge your Link?” I asked softly.

She went stiff in my arms. “Now?”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, you know,” I told her. “I don’t want to tether us together just for the benefits.”

Almost angrily, she shoved herself up to sit in my lap, straddling me. “No! That isn’t it at all, I do want it! I want it more than I can put into words, I just...”

“You’re next up on the block,” I told her gently, running my hands up her arms. “If you don’t want to, then you don’t want to. I won’t be upset, but I’d like to know. If you don’t feel like you’re ready—”

She put a hand on either of my cheeks, her face so close to mine that I could feel her breath on my lips. “That’s not it, Zaren. I do want it. I want you. More than I can put into words. If we somehow managed to get rid of the Accords tomorrow and everyone suddenly accepted demi-humans, I’d still want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Then tell me what’s holding you back. Please.”

She chewed her lip. “Things are still dangerous. I don’t want you to waste the essence on me if a link with someone else could help you in a fight.”

I pressed my forehead to hers. “First of all, no matter what, a Link with you would never be a waste, so I don’t ever want to hear those words come out of your mouth again.” She smiled softly, and I returned it. “Second, do you know why I took this class?”

She shook her head without breaking contact between us, her eyes locked on mine. “I took it because it’s the first option I’ve ever had that wasn’t a combat class of the twelve choices I’ve had in my life. Because it’s the first time in my life that I’ve even felt like it was a possibility that I could be something other than a weapon. I’m not looking at Soul Smith as a class to make me more lethal. I’ve got that taken care of. My hope is that it might be able to undo the damage Valethar Karn did to me. That I might actually become good at something other than destruction. It isn’t just a non-combat class, it’s a class that revolves around creating something. I can’t tell you how important that distinction is to me.”

Her breath caught, and I slid my hands up her sides until my palms were resting on her ribs. “I don’t want to look at Soul Smith as a way to become more dangerous. I don’t even want to think of it that way lest the gods decide to take the class in that direction. I want to Forge a Link with you because creating that connection between us feels right, not because I want to make myself stronger. And I only want you to agree to the Link if you feel the same way.”

“Oh,” she said softly, her cheeks darker than I’d ever seen them. “Um, okay. Well, when you put it that way, I feel kinda dumb for pushing it off.”

I sucked in my breath dramatically. “You? Dumb? Never. Not my Scholar.”

Her smile widened. “Your Scholar. You know, when I get my evolved class at twenty-five, you’re going to have to come up with a new nickname.”

“Is that a yes?” I asked.

She buried her face in my shoulder. “Yes please,” she said softly.

I held her to my chest and closed my eyes, reaching out with my soul sense. She let out a shuddering breath when my soul brushed up against hers. It was just as bright and resilient as I knew her to be. It was a little bruised around the edges from years of only having her father and her sister to rely on and the near-constant struggle that came with being a demi-human, but it was whole and beautiful and...

And something else.

Something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Her soul had a shimmer to it that both caught my eye and slipped through my sense like sand in a sieve. Like a mirage, there one second then gone when I tried to really look at it. A familiarity that my brain just couldn’t quite make sense of. I knew instinctively that it was important, but with my limited knowledge I had no idea why.

But, as I activated [Forge Link], I knew one thing for certain. Rhallani belonged with me just as much as I belonged with her. I’d felt something similar with Serena, but it had been overshadowed by the divinity in her soul as a priestess. I’d felt a closeness and kinship with Noelle as well, but nothing quite like the literal pull I felt coming from Rhallani’s soul. A pull I realized was being mirrored by my own soul. Like we were being drawn together in a sense that wasn’t physical in the slightest.

The second I activated the skill, I knew something was different. Not wrong, necessarily, but something unlike what I’d felt with either Serena or Noelle. The pain from my Soul Essence being expended was there, but it was heavily muted. Beyond that...

Before, I could feel the Link being seared into my soul. The bridge between me and my target being forged into place. Creating something from nothing. With Rhallani, that didn’t happen. The Link between us slid into place with a sense of relief. It felt like I’d regained a part of myself that I’d been missing. That I’d completed something that had been left incomplete. The Link between us built itself on top of something else that I didn’t or couldn’t understand, and it made all the difference.

Rhallani made a sound that was dangerously close to a moan. Her fingers twisted in my hair and she pressed herself against me tightly enough that I could feel every bit of the shiver that went through her body. “Ohhhh,” she breathed. “I didn’t know it was going to feel like that.”

I frowned, resisting the urge to crush her into my chest. Mostly. “It wasn’t. That felt...different than it did with the other two.” I checked my pool.

[Soul Essence: 59/130]

My frown deepened. “It cost ten less Essence, too.”

Rhallani leaned back, a small whimper slipping past her lips at the loss of contact. “What? What else was different?”

While I ran her through my observations, my hands trailed up her thighs as if they had a mind of their own. Her skin was cool under my palms, and it felt like energy was sparking between our flesh in a way that was making it very difficult not to seek out as much skin to skin contact as I possibly could.

By the time I finished, she was chewing on her lip again. This time, though, it wasn’t because she was nervous. “Shit, I need my journal.” From the way her hands traveled up my own shirtless chest, leaving fire in their wake wherever they touched, I knew she was as reluctant to separate as I was.

I chuckled. “Go on, I’ll be right in.”

She hesitated a bit longer, then leaned in for a quick peck. A peck that very quickly turned into our tongues fighting for dominance while she ground her core against my already hardening length through my pants. Her hands trailed up my chest to my neck, then to the back of my head so she could push herself into me even more. One of my own hands cupped her ass while the other slid beneath the shirt she wore to capture her breast.

She moaned into me, deepening the kiss as much as she could, her wetness already starting to soak into my pants. Her nipples had hardened enough for me to feel them against my chest through her shirt. Her fists tightened in my hair and she finally forced herself back with a frustrated groan. “Fuck. Journal. Need to get to the journal while it’s fresh.” The words were directed more at herself than they were at me.

A primal part of me disagreed heavily, but I wrangled it into submission before trailing a knuckle down her cheek. “Get it all written down then and I’ll have no choice but to reward you.”

She grinned, her fingertips trailing down my cheek. “There’s my Zaren. I missed you.”

I chuckled again, but didn’t say anything while she forced herself to stand, her lower lip trapped firmly between her teeth. She shot me a smile, then darted off back towards our tent. I shook my head in amusement, once I’d finished watching her ivory legs disappear of course, giving my erection a second to calm down before I tried to walk through camp at full mast.

She was right. I did feel a bit more like myself, and it wasn’t just the Link that caused it. My talk with Rhallani made me realize exactly what was hanging over my head, and though it still scared the shit out of me, at least I had some idea of what the issue was. I’d have to talk with the others about it at length, but first...

“It’s rude to eavesdrop,” I called.

Nariko fell silently to the ground next to me, sitting on the ground and kicking her legs out, one over the other. “Sorry. If it makes you feel better, I was already around and you two chose to have your talk right under me.”

I hadn’t even realized she’d been around until I’d reached out with my soul sense. I had a feeling it was more than just skills that made her so stealthy. “Can’t sleep?”

She shrugged. “I never sleep much. Sleeping makes you vulnerable, and I’ve never been able to afford that.”

“You’re safe in this camp,” I told her.

Rhallani was still collecting her thoughts when Noelle slipped in. Her pupils dilated when she saw me sitting naked and ready for another round. Her eyes seemed to glaze over for a moment, then she closed the distance between us with purposeful strides, stripping with enough force that not all of the buttons survived.

“Noelle, are you—oof.”

She crashed into me hard enough to knock me into the ground, pressing her body into mine and nuzzling into my neck with a groan. Just like with Rhallani, wherever we touched felt like it was on fire in the best way possible.

“Rhallani,” I grunted, unable to stop my arms from wrapping around Noelle’s frame even if I wanted to, “happening again.”

Rhallani made a cooing noise, her scribbling increasing, while Noelle rubbed her body against mine desperately. On some level I knew exactly what she wanted, so I lifted her hips and lined myself up. She slammed down on my length with a satisfied growl, a very happy hum practically exploding from her chest. Her incisors raked across my chest while she slammed her hips into mine, her arms wrapped tightly around me. She adopted a breakneck pace right out of the gate, and all I could do was hold her tight enough that I didn’t slip free.

“Serena,” Rhallani asked, her tone completely normal as if I wasn’t being power fucked by a horny Malachai a few feet away, “Are you feeling anything odd? A strong need to rub yourself all over Zaren’s delicious body? A little voice in your head demanding you fuck him till you can’t move?”

Serena made a small squeak. “A little. I thought it was...um...because of the dreams I was having...” The last part came out as a squeak, and I would have laughed if I wasn’t focused on keeping Noelle from hurting herself.

Her peak was approaching, making her rhythm erratic. She let out a whimper, and a silent request seemed to slip straight from her soul to mine. An understanding. I didn’t stop to question it, rolling until she was below me. I lifted her hips to give myself a better angle and took over, and her climax ripped through her violently.

Her nails drew blood from my back and her legs wrapped around mine in an iron embrace, her folds gripping me so tightly I could barely move, but the new angle let me in deeper than I’d gone before. Her teeth left my skin long enough for her to whisper, “more,” before sinking into my shoulder.

I slid an arm around her, just under her wings, and used the other to hold myself up while I pounded into her. Like with Rhallani, I didn’t hold back. Unlike with Rhallani, there was a nagging sensation in the back of my head that said Noelle wanted more.

I delivered, slamming into her with as much force as I could manage in this position, her shoulders the only thing touching the ground. She clenched even tighter around me, already rolling into a second orgasm. When I raked my teeth across her neck, she surged into a third. Her hum had reached a low keen and she clutched me so tight I worried a bone might snap.

Her fourth orgasm brought me to the edge, and I leapt over it willingly, spilling inside her until I felt like there was nothing left in me. I rolled to the side, taking her with me, but she didn’t relinquish her grip on me despite her trembling limbs. “Are you alright?” I panted, suddenly very aware that this had been her first time not being on top and in control.

She nodded adamantly, her face still buried in her chest. “I wasn’t sure...I wanted to, but I was afraid...I would like to do that again very much, though maybe next time...”

I felt like the Link between us was thrumming and it drew a laugh out of me. “Next time we can enjoy ourselves a little more,” I promised.

Humming, she nestled into me. I turned to the others, who were watching with varying levels of amusement. Well, Tiana and Rhallani were, at least. Serena’s eyes were wide and her lip was trapped firmly between her teeth.

“Um,” Serena said, “are we—I mean, should I—”

“Why don’t we all take a second and talk first,” I said with a chuckle, pulling a blanket over my crotch while my fingers trailed down a still trembling—though smiling—Noelle. “Rhallani, would you catch them up?”

Rhallani snickered. “I took care of that while you were fucking Noelle through half a dozen orgasms.”

Noelle hummed happily, nestling into my arms. I cleared my throat. “Right. I guess I was a little distracted.”

Tiana chuckled, leaning back. “You certainly were. Now I really can’t wait for my turn.”

I raised a brow. She blushed, but made no move to look away. Serena cleared her throat. “I don’t understand why Noelle came at you like she was possessed and I just have really strong...urges.”

Rhallani tapped her pencil to her chin. “Well, it could be a number of things. Could boil down to upbringing. You were raised to be a prude—no offense, love, we’re working on it—while Noelle’s past is much more...well, you know. Horrible. Or it could be her more animalistic nature as a first generation demi-human—assuming we’re right about that, of course—where you have more of a human nature.”

“Maybe we’ve already satisfied the bond somewhat,” I offered. “There was that time after we sparred that felt much more intimate than usual.”

Serena turned a very attractive shade of red. “I-I suppose that could be a possibility.”

Rhallani hummed thoughtfully. “Could be. Maybe your horniness right now is just your Link trying to make up the difference now that it’s stronger, and the difference is just smaller for you than it was for Noelle.” Then she smiled. “Or maybe Noelle was already feeling randy and the Link just pushed her over the edge.”

I checked the Link between me and Noelle. While it hadn’t grown larger, it certainly felt steadier. “That sounds right. Noelle has been spending a lot of time in the other tent while Serena is wrapped around me most nights.” Noelle let out a distressed noise and I pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “That isn’t a bad thing. It makes me very happy that you’ve made a friend in Kili.”

Noelle relaxed. “I like her a lot. She’s so happy, and she says I make her feel safe. That makes me feel good.”

I gave her a squeeze. “If you’re happy, I’m happy. I’m hardly going to make you spend time away from your friend.”

Tiana’s head tilted to the side. “You seem...more balanced than before.”

Everyone sat up straighter when she said that. I sighed, though not because she was wrong. She was right, I just didn’t want to have this conversation. I never would. I needed to, though. “I’ve realized what’s been hanging over my head this last week. A part of it, at least.”

Tiana took a long look at my face, then nodded and reached for a shirt to slip on. Everyone else seemed to take this as a sign that intimate times were over for now and also got dressed with the exception of Noelle who refused to leave my side. I didn’t grab pants, but I did keep the blanket over my lap. I didn’t start talking until Serena came over to heal up some of the scratches Noelle had left on me.

“Before we forged the Link, Rhallani and I had a chat.” I glanced at Rhallani, unsure if she wanted me to tell them what about.

She took the decision out of my hands. “Not long after Zaren and I met, we were attacked by some bandits. Bandits we think were related the group we’re chasing right now. They threatened to do some very unsavory things to me and we killed them. Well, Zaren killed most of them, but the golem killed one.” Then, quieter, she added, “at my order.”

Serena made a beeline for her, wrapping her in a warm hug. “I’m sorry, Rhallani. I know you’ve probably already heard it all by now, but if it was you or him then I’m glad you chose to survive. If you want to talk, I’m always available.”

I raised a brow at the sudden reassurances, but didn’t comment. Especially when Rhallani seemed to sink gratefully into the embrace. I looked at them. “Tiana, Serena, have either of you ever killed a person before?” I didn’t bother asking Noelle since she’d told me that much about her past already.

Serena paled, her expression a resounding no, but Tiana looked away. She cleared her throat. “I took a job with a bad team. The leader was a temperamental bastard, but I didn’t know that until it was too late. We met some not nice people and he picked a fight. We won. I didn’t go on another job with them.”

Serena pulled Tiana into the hug. “Then the same goes for you. But no, I haven’t killed anyone.” Then her eyes turned to me, understanding in her gaze. “And...I know you’ve killed before, Zaren. It didn’t bother me then, and it won’t now.”

I gave her a sad smile. “Knowing and seeing are two different things.” My eyes traveled to Rhallani. “Isn’t that right?”

Rhallani paled, but her jaw set. “I’m still here, aren’t I?” Then she frowned. “You don’t think that’s why...”

I thought it over for a moment. “No. It’s a good theory, but I don’t think that had any effect on the Link.” I took a long breath. “You remember my other choices for my second class?”

“Death Cheat and...Reaper,” Rhallani rattled off automatically.

I nodded. “Reaper has been an option every time a class selection has come up for me. I actually took it last time around as my tertiary class.” I paused, uncertain how exactly to say this next part, until I felt Noelle’s fingers wrap around my wrist and pulled them to her head. I smiled, running my hand through her hair, and she hummed.

“I’m good at killing,” I said finally. “Very good. Fighting monsters is something I’ve gotten good at over the years, but people? I’ve always been...uniquely suited to it from the start, and I only got better at it as time went on. It’s one of the reasons so many feared me during the war. Watching me fight monsters can be as terrifying as it is awe inspiring, but watching me cut my way through people the way that I do? It can be unsettling.”

I made a noise in the back of my throat. “I’ve known this was coming since we left Anford, and I think it’s been weighing heavily on me. I guess I’m worried—no, scared that when you or the rest of the caravan see what I’m capable of that things will end up just like before. That you’ll see me as the weapon Karn turned me into, not...well, not who I’m trying to be.”

Wordlessly, Noelle twisted in my arms so she could wrap her arms around my neck. Before I knew it, all four of them were wrapped around me in some form or fashion. It was Serena who broke the silence first.

“A sword isn’t evil just because it takes lives,” she said softly. “You killed those men to protect yourself and Rhallani. If you end up killing these bandits, then it’ll be to save the innocent people they’ve captured and to make sure they don’t hurt anyone else who isn’t strong enough to protect themselves. Karn may have tried to turn you into a weapon, and he may have succeeded in some respects, but you are so much more than what he did to you.”

I felt like a weight had lifted from my shoulders. I leaned into whoever was at my back, closing my eyes. “Thank you,” I said softly.

Tiana’s fingers trailed through my hair. “I’ve seen some dark people during my time in the guild, Zaren. I know that where it counts, you’re a good man. That’s all I care about.”

Rhallani’s hand found my cheek. “I’ve already seen that part of you, remember? I know I only saw a small amount of what you’re capable of, but I won’t let it scare me away. Not now.”

Noelle nuzzled into my neck, inhaling deeply. “You are like me. If you can become more than what was done to you, then so can I. Even if you cannot, I will follow you always.”

“Thank you,” I said again. “Thank you all. You’re all amazing.”

At some point we all laid back, each of them finding some way to touch me, until sunlight started to lighten the canvas of the tent. Then, very suddenly, Rhallani barked out a laugh. “Wait, Serena, is that why you got that book?”

I turned to Serena, who had turned a dark shade of crimson. “W-w-w-what? What book? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Tiana frowned. “That healer’s book you’ve been all secretive about? What does that have to do with anything?”

Rhallani grinned mischievously at Serena. “Well? You want to tell them or do you want me to? You know, about the specific request you made at the book shop?”

Serena sat up stiffly, her arms crossed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, extremely unconvincingly.

Rhallani snickered. “Go on, tell him. He’ll love it.”

I arched a brow at my priestess. I was rather curious at how secretive she seemed to be about the book, and I couldn’t help but remember how she’d seemed somewhat embarrassed when I brought it up before. “Serena?” I prompted.

If she blushed any harder, steam was going to start coming out of her ears. “W-well, since I’m going to be a healer, I wanted to learn more about...y’know...healing. My skills will be more effective if I know where to focus them. And...I may have...requested a tome specifically on battlefield healing...one that includes...” she got quieter and quieter with each pause until the last part was mumbled so softly I didn’t catch it.

But Tiana did. “Aww, Serena! That’s incredible! Why hide that?”

“I’m sorry, I missed it. Run that past me one more time?” I requested, brushing the golden locks she was currently trying to use as a curtain to hide her face from me.

“One that includes a section on helping soldiers recover from trauma after war,” she said all at once.

I blinked. Rhallani’s eyes shined with triumph, which meant she’d guessed as much. Suddenly a lot of Serena’s reactions and comments since Anford started to make more sense. A slow smile spread across my own face, and I pulled Serena into my arms.

“Thank you,” I whispered into her ear.

She buried her face in my neck. “I’m your priestess,” she said simply. “It’s my duty to heal you, mind, body, and soul. I’m just doing my job.”

“No. as usual, you’re going above and beyond.” I pressed a kiss to her temple. “And when we get to the city, I’m going to have to make it up to you.”

“Well, when you put it that way...” she trailed off, the smile clear in her tone.

I kissed the top of her head. “All we have to do is get through a big camp of bandits who were sent to kill me and hope nothing else comes up.”

Tiana laughed. “No big deal.”