CH 34

As Persis continued to eat chocolate, I grew bored sitting in front of him.

It’s nice of him to enjoy it, but… how long am I supposed to sit here? Do I have to stay until he finishes it all? 

At his slow eating pace, it seemed like I would have to stay up all night for him to finish it.

*Sigh*

After a yawn escaped my mouth, Persis finally took notice of me.

“Is it time for you to sleep?”

I rubbed my eyes as if I wanted to go back to my room, yawning exaggeratedly.

I’m tired, so can I go to sleep?”

“Sure. You need to sleep to grow taller.”

Nice! I stood up from the sofa and bid Persis farewell.

“Goodnight, then.”

Without looking back, I headed straight out of the room. But just as I was about to leave, Persis also stood up from his seat.

“I’ll take you.”

“…? You’ll take me?”

I looked up at him with a suspicious gaze, wondering why he suddenly changed his behavior.

“Yes. I’ll take you.”

I was about to ask why, but I decided to go along with it, thinking it might be his way of expressing gratitude for the chocolate he gave me.

It’s only right to be thankful. It’s homemade chocolate, right? And it seemed to suit my taste.

“Okay, please take me!”

Persis closed the open chocolate box and approached me. I looked at him with curiosity as he came towards me, not towards the door.

Why is he coming this way? Is he trying to hold my hand?

Holding hands was not something common between the two of us. However, it wasn’t awkward or something to avoid, so I reached out my hand, thinking, “Why not?”

But as he approached me, he casually passed by my hand and went towards my side.

Persis lifted me up with both hands, hugging me tightly.

What’s this? Is he carrying me in his arms? Was the gift I gave him that touching?

While I showed a surprised reaction because I didn’t expect the hug, Persis seemed nonchalant about it.

“Let’s go.”

The corridor we walked through while he held me was quiet and dark, perhaps because it was nighttime. There were only the two of us. If I were alone, I might have felt a bit scared.

As I thought about how it was a good idea to ask Persis to take me and how this unexpected situation helped me, my feelings became strange.

With his warm embrace surrounding me, it felt even stranger.

… Did I underestimate Persis?

I’ve never thought about it before, but maybe he’s someone who can provide support just by his presence.

A being who can overcome all fears simply by being by my side.

At this moment, as if this endless darkness wasn’t scary at all.

Thump, thump. When the rhythm of the footsteps echoing in the corridor matched the rhythm of my heartbeat.

I was captivated by the hope that Persis might be a much better person than I had evaluated.

With an excited heart, I asked the owner of the footsteps.

“Am I good now?”

***

In the cold night air, as dawn approached, Persis was in May’s bedroom. An hour ago, he had put May to bed and was still there, watching over her without leaving.

Around the time he sat down on the bed and brushed May’s bangs over so that her immaculate forehead was exposed. He heard Floa’s voice.

“I assume you received the chocolate. You seem to be in a good mood.”

Floa, who appeared from somewhere, immediately noticed that Persis was in a good mood.

“Were you watching?”

“I was. You seemed unhappy, so I wondered what was wrong, and it turns out you didn’t receive a gift from May, right?”

Floa showed the gift he had received to Persis.

Persis, without even asking if he wanted to boast, shared a story.

“The reason I was the only one who received a gift was because of the new menu development. May wanted to give me tastier chocolate. It was sweet and salty chocolate, right? You couldn’t have received it, but I did.”

“Is that so?”

Floa gently smiled at Persis’s childish appearance. Persis, too, unknowingly smiled as he watched May sleep soundly.

Seeing this, Flora spoke again.

“You have the same expression as back then.”

“Back then?”

“When you were happiest, Persis,”

When was Persis Flotina’s happiest moment?

Persis was able to recognize when it was within a very short period of time. After realizing it, his expression suddenly hardened.

“Viche… Is it the same expression as when I was with that woman?”

Am I now?

“Your expression isn’t bright, is it? It’s rare to see a bright expression on you.”

My mind went blank for a moment, and my pupils trembled aimlessly.

To think that I was making the same foolish expression as back then.

Persis didn’t admit it.

“No.”

“But…”

“If it’s not, then it’s not. Don’t say things that make me feel bad.”

Floa was slightly taken aback by Persis’s stubbornness, but he immediately apologized politely.

“… I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I’m sorry.”

While Floa was apologizing, Persis couldn’t control his confusion. The only thing that lingered in his mind was the mention of the same expression as when he was with Viche.

Thanks to that, he didn’t hear Flora’s explanation. Instead, he heard the conversation he had with May an hour ago.

‘Am I good now?’

When the little one asked an incomprehensible question, Persis hesitated for a moment and then avoided it.

‘… What do you mean?’

‘At first, you didn’t like me. But you won’t hug someone you don’t like, so now you like me, right? Is that it?’

The little one blinked with big eyes and spoke those words in an innocent voice.

From the little one’s blue eyes, someone came to mind, but Persis deliberately turned away and avoided eye contact.

‘Why won’t you answer?’

‘I have nothing to say.’

‘Do you still dislike me?’

In response to that question, Persis stood still and faced those blue eyes again.

And then he said something to himself.

When he tried to recall, Floa’s voice struck his ears.

“I just wanted to say that you look happy.”

“… That I look happy.”

Even though there was no need to be sensitive, whenever a story related to that woman came up, he became unnaturally sensitive.

Is my expression now the same as when I loved that woman?

He wanted to deny it, but he failed and returned to the memory of those words that unexpectedly came to mind.

‘Do you still dislike me?’

No. I don’t dislike you.”

At that moment, he knew exactly what expression he had on his face, reflected in the young child’s blue eyes.

He seemed happy, just as Floa had described.

Floa’s words were not wrong. Persis realized that his actual appearance was as Floa had described. He clenched his fist in anger at himself.

To think he was still the same as when he foolishly lived, consumed by love. Nothing had changed, even after suffering so much from being rejected. Once again, he was overwhelmed by his emotions.

His sensitivity brought out immature anger.

‘Better yet, curse me. Call me an emotionally unstable idiot.’

He was at a loss for himself.

Why was he so emotional? He had witnessed through his father what tragedies awaited those who acted on their emotions, and he had experienced it firsthand as well. So why?

Persis thought of the abandoned physique, Yuriet, who had rejected him. She was the one who approached him when he was suffering from severe post-traumatic stress disorder and shared warmth with him, allowing him to regain his vitality. Persis needed her, and Yuriet also needed him, yet in the end, they parted ways. According to Persis, she gave him unbelievable excuses.

Afterward, he lived through days that were like hell, filled with alcohol and sleeplessness. When she returned, claiming to be pregnant, there was both hatred and joy in Persis’ heart. He tried to deny it, but he had already offered her a room to stay. It was truly miserable.

Although he had decided never to feel joy or sorrow for anything again, why was he still emotionally attached?

He sought answers from others.

Coincidentally, he found it in May, who was peacefully sleeping within his view.

May, a small child, was the perfect target for Persis’ resentment.

‘Yes, it’s because of this little one.’

He blamed the child for his emotional turmoil. It was peaceful until the child entered his life. Therefore, the responsibility lay with the child.

At that moment of resentment, his instincts compelled him to caress May’s head with his hand.

As if he couldn’t resist touching the child because of her beauty.

“!”

Feeling the soft touch of her hair, he reflexively withdrew his hand.

He despised himself for acting according to his instincts, even in this moment of resenting the child. The instinct to cherish one’s, own child.

Persis struggled to suppress his instincts. Just when he thought he had become accustomed to suppressing them, he looked down at May, who was still lost in dreamland.

He carefully observed each feature of May’s face along the moonlit spots.

‘If only this little one didn’t exist.’

If this small child, who strongly resembled that woman, didn’t exist in this world.

He could have lived rationally.

After a while, Persis got up from the bed, averting his gaze from May. His expression upon rising was as blank as usual.

“Thanks to you, I’ve become cautious.”

“What kind of caution are you talking about?”

“The caution to control my emotions.”

The outcome of loving Yuriet was a tragedy. If he had been rational, he wouldn’t have been destroyed by the tragedy.

He must live without emotions. Just as he always had. Only considering his own interests.

If he lived that way.

No matter what happens later, he won’t collapse.