CH 32

I couldn’t answer anything back to him. I stood there alone for a while before beginning to walk slowly toward the knights’ barracks. Everyone was probably still in training or on duty at this hour. If I wanted to go out for dinner, I’d go now and finish it when the cafeteria wasn’t crowded. But I couldn’t seem to direct my attention there. Commander Ortolan’s words were running through my mind.

“Well… You seem a little lost right now.” bJxwz2

That’s right. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing right now. The last time I did this, I was just rushing forward, thinking only of avoiding the event of the destruction of the Black-winged knights. But as a result, it had an unintended impact on all sides. Gazelle and Felix were commended by the government as pioneers of the potions. And that the protagonist of “Change the World” is no longer summoned to this world.

It is not that I think my past actions were a mistake. But, now I knew. That my actions have the potential to drastically alter the predetermined game scenario. That’s why, despite knowing how to refine the elixir, I’m trying to keep it hidden from Gazelle, Felix, and everyone else. That is why I am trying to help only Count Alpharetta.

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I try desperately not to think about the fact that there are probably other people in this country who are seriously ill or injured and could be saved if only they had the elixir. And yet.

And yet, in the back of my mind, there is a part of me that hasn’t decided whether or not to help Count Alpharetta. I am afraid that helping Count Alpharetta will have another impact on the game scenario ahead In my heart, I’m afraid that this influence will have a negative impact on everyone in the Black-winged Knights. rcY3M1

I want to help the people who are important to me. I want the people I met and love in this country to keep on smiling. That is why I want to do whatever I can do. But is it only for my own satisfaction after all? Will it cause my loved ones to suffer and be sad?

There is a flaw within me that prevents me from trusting my own will, my own decisions. Commander Ortolan, I’m sure, saw right through it.

“I hate… my own weakness…”

I was tormented by self-loathing as I thought about it all, and my stomach grew heavier and heavier. It was as if I had ingested lead. My clenched palms quickly drained blood. I decided against going to the cafeteria and instead went back to my room.

nXy0L8

Enough already. I’m just going to wipe myself off, get into bed, and go to sleep.

I didn’t want to think about anything. However, it appeared that today was the day that I would meet someone by chance. Gazelle, dressed in his military uniform, was approaching me from across the corridor. He had apparently just finished his work and was holding a large number of papers. Gazelle smiled, revealing his white teeth, when he noticed my presence.

“Hey, Takumi. Thanks for the info on Felix the other day.”

“It’s nothing…” tvPeY3

“Have you eaten yet? I’m on my way to the cafeteria now. How about we head there together?”

“Sorry. I’ve already eaten outside.”

It was difficult for me to look at Gazelle’s face right now, so I turned away from him as if fleeing. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said as I walked past Gazelle to leave. But, before I could, Gazelle grabbed my shoulders.

Startled, I looked up at Gazelle’s face. Gazelle was a head taller than me, despite not being as big as Commander Ortolan. His golden eyes glazed over, as if they could see into the depths of my soul. I tried to move away from Gazelle, but his palm gripped my shoulder even more tightly. 0xFEdv

“What are you doing, Gazelle? You’re going to the cafeteria, aren’t you?”

“What’s the matter, Takumi?”

“….”

“I’m unable to look at your face right now. What happened?” gAoqyf

“….”

Gazelle’s unexpected words and worried expression caused my heart to tighten and my vision to moisten. Sadness flooded through me as I felt his warm, gentle palm on my shoulder. I quickly turned my face down and said, “It’s nothing,” with a strained voice. My voice, however, was so weak and shaky that I could hear myself shaking.

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“It doesn’t appear to be nothing, damn it. Takumi, come here for a second.”

“G-Gazelle? W-What about dinner?” biERhG

“I don’t know what dinner tastes like with you looking like that.”

Gazelle grabbed my hand and opened the door to the nearest room. I was also forced to enter the room. The room was a study, but because no one was there at this time of day, it was just the two of us. After locking the door behind him, Gazelle finally let go of my hand.

“Now no one else can see us. So, what happened? Did Ortolan say something to you?”

“Did you see that?” z6xCAw

“Well, the two of you came back together so brazenly. However, I wasn’t too worried about it, since Ortolan seemed to have gone on his way halfway through, but…”

I’m relieved. Fortunately, it appears that Gazelle only saw me shortly after I parted ways with Commander Ortolan. He would not have heard the conversation between me and Commander Ortolan if he had only seen me from the barracks.

Gazelle looked at me with a stern face. I could tell that he was concerned about me, so I felt sorry and kept my eyes down.

“Nothing of the sort. Rather, Commander Ortolan was just advising me.” KFpVH8

“Advice?”

“It’s because I’m too inadequate.”

To be honest, after Commander Ortolan saw through my hesitation, I hated myself for causing so much trouble to others, including Gazelle.

“Aren’t you going to tell me what’s going on?” sO5CR6

“From the looks of it, I guess not.” Gazelle hunched his shoulders as I said this. I was sure he was shocked by this kind of me.

… I wonder what I’m really doing. Even though I should have made up my own mind, I was lost in the back of my mind. I’ve caused trouble to both Commander Ortolan and Gazelle. Oh, God, I really hate myself. Why am I always—

“—Takumi!”

“!” gM1cGa

I was looking at the floor when something warm touched my hair. My body was being dragged up, and something soft was being pressed against my face. The suddenness of the touch startled me, but I soon realised it was Gazelle’s chest and that what was touching the back of my head was Gazelle’s palm. I was so flustered that I tried to look up, but Gazelle stopped me with his palm.

“G-Gazelle?”

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“I knew something happened to you. I also understand that you can’t tell me that.”

“Un..” FugtOn

“Then you don’t have to say it. I’ve said it before, haven’t I?”

“….”

Gazelle’s words startled me and caused me to blink. Gazelle’s fingers stroked my head gently, brushing my hair. Gazelle never asked me how I knew how to make the potion when I first showed him how to make it. He was still telling me the same thing he was telling me back then.

“Didn’t you say you weren’t going to ask. But then, why did you put me in this room?” Juy kn

“That’s because Takumi seemed unusually distressed. I’ll lend you my breasts if you like. So pamper yourself a little bit more.”

After saying this, Gazelle’s other hand went behind my back and hugged me tightly. Because Gazelle was taller than me, his entire body wrapped around me, which was very comfortable. His warmth penetrated deep into my chest. I opened my mouth slowly, listening to the constant echo of Gazelle’s heartbeat.

“..Gazelle…”

“Yeah?” L1UWg6

“Why are you being so nice to me? How can I be as strong as Gazelle?” I asked, gripping his clothes tightly and pressing my face against Gazelle’s chest.

I envied his gentleness, his strength. I wonder if I would be able to get around better if I had as much strength as Gazelle. Would I be able to proceed straight ahead without any doubts about my decision? When I asked, Gazelle gently patted me on the back.

“Hmm… The reason I can be kind to you is, well, there’s the weakness of falling in love… But I was once told something similar to what you just said.”

“Similar?” MGUBAc

“He was the leader of the Black-winged knights before me. When I was still an apprentice knight.”

I raised my head slowly to meet his gaze. My gaze then locked with a pair of golden eyes staring down at me. Gazelle then slid his fingers across my cheek and said softly, “You finally looked at me, Takumi,” as if relieved.

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