Vol. 1 - Ch. 8 - Days without Blessings_1

Emily's days as a knight have begun.I wake up before sunrise and head to the back of the headquarters building with my sword. I don't have much time for training during the day, so I train before work starts. I don't use the training grounds. There are a lot of people who don't like the idea of me using the training grounds for independent training.

With a heavy iron sword, I do up-and-down, left-and-right, diagonal, and leaping swings. The other members of the group hardly do any swinging. However, I have been doing this training for a long time because I think it is important to make the movement of slashing ingrained in my body. Sᴇaʀᴄh the NøvᴇlFirᴇ(.)nᴇt website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of nøvels early and in the highest quality.

With each swing, I make sure the line of the blade is straight, and then I swing firmly through the air.

The sun rises when my body is covered in beads of sweat and it becomes difficult to raise my arms. When the sun rises, I end my training and go to the well to wipe myself off before heading to the horse barn.

At the stable, I groom Emily's horse and give it fodder. Then I walk the horses and clean the stalls. When I'm done, I wait in front of Emily's room for her to wake up.

<"Good morning.">

"Good morning, Rolf.....Here. Please."

"Yes."

When Emily comes out, I take the sword from her and follow her. I would carry a spare sword in addition to the one Emily wore on her hip. Then I follow Emily according to the day's schedule.

During meetings, I stand behind Emily, and during training, I stand at the edge of the training area. When there is horseback transportation, I walk with Emily's horse.

"Rolf," she says. "You've been walking for so long, why don't you take a break? We can rest in the shade of those trees..."

<"I have no problem with that. I'm going to check the western battlefield and return to headquarters by nightfall, so if you don't order me to go, I'd like to keep going."

"Um...yes...well, I'll stay on..."

When Emily is working at her desk in her private office, I wait at the side of her desk. She often asks me questions when she doesn't understand what is written in the documents. When she does, I explain what she needs to know and tell her what she should think.

<"In this case, we need to tell the Commander to send it back to the Logistics Department and have them correct the discrepancy in the figures.">

"But the last budget was off by the same amount."

<"Since this is the closing of the fiscal year, we cannot think of it as the same as last time. It will affect the request for approval to the center"

"Well... what do you mean?"

Emily usually makes a difficult face and complains that her understanding can't keep up, but if I break it down and explain it to her patiently, she will understand in the end.

It is also my job to take care of Emily's equipment. I sharpen her sword from time to time. Armor takes a little more work. I fix dents in the plates, reupholster the leather, and apply oil to the entire piece as needed.

"Ro, rolf. The belt will be damaged again soon anyway, so I don't mind if you don't change it so often."

<"You have to keep your equipment in the best condition possible. It can be the difference between life and death.">

"Yeah, right."

And once the day's schedule is all exhausted, I get permission from Emily to pick her up again tomorrow when she wakes up. Do not skip this process, which is just a verbal permission.

I am not allowed on the floor where Emily and the other executives have their private offices unless I have their permission. I have to get permission at the end of the day to go in the next day as well.

<"May I pick you up tomorrow at the same time as today?">

"Yes....that's fine ..." When giving permission, Emily would always keep her eyes down.

.................

After all the day's work was done, I would take my sword and head to the back of the headquarters building, just as I had done in the morning.

"Huff... huff... huff... huff..."

Under the moonlight, I swung the sword again and again. A movement I have repeated hundreds of thousands, even millions of times since I was a child.

With each swing, I put my whole heart and soul into it. Ten serious swings are better than a thousand random swings. 

We must keep swinging with all our heart and soul, all the way to the tip of the sword. If even the slightest thought enters your mind and disturbs the line of the blade, you have to start all over again from the beginning.

Swing through the moon on the surface of the water with the image of cutting the moon in two

without disturbing the water.

Under a deciduous tree, swing horizontally with the image of cutting through the trunk of the tree without touching the fallen leaves that are strewn about.

In the midst of a storm, swing the sword diagonally with the image of drowning out the sound of the storm with the sound of the sword's wind shear.

"Rolf!" A voice called out from behind me.

I was aware that the approaching footsteps were Emily's.

"Do you always train here?"

I stopped, turned around, and answered while catching my ragged breath.

<"Yes">

After a moment of silence, Emily said, "Oh, you know what? The Commander complimented me again on how well I wrote the report!"

<"I see.">

"And he also said I did a good job understanding the tactics in the operation plan the other day!"

<"I'm glad to hear that.">

Emily was silent, her long eyelashes downcast. Another moment of silence.

"...It's all thanks to you, Rolf. But even if I told him that, the Commander wouldn't take me up on it."

<"You shouldn't say that. It would only make Lady Emily's position worse.">

"But I am able to do what I do because of your advice, you know? The real credit always belongs to you. Rolf"

<"It is only natural that the squire's merit should be attributed to the knight. I am only offering my opinion, and it is Lady Emily who adopts it.">

"・・・・・・・・・"

Emily looked down for a moment and then said as if she had made up her mind.

"That's called 'Emily-sama'?

<"Yes.">

"When we are alone, we don't have to say it like that, do we? Let's stop with the honorific?."

<"But you never know who might be listening.">

"Yes, but..." Emily looked sad. It's an expression I've seen many times since I came here.

I'm making Emily look like that. I'm making my fiancée, the person I once intended to make happy, sad.

"But why is it that you're not called 'sir'?"

<"It's the group's policy.">

"There are horsemen here, and Rolf is the only one who has to take care of the horses! I'm not even on the battlefield, and I'm forced to walk around with my spare sword! Why? This is ridiculous! Rolf is fine!?"

Tears drip from Emily's beautiful eyes. The tears glisten azure under the moon. I walked up to Emily, put my hand on her cheek, and wiped the tears away with my fingers. Then I looked into her big eyes and said, 

"Emily, I'm not okay. I'm frustrated too, and most of all, I didn't want to make you cry."

"Rolf..."

<"I'm so sorry.  I've caused you so much trouble. Whether it's the engagement or your time here at the Order.">

"Oh, no."

He does not look away from Emily and tells her quietly but firmly: 

"I have nothing more than my dream of being a knight. The most important thing to remember is that you can't go anywhere without a blessing. I have no choice but to stay here and endure. Endure, endure, and one day I will become a knight. I will become the knight I have longed to be since I was a child. When I do that, I will be saved for the first time. I know I'm being selfish after making you so sad, but there's nothing else I can do."

"Rolf..."

<"I'm sorry, Emily."> Emily rubbed her face with the back of her hand before looking up at me.

"No,  I'm sorry too. Rolf..."

Tears welled up again from both of her eyes as she rubbed them.

"Rolf...is...in....the...worst...pain..."

The sobbing continued to echo in the moonlit night. The sobbing of Emily is more painful to me than the abuse of the senior knights.

The man without blessings can't even make a single girl laugh. I looked up at the night sky, feeling frustrated at my immaturity for the first time since I joined the knighthood.