Vol. 1 - Ch. 11 - Days without Blessings_4

I cleaned the fireplace with everyone eating and laughing in the background.I have always loved cleaning. Whenever I felt depressed, I would clean my room without thinking about it. I would clean the room and feel calm at the same time.

It's called a routine, and depending on the person, it may be cooking or walking, but in my case, it was cleaning. But I had never cleaned a fireplace before. I had seen a servant do it before, so I decided to try it, remembering that.

First, I remove the large cinders that remain in the fireplace. The ashes can wait until later. I can remove them together after I remove the soot from the chimney. Enter the fireplace and look up the chimney with the lantern pointed at it. The soot is sticking to the inner wall of the chimney. The upper part of the chimney is not so bad. The lower part of the chimney could be cleaned.

I pushed myself into the chimney and cleaned the inner wall with a brush. Soot was falling off in little pieces. It felt good. I also used a long-handled brush to clean the middle of the chimney.

After scrubbing with the brush, I turned the lantern to check the dirt. Then, scrub the still dirty wall surface again. After repeated scrubbing, the inside of the chimney was clean.

I wriggled out of the chimney and cleaned the fireplace next. The walls of the fireplace were cleaned in the same manner as the chimney, and the soot was scraped off.

Once most of the dirt was removed, I stepped out of the fireplace and checked it. It looked much cleaner. All that remained was to scrub the walls of the fireplace with a brush a little more, and finally remove the soot that had accumulated on the bottom surface.

In the dining room, everyone had finished their meals and were chatting over a cup of tea. Sᴇaʀᴄh thᴇ NƟvelFɪre.ɴet website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of nøvels early and in the highest quality.

"It's Arga, covered in soot," someone said and after a beat, a loud laugh erupted.

"Soot-stained arga" is a derogatory term for a servant who is often dirty with soot. It is true that I am covered with soot all over my body. My face is probably black, too.

The laughter continued unceasingly. Some of them were clapping their hands while shedding tears.

It was easy to imagine the look on Emily's face. If her eyes met mine, she would turn her head sadly. So I tried not to look at her.

I was so sad that I didn't even look at her.

...............

Late that night.

I trained behind the headquarters building as usual. Emily came up to me as I continued to swing my sword.

"Rolf... here."

She had a piece of bread in her hand. She had brought it for me, since I hadn't been able to eat dinner.

<"Thank you.">

She handed me the bread and pointed to the wall of the headquarters building.

"Here..." I guessed Emily's intention and sat down alongside her on the wall. I talked with Emily while eating the bread.

".....I'm sorry about today. I'm sorry I made you do that."

<"I don't mind. The most important time for you is now that you've become a unit leader."

"I'm only a captain now because of you, Rolf."

<"That's your misunderstanding. You have the capacity to become a commander.">

"But..." She goes into silence.

I finished my bread, but it would be bad for Emily to resume training like this, so I silently sat down next to her.

"Hey, Rolf."

<"Yes.">

"This self-directed training, you do it every night, right?"

<"Yes.">

Morning and evening, to be exact.

"What's the point?"

Felicia had asked me that question before.

<"I believe there is.">

"You're smart , aren't you Rolf? I think there are other things you can do, like military strategy and unit management. You even offered to make some organizational changes, like putting in a new unit leader."

<"Emily, you're the only one who listens to me. I don't think I have a chance to be involved in running the unit.">

"That's why I'm going to have to convince the commander to..."

<"Emily, I know you want to trust your superiors, but I don't think the Commander will recognize my value.">

"That's not necessarily true! I'm sure he will if we talk about it properly!" Emily is persistent.

<"I can see that you are seriously concerned about me. I'm not weak if I give up the sword. I can fight in front of the command table even without magic power. Isn't that right?">

"That's right."

<"But there is no one in the Order at the moment who would allow me to go in front of the command table."> Emily believes in my abilities, but the others have no reason to believe in me. I guess that's what Emily doesn't understand.

<"And I don't want to throw away my sword. Emily, Military strategy and unit management are, of course, a knight's true duty. I hope I can be of help to you in those areas as well. But I can't put down the sword that has always been my stronghold.">

"Rolf is...that..."

Emily spins her words as if she is having trouble saying them. "You can't stop believing in the sword that has helped you for so long , can you? ... Isn't it just that you want to believe that the sword you've been swinging will amount to something?"

<"I guess so. The sword must be thinking that he has fallen in love with a troublesome person.">

"....I see."

Then, I and Emily stared at the sky silently for a while. When we were in Baron Buckman's territory , we often saw the starry sky together. It feels like a long time ago now.

"Rolf... I got a letter from your father.I..."

<"..Yes">

"I'm engaged to be married."

"..........."

"The eldest son of Viscount Aalbeck. Kennet. Do you know him?

<"Yes. The Aalbeck estate is right next to the Norden estate. The eldest son is only 12 years old, is he not?">

"Yes."

"......."

"Maybe, you know. If Rolf becomes a knight, and if he's accepted, then..."

Then I could take over the Buckman family and become Emily's husband, as originally planned. Heartbreakingly sad, but unlikely. It is beyond the level of optimism. But Emily wanted to believe it, so she asked me to pursue a different path than the sword.

What should I say?

All I want is for Emily to be happy. But I guess it would be incorrect to say that I wish her happiness. I understand that. I know that, but I don't know the right answer.

I have never been ashamed of my lack of magical power, but I am still ashamed that I don't have a single line of dialogue for such a situation.

A sixteen-year-old man who has been engaged should normally be able to say something. However, even after frantically searching through my memory, I could not find a single line that I could use. I was running out of ideas, so I looked at Emily's profile and decided to let the words that came out of my mouth do the talking.

<"...You're still a crybaby even if you're a unit leader.">

Emily turns to me.

"....I'm not crying."

"I'm crying."

"I'm not crying."

"But I'm crying."

".........."

I really think the world is cruel. If I am a man who is not blessed, then why shouldn't I be the only one to suffer?

I can bear it any way I want.

Why should someone else be sad?

<"I don't know what the future holds. But what I can tell you is that even if Emily accepts me, the winds of criticism against those without blessings will probably be greater than you think. Even if I were to be knighted, it is unlikely that I would be able to take over the family.">

"Yes..."

I say without looking away from Emily. I thought I should do that, even though my words were not very good. Emily looked me in the eye, too.

"But there may be a path somewhere. We just have to look for it. To do so, I may not be able to just foolishly swing my sword. Maybe you're right, Emily."

".........."

<"But if I give up the art of fighting, if I give up my sword, somewhere I am convinced that this is where the path will end.">

"........"

I exposed my heart to Emily. I was  talking to her, but I was also talking to my weak self.

<"I don't know if it will lead to a future if I keep swinging my sword. But I believed it should. And now that I believe it, I have no choice but to do it.">

"......"

<"I am aware that I am saying what I want without any proof, but I have no choice but to do this.">

"Yes... I understand." Emily nodded and answered.

"If Rolf thinks it's the right thing to do, then I believe it."

<"I'm sorry, Emily.">

"I don't know why you keep apologizing to me."

<"...Yes">

I smiled along with Emily.

I wondered if I was smiling well.

After all, I didn't know what I chose to believe in, even though it was about me.