Chapter 55: Organizational Politics

Chapter 55: Organizational Politics

In the blackness of the void the Metatron waited impatiently. He knew Lucy was wasting his time on purpose. (And that it had nothing to do with the fact he had called the emergency meeting without any warning.)

“Finally!” He said as the sound of flapping bat wings announced the arrival of his co-conspirator. “Bael went to visit that little worm Zaphiel. He's onto us.”

“Oh. Is that why you called me?” Lucy asked as she landed on nothing and floated in front of him. “I believe the little backstabber prefers to be called ‘Zephyr’ now. But it doesn't really matter. The plan is still on track.”

“He knows I'm involved!” the Metatron shouted.

“Good for him. What do you think he's going to do, follow you to work?” She laughed. “Oh, I see. You're afraid he's going to tell everyone how naughty you've been. It's harder when you have to stand and face the music instead of hiding behind your boss.”

The Metatron crossed his wings. “If he didn't want me doing this in his name, he would have stopped me.”

“Utterly flawless logic. Would you like to fill out your onboarding packet now or should I wait until you fall on your own?” Lucy mimed searching for a pen.

“This isn't the same!”

She cocked a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at him. “Really?”

“Yes!”

“Why?”

“Because I'm right!” The Metatron shouted, not realizing the line he had crossed until he was on the other side of it.

A slow clap rang out through the darkness. Lucy and The Metatron slowly turned around to face the approaching figure. They could feel the power radiating from him. It made the hairs on the back of Lucy's neck rise up, like static electricity before a lightning strike.

Bael looked at the two co-conspirators with amusement. “Well, well, well. What have we here?”

Lucy glared at The Metatron. “You fucking idiot! He followed you here!”

“How? He's a demon!” The Metatron flapped his wings to put some distance between them, not paying attention to where he was going. There was a sound grinding of metal as steel birdcage formed around him. The angel swore and bashed itself against the bars.

“Now, now, Metatron. Don't hurt yourself trying to escape.” Bael shook his finger at the unfortunate angel. “Remember, I can always make your accommodations much less comfortable.” The metal groaned and shrieked as it began to crumple inward.

“No! No! No!” The Metatron tried to brace his wings to stop from being crushed. Luckily for him, Bael stopped before doing any real damage.

“Lucy! Help!” the angel called out.

“Let him go, Bael.” Lucy spread her black bat wings and called on the full power of hell. Or at least, she tried to.

What should have been a halo of hellfire sputtered out and died. She looked at Bael in horror. “How?”

“Every master is supreme in his domain.” Bael pointed up into the blackness of the void. “And Lou, is an old friend of mine.”

She looked up with rising terror as the darkness began to take shape. A massive creature with tentacles and bat wings loomed over her.

“Fine! Take it! Take it!” The Metatron called out.

Bael shivered as a wave of energy washed over him. “Mmm... tasty.” He smacked his lips. “There's nothing quite like the taste of divine power.”

The Metatron’s cage wasn't trying to crush him anymore. But it also wasn't getting any bigger. “Are you going to let me out?” He asked.

“No.” Bael replied coldly, turning to face Lucy again. She had tried to attack Bael while he was distracted, but a pair of enormous vise-grips held Lucy in place by her metal collar. “You forgot about Lou, didn't you?” He asked.

“It may have slipped my mind.” Lucy admitted. “So, what's the plan? Are you going to drain me too? Try and take my power for your own? I give it a year before the other Barons rip you apart for it.”

“You are absolutely right,” Bael said amicably, “If I took your power for myself, I'd spent the next thousand years fighting to keep it. That's why I'm redistributing it instead.”

Lucy blanched. If he split her power up, it would be impossible for her to steal it back. He noticed her expression, and smiled. “Oh, was that not something you accounted for? The idea that someone powerful enough to take you down would be willing to share the rewards?”

The Baron waved his hand and a black book appeared. “Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get this disciplinary hearing underway. Maharet is making lasagna tonight and I don't want to miss it.”

“Disciplinary hearing?” Lucy laughed at the absurdity of the idea. “Are you joking?”

“Of course not.” Bael replied with an even wider grin. “Policy is policy, even for Lucifer herself. After all, you signed the little slip of paper saying you had read and understood the handbook, didn't you?”

“Oh balls.” Lucy blinked at her own stupidity. No wonder they had pestered her to sign the damn thing!

“Yes, I thought so. Now, since you have signed documents stating that you understand and agree to abide by the rules of hell as explained in the handbook, I believe we may proceed.”

Bael flipped to a page that was marked with a post-it note and began to read. “According to hell’s handbook, page fifty-seven, on the subject of unlogged travel outside of hell...”

Trapped in his cage with no way out, The Metatron was forced to listen as Bael read page after page of minor offenses and policy violations. The words burrowed into his mind and devoured his sanity, one bite at a time.

The angel twitched and shuddered as a particularly long section about travel expense reimbursement consumed his will to live. By the end of the session, The Metatron was nothing more than a barely sentient pile of feathers and eyeballs, softly drooling and making bird noises in his cage.

Lucy wasn't much better off. Her eyes glazed over as her mind tried to make sense of why she had to submit a travel expense report, even if she wasn’t asking for reimbursement. Even Lou didn't escape completely unscathed. (Though he had started taking notes.)

“And so, as the head of the Disciplinary Committee, it is my unfortunate duty to relieve you of your authority and power. Unless, of course, you wish to appeal?” Bael gave Lucy an imploring look.

She snapped out of her trance. “I want to appeal!”

Bael shook his head. “Your appeal has been denied. As head of the Disciplinary Oversight Commission, I find no fault in this ruling and move to make it permanent.”

“You can't be the head of the Disciplinary Committee and Disciplinary Oversight Commission.” Lucy protested. “That's unethical.”

“I can assure you, it's not.” Bael Sharoth, head of the Ethics Committee replied, “We investigated them both, and found no wrongdoing.”

“That's insane!” Lucy shouted.

“No, it's not.” Bael Sharoth, head of the Pedantry Department, corrected her. “That's just large scale organizational politics.”