Chapter 92 - My Thoughts

She fell backwards but just before her back could hit the ground, Gavriel caught her. He could have easily kept himself from falling as he caught Evie as well, but Gavriel was just too disorientepd and stunned from that memory that his body and brain were a split second later in responding.

And thus, he fell along with Evie, twisting his strong and agile body at the very last moment so he would be the one to fall on the ground first in order to cushion her, allowing her to have a softer landing and not get hurt. His arms curled protectively around her as well, not wanting her to even sustain a scratch on her precious self.

Evie was still gasping from their intense kiss when she pulled her body up and looked down at him. Why did he jerk away so suddenly like that? Her gaze was full of questions and there was also a little spark of discontent shining in them as she pinned her large eyes on Gavriel.

The sight of him lying on the grass and his eyes reflecting the moonlight made him look like a pagan god of seduction. He was breathing hard as he looked at her.

"Are you alright?" he asked worriedly as he attempted to lift his upper body up when Evie pressed down on him, her hands splayed flat on his chest as she straddled him.

Evie tried her best not to forget what was in her mind and the things that she had wanted to say as his face in that moment was even more distracting than it usually was.

Shaking her head, Evie stared deeply into his eyes with utter seriousness. "Why…" she pressed her lips tightly, her fingers clenched into tight fists in his clothes. Since she woke up, Evie did not know why but she felt like Gavriel was constantly spacing out. It was as if he was being bothered by something.

Because he had concealed it very well, Evie initially had only thought she was probably just thinking too much. But with what he did just now made Evie realized there was truly something off with him – there was something troubling him deep inside. That sort of reaction just now was something she could no longer ignore. "Tell me… what's wrong?" she finally asked.

Since the day they got separated in the watchtower, Evie had realized how much Gavriel meant to her. When she was waiting around in the castle for his return, Evie was overwhelmed with the feelings she had. Her fear that he would get hurt in the battle or even perhaps that he might even not return to her again was too much for her to bear thinking about and was totally maddening. It was then when she had fully realized what Gavriel truly meant to her now. He had come to mean more to her than she had ever imagined.

She realized that she would be willing to do everything and anything for him. Because she already knew that the her right now, would not be able to take it if she were to lose him in this life.

Gavriel's eyes slightly widened at her question for a moment and his hands went to her forearms, gripping them loosely. "Evie…" his voice died out.

"I feel like you're somehow avoiding trying to be alone with me lately. And now… I'm also wondering if you … don't want my kiss-" Evie stated, hoping to probe out the problem.

"Gods, no!" he cut her off and then rose to hug her as she straddled him. "No. You're wrong, love –"

"Then why? Tell me. You were the one who told me you don't want to have any more misunderstandings happening between us … right?" Evie argued, her voice now becoming emotional. It could be due to the many intense events that had happened one after another during the past few days. But Evie was quickly losing her cool. She could feel her voice trembling and her eyes getting hot and teary.

"I'm so sorry…" Gavriel sighed and rubbed her hair gently. "Don't cry, please –"

"I'm not crying. But if you keep on acting like this, I might really cry, and I won't stop even if you beg me to!" Evie's voice was tight, and her throat felt like a lump was stuck in it. Her view started to blur as a watery screen seemed to have enveloped her vision.

The threat in her voice made Gavriel chuckled helplessly and kissed her forehead. "Alright, love. Calm down. I'll tell you." Gavriel placated Evie with a gentle voice, calming her down and getting her to stop pacing in front of him.

Evie pulled away to look carefully at his face. Their gazes met and Gavriel's eyes glimmered with something unfathomable as he caressed her cheek with his knuckles. "Yes. The truth is that I am avoiding trying to be alone with you because I feel like you would seduce me as soon as no one is around but us –"

Suddenly, Evie pinched his cheek hard as she glared at him. "Please be serious." She told him, bemused. But Gavriel found that her expression and what she was doing to his cheeks were just totally adorable and he ended up chuckling out loud again. Gods, this woman can break him without any effort at all … he could not believe that she was making him feel so many contradicting emotions all at once. She could freeze him to death and burn him to ashes all at the same time. If he had not had that iron control he was quite proud of, he was quite certain that he would be very similar to a tiny boat tossed around at sea in the middle of a cyclone.

"I'm serious, love. You are supposed to be resting tonight." Gavriel replied to Evie with an even and amused voice, trying to make her see that he was being serious about her resting and recuperating from the blood loss she had to bear due to him.

Evie narrowed her eyes and the suspicion in those amber eyes made Gavriel sigh, as well as smiled at the same time. This was the same woman who blindly put all her faith in him in his worst state and yet she doubts his words right now when he was most sane and calm? "You are truly such an unbelievable creature, Evie. I told you, I am very serious. If only you could see my thoughts all these time – no, it's better that you can't see –"

"I want to know. Your thoughts. What were you thinking about all this while? I honestly am curious to know…"

Gavriel's gaze deepened. The grey eyes smouldered through his thick and long lashes. The look in his eyes made Evie subconsciously swallowed her saliva.

"I've been thinking about what I'd do to you if no one is around…" he started. "I've thought of the countless ways of taking you. Now that I'm allowed to touch you, my mind is filled with what I'd do to you first. And during those times whenever we walked down the quiet corridors, I've thought multiple times, of just pushing you to the wall, pulling your dress up and kicking your legs apart…"