CH 62

In an instant, Liao Yan stood up and said, “It’s because I wanted to redeem myself!”

The teacup on the table was knocked over by his hand, and the cool tea spilled over the table. Liao Yan’s shallow eyes were filled with sorrow.

“The doctor said that if Xingxing’s glands weren’t treated in time, they would decay, but I didn’t have enough money to treat Xingxing. So every day, I had nightmares… I kept dreaming about that day’s scene. I blamed myself and hated failing to protect him!”

He laughed bitterly, “Clearly, I was the one protecting him all the time. He was always a coward, a crybaby, a useless fool. Why should he…”

He covered his face with both hands, his voice choked, and his body trembled.

That memory was always the pain he couldn’t erase.

They were identical twins, supposed to be the closest people in the world. However, due to an accident involving Qu Lingnian, they became strangers.

“I couldn’t… I couldn’t face the injured star. Self-blame was consuming me! It was at that moment… Father suddenly chose me! I was torn inside, reluctant to leave him, so Father ‘helped’ me.”

“He said he’s willing to cover the medical expenses for Star’s treatment, in exchange, I had to leave with him immediately. He also promised me that the dean would keep that condition confidential so that Star wouldn’t feel guilty.”

As he mentioned the word “guilty,” he awkwardly tugged at the corner of his mouth, thinking it was not quite appropriate.

How natural and reasonable those conditions seemed, as if deep in his heart, he had instantly transformed himself from a sinner into a victim.

Qu Lingnian gave him a chance for redemption.

This quickly convinced him – he left for Lin Yuxing’s sake, not for himself.

“I can’t forget the way Star cried, holding my hand, begging me not to leave… I told him I would convince Father, and I would definitely come back for him.”

His tears refused to fall, swirling in his eyes, “But I couldn’t do it at all!”

Trying to persuade a family to accept an imperfect child was an immensely difficult task.

Qu Lingnian had always wanted only one child.

Gu Zhongyi could understand that, but the reality was not as simple as he thought.

As Gu Zhongyi saw the person in front of him gradually breaking down emotionally, he heard him ask, “Do you know why Father wanted to adopt Star?”

Lin Yuheng, or Qu Xing, or rather, the current Liao Yan, raised his eyes, tears uncontrollably sliding down his face.

Yet, he didn’t blink, appearing like a delicate puppet, “Because he and his wife had a child who died at the age of 7. That child bore a striking resemblance to both of us, especially those eyes, almost identical to Star’s.”

Qu Lingnian’s wife was so heartbroken by the loss of their child that she became mentally unstable.

It was only after following Qu Lingnian back to their overseas home that Qu Xing discovered that secret.

In a sense, Qu Lingnian was indeed a “good father” and a good husband. He constructed a beautiful dream for his wife in that rose-covered villa.

In the dream, their child didn’t die, and his wife didn’t go insane.

The family continued to live happily together.

“Father didn’t want just any child; he wanted a replacement for his wife, the more similar, the better. So Star became the first choice, and when Star was gone, he chose me.”

“He said, ‘Qu Xing’ wasn’t a name they specially gave me; it was the name of their deceased child. How coincidental, also called ‘Star’.”

In his own life, he briefly lived as Lin Yuheng for 8 years before becoming Qu Xing.

“After I arrived overseas, Father treated me well, fulfilling almost any request. When I wanted to learn the piano, he personally tutored me, even though I had no talent. When I was bullied at school and got into fights, Father never scolded me. Instead… he even sided with me.”

Apart from his younger brother Lin Yuxing, no one had ever favored him or trusted him.

He bitterly smiled, “He treated me like his own child. My stepmother was even more so. After meeting me, her condition improved, or perhaps, it never worsened to begin with.”

How could a mother not recognize her own child?

His stepmother gave him an overwhelming motherly love, something he had never felt since birth.

In that family, he had a father, he had a mother, and he often felt happy.

Only one word was forbidden in that family.

Qu Lingnian strongly disapproved of him mentioning Little Star: “You are now my child, Qu Xing. You don’t have a younger brother, and there won’t be a second child in this family. These words must never be heard by your mother!”

Qu Lingnian naturally and gently called him by his new name, “Qu Xing, I can’t tolerate anyone destroying my family, especially harming my wife. As our child, you should do your best to love and protect your mother, not let her get hurt again.”

At that time, Qu Lingnian had just bought him a brand-new piano.

It was both a gift and a warning.

“I will give you all the care I can, but if you don’t obey, I will abandon you.”

And then look for the next replacement.

Qu Lingnian had plenty of money and time. If this adoptive son went against his wishes, he would not hesitate to send him to an overseas orphanage, leaving Lin Yuheng to live a helpless life in an unfamiliar place.

Qu Lingnian would take back all the love he had given and make him pay for disappointing him.

To Qu Lingnian, Lin Yuheng was nothing more than a means to pacify his wife or even a pet.

Under Qu Lingnian’s intimidation and “care,” 8-year-old Lin Yuheng gradually fell into the warmth of the family he had never experienced before, losing himself in the process.

The comfortable living conditions turned him into a true young master of the Qu family.

He never disappointed Qu Lingnian; everything he did was excellent, making him the pride of the Qu family.

Once a person crawled out of the mire and experienced the beauty of sunlight, there was no going back.

Qu Lingnian felt the time was right and started brainwashing him repeatedly, “You and your younger brother have different destinies. There’s no need to tie yourselves together. Even without you, he can still live well.”

Sometimes, Lin Yuheng still thought  about Lin Yuxing, his pitiful younger brother.

For that reason, Qu Lingnian thoughtfully gave him a diary, offering solace, “If you still miss him, write down your thoughts in this diary. Recording your life and thoughts isn’t a bad thing, but I really don’t want to hear anything about your younger brother from your mouth anymore.”

So, as a young boy, he concealed his longing for his brother within the pages of the diary. As time passed, he began to forget about Lin Yuxing and pushed the only photo of them together to the bottom of a drawer.

Writing in the diary became an ordinary habit for him.

However, in just a few years, that dream began to shatter.

Everything was an illusion, and “love” turned into shackles.

As he grew older, he became less and less like “Qu Xing.”

His stepmother’s impression of the child remained frozen at the age of seven. Faced with him growing up, his stepmother’s emotions became unusually unstable.

Occasionally, she would have episodes, returning to reality.

During those times, she would question him about where her own child had gone and why he had replaced everything in the house. She would cry out, believing that it was his appearance that made the real Qu Xing disappear.

When she wasn’t having an episode, she would treat him like an ordinary mother, caring for him in every possible way. She would prepare a sumptuous dinner for him after school and knit a scarf for him with her own hands during the winter to keep him warm.

But everything she did was meant for her real child and not the “intruder” Lin Yuheng.

In that stifling environment, Lin Yuheng didn’t dare to make any mistakes or show any behavior that didn’t resemble “Qu Xing.” The slightest misstep would trigger his stepmother’s episodes.

Qu Lingnian often traveled for work, yet there was no nanny hired for the household.

The reason was that the child who died was the result of a nanny’s negligence. Therefore, Lin Yuheng had to take care of his stepmother on his own, enduring her love and hatred, living with her for nine years.

In the year he turned seventeen, Qu Lingnian, who was also tormented to exhaustion by his wife, brought in another child.

That was the second Omega boy to appear in the villa, and he had a somewhat similar face to seven-year-old “Qu Xing.”

Just as he had arrived there years ago, that child would follow the same path.

After some time, Lin Yuheng suddenly experienced heartache, feeling like his body was being torn apart, causing him excruciating pain. It was as if he had been hit by a car. He was drenched in cold sweat, his lips turned pale, and he eventually collapsed by the roadside, taken to the hospital by passersby.

The doctors found no physical issues, only advising him not to put too much pressure on himself.

However, Qu Lingnian believed that it was a fake illness, a ploy for attention. The empty hospital room scared him as he received no visitors and was left in loneliness.

At that moment, he inexplicably thought of his younger brother.

He thought about how Lin Yuxing might have lived in that loneliness all this time.

His heart began to ache, feeling as if thousands of needles were piercing him, causing his tears to dampen the pillow.

He started to frequently dream about Lin Yuxing, dreaming about the accident in the welfare institution’s kitchen that should have been avoided.

In the dream, Lin Yuxing looked pained, his back covered in scalding water, and his weak crying tormented Lin Yuheng’s heart: “Big brother, don’t leave me… Don’t abandon me… I’ll be good, I won’t make you angry anymore, really…”

The scene shifted, and the lights in the rescue room went out.

Lin Yuxing’s body was covered in blood, standing in front of him, fiercely questioning, “You abandoned me, didn’t you?”

Lin Yuxing approached step by step, his eyes devoid of pupils.

“You ruined me, didn’t you?!”

“Ah—”

Lin Yuheng struggled to wake up from the nightmare, sweat dripping from his forehead.

He trembled and, under the moonlight of the late night, kept repenting. He prayed to heaven, wishing for a better life for Lin Yuxing, even if it meant giving away all his luck.

He felt guilty towards his brother.

But what luck did he have left?

After the arrival of the new child, his stepmother returned to her previous state, treating Lin Yuheng living in the house as a guest, introducing her son to him with a smile, “This is my little star, doesn’t he look a lot like me? He’s well-behaved, a considerate and good child.”

She gently smiled, stroking “Qu Xing’s” head.

The new “Qu Xing” sweetly smiled and affectionately hugged his stepmother. He was a clever child, even better at pleasing his stepmother than Lin Yuheng.

But his existence often left his stepmother confused, unable to distinguish who her real child was.

Qu Lingnian saw this and heartlessly told him to move out of the villa and into a private apartment.

One year later, on his 18th birthday, Qu Lingnian came to the apartment and gave him a card containing enough money to cover his university expenses and living costs.

Qu Lingnian said, “You’re now an adult.”

The meaning behind his words was that the Qu family no longer needed to take responsibility for him or care for his life.

With one card and a sum of money, Qu Lingnian believed he had severed all connections between them, fulfilling his moral duty.

“You used to want to return to China to find your younger brother, right? Go and find him, maybe… he’s still waiting for you?”

Hearing Qu Lingnian’s words, he looked up in surprise, his eyes filled with self-deprecating laughter.

How is this possible?

He silently sneered in his heart.

It had been ten years; there was no way Lin Yuxing, no matter how foolish he was, would still be waiting for such a despicable older brother.

But he did want to know what Lin Yuxing was doing now, whether he was doing well or not. Was he still like in his dreams, a little crybaby who always felt wronged?

After losing everything, he shamelessly started to miss Lin Yuxing.

He missed the little star who never gave up on him, no matter what others said or did.

Lin Yuheng returned to China and enrolled in C University. With Xu Xiangchi’s help, he had been searching for his brother, nearly exhausting all the living expenses his adoptive father provided. But his brother seemed to have vanished, leaving no trace.

Until one day, when he and Xu Xiangchi were away sketching, they bumped into his aunt, Lin Xiufeng.

Lin Xiufeng recognized him at first glance.

He was overjoyed, thinking that he could finally reunite with his brother, but reality dealt him a cruel blow.

Lin Yuxing was dead.

He died in a car accident, at the tender age of seventeen.

They said Lin Yuxing had an accident while delivering take-out, on the sidewalk, and died on the spot without even having a chance to be taken to the hospital.

The date of the accident and Lin Yuxing’s time of death coincided with the exact moment when he suffered heartache and was taken to the hospital.

It’s said that twins can have a psychic connection.

Perhaps the moment he lost consciousness was the moment when Lin Yuxing’s heart stopped beating.

No wonder the pain was so deeply etched in him, as it was the only sensation Lin Yuxing had before his death, like a cry for help transmitted to his twin brother.

He slumped. He had permanently lost his brother, his only family.

He couldn’t even find a single photo of Lin Yuxing left in Aunt Lin Xiufeng’s home.

Their uncle, Cheng Rong, kept drinking and swearing, heartlessly mocking Lin Yuxing as a worthless, early-deceased bastard.

“We spent so much money raising him, but in the end, he didn’t even return the money to me before he died! He was truly an unlucky thing, a loss-making business! Lin Xiufeng, look at the things you brought into this family! I shouldn’t have listened to you. I should have sold him earlier; at least I could have recovered some money! Look at him now, look!”

Cheng Rong relentlessly seized the opportunity to verbally attack Lin Xiufeng.

Lin Xiufeng remained silent, busying herself with her work, tears wetting her cheeks. She dared not speak out of anger, or perhaps there was no anger left in her.

Her attitude seemed to imply that she acknowledged Cheng Rong’s words.

She did not lack sorrow for the deceased Lin Yuxing, but she felt even more heartache for her son, Cheng Shaohua.

After all, all her years of effort turned to nothing at the moment of Lin Yuxing’s death. She couldn’t think of anyone else who could take care of Cheng Shaohua in the future.

“…”

Lin Yuheng finally realized how miserable, how terrible, and how helpless his brother’s life had been all those years. Though he had now lost everything, he had also experienced some fleeting moments of happiness in this world.

But what about Lin Yuxing?

Lin Yuxing had nothing but a life filled with suffering, and he ultimately died tragically in an undeserved accident.

It was all his fault as an older brother.

He almost staggered out of Aunt Lin Xiufeng’s home, running to a narrow corner and constantly retching.

It was nauseating…

Everything there disgusted him, including himself.

He grabbed his throat, kneeling on the ground, his head against the filthy wall, tears being the most useless thing in the moment. But apart from tears, he had nothing left.

His throat was hoarse, and he sobbed.

“It’s my fault… I shouldn’t have left, I shouldn’t have listened to him and forgotten you… Little star, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

He needed to atone, he must atone.

From that point on, he treated all the suffering he endured with Xu Xiangchi as his own punishment, unable to free himself.

He thought, if there was a next life, even if he had to sacrifice his life, he would exchange it for his brother’s life.