CH 4.9

I fell asleep unknowingly. It was dark when I opened my eyes. When I turned on the phone, it was blinding, so I checked the time while squinting my eyes. Half past two. Has Yeon Woojeong gotten home?

Leaving my bed, I walked downstairs while holding the rail. I didn’t hear any sound of someone entering the house. Though the sound was heard fainter if I was on the second floor. If not, then I slept deeply. He probably wouldn’t come home. If he had to be cooped up in his office at the start of a new year, that was a bit pitiful.

The door to his room was closed. Thinking that Yeon Woojeong wouldn’t be inside when I opened this door… It was boring. Boring? That wasn’t the right expression. Then, how should I express it? I didn’t want to think about it. Even though I knew he wouldn’t be inside, I opened the door. 

A bright light permeated out—from the room that obviously should be dark. The scenery of the bedroom unfolded slowly but clearly in front of me, who had become accustomed to the darkness.

On the wide bed, a woman wearing a red one-piece was sitting while spreading her legs. Faint sounds filled the very quiet space. It was a wet voice like licking candy. I felt like my internal organs were coming out. The woman, who threw her head back and closed her eyes, raised her eyelids. And the one who buried his face between the spread legs…

“Who’s it?”

At the languid question, Yeon Woojeong slowly moved his body and turned his head. Moist lips. Downcast eyes. Ah—a line of exclamation that flowed out.

I gritted my teeth. My jaws trembled. Yeon Woojeong furrowed his forehead, avoiding my eyes. I felt like my heart exploded at his reaction.

The one who broke the silence was the woman.

“What is it? You got a hobby of doing it with 3 people?”

Yeon Woojeong turned his head to the playful question. The black back. I clenched my fists.

“No. He’s underage.”

“Ah, I’m fine with that.”

“Do you want to say that I’m not enough? I have to try harder then.”

It was a conversation that I couldn’t hear any longer. I wanted to throw everything away and kill everyone. The time waiting for Yeon Woojeong turned ridiculous at once. I thought he was late because he worked, but it turned out he was playing with that woman, and on top of that, he brought her home and was doing something like that.

My eyes felt hot. It felt like my head exploded because of the wild thoughts. It was dizzy before my eyes. All the imaginations that came to my head were abnormal. After removing the disorganized virtual corpse from the bed, my head seemed to cool down a little. For now, I had to remove that woman. 

I strode to the bed. The four eyes returned to me. As I got closer, Yeon Woojeong pulled down the skirt that was folded up. I grabbed the woman’s wrist.

As I dragged her, the woman easily came down the bed. I dragged the woman toward the door. It wasn’t difficult leading her because she followed meekly. For now, I had to kick this person out. I stepped down on my urging desire to crush the wrist I grabbed in my hand as I reached the threshold.

Suddenly, my arm was grabbed and pulled. When I turned my head, Yeon Woojeong was grabbing my arm. He tapped my arm as if calming me.

“You shouldn’t grab it strongly like that. You’re hurting her.”

A coaxing voice. As I glared at him while biting inside my cheeks, the hand grabbing my hand slid down and grabbed my wrist. My wrist turned so tense. Breathing out slowly, I loosened up my fingers one by one. Then, Yeon Woojeong turned his gaze. 

There was a red mark on the woman’s wrist. Yeon Woojeong stroked her wrist gently, wrapped her shoulder, and went outside the door.

Yeon Woojeong held a palm-size underwear and bent one of his knees. As the woman raised her legs one by one to wear the underwear, he put a thick coat over her shoulders.

“This is my first time getting doors slammed in my face?”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Is this why you said we can’t?”

“Mhm.”

“I should have heard you. Still, it was fun.”

The woman glanced at me and smiled. Now that I looked at her, she seemed to be quite older. There was a composed atmosphere that couldn’t be hidden from her body. I felt my hands shaking because they were so tense. I quietly endured this time. Otherwise, I might do something unpredictable.

The woman and Yeon Woojeong left. I scowled at the closed door.

The sound of my heart beating was noisy. It felt like it was red all over my head. I looked around the bedroom. The disheveled bed. I wanted to tear all of it.

Time passed. I heard the sound of the door being opened. Yeon Woojeong brushed back his tousled hair as he returned. He looked straight into my eyes and walked slowly. My mind, which I thought had calmed down a bit, turned upside down. I imagined myself choking the neck shown openly between the loose buttons. A strange thing shot out of my mind.

I clenched my fists tight. My nails scratched my palms. Yeon Woojeong didn’t say anything. He only looked at me—with investigating eyes. 

I couldn’t continue on with my thoughts. I strode out of the room as if running and grabbed Yeon Woojeong by the collar. He raised one of his eyebrows up. I dragged him to his room. As I saw the disheveled bed, my mind got messy once again. I pulled Yeon Woojeong, who was dragged without resisting, and pushed him as if throwing him on the bed. He looked up at me with his head leaning on the bed.

A relaxed face. I wanted to betray his expectation that he would not be bothered with anything. How far should I go? How far should I go so that he crumples his face?

The disheveled hair, the crooked head, three loosened buttons.

I got on the bed and climbed on top of him. My hands naturally went to his neck. I tried to choke the white neck. I felt the constant beats under my fingers. Yeon Woojeong stared intently at me. As if possessed, my hands grew stronger. I felt tension also build in his neck, but there was no change in his expression.

My breath turned rough. I felt helpless in an instant. My whole body throbbed. When I looked down, I saw the exposed chest between the shirt. He looked up at me with his head leaning on the bed. I was out of breath at that moment. My hands led me as they pleased. As I spread open the shirt, the buttons bounced off. The white skin went up and down. Suddenly, I wanted to bury my face there.

One of my hands choked Yeon Woojeong’s neck, and the other one slowly moved down, touching the skin. I suddenly felt thirsty. The hand reaching out grabbed my wrist. When I looked up, my eyes met with Yeon Woojeong’s indescribable eyes.

He rolled his eyes. The gaze scanning around slowly returned to me. Then, when I tried to ignore the hand grabbing me.

“When it comes to rape… It is believed that there’s a sexual desire at the root of it.”

A laid-back tone that didn’t suit the situation. I couldn’t move my hands at the remark that was unexpectedly said. Yeon Woojeong moved down his eyes. My gaze followed him to move down. It was bulging between my legs. It was throbbing and hot underneath.

I couldn’t understand why it became like that. The consistent response of the body that had continued over the past few days was still unfamiliar. However, the direction pointed by this one was clear.

“But that’s not it. Its basis is violence after all.”

His pronunciation was so precise that it entered my ears clearly. Even though I thought that every word he said didn’t suit this situation, I couldn’t refute him. My body turned stiff, and my head gradually turned cold.

“A twisted way of saying that I’m going to dominate and weigh on the other person because I’m on the top… Well, something like that.”

“…”

“So, you want to hit and weigh down on me now, huh?”

No. I didn’t. I didn’t want to hit Yeon Woojeong. But, I wanted to strangle his neck, and I wanted to try to kill him. But I don’t want to kill him for real. It’s just, it’s just a thought. That’s not it…

As I traced where the anger that roamed fiercely inside my body came from, I felt strange. There was Yeon Woojeong’s neck inside my grasp. I felt that he was a living person through the beat touched by my thumb. As soon as I thought I wanted to push it strongly, I relaxed my hands.

Yeon Woojeong looking up at me from under me. The corners of his mouth were unexpectedly round. He was calm even in this situation. I for sure…

I finally could see exactly what I did. The regret that comes after doing something has no meaning. I must have wanted to make that dirty and strange dream become reality. I thought it was fine as long as my dream didn’t get found out, but now, it was a reality that was more vivid than ever.

Meanwhile, the bulging crotch showed no sign of calming down. Even at this moment, the desire to just commit it to the end impelled me. This is violence? I… I did…?

My fingers trembled. In the end, if this moment ended, everything would end. I withdrew my fingers, but Yeon Woojeong’s fingers slipped in between. Yeon Woojeong softly grabbed my hand.

I didn’t know what was the meaning of that. Yeon Woojeong was only staring at me. With a soft look. With a face that didn’t blame me at all.

Even if I am a monster… a monster that everyone is disgusting of, Yeon Woojeong will…

I felt drained. My eyes felt hot again.

“Why did you do that kind of thing here?”

“… Because I don’t like the hotel.”

“Does that woman have no house?”

When I asked curtly, Yeon Woojeong only shrugged his shoulders and glossed over with laughter.

“Sorry. I thought you were sleeping.”

He, who apologized slowly, really looked like he felt sorry. Ironically, I got even angrier because he looked sincere.

I recalled again Yeon Woojeong, who was shoving his head between the woman’s legs. The hand that stroked the woman’s arm and wrapped around her shoulders. The movement that looked so natural.

Suddenly, there was a scent moving by my nose. It wasn’t the sweet scent I smelled that day. A heavy and bitter smell completely different from that scent. There was a liquor smell mixed in between. I went into rage.

“The perfume’s smell is strong.”

“Erm, I like women with perfume.”

“Are old ladies your taste?”

“Everyone is an old lady and old man for your age.”

Yeon Woojeong, who didn’t back down, looked as usual. Drawing a smile as if teasing me. I put strength in my hands. I wanted to snap off the fingers that came in between. He had to take responsibility for me no matter what happened. So, it was just…

I was only moving a bit, but my nether rubbed against Yeon Woojeong’s body. Ah. I closed and opened my eyes to the dizzying sensation that came for a moment. The gazing black eyes were examining me. He looked between my face and bottom alternately and then slowly parted his lips.

“Do you want to sleep with me?”

I couldn’t immediately answer the subtle question. Do I want to sleep? Sleep with a man? With Yeon Woojeong?