CH 7.3

Yeon Woojeong calmly stared at me. He didn’t look like disregarding me. Rather, he seemed to listen attentively to me. When I inhaled in a rough breath, he parted his lips.

“We’ve already discovered his connection with the police officer. The media don’t know yet, but it will be out soon. We will take steps to ensure that this never happens again, and that day… the day you returned after getting beaten. It was something I had to do.”

“I never asked you to do it.”

“…”

“That was nothing. It was just, just… it was just a fight. I didn’t get beaten.”

“Jiho.”

He pressed down his eyelids with one hand. He looked tired. I felt wretched. I couldn’t bear that I made him like that. 

“There is a saying that violence does not recede.”

“…”

“I don’t think so. Violence does recede. Although it’s only one step backwards for two steps forward.”

Yeon Woojeong extended his hand and touched my hair. I chased after the leaving hand that had softly touched the hair behind my ear.

“Resignation, on the other hand, is different. This much is fine. It’s nothing. Everywhere else is like this… It will continuously, advance like that.”

“…”

“That kind of thinking makes people fester.”

The black eyes looked at me serenely. I felt naked. I fell down in a miserable mood.

There was nothing wrong in his words. I was a helpless child, and he was an adult who could do something. Our positions were different. We were also at different heights. There would surely be a better environment for the kids. I’m sure Yeon Woojeong would provide it. He wouldn’t abandon them irresponsibly after all. I, who really fortunately met Yeon Woojeong and is living well, have no right to intervene in those kids’ lives, and there is no law that says those kids would have bad luck forever.

But why do I get angry like this? Why do I feel so miserable?

“Then why didn’t you tell me?”

Yeon Woojeong didn’t answer this question. Did he know that I would react like this? Or did he think I didn’t need to know? Does he sympathize with me? Did Lee Sugeol say something about me? If he did, what did he say?

The pitiful man with nothing in possession that was picked up by him from the street; I wanted to be normal in front of him. 

Raging, unknown emotions surged up. The tongue, which didn’t want to think anymore, moved at will.

“What do you know?”

“…”

“You live in this high, warm place… living in a full stomach.”

The one who made me pitiful was me. It was my thought and my word. I know. I brought it all upon myself.

“Ah.”

Yeon Woojeong, who looked at me for a while in silence, smiled lightly. In a face that I never saw.

“That… hurts me a bit.”

I’m sure his words and expressions were supposed to be different. Just like how Yeon Woojeong always was, he should blabber about a feeling he didn’t feel with an indifferent face. But he didn’t. I thought it would taste very bitter if I tasted his smile.

A feeling similar to fear suddenly came to me. I should be unable to break him. But I scratched him. I didn’t feel any delight.

While I was frozen blankly, Yeon Woojeong massaged his forehead and then lifted the shopping bag he put on the floor.

“This, I heard the kid there said it was yours.”

What he took out of the shopping bag was the navy scarf.

Ah.

I didn’t want to give it in this way, and at this moment. I…

“It’s not mine.”

I blurted out curtly and stood up. I left as if running away and went to the second floor. My heart beat crazily. Everything was a mess.

I perched on the bed. Yeon Woojeong’s face earlier chased me and didn’t leave my mind. The shock felt like pressing me down. Did I hurt him? I couldn’t imagine him getting hurt because of someone like me. Because he is Yeon Woojeong. Could he get hurt, to begin with? But what if he really got hurt?

How should I face him tomorrow? He likely won’t kick me out, but we may not be able to turn back. He may come to hate me, and be disgusted by me. Therefore, I had to quickly restore it as soon as possible.

Let’s apologize if he walks up. He isn’t wrong after all. He didn’t do it with a bad intention. I’m only standing on my useless pride. Although it can’t be undone, I can at least take back some of my words. So, if he walks up…

Even though I endlessly stared at the stairs, Yeon Woojeong didn’t walk up. As time went by, I felt like my feet were sinking down.

Should I just walk down? But what if Yeon Woojeong won’t accept my apology? If he’s already disappointed in me? If he’s disgusted by me?

I couldn’t move even a single step because of the questions in my head that turned into convictions rather than doubts. This was bound to happen, probably. I’ve always been like that after all.

But this time should be different. I wanted to be different to Yeon Woojeong. My gaze moved to my watch. I looked at the time under the numbers that increased breathlessly. I made up my mind to go down at 12 o’clock sharp.

I tried to sort up my thoughts, but it wasn’t easy. I couldn’t even remember what I said. Why did Yeon Woojeong make such a face? I might have crossed the line set by Yeon Woojeong because I was in a fit of rage. How far did I cross that line? Anxiety raked all over my body.

It was 12 o’clock. I had to go down, but I couldn’t. I cowardly waited for the next hour. Let’s go down at 11 o’clock. I pondered back when it was 11 o’clock. Let’s go down at 12 o’clock. I pondered again when it got to 12 o’clock. At 1 o’clock, at 2 o’clock…

The last number I saw was 4.

***

When I opened my eyes, it was bright over the railings. I slowly closed and opened back my eyes, then estimated the time. I ended up spending a day without solving anything. The despair made me feel heavy. The moment I breathed out a long breath, I caught sight of a paper crane.

There was a yellow crane right in front of my eyes. What is this? I raised my body, then I took a look at the crane and checked the time. 8 o’clock. I must have fallen asleep. I at least slept for 4 hours. However, my eyes were dry, and my head hurt because I didn’t sleep enough. 

I looked back at the crane in my hand. It was like a memo, not colored paper. As I opened it after agonizing, there were letters written in familiar handwriting.

[Have breakfast.]

There were three circles under the concise writing. Small circles on top of the big circle stuck like ears, and there were eyes and nose inside the big circle. What is this? A mouse?

I carefully grabbed the memo and put down my feet, and something stuck under my feet as I lowered my legs from the bed. It was a shopping bag. There was a scarf inside. I felt emotional as I saw that, and it was stuffy in my chest. 

I managed to look away from the scarf, then I went down and headed to the kitchen. There was a plate with kimchi on the table, and gomtang in the pot. Seeing that the pot was still warm, it looked like he left after warming it up in the morning. 

I let out a rough breath. I rubbed my eyes. I couldn’t believe Yeon Woojeong, who busily got to work in a tight time frame, left after preparing this for me. I tried to picture Yeon Woojeong, who went up to the second floor to see me after getting up, warming this up, writing a note on a memo pad and folding the crane.

It was hard to breathe out. I didn’t feel upset or sad, but my chest was hurt. I stared blankly at the memo, then I took a bowl and poured the soup. I didn’t warm it back because I wanted to eat what Yeon Woojeong prepared as it was. After sitting, I picked up the spoon.

The soup was thick. It was no exaggeration to say that it was the most delicious food I’ve ever had. I ate the rice with the soup and kimchi on top.

Yeon Woojeong kept lingering in front of my eyes while I was eating. Why did he do all of this? Is he not angry anymore? I thought about calling him, but I emptied the bowl first. After eating without leaving anything, I put the plate with kimchi inside the fridge and washed up the dish. There was still a lot of gomtang left in the pot because of the large portion.

I couldn’t stay still. I opened the windows to ventilate, did laundry, and cleaned up the house. The cold air filled up the living room. The day was fair, and the sun was warm.

Some thoughts came to mind as my mood calmed down. Is the place they were moved to good? It wouldn’t be a bad place because Yeon Woojeong would have been watching, would it?

The high and bright view made my heart strange. I never thought of them when I was full and in a warm place, so I had no right to nitpick Yeon Woojeong. He would be much more of a help than me, anyway. So, Yeon Woojeong was right.