CH 11.5

He brushed past me and sat down on the sofa. Yeon Woojeong said nothing. His silence stung. Swallowing my dry saliva, I slowly walked and sat across from him.

Yeon Woojeong stared at me with a cold and pale face. I couldn’t stay calm under his gaze. I looked down, stole a glance at him, then I looked at other places for no reason. Yeon Woojeong was looking at me as if he was looking at someone else. Funnily enough, seeing him now made me realize how tender Yeon Woojeong’s gaze at me had been all these times. Even at the moment we had a fight, he warmed me up with his gaze.

I had to say something, anything. I had to apologize. And I had to let him know that it wasn’t me who did that.

“Mr. Yeon, I—”

“Jiho, shut your mouth.”

“Huh?”

“I’m now holding back because I feel like I would say something bad to you.”

“…”

“So, shut your mouth.”

With that, Yeon Woojeong closed his mouth. The heavy silence suffocated me.

I fiddled with my fingers. I had given up on the scary idea that there’s really no turning back. I didn’t know what to do at this moment. I always made others disappointed, never did I make their expectations come true.

“I, Mr. Yeon, I—”

“From now on, don’t say a word here, no matter who asks.”

My heart dropped. Does he think I killed him? That I’m someone who can do such a thing?

“Mr. Yeon.”

“I’m going to get you an attorney.”

“It wasn’t me.”

“When you meet with your attorney, don’t lie even a little bit and tell everything.”

“It really wasn’t me.”

Yeon Woojeong didn’t seem to listen to me. How can I prove that what I say is true? I glanced at the watch on my wrist, but my heart was beating fast.

“When you go into the investigation room, don’t use your words, but answer as the attorney has decided.”

“Okay. But I swear I didn’t kill—”

“I don’t care even if you killed him.”

Yeon Woojeong raised his voice unexpectedly. My shoulders stiffened before I knew it. His expression cracked for the first time.

“Even if you’re involved in his death, I will give you a non-prosecution disposition, and your words won’t affect my judgment in any way!”

His voice rang loudly inside the break room. Yeon Woojeong let out a rough breath.

How should I accept his word that he doesn’t care even if I was the killer? I felt like I was destroying his principle. That I, as I always am, would someday destroy him as well.

“There’s only one thing you need to say.”

Yeon Woojeong’s expression quieted down.

“What am I to you?”

The calm voice seemed to strike my head. I barely lifted my drooping eyelids. 

“What,” he asked. How could he ask that? He could be everything. Everything he wanted.

I couldn’t let out a word anymore. This wasn’t about explaining myself. It was more devastating and scary that I made him think like that.

Yeon Woojeong didn’t wait for my answer, stood up, and left. I was the one who was left alone, but I felt he wouldn’t feel any different. My eyes felt hot, and my fingers cooled down.

“Erm… Jiho.”

Kim Jiyeon walked inside. I composed my expression and nodded. She poured warm tea into a paper cup and handed it to me.

“Thank you.”

I didn’t feel like talking with anyone, but I couldn’t tarnish Yeon Woojeong’s name even more. I bowed my head once more and took the cup. My fingers were still frozen even though I was holding something warm. I suddenly remembered Yeon Woojeong’s comment about my hands being cold. 

“Jiho, for now… Don’t worry too much. It will be fine.”

“… Yes.”

“Yeah. Don’t worry too much.”

Kim Jiyeon talked as if she was calming herself. I brought the paper cup to my mouth. The warm and bitter tea flowed into my mouth. It was so, so bitter inside my mouth.

I belatedly recalled that I didn’t answer him. Where is Yeon Woojeong? He must be busy. So, if we meet again…

Someone entered the office. It was Investigator Lee Jeonghan. He heaved a sigh as he saw me.

“The investigation will be held tomorrow morning. You’re going to wait at the detention center, and I heard you’re going to get an attorney. I’ll see you when your attorney comes, and I’ll see you again after you get some sleep.”

“Yes.”

“Let’s go after you finish that tea.”

It felt weird to dawdle here, so I drank the remaining tea and got up from my seat. I greeted Kim Jiyeon, then I followed Lee Jeonghan. He grabbed my arm and we walked. 

He didn’t talk to me. The quiet path felt so long. It was close to midnight, but the lights in the hallway were white and bright. I noticed some presence even at this time. Yeon Woojeong must be working in a bright place even though it’s late.

It occurred to me that there was likely another path. That I won’t fall even if I take that path. But it was late to regret it. I couldn’t forget the face looking at me turning straight. It felt like there was nothing under my feet.

.

.

.

I looked at the empty wall inside the small room. So we’re taken to a place like this if we commit a crime. The tiny space, barely enough to fit one body, was rather chilly than cozy. Someone sane would likely go weird if they were locked in a place like this for a long time.

I folded up my knees, rested my arms over them, then put down my forehead there. The breath I let out reached my ears.

I wanted to see Yeon Woojeong. I thought it was shameless of me, but I couldn’t help it. I’m okay with all the other misunderstandings. But I really wanted to answer his last question. I wanted to get out quickly. Will I be able to leave this place?

I remembered the exhibition I went to see with Yeon Woojeong. And the moment we had dinner on a rooftop with the breeze. It was past midnight already, so it was just two days ago, but it felt like something that happened far in the past.

I heaved out a sigh. When the reality is too overwhelming, it is hard to come up with a specific idea or plan. Only sigh flowed out blindly.

It was when I let out a sigh once more. There was someone approaching and the door was opened.

“Mr. Kim Jiho. Your attorney is here.”

I quickly stood up and walked out. As I followed the man and entered the visiting room, there was an attorney in suit waiting. The attorney, who looked tired perhaps because of the late time, looked at me and stood up. 

“Nice to meet you. I’m Yoo Seonah.”

“Nice to meet you. … I’m Kim Jiho.”

I took a seat after shaking Yoo Seonah’s hand. She took out a notebook and a pen from her bag, then she looked at me.

“First, I came at Senior Yeon’s request. I’m a specialist for criminal cases, and I’ve dealt with drug cases, so you don’t need to worry.”

“Yes. Thank you.”

“You can thank me later when this ends. I have to tell you something before we start the talk. Tell me everything, without hiding anything, even the things that make you wonder if you should tell me. Understood?”

It wasn’t different from what Yeon Woojeong said. I nodded.

If she called Yeon Woojeong her senior, then does that mean she was his junior at school? He must have called her because they’re close. There was a lot I was curious about, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask.

“Well, now. Shall we start with why you went there?”

The start of the talk was something I was reluctant to talk about. I shouldn’t keep my mouth closed at this point. It wasn’t difficult to tell the attorney. But what I was worried about…

“If I tell you, will Mr. Yeon know?”

“Senior Yeon? Yes. You’re going to say what you’re saying to me anyway, but with a polished version.”

I looked down and fiddled with my fingers. I went secretly because I didn’t want to tell him, and I didn’t want him to know. But now I ended up telling everything. I even disappointed him, to boot. Giving him a big trouble, even.

What was it that made me not want to tell him? It was because I didn’t want to give that person Yeon Woojeong’s money. It was because I didn’t want him to get insulted if he met that man. I wanted that man, who made people fed up whenever they talked to him, to not leave any influence in my life with Yeon Woojeong…

I hoped Yeon Woojeong would not know that my ground, my blood, my root was that man.

It is said that violence is inherited, and sons take after their fathers. I was terrified that I was an incorrigible person because I was born that way.