CH 11.8

A day passed as I kept coming in and out of sleep. The dreams, which were just like pieces of broken glass, sharply pierced my head.

In the dreams, Yeon Woojeong looked away from me, and I broke him. If Yeon Woojeong were a canvas, I would be the black paint. I painted him, and he was overly painted and torn. Every time I woke up from a dream, I thought. That Yeon Woojeong is a strong man, and someone like me can never break him.

“Why are you someone like you? You are you. Do you think you’re not important to me?”

I spit back out the words I once swallowed and carved them into my head. I am I. Such a thing won’t happen because I am I, not an uncouth monster. And I won’t be something like that.

Trivial thoughts came to mind since I was alone. Yeon Woojeong stayed out. I checked his room whenever I woke up, but there was no trace of someone coming home.

I couldn’t call him because I didn’t have my phone with me. Though even if I had it, it would be difficult to do it…

I ate and cleaned up. The cold wind permeated in as I opened the windows wide. My head kept throbbing because I couldn’t sleep properly. After finishing cleaning, I went to the book room and took out the puzzle book. I opened it again after a really long time. I touched the paper full of traces of pencil and eraser, feeling anew, then I opened a blank page.

Doing this made me realize. That such a big problem ended this way. I wonder if it was supposed to end safely this way. It felt so long and endless when I was locked up, but thinking about it now, I wonder if it was actually short. If it was easy for me, wouldn’t someone have it hard? Would that person be Yeon Woojeong?

Will he come at night? He will, won’t he? Holding back my sigh, I looked down at the empty paper.

.

.

.

I heard some sounds when I suddenly came to my senses. Something on my shoulders dropped as soon as I raised my head. It was a blanket.

I looked over where the sounds came from. Yeon Woojeong was in the kitchen. With his suit jacket on the chair and his sleeves rolled up, he was cooking.

Cooking. It didn’t suit Yeon Woojeong. I shook myself out of my daze and wondered if this was a dream. Nevertheless, the air felt on my skin was so vivid.

Something was boiling in the pot, and Yeon Woojeong took out the cutting board. He washed a zucchini, then put it on the cutting board and cut it. The sound of the knife hitting the cutting board sounded dissonant. 

I was staring blankly, but then suddenly I felt my nape was hot. The floor was warm. The windows which I opened were already closed.

Feeling awkward, I scratched my palms, got up, and headed to the kitchen. Yeon Woojeong, who put the cut zucchini into the pot, didn’t give me a glance. Inside the pot was doenjang stew. It smelled delicious.

He unwrapped the side dishes on the table and moved them to a plate. I came closer, thinking of helping, but he didn’t say anything to me or look at me. Because of that, I stood awkwardly next to the table and could do nothing but chase Yeon Woojeong with my eyes.

Yeon Woojeong didn’t move fast, but efficiently. Steam rose from the rice cooker as I traced the veins on the backs of his hands, which seemed to finish anything in a short amount of time. The table was completed as he went to the rice cooker to scoop out the rice, and then moved the pot with doenjang stew to the table.

He took a seat. I stared at him, and only then did he glance at me.

“Sit down.”

I sat and watched Yeon Woojeong pick up his spoon. The stew with zucchini, tofu, and onions looked delicious. I also picked up my spoon and tasted it.

It was delicious. I glanced up and looked at him. With an expressionless face, he was moving some rice from the bowl into his mouth with chopsticks. 

“Are you done with your work?”

“No. I have to go out again.”

His voice was normal, but he didn’t look at me or speak as he normally did. I wanted to talk more, feeling restless, but I closed my mouth because I wanted him to eat peacefully.

The meal was delicious. I thought it would be delicious even if he cooked trash, but this was really delicious. I stole glances at him, adjusting to his eating pace, but then I ate a bit faster because my portion was bigger.

I hoped this moment would last long, but I saw the bottom of the bowl. Yeon Woojeong glanced at my bowl, then got up from his seat. I followed him to clean the table and caught up to him as he was about to wash the dishes. 

“I’ll do it.”

Yeon Woojeong took a glance at me. He ignored me, cleaned the bowls, and put them in the dishwasher. My heart raced. It was hard to deal with Yeon Woojeong looking away from me.

I stood next to him as if getting punished, then I followed Yeon Woojeong, who had finished washing the dishes, to the living room. He took a bag left on the coffee table, sat on the sofa, then patted his side. I sat next to him. What Yeon Woojeong held was a medicine bag. 

He took out a cotton swab, applied the ointment, and grabbed one of my cheeks. Yeon Woojeong’s eyes scanned my cheek for a brief moment. His gaze made my toes tingle. 

“I’m going to file criminal charges. You don’t need to come forward, but you have to tell the details to Yoo Seonah. Will that be okay?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m asking about your feelings.”

“I… don’t mind.”

Yeon Woojeong stared at me with his head cocked, then brought the cotton swab to my cheek. The swelling was almost gone, and while the injury was still there, it didn’t look like it would be a scar. 

I felt this was the time to say it. I swallowed my saliva and caught Yeon Woojeong’s falling hand. His gaze shifted to my eyes.

“Mr. Yeon. It was wrong of me to not tell you, and work in a place like that.”

It was hard to admit my fault out loud, but I knew that I couldn’t lean on his generosity this time. I grasped his wrist. Yeon Woojeong’s gaze moved to his hand then moved up again.

“Technically… you didn’t do anything wrong to me.”

My hand fell down as he put down his hand. It also felt like my heart dropped as well.

“What about the debt?”

“About that… I can pay it back once I get back the money.”

“And that’s it?”

“Yeah.”

Yeon Woojeong blinked lightly. His eyes seemed to read me sharply. I stared back, feeling Yeon Woojeong’s skin on my fingers.

“Anything else you want to say?”

Anything else I want to say. There was a lot of truth left, but I couldn’t tell him everything.

I had shown him enough of my worst side, so I could never say something like asking him to repay the debt, deal with that man in my place, or anything. Is it stupid of me? This wasn’t just stubbornness or ego. This was just, just…

Yeon Woojeong’s lips parted slowly.

“I thought you were showing me everything.”

“…”

“But I was wrong. I’m the one who’s looking at you, not you showing yourself.”

Yeon Woojeong took his hand out of my clutch. Then he took out a phone from his pocket and put it on the table.

I thought as I looked at that. Where’s the money? If I get the money back…

“Attorney Yoo will come tomorrow. Don’t go out and stay still. This is a request.”

With those words, he stood up. I sat there blankly, then followed Yeon Woojeong as he headed for the front door. 

“Mr. Yeon.”

I called Yeon Woojeong, who wore his shoes. He looked back. His gaze stayed on me for quite a long time. I once again only opened my lips stupidly. The breath flowing out between them seemed to block my throat.

He was the first one to speak.

“I want to protect you.”

“…”

“But what are you protecting?”

The calm question pierced me. He stared at me for a long time even after asking that question, then he opened the door and left. The words left by Yeon Woojeong filled my head.

He was right. It’s not the end of us even though he’s disappointed in me, and Yeon Woojeong won’t throw me away.

But it came to my mind that I could get thrown away without getting thrown away. I stay by Yeon Woojeong’s side, but it’s just, it’s just that he protects me in the same room, such an ending that doesn’t end forever.

I looked back on what I’m protecting. I also wanted to protect him, my life with him.

What am I doing now?

The door closed. I was left alone, feeling at a loss.