Chapter Sixty-Five - Politics According to Cat

Chapter Sixty-Five - Politics According to Cat

Chapter Sixty-Five - Politics According to Cat

In 2022 a bill was brought up for consideration by members of the then-Republican and Democratic parties, in a bipartisan gesture. The bill would, in essence, restrict the ability of a samurai to participate in the open market. They would not be allowed to purchase or own stocks or shares in a company, they would not be allowed to own or operate their own business, and in theory, would need to be affiliated with a company in good-standing in order to file their taxes.

In 2023 a samurai named Blitzo accidentally detonated a chemical laser weapon above Washington, D.C. The beams projected by this device, all of them with temperatures of several thousands of degrees, and no wider than a hair, were fired across the city at entirely random angles.

Of the seventy-two casualties from this accident, seventy-two were politicians or lobbyists.

By sheer, scientifically-proven coincidence, these were all lobbyists and politicians in favour of the bill.

The bill did not pass.

Blitzo was charged, tried and acquitted of all charges. His defence, that the bomb was set off accidentally by a faulty fuse, and that the lasers could have gone in literally any direction, was impossible to disprove, regardless of how unlikely the results happened to be.

Judge Van Maners, who presided over Blitzos trial, was quoted as saying, Fuck all of that.

--Excerpt from Samurai and Politics, a Simple Guide, 2039

***

Ah, Lorenz began with all the grace of a new manager meeting his first Karen. We... you see... um.

Um? I repeated.

Cat, Gomorrah said. There was a bit of a warning tone to it. I think what Lorenz was trying to say there was that hes very, very sorry that he almost blew you up, and that he will make sure that the Family takes full responsibility for the damages caused here.

I dont know if I can... I mean, yes. Yes, thats what I meant, Lorenz said in a hurry.

I snorted, but... yeah, I was basically bullying the idiot at this point. An idiot with an orbital gun, but an idiot still. How many people are working with you, Lorenz?

Were a team of forty, he said. For the NA-near-orbit zone.

So, he wasnt some guy in a basement pressing on big red buttons for fun. The background in his image kind of hinted at him being somewhere important. Lots of books and little photos on a shelf behind him, as well as awards and some knick-knacks. Office shit, basically.

And whos... Zeus?

Thats the samurai that set up the orbital drop system, Lorenz said. Hes a member of the Family.

Right, I said. So Zeus wasnt the one pulling the trigger? Tell him that he needs to give his toys to more responsible people.

I... will pass that along?

I wanted to rub at my forehead. Instead, I settled for starting to walk in circles around the arena parking lot. How long until the army comes in?

Theyre waiting for the debris to clear. They should be there in under half an hour. Though, Im not the one in charge of that side of things.

Then who is? Gomorrah asked.

Lorenz swallowed. That would be the NA Coordination group?

How big is the Family? I asked.

Lorenz blinked. Its the biggest samurai-affiliated and run organization in North America?

Tight quarters, small sight-lines, flammable enemies. This is literally the perfect situation for my loadout, Gomorrah said. Might not get another like this for a while. I could use the points.

I felt my good eyebrow raise. Going to get a second car?

Im a one-car kind of woman, Gomorrah said. As God intended. No, I want some more defences around the church. I had some people snooping around already. Im not fond of that.

You could buy one of the floors below my new place. Turn it into a... church thing, or whatever. Hell, you can slap a steeple on the roof. Lucy would hate it at first, but I think its phallic nature would win her over eventually. Plus shed get to see nuns. And tease them.

You have such a one-track mind, Gomorrah complained.

Sorry, when I get fidgety, I explained. Anyway, where you go I go, I guess.

Lorenz sighed. Thats great to hear.

Id honestly forgotten he was even there.

Were waiting until the army shows up, I said. Not going to leave all these people out here without anyone to defend them.

Theres a whole battalion coming in, Gomorrah said. Sounds like theyre taking this seriously.

No PMCs, weird. My interactions with the government so far had been... sparse and traumatic. I hoped that the governments army wouldnt be similar. Good, I guess. Once they get here, Ill head over to you. We can figure things out from there.

Thank you, both of you. The Family will certainly appreciate your assistance in this matter, Lorenz said.

Kissing my ass wont un-blow-up me, I said.

Gomorrah actually giggled for a half-second before cutting off with a cough. Yes, well, see you soon.

See you soon, I said. And Lorenz, do call a girl before exploding her or things in her vicinity. Its just polite.

R-right, Lorenz mumbled.

The line went dead and I let out a long breath before stretching my back.

An interesting conversation, and a great opportunity.

To die in a hole, you mean.

I would encourage you to save some points to use in case of that sort of emergency. Or, alternatively, spend them on something that would save you in case of a cave in.

Like what, a teleportation machine? I asked.

Yes. There are many ways of moving things from one point to another without crossing the space between the two points.

I blinked. You can teleport stuff?

The silence was very, very long.

Catherine... how do you explain the items you purchase arriving before you?

Oh, right. Obviously.

I spent the long minutes waiting for the army to arrive feeling particularly stupid.