"I wonder since when have I been following what the people wish for me? I have been doing everything I can for their sake... their expectation."
Sera remembered what Nathan said earlier that day. "They have taken me and I continue fulfilling their expectations as the most talented saintess.
"I have done everything I can to make the Holy Kingdom and my teacher proud. At the same time, I have lost something precious. I don't know since when, but I have been following people's orders or requests every single time.
"I have forgotten the last time I actually did something for myself?"
Ten years ago.
The adult Sera was staring at the young Sera from a third perspective.
The young Sera, who was a mere orphan, stood in front of the church. With no shoes on her feet, she left behind several blood trails on the ground. Her tattered clothes smelled so bad, as though they had never touched water for a few months.
"What are you doing, child?"
Sera turned her head around, finding an old priest.
Sera looked down and said, "They said if I join the religion, I can eat food."
The old priest chuckled. He offered his gentlest smile and said, "Is that so? How about following me inside? Let's wash you first and I'll let you eat your fill."
Sera didn't believe it at first, but soon her eyes brightened. She nodded furiously, as she couldn't contain herself anymore.
"Un."
The old priest treated her wound, asked the nun to wash her, and finally gave her a meal. The meal back then was simple and lacked seasoning. But for someone like her who had been wandering around the street with no one to rely on, it was probably the most delicious meal she had ever had.
When she recalled this scene, the old Sera couldn't help but shed tears. "I can't remember the taste of the food from back then, but it's so delicious that I can't help but tear up.
"In the end, I joined the church and trained to become a nun. I can't give enough gratitude to the father. If it's anyone else, they will probably not accept me." The old Sera muttered as she saw herself training hard.
And that was when her talent bloomed. She managed to learn a lot of things quickly, which helped her a lot.
"Are you going to do the Synchronization next?"
Back then, Sera just accepted their kind words with a pure, big smile on her face.
The training was hard, but their kind words were able to keep her going. Unbeknownst to them, those words ended up becoming the very poison that made everything hard for her.
'I have to keep going.'
'I can't disappoint them.'
This thought always appeared in her mind. She sometimes wanted to take a break, but those people had too much expectation, which forced her to continue without a break.
Sera just clenched her fist. "I can still go. I won't disappoint anyone. Teacher is also very kind to me. I need to become strong so that I can help a lot of people."
Three years after learning from the pope, Sera had grown a bit more mature. However, the burden she carried couldn't be any smaller.
In fact, every single step felt like there were numerous vines around her legs, shackling her down to the ground.
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"I can continue."
"I won't disappoint them."
She kept going with no complaints. She didn't realize that, at one point, her thoughts began to change.
"Why do I need to keep going? I think I have done my best. Why do they keep reprimanding me? I am tired. I just want to rest. Can't I get some rest?"
"But I still can't disappoint them. What will happen if I disappoint them?"
"They keep telling me to work hard, but why are they not working hard like they tell me? They have been doing almost nothing for an entire day!"
"Why not... stop all of this at once..."
That day, her world fell apart. It was also the day she summoned her second familiar. As if she had been feeding all the darkness she kept in her heart the whole time, she ended up summoning a fallen angel.