SEVEN: A Little Delusional

SEVEN: A Little Delusional

The courses offered at the consulate were not, for the most part, popular.

There had been a two-week Artonan language intensive that was well-attended during the winter break, but now schools were back in session, and the people coming for extra classes in the afternoons and on weekends were mostly overachievers or geeks of some sort.

The ten oclock class on Saturday was the only one that was full of relatively normal people. Alden and his friends stuffed their shoes and socks into the cubbies that lined the walls by the lobby elevators and headed upstairs to the small ballroom that served as their classroom. It was packed with other teens and twenty-somethings, and all of them were barefoot except for one girl in a cast.

It was rude to wear shoes or socks in the presence of an Artonan who was teaching you.

Bet she wouldnt feel that way if she had to be here in person and smell the funk of a hundred pairs of human feet that were sweating in winter boots until a few minutes ago.

Alden took a seat between his friends in the back corner. Just after ten, the huge screen hanging at the front of the room flashed with a symbol similar, but not identical, to the one that always appeared on phones for Alden. And then their teacher was there, her image magically beamed in from another universe. L1tLagoon witnessed the first publication of this chapter on Ñøv€l--B1n.

Even though it was confined to the flat surface of the screen, the video had a strange depth to it. It was almost like watching a moving bas-relief sculpture.

Good morning, my students, Instructor Pa-weeq said. Her voice would easily pass for human, and her facemight have. Her bone structure was too sharp, her forehead too prominent, and her pale brown skin had a violet undertone that was a little oversaturated. But the midnight blue facial tattoos were the real giveaway. Welcome to our fifth session. Last time we finished our examination of the evolution of sentient life on Artona. Today, we will dance forward to the moment when that life began to understand the magic of the planes.

She droned on, and the eyes of Aldens classmates slowly glazed over.

This was A History of Artonan Life. Virtually everyone here was taking it for the same reason. Passing the test at the end of the course gave you college credit. And in many cases, high schools would count it toward your credits for graduation, too, so you could double dip.

It probably wouldnt have been boring in a human teachers hands, but Artonans really had a knack for picking out the dullest parts of their own history. Alden had checked the syllabus, and the wizards from space had an entire two-hour session scheduled that focused on the development of irrigation on their planet.

Even Alden, who made a conscious effort to stay conscious in these classes, thought he might struggle in that one.

Today, instead of listening, he wrote The Gorgon Problem on top of his paper and passed the time by listing various animal-based foods. When hed covered everything he could legally obtain and afford, he started a new section and wrote down a list of increasingly unlikely reasons why Gorgon would be unable to request specific food items.

It has to be just a spiteful part of his prison sentence, right? he thought again, looking down at the list.

Almost everything else that could have been a reason would have constituted a significant danger to society. And Alden couldnt bring himself to believe the Artonans would make a potential nuke work as a desk clerk in downtown Chicago.

The next most reasonable option was that the restriction was to prevent Gorgon from requesting poison and ending his own life. But surely the alien had other ways if he was so inclined?

The third barely logical theory was that Gorgons natural diet was something so repugnant that the mere mention of it would cause a public outcry and demands that he be removed from Earth or executed. Likeif human babies were his preferred snack.

Again, that would make him too dangerous to keep around. Plus how would he even develop a taste for human flesh? There shouldnt be any wherever hes from.

Maybe its just kind of gross and not completely horrific?

He pondered the one housefly hed seen Gorgon eat. An idea popped into his head.

Live prey only?

I mean, it would be weird if that was it, since he seems okay eating veggies. But he is an alien. Ohoh, maybe he has to kill animals himself to make sure its done right? Like a religious thing?

He just gobbled that fly thoughdidnt look like he did anything special to it first.

He wrote down, Live bugs.

He could find a pet shop or a bait shop and buy Gorgon some crickets if nothing else worked. Or maybe he should do that first? Confirm the cheaper theory before he dipped into his savings to buy out a butcher shop?

Thats a good way to organize the tests anyway. Start with the cheap stuff, work from there.

When the class finished up, he was busy making a new list entitled Extremely Cheap Not-Vegan Foodstuffs for Nonhumans.

Boe kicked Jeremy awake, and the three of them headed to a convenience store to scrounge up lunch. Alden grabbed a pre-made cobb salad, and they ate at a small counter beside the slushy machines.

Whats something extremely cheap you can eat thats not vegan? he asked.

Is this for your scary murderer friend? Jeremy asked. I thought you said he was vegan.

Save some of the toppings from your salad for him. Thats cheap. Boe was squeezing mustard and mayo packets into his Doritos bag like a monster. Kind of insulting, but cheap.

He says hes not vegan. But he couldnt eat any of the meat or dairy Ive offered him so far.

I liked him being vegan better, Jeremy muttered.

Why dont you just ask him what he likes?

He cant tell me.

They both stopped eating and turned to look at him.

Maybe he really is the insightful one.

Yeah, Im good.

###

Boe and Jeremy went home at three. Alden hung around for the last class of the day. It was an exhausting intro to one version of the Artonan writing system, which was logographic and required brutal amounts of memorization.

There were only six students. Four of them, including the wordchain teacher, were there because they were pure Artonan enthusiasts. One was a Ph. D. candidate who actually needed to know the language. And then there was Alden.

Hed signed up because he didnt see any point in going home on a Saturday evening when it would only be him and the cat sitting around together, wondering if Aunt Connie was coming home with fast food for dinner or if she was going to disappear for the night with nothing more than a Met a friend! You good for tonight? text to let him know she hadnt been mugged.

Shed gotten even laxer when it came to parenting since Alden had become a teenager. It was easier not to be worried for her or angry about her behavior if he kept himself busy in the evenings.

He whipped out a six-inch thick deck of flash cards and tried to pound the symbols on them into his memory for two hours while his teacher pointed out the minute details that separated one logogram from the next.

When it was over, his head ached. He went to the bathroom, and by the time he got out, the building was empty except for him. And Gorgon.

He wasnt eager to head out into the cold. Or go home. So he wandered over to the desk.

Do you have a room to sleep in? When everybody leaves?

No room. Gorgon stared past Aldens left ear. I dont need much sleep. I just stay at the desk or use the lobby furniture if Im so inclined.

Alden folded his arms on the desk and leaned forward to rest his chin on them. In the dimmed lights, the spikes around Gorgons neck seemed especially eerie.

Do you just eat out of the vending machines when I dont bring you things? he asked curiously. cause I was thinking about it in logographic torture class, and you cant do takeout. Unless you call and say, Bring food without requesting anything specific? I dont think that would work well, and I bet you cant order anything online either. Im not really sure how magic works, but Im betting the Artonans wouldnt have left that kind of hole in whatever it is that binds you here.

For the first time ever, Alden saw Gorgon blink. It was incredibly weird. His eyelids were translucent with dark veins.

Go home, Alden, said the alien. Youre tired and punchy. You dont need to worry about me.

MmmIm not worried. I was just thinking it sucks to be alone sometimes, and youre alone most of the time. Most people dont even say hi to you when they walk through the lobby.

Gorgon looked back at his computer screens. Plenty of humans come to the consulate specifically to see me. I have been extensively photographed, and Im given to understand that there are plushies of me in at least one gift shop in the city. Im practically a minor celebrity.

There was something in his voice. It wasnt at all the tone an upset human would have, but it was different than anything Alden had heard from Gorgon before. It made him concerned hed stepped into more painful territory than hed intended.

Hed only thought of all the social media posts with Gorgon in them as people being idiots. But it was darker than that. Gorgon literally couldnt get away from a camera. Its like hes a zoo animal.

But he didnt want pity. Hed implied he could smell it. So Alden tried to rein the sudden rush of it he felt all the way back in.

He stood up straight and cleared his throat. AnywaaayIm gonna bring you some crickets next time. Live ones.

That will be noisy, Gorgon said in a neutral voice.

Not if you eat them quick.

Alden waited in case Gorgon could drop some kind of a hint.

He didnt.

HeyI dont know if you can tell me this or not, but you wont be offended if I bring you extremely weird stuff to eat, right? Because Im assuming your natural diet must be pretty different from a humans, and I want to find the right thing. But I dont want to upset you.

Ah, the trials of a cross-species acquaintanceship.

Gorgon glanced down at the backs of his hands. His wrists were raw beneath the magical bindings. Alden had never noticed that before. I will not be offended. But, Alden, I truly did not mean to bring up sustenance with you at all earlier. I have appreciated and enjoyed your offerings. If nothing else, they are an amusement in a very un-amusing life. My declaration earlier today

The one about not being vegan?

Yes, that one. It was prompted bya costly moment of melancholy. It is not a problem for you to solve.

That was melancholy earlier? Alden had thought he detected sarcasm. And how was it costly?

Well, it would be costly for Alden if he had to start in on the more exotic items on his list of meats.

I understand. But you really reached all the way for a word like acquaintanceship when friendship was right there for the taking? he said lightly. Maybe I should be offended.

Youre still bringing the crickets, arent you? Gorgon said in that deliberately neutral tone.

Chirp, chirp. Alden winked at him. Have a good night, Gorgon!