FIFTY-NINE: Mother, pt. 1

FIFTY-NINE: Mother, pt. 1

The boy stood in front of a white door.

He didnt know how long hed been standing there, or where he had come from, or what he was supposed to do next. His fingers hovered over the access panel without touching it. He watched them for a while. A dark silver ring etched with symbols appeared on the middle one.

Eventually, he looked up.

A logogram had been drawn on the door in blue paint. It said WELCOME.

Oh. Alden blinked at it. Ive done this before.

The paint shifted. New logograms appeared, then they morphed into letters:

YOUVE HAD A DIFFICULT JOURNEY.

COME INSIDE. REST FOR A WHILE.

Alden pressed his hand to the access panel. The white door fractured into oddly-shaped segments and slid into the walls.

He stepped through the opening into a living room. Not the one at the laboratory, or the one he shared with Aunt Connie. Not the one from the apartment.

His first one.

It was the house in Nashville. Wheat-colored carpet was soft under his feet. He could hear the tick of the grandfather clock from the hall.

A Douglas fir Christmas tree, too large for the space, blocked part of the television. The rainbow lights were set to blink. The presents were all wrapped in paper covered in either cartoonish dump trucks, bulldozers, or superhero sigils.

Thats right, Alden thought, gazing at the gifts. I had a pretty serious fascination with construction equipment for a while.

Childhood passions were so bizarre. One day you loved backhoes and steamrollers more than anything, and then you suddenly justdidnt.

The house smelled like the tree. And orange cinnamon rolls.

Never homemade, he remembered. Mom was always too busy for that. We didthe kind that came out of a tube.

He heard the creak of the oven door.

Have to wait a few minutes before you can smear the frosting on.

That was the best job. So of course it was his.

Footsteps on the linoleum. Then the carpet. Right behind him.

Alden didnt turn around.

I dont want to see her, he said. Not like this. Its too real.

There was a pause.

I wouldnt do that to you, an unfamiliar voice said.

Alden looked.

Behind him stood an Artonan woman. He had never seen her before, but she looked like a mix of a lot people he knew. Pink eyes like Thenn-ar. Braided brown hair like Hannah and Kibby. Brows set at an angle that made her look calm, like Instructor Gwen-lor.

She was only a little shorter than him. She held two steaming mugs.

Can I offer you some

Wevvi? he asked in a resigned voice.

Of course not, Alden. Its hot chocolate. Youre new to me, but I can get at least that much right.

He accepted a mug with a reindeer on it from her and stared down. The marshmallows were half melted, just like he preferred them.

She walked over to the sofa, drinking from her own mug, and sat down. She patted the cushion beside her.

Alden joined her.

Im not dead, he noted, sipping his hot cocoa. It was perfect. Im really glad about that. Youre the Artona I System?

Sometimes. A part of it, she said. The kernel.

You have a different vibe from the Earth System, Alden noted.

Its young. And more rigid by design. My children prefer for me to be something more personal.

She pointed at the television with one finger, and it clicked on. On the screen, Alden saw himself sitting on a foam mattress across from the white, featureless mannequin the Earth System had used to talk to him when it was affixing his skill the first time around.

I am in close communication with it while I work on you. It has known you since the moment of your birth, while the two of us have only just met. It seems you have become an interesting existence over the past few months. You are quite complex for your species and your age.

Something twinkled on the Christmas tree, and Alden glanced over to see an ornament that definitely hadnt been there when he was six. It looked like Gorgon, if Gorgon had more than one face.

He examined the tree closely and realized there were other significant things there. A small planet Earth perched on top in place of the star. The branches were draped in the iridescent indigo loops of his auriad instead of tinsel. One of the ornaments was the Ryeh-bt toy with the missing wing.

You have choices to make, the woman said. Important ones. Hard ones. Irrevocable ones. Several of them.

And then I can go home?

You can go where you wish, she said. My children tell me home is harder to find every time you change. But you can try.

She pointed at the tree, and the auriad separated itself and drifted over to hover in front of him. Alden reached for it, and it moved just beyond his grasp.

Not so fast. This is the most significant decision. Once you make it, no matter what you choose, many paths will close to you and others will open. Do you want to continue forward with the ability youve gained to sense your own authority? Or do you want me to remove it from you?

Alden frowned. His hand was still outstretched toward the auriad.

Why would I ever want you to take it away?

Ill help you remember.

*********************

Alden suddenly found himself in the shower at the lab. The hot water was beating down on him. He was leaning against the tiles. A few minutes before, hed run out on his lesson with Kibby because hed just begun to realize how much he loved magic.

Hed just begun to understand how restrained he truly was by the gift the System had given him.

Another memory. Another day. He was lying awake in the vault, unable to find the rest he needed because he was fighting against his own skill. His bound authority raged against the very shape of its own existence. His free authority scraped against it from the outside. It was maddening. It hurt.

He couldnt make himself stop.

He screwed his eyes shut. He screamed into the pillow.

He ran across Moon Thegund with Kibby on his back. He felt no pain. Only he did. His affixation cracked. He wished it would disappear. He repaired it anyway.

It cracked again. He patched it again.

He knew he would die without. He knew Kibby would die without it.

He was grateful for it. He hated it.

He clung to it with everything he had because it was the last thing he had.

**************************

Pursuing anything more would be a cruel thing to do to yourself, said the woman on the sofa beside Alden.

He shook himself free of the memories.

Joe said that to me. When I asked if I could learn to cast spells like wizards do.

Worli Ro-den. I have met him through other peoples minds on occasion. Most of them had far less favorable opinions of him than you do.

Alden laughed. I like him more than the average person does?

You had low expectations for him. Maybe because youre human. He exceeded them.

I guess thats true.

I understand that having an authority sense and being an Avowed at the same time is hard in a lot of ways, said Alden. But its not like I cant do it, right? Illlose my ability to cast spells for a while after my authority is bound. But I can get stronger again. And cast again. Cant I?

And then lose it all again. Yes. Thats correct.

And its really helpful for actually using the skill. So much easier to understand and control than Joes perception lessons. Eventually Ill get used to the bound authority, and it wont bother me so much. I can

You wont ever get used to it.

Alden let his hand fall away from the auriad.

How do you know?

She slurped her hot chocolate loudly, like a kid. By its very nature, authority is that which rejects limitations on existence. The affixation is a profound limitation. You may come to accept it intellectually. You may even be able to appreciate what it does for you. But as a person who has come to know your own authority, the affixation will never be something you can ignore. And certainly it wont be something you enjoy.

There was a rustle of branches from the Christmas tree, and he suddenly found himself holding the many-faced Gorgon ornament in his free hand.

There is a fascinating and noisy part of you that keeps informing me our comprehensions of this matter do not truly match. I could trick it or overwhelm it into silence, but I wont. Alden, of all the choices you will ever make, this is the one that interests me the most. I would like for you to be fully informed.

Alden ran a thumb over the tips of the ornaments horns. The gremlin might be confused sometimes, but it did come in handy.

You can just explain it to me in detail? he suggested.

I think I will show you instead. Its a private matter, but I will excise the memory from you before I finish you if it becomes necessary.

The woman nodded.

She was an Avowed, Alden said. All the knights are. They dont have the tech to connect to you because they dont need it. They must have System interfaces like I do. And the Primary. Whatever he did just now torelease those people. was magic. But I didnt see anything that looked like him casting a spell. It was instantaneous. He was using a skill.

Between them, kid Stuart suddenly slumped forward over his knees. His whole body started shaking.

Cant we give him some privacy? Alden asked. I dont think hed want me to see this.

An instant later, he was back on the sofa in his old living room. His mug was in his hand. The television screen showed Kibby, her expression focused as she lit the promise sticks on top of Aldens birthday seven-layer dip.

Youre not quite correct, the woman said. Though both have their power bound into skills, Knights arent Avowed. Just as Avowed arent Knights. As an Avowed, you had very little choice when it came to having your authority bound

No choice, Alden said.

She considered him.

Almost no choice, she amended. You may find it comforting to know that if you were given another option on that day, and granted full knowledge of what Avowed are in truth, you would still have chosen to accept the Contract. You wanted access to magic for your own reasons. There was no other way for you to have it, and there never would have been. At that point, the chances of you somehow awakening to the authority you possessed and learning to use it on your own were so infinitesimal that even this didnt object to the deal.

The many-faced Gorgon twinkled again on the tree.

That doesnt make it right.

She shrugged. Right and wrong, in the purely moral sense you mean now, arent mine to manage. And if they were, nobody of any species would enjoy my management. My morality would be based on a vastly more elaborate thought process than any organic mind is capable of.

Alden sighed. He ate a few of the half-melted marshmallows off the top of the cocoa, and more appeared to replace them.

Finally, he said, So, the point of that field tripit was to drive home the fact that feeling your bound authority the way Knights do isnt something to take lightly?

Correct.

Aldens auriad was still drifting around overhead, just out of reach.

If you can take away my ability to feel it, why dont you just do that for them?

The sense is still very new for you, she said. Even then, youre almost too far along for me to erase it without erasing too much of you along with it. As it is, it will be an expensive procedure. For both of us. But my Alis asked me to pay you special attention, and she has earned a favor or two.

My Alis.

She was trying to get you to help me? When she said that stuff to me right before I teleported?

I dont have access to her right now, but searching through your memory of her, I am sure she only hoped I would expend a little more energy than you are owed in order to facilitate the teleportation ritual she used. Which I did. But she didnt realize you were in the process of making yourself so unique. If she had known, she would have wanted me to spare a bit more of my efforts for you. So I shall.

How many Knights choose to beno, I guess that doesnt matter. Youre playing around inside my existence right now, arent you? Can you tell if Im not going to be able to stand it over the long term?

Oh! She looked delighted. Earth was wrong about you. Thats rare.

Alden frowned at her.

It said you wouldnt ask for my advice. It said you would feel overly directed, deprived of individualism, and less satisfied with your decisions if I made recommendations.

That doesnt sound like me at all. Was I really like that?

Ive made a lot of life-or-death decisions for myself with zero help since Earth last talked to me, Alden said. Theyre not fun. I promise Im not going to feel deprived of individualism if you tell me what choice is going to keep me sane.

If you want the highest chance of survival, job satisfaction, and overall future happiness, you should give up your authority sense, she said promptly.

The auriad disappeared.

However, when I rewrite you, some other things will go with it.

Ornaments began disappearing from the tree. The planet Kimnor, a glass orb that contained the green-white flash of the lab exploding, a promise stick lit and glowing like a candle among the branches.

Aldens breath caught. He looked back at the television. Kibby was gone.

No, he said.

You will not feel sorrow because you will not miss her. Its not even like amnesia. I would have to be far more thorough than that. But it wont hurt. And you wont feel the pain of your bound authority in the future. And your life will be much simpler, and more pleasant, moving forward.

Youre talking about making me a different person.

You will be a different person after your upcoming affixation anyway. I am offering you a choice about which different person you want to live as. Its not something I will be able to do for you again in the future.

Its not even a choice!

I let you argue this point earlier. But here I will disagree with you. This is a moment in which you choose. You have bought this option for yourself through actions that endeared you to my Alis. I have done my best to show you the gravity of your decision. Dont pretend that your hand is being forced in order to distance yourself from the responsibility.

Alden made himself calm down. He tried to think about it. Really. What it would be like to just go back to who he had been, a little stronger maybe. With his skill feeling like nothing but a gift. He could see how it would make him happy. But

Im not going to choose to rewind to a different version of myself without my memories of the past half a year.

You could, though.

He stared at the television screen. It was blank now, but he almost thought he could see through it to that moment when the last traces of the bodies were dragged beneath the snow.

Yes, he said finally. I could. But I dont want to.

Something liquid soft and familiar settled against his left wrist, and he looked down to see the auriad wrapped there like a bracelet. It felt just as comforting and essential to him as it had ever since hed finished bonding with it.

He considered it for a while then turned back to the woman on the sofa. I dont have to join the Knights of the Mother Planet now, do I? You were just using them as an example of people with skills and wizardry, right? Its not the only option?

You dont like them? she asked with a pout in her voice. They keep the universe in one piece. You have wondered before why even the highest ranking humans are called so infrequently for combat assignments. Its partly because the Knights are the more qualified, and therefore the preferred, first line of defense. Without them, the Triplanets would be using the supply of Avowed very differently. Even the factions that fear you would not be designing so many charming little nothing talents for you. Or wasting your skills on serving drinks. And you would liveif you lived at allin a significantly darker world.

Alden cleared his throat. Its not that I dislike the Knights. Conceptually, theyre awesome. Now that I know what theyre doing, I think theyre probably some of the best people Ive ever heard of. Alis-arth is using her skill to single-handedly terraform the chaos away from a planet-sized moon. I could fanboy over that like Kibby. ButI just watched a man mercy kill his own daughter. While his son looked on in ritual silence.

Several of his sons and daughters were there.

Right, said Alden So, on an intensity scale of one to a hundred, that was at least a ninety-nine point nine. And I cant handle it right now. I am really tired. I want an intensity level of, like, four. At least for the next year or two. I want to go to high school. Maybe join a club. A boring club. A book club. Not an alien demon-fighting club.

She raised an eyebrow at him and then stared pointedly at the auriad. Intensity level four?

Yes, he said seriously.

She grinned. Dont worry about it. The Knights of the Mother Planet arent currently recruiting humans into their ranks.

For some reason, Alden felt like she was lying.

Why would I lie? The idea hasnt even crossed their minds. There have been Knights from other species in the past, but it was long before your planet was discovered. And even then, there were a relatively small number of them compared to the number of Artonans. Just having an authority sense and an affixation and swearing to protect the Triplanets doesnt automatically grant you access to the elite level of demon-fighting club. Theres at least one other requirementeven if you ignore significant political factors.

Thats good, he said with relief.

She raised an eyebrow. Is it? I think I should point out that you are on the verge of accepting nearly all of the most difficult parts of Knighthood without the benefit of the reverence and extraordinary support they enjoy from the rest of wizarding society.

Alden frowned.

Youre still an Avowed. You can still be summoned into battle. And the Primary is already aware that youre abnormally chaos-resistant. Your stability was especially noteworthy considering how fresh your affixation was. Theres usually a period when a skill works but its still in the process ofsettling in and becoming. It can be vulnerable to certain kinds of damage. Avowed cant feel it, but Knights pay attention to that kind of thing. His son is really quite sensitive. When your authority touched him, he noticed that it was of an unusual caliber, and he mentioned it to his father in passing.

Thanks, Stuart.

Alden thought back to the party. Does he plan to summon me into battle?

He was making a mental note of your qualities for later. Hes currently thinking of you as someone who will be useful support staff for Knights in low level chaos fields in the future. An errand runner or medics assistant. He plans to reassess your abilities when youre around thirty.

Level thirty?

Years old, she clarified.

Oh. At least it was a long way away. Thanks for the warning.

It wasnt a warning.

Alden was still going to take it as one. Whats the other requirement?

Hmmm? she said, smiling down at her mug.

Has she gotten friendlier and less professional since I decided on keeping my authority sense?

It definitely seemed like she had. Alden preferred this more personable version of a System to the others hed interacted with. But at the same time, it was off-footing. He couldnt even pretend he was talking to a thing anymore. She felt a heck of a lot like a being.

The other requirement, he said. For being a knight. You said there was political stuff. But also one other requirement. Id like to know what it is.

So I can avoid ever meeting it.

Oh that. Theyre wizards sacrificing massive amounts of authority, their lives, and enduring sometimes torturous pain for the sake of others. Its not like theyre going to go through all of that only to take a bunch of dumb little skills that let them arrange flowers or shoot fireballs or fluff pillows. They can do that nonsense with a spell and a bit more time and effort. And spreadingyour authority over fifty different itty bitty talents isnt how you slice something the size of a moon in half, you know?

I heard it was an eleventh of a moon.

Thegund is a big moon. She stretched her legs out in front of her and wiggled her toes at him. Anyway, most Knights can afford a few supplementary talents for their own convenience, but those arent important. Defending the universe is all about having that one useful, well-designed, infinitely expandableskill to funnel all of your power into. As long as you dont choose one of those, nobody will be interested in

She paused and then gasped dramatically.

Youre making fun of me, said Alden, astonished to find himself saying something like that in this situation. Youre a mean System. I didnt even know Systems could be mean.

A monocle appeared in her free hand and she held it up to a pink eye to exam him.

Avowed skill number one hundred and twelve, she said. Designed at a time when the Knights were fewer and weaker, and many believed they would not be able to push back the chaos without help. Potentially powerful, of course. But not intended for solo combat. Youve been thinking of your skill as something simple, but its creators admired it most for its versatility. Youll see if you choose to develop it. Its capable of supporting a number of other skills in interesting ways.

She tossed the monocle away.

They had so much trouble choosing nice poetic names for most of the originals. But not this one.

A complicated sigil appeared, glowing in bright blue light on the television screen. It was a circle full of dizzying geometric patterns that seemed to shift slightly every time Alden tried to follow them with his eyes. Two bright dots shone on either side of it, barely touching the circles perimeter.

One twelve, she said. The Bearer of All Burdens.