Chapter 13: "The feeling of harming otherness is different from the feeling of harming your own kind"

Chapter 13: "The feeling of harming otherness is different from the feeling of harming your own kind"

The powerful tentacles of the parasitic hydroid suddenly stretched out and then collapsed. Its huge, semi-transparent body, like a melting jellyfish, draped over Sean's body.

It was truly melting, from an amalgamated creature of an octopus and jellyfish into a puddle of sticky gelatinous fluid.

Parasitic hydroids can only survive a short time after leaving their host. They are powerful yet fragile, with a low level of intelligence. Sean was its chosen next host, but when its parasitism failed, it also lost its life.

Luke's voice crackled intermittently over the comms. He had fallen from the sky but survived, trapped inside the crashed police car.

From his sniper scope, Jonathan saw Martin and Simon sprinting towards the downed vehicle, trying to rescue Luke inside. The bulletproof glass was shattered, and the doors buckled. Martin kicked open the door and he and Simon dragged Luke out.

Fortunately, it was raining, so the police car hadn't caught on fire that badly.

"Good job, Jonathan!" Robert patted him on the shoulder and praised him loudly, "Let's pack up our equipment quickly and meet up with the captain. The police car is broken, but the support team will be here soon. We..."

He suddenly fell silent.

Because he saw that Jonathan's gun-holding hand was trembling subtly, he had been rigidly maintaining this posture since he fired.

"Are you okay?" Robert asked concerningly, supporting Jonathan by his shoulder, and helping him stand up.

"I... I'm fine." Jonathan struggled to grip the K80, using the muzzle as a crutch to support his body on the ground. He had been kneeling for a long time to aim and shoot, and his legs were numb.

This time, the feeling of killing was different from the last time when he killed two robbers.

Last time it was unconscious, over before he even realized. By the time he reacted, the two were already dead, and he was covered with a sense of unreality from start to finish. This time was different. This time he had the initiative to pull the trigger and watched as the bullet struck Sean's skull.

Robert nodded understandingly. "Don't feel guilty, Jonathan. Sean brutally murdered his own wife and child before being caught. He deserved to die, but our laws..." He patted Jonathan's shoulder, seemingly trying to impart courage and strength. "He had it coming. Moreover, Sean couldn't have survived anyway with the parasitic hydroid attached to him."

That was the most important point that Jonathan could not ignore.

This Sean was not the "Sean".

Criminal Sean had been replaced by player Sean, an innocent soul inhabiting the criminal's body. Sean was not an NPC in the second world; he was the same as Jonathan.

Robert's words didn't bring comfort to Jonathan.

He silently picked up the K80 and walked down the signal tower stairs, "Let's meet up with the captain."

The mission was over, Sean was dead, and the unexpected crisis with the parasitic hydroid was resolved. They could return to the Investigation Building as soon as the evac team arrived.

Jonathan took off his helmet. The heavy rain drenched him thoroughly, and he stared at the gloomy sky, exhaling deeply.

He was beginning to hate rainy days. This was his third day in Black Sea City, and it had been raining for three consecutive days.

"What was that creature?" Jonathan asked Robert.

"Clearing them is the emergency team's job. You're still an intern security officer, you shouldn't know too much," Robert replied. "Once you become a full-time employee, you'll know more about the mutant creatures. That day isn't far off, you performed well in this operation, and the captain will help you apply for full-time employment. The main job of our investigation department is to maintain city security. It's not often we have to deal with mutant creatures. After all, they're pretty rare."

Jonathan continued, "You said they shouldn't appear in the city, but along the coast..."

"Right, parasitic hydroids can't survive without water. I guess it must be due to the increased rainfall and backflow of seawater, which gave the hydroids a chance to come ashore," Robert mused, furrowing his brow.

Jonathan decided to ask bluntly, "I've never heard of these mutant creatures before. Where do they come from?"

"I don't know either," Robert shook his head. "It was an accident that you encountered a mutant creature this time. As a rookie, you shouldn't have had to face this; the visual impact is too intense... it's really disgusting, isn't it?"

"It is quite disgusting." Jonathan agreed, feeling a bit nauseous recalling the frenzied tentacles from earlier.

"Generally speaking, Moss will promptly trace their tracks. That's when the emergency team has to step in for the scrub," Robert explained. "Sometimes they don't get on a mission for a month, sometimes it's multiple times a week..."

"Do the members of the emergency team face this kind of danger every time they execute a mission?"

"Not every time," Robert explained. "The members of the emergency team are not fixed. Whenever there's a situation, members are drawn from other teams to form a temporary squad, like I..."

"enough, Robert," Martin interrupted in the communication channel. "You can play the part of the senior and explain all this to Jonathan when he becomes a full member, okay?"

"Alright! Sorry, I accidentally said too much. Jonathan, just pretend to forget," Robert said with a smile. "Some information is confidential."

"I understand," Jonathan said.

Was this him earning Robert's trust?

Behind him, an open cabinet contained a dozen different kinds of coffee beans in glass containers.

"Coffee, thanks," Jonathan said.

James turned on the coffee grinder, "Then I'll make you a latte, I drink this every day."

James skillfully made a latte, even creating a cute dog pattern with the milk. He pushed the coffee cup forward and asked, "Do you like the decor in my office?"

"I like it, it's different from other places," Jonathan said as he sipped his coffee.

"I hate the color of metal, it's too cold, and it depresses me if I look at it for a long time," James said. "There are more and more people suffering from mental illnesses in today's society, not only because of the stress of survival but also because of the living environment. Metal and machinery make people think of efficiency, rationality, and precision. People are always surrounded by metal and machinery, and they can't relax, so I changed the style of the therapy room, making it warmer and more 'emotional'."

"This place is very nice," Jonathan said. "Aren't we going to start the therapy session immediately?"

"This is the therapy session, we're here to chat, talk about daily life, and relieve worries," James said. "The work in the Investigation Department must be tough, isn't it?"

"It's okay, I'm new, and the captain and the others take good care of me," Jonathan said dryly.

"You can share your troubles with me," James said."The field teams don't accept passive personalities, Jonathan. If you see a problem, be proactive in solving it, don't become passive."

Jonathan blinked, thoughtful.

"I do have a problem," he said, looking down and putting down his coffee cup. "I used to think of myself as a proactive person. I worked hard to study, get into college, make money... but lately, I've become very passive."

"Passivity often stems from uncertainty in goals and motivation," James said. "What is your goal? Have you figured it out yet?"

"To be rich?" Jonathan said uncertainly.

James smiled. "See, even you aren't sure. Goals should energize you when you think of them, make you speak of them with conviction and determination, not hesitation."

Jonathan furrowed his brows.

"Establishing a goal is difficult, I know. I also went through a long period of confusion when I was in college before I finally figured out what I wanted," James said. "You can take your time to think."

"Alright," Jonathan nodded.

"Let's focus on dealing with the matter at hand first," James said. "I heard from your captain that you're having a hard time adjusting to killing."

Jonathan made a soft "Mm" of agreement.

"Can you tell me about your feelings?" James asked.

"The feeling of harming otherness is different from the feeling of harming your own kind. Do you know what I mean?" Jonathan asked.

"So, when dealing with Xenobiotics creatures, you can shoot without guilt, but when it comes to humans, you struggle to make rational decisions, is that correct?" James queried.

Faced with his question, Jonathan neither nodded nor shook his head.

In his mind, he and Sean were of the same kind, as were he and Daniel. In the second world, everyone, apart from the players, was otherness in his eyes.

"I've killed my own kind. Even though I know I didn't do anything wrong, it still bothers me," Jonathan said.

"The empathy of humans dictates that you will have such feelings. As a security officer, you are destined to deal with these feelings and struggle with them," James said. "Now let's make a hypothetical assumption, Jonathan."

"Suppose during your mission there were no Xenobiotics creatures, no threat of parasitic hydroids, how would you treat Sean?"

Without any hesitation, Jonathan responded, "If he were to grab a weapon, I would aim to disable his weapon hand. If he continued to resist, I would aim for his other hand, and then his legs, until he lost his ability to resist. At that point, the captain would be able to arrest him."

James said, "From start to finish, you didn't consider the option of killing him outright. Your sole aim was to incapacitate him, right?"

Jonathan nodded.

"You have a kind heart," James said.

If Sean resisted, Moss would deem him a threat, and Jonathan's teammates would take him out immediately. Only by ensuring Sean was completely incapacitated could he spare his life. No point struggling when he was cornered with no way out.

Losing his limbs, he could be fitted with mechanical ones, which might even be more efficient than his original ones.

But losing the life, that was truly gone.

"There's no point in making this assumption now, he's dead," Jonathan said.

"You're going to face a lot of situations like this in the future, you..." James began.

Before he could finish, Jonathan interjected, "I'm trying to control my empathy. This kind of situation will indeed occur frequently in the future, and I'm already working to overcome it."

"You're also a strong person," James said gently.