C173

No, um.

Relying on that familiar chest and sniffing his breath, I gradually recovered my consciousness. Slowly opening my eyes, before me was the face that I loved. Only then did I heave a sigh of relief. I confirmed that I was safe.

Gao Kan relaxed his hold on my arm, lowered his head, and lightly kissed my forehead. With a soothing voice, he said, "I'm fine."

I was stunned for a moment before replying "En". I got up and knelt on the chair, leaning against him, resting my chin on his shoulder and feeling the warmth of his skin. I thought back to the illusion I had not seen for a long time, and muttered with fear still lingering in my heart, "Gao Kan, it's so good to have you here. I'm so scared. "

Through the window, I could see the real world of human life, filled with smoke and fire.

Gao Kan asked me softly, "How long has it been?"

"What?" After I asked, he asked me how long it had been before I asked and said, "Ever since you left the Chenchen."

Gao Kan frowned and looked at me suspiciously, "Wasn't it fine before?"

Did he think I was lying?

I feel wronged.

There's nothing good about it. Actually, I'm not good at all.

It wasn't good to hit someone small, not from the inside out.

I just didn't want him to see my bad side.

If he had been more careful, he would have known that I often had nightmares and woke up crying, but he never woke up before I did.

-

I don't want to appear miserable in front of Gao Kan, but after thinking about it, since Gao Kan has already changed his mind about me, and has returned back to being my older brother, I will pour out everything to him.

He then shook the arm around Ye Zichen's neck coquettishly, and retorted, "That's because you're here, so I'm fine."

Maybe it was because I was too close to him, but Gao Kan's ears started to turn slightly red. The fingers he placed on my waist clearly tightened a little, as he hugged me, who was half-kneeling on the chair, down.

There was something in his eyes that I longed for.

I wanted to kiss him.

Gao Kan didn't react at all. Instead, he distanced himself a little from me and asked, "How did you spend your days afterwards?"

Feeling a little disappointed, I said, "Drugs."

He did not understand. "Eh?"

"Take your medicine." I explained.

Gao Kan asked me: "What about now?"

"As long as they don't bother me, I'll be fine."

Gao Kan sighed and rubbed my head, "Don't eat so much, you have to go see a doctor."

I went over and put my arms around his neck and rubbed his cheek and looked into his eyes and said, "With you there, everything will be fine."

With him around, it was more effective than taking any medicine. Those psychiatrists were all bullshit.

Gao Kan frowned, his pursed lips moved a little, as if he wanted to say something, but stopped himself.

There was no response, but neither was there any rejection.

I think I understand him. Men are not good at expressing their feelings.

Then she asked him, "How did you know... I'm not feeling well? "

Gao Kan muttered to himself for a few seconds, then said: "I have also done this before."

-

Oh, I remember now. Gao Ziyu said that when Gao Kan returned home from Chenchen, his mother accidentally fell from the roof and a month later, his illegitimate son died in a car accident. He was sent to the United States by Gao Junfeng and thrown onto the streets, where he self-destructed for a few years.

Gao Ziyu only said that he was depressed for a long time, but did not say anything.

No wonder he could tell that something was wrong when I was sitting in my seat. It was because I felt the same way.

I asked Gao Kan, "What about you? Who's with you? "

In a foreign land, Gao Kan was alone, but when he encountered something painful, who was it that accompanied him, staying by his side?

Who held him and told him not to be afraid, that he was not alone?

The thought of that scene made my heart ache.

He wanted someone to be with him, but also wanted no one to be with him.

In those circumstances, it's easy to be emotional, dependent, and emotional, isn't it?

I thought about it a lot, but Gao Kan just said it in a normal tone, "My mother has a history of mental illness, she inherited it, so she'll be fine after taking the medicine."

"... "Right."

When I heard this, my first feeling was that I didn't believe it.

However, this sentence, is indeed his truthful words to accompany his person, even more so to comfort me.

After a few seconds, Gao Kan opened the car door and said to me: "Go check, it's almost time."

-

"I'm not going." I was annoyed and a little angry, but I wouldn't move.

Gao Kan helplessly sighed, and tried to coax me: "I'll go with you, what are you afraid of, none of them will hurt you."

"I'm not afraid of anyone." I stubbornly shook my head. "It doesn't matter if he loves to die or not. It's best if he dies. I don't care about him. I definitely don't care about him. "

I'm not afraid of anyone harming me again, it's just that I don't want to see Yi Shouzhuo, and I can't accept the fact that I'm still worried about him.

Gao Kan originally stepped out of the car door with one foot, but after hearing what I said, he withdrew his foot again. He sat there and lit up a cigarette, not paying attention to me and frowning a little, as if he was thinking about something that was hard to say.

After a while, he said in a somewhat cold tone, "Do you know why I came back to find you after I returned?"

This was the first time Gao Kan mentioned his own matters to me, and I couldn't help but be shocked as I blurted out, "Why?"

"Because I've been worrying about you for two years, and the psychiatrist told me where to start and where to start. What I'm not willing to accept is that the promise I made to you has been made in vain, and that the most precious relationship of my life has been betrayed, so I am very much in love with it, unable to accept other women, unable to accept reality. I used work and alcohol to numb myself, thinking that it would be better if I stayed longer, but that kan, where he is, is not something you can just ignore. My psychiatrist told me that if I stepped over it, I would walk over it forever. Otherwise, I would die before that. "But I want to start over."

As Gao Kan said these words, his tone was very calm, as if he was narrating something related to someone else, and it had nothing to do with him or me.

"So, you did it for … Did you forget to come back? " I was confused.

Gao Kan muttered to himself for a moment, and then spoke, his tone becoming more indifferent, "Aren't you clear about it? My psychiatrist said that when all feelings are spent, people will no longer suffer. "

Tranquility is a kind of terrifying power, it can cool down all the passion within the body. I think that I was infected by Gao Kan, and during this period of time, Gao Kan and I have gradually returned to our usual calmness, and I asked him, "So, are you still in pain?"

Gao Kan shook his head, "There are some side effects occasionally."

"That's all?"

"That's all."

"That Su Jiawang went to find you today. Did he tell you anything? "Speaking of the past..." I really don't want him to use those four words to summarize the months we've been together.

"Enough! I don't want to talk about the past. " Gao Kan decisively interrupted me, "A few days ago, I was planning to bring you to the Blue Water City to chat with you about the past and fill in some of my regrets. However, now that I think about it, I still have to be selfish. I should inform you in advance that I have forgotten the past that belongs to two people. "

"Tell me what?" Are we completely finished? " So this is his real purpose. I thought he wanted to relive his old dream with me … Hehe.

"Yes."

-

Last year, I thought that Su Jiawang told me the truth and he wouldn't believe it. But after being together for so long, I swore an oath to him that I would tell him that I was innocent. I thought that if Su Jiawang helped me explain more, he would more or less believe it.

But in the end …

"So, you still don't believe him. You don't believe me either. You only believe what you see?"

Gao Kan retorted, "What else? "How do you make me believe what I can't see?"

It was true that I could not make him accept me, but I told him bitterly, "If there comes a day when the truth comes out, Gao Kan, you will regret doing this to me. At that time, even if you kneel down and beg me, I will not forgive you!"