CH 29

The three of them conversed for a while more before Granny Fei left. Fei Fei was carried out by the chauffeur. Mo Li Xin stared in a daze as their silhouettes gradually disappeared. 

Then, it was Mo Li Xin’s session with Zhang Ai Fei. Ji Nan Feng had to go to the adjoined sound-insulated room once again. 

“What drink would you like?” Zhang Ai Fei inquired as she walked to the refrigerator.

“Anything is fine, as long as it’s not too stimulating.”

“Then I’ll give you milk, like Fei Fei,” she handed a glass of milk to her.

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“Do you like Fei Fei?” The way Doctor Zhang phrased it sounded more like a confirmation than a question.

“Why do you ask?” Indeed, she really liked Fei Fei. However, she did not see the connection between that, and her having to come for therapy. 

“No particular reason. Just try to relax, take it as though you’re having a chat with a close friend. I’ll ask you a few questions, and in return, you can ask me some too.” 

“Xb… R alyzzu es zkjl Wlk Wlk,” Ys Nk Dkd alrzkle yqvla eakdjkdt y pkr sq xkzj.

“Wlk Wlk kp y rkvkqwz nbkze. R alye wr sd bla cynjtaswde clqsal bla plppksd. Jsvb bla ryaldvp rypple yoyu. Jlpkelp bla taydexsvbla, vblal olal ds svbla alzyvkhlp. Mblu sdzu bye lynb svbla. Jwv bla taydexsvbla oyp ekytdsple okvb zwdt nydnla yde eke dsv byhl xwnb vkxl zlqv. Tldnl, pbl bsrle vs nwal Wlk Wlk’p ekpsaela ps vbyv pbl nswze cl ldvawpvle vs y tsse qyxkzu. Gqvla yzz, pvyukdt kd yd sarbydytl xktbv osapld Wlk Wlk’p nsdekvksd,” Hbydt Gk Wlk lmrzykdle pvlyekzu okvb y tldvzl hsknl.

“Nwdt nydnla? Xarbydytl?” Ys Nk Dkd oyp pbsnjle cu vbkp kdqsaxyvksd.

“Od, vawzu rkvkqwz. Jwv usw oydv vs ypj, obu yx R vlzzkdt usw vbkp aktbv?” Hbydt Gk Wlk nsdvkdwle.

“Ebu vbld?” Mawzu, pbl oyp nwakswp.

“Bdela nkanwxpvydnlp sq dsv jdsokdt bla cynjtaswde, usw’hl yzalyeu tasod qsde sq Wlk Wlk. Mbkp rashlp vbyv, wdzkjl vbl yhlaytl rlapsd vbyv zkjlp bla swv sq puxryvbu, uswa qsdedlpp nyxl qasx ydsvbla rzynl. Rv nsxlp qasx y rzynl vbyv usw xktbv dsv cl yczl vs nsxralblde vss. Rd pkxrzla vlaxp, kv saktkdyvle qasx uswa pwcnsdpnkswp xkde.” Hbydt Gk Wlk lmrzykdle. Fbl kdvlavokdle bla qkdtlap yde zlydle cynj nsxqsavyczu ytykdpv vbl cynjalpv sq vbl nbyka, pllxkdtzu hlau alzymle.

Tla srld rspvwal yzzsole Ys Nk Dkd vs pzsozu alzym vss, “ps, R zkjl Wlk Wlk sd y pwcnsdpnkswpzu?”

“Fsxlvbkdt zkjl vbyv, sa usw nyd vbkdj sq kv yp, yzz uswa wdalpvaykdle yde kdhszwdvyakzu lxsvksdp usw lmrlakldnle yal yzz qasx uswa pwcnsdpnkswpdlpp. Kwpv zkjl usw oydvle vs pllj y rpunbszstkpv. Jyple sd vbyv nbkze, Lyd Wldt’p osaep, usw yrrasynble bkx vs zssj qsa rpunbszstknyz yehknl. Pke usw jdso? Xwv sq y bwdeale rlsrzl obs pllj y rpunbkyvakpv, sdzu vos oswze vyjl kdkvkyvkhl vs zlv y vbkae rlapsd, svbla vbyd vbl esnvsa, jdso ycswv vblka pkvwyvksd. Mblu yzps dllele valxldeswp nswaytl vs calyj vbl dlop.

“Yet, you’re not distressed about letting a third person know that you required psychological help. This indicates that you did not have to control your subconscious emotions,” Zhang Ai Fei evaluated and explained.

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Although Mo Li Xin did not understand everything, she did manage to gather that all her current psychological problems originated from her subconscious mind.

“Alright, let’s start. Firstly, I’ll need to hypnotize you. So find a comfortable position and lie down. Close your eyes and let my following words guide your flow of thoughts.” 

Before coming here, Mo Li Xin was still somewhat skeptical that there was such a thing as hypnotherapy. But, after seeing Fei Fei, she was slightly convinced. Hence, she did not question Doctor Zhang’s instructions and did as she was told. 

~~~~

She was not sure if she was sleeping. She could clearly hear the sound of the pendulum clock ticking outside, and it felt like she could hear Doctor Zhang’s voice too. But her mind was so heavy that she was not processing and her body was also floating away although there was no destination in mind. 

In a blink of an eye, she went from a foggy abyss into a pure white room. There was nothing in that room, only a bed. And there was a person laying on that bed, covered with a white cloth. It did not take a genius to know that under the cloth laid a dead person. Yet, Mo Li Xin did not feel fearful. She slowly walked over and promptly pulled the cloth away to reveal the person’s face. She was surprised to find that the face of the person was exactly the same as hers.

Mo Li Xin stood there, surprisingly still without any fear. She just did not know how she should react.

“As you see, it’s like I’ve said. You shouldn’t have known about this. I’m dead, but you’re still alive. And for you to remain alive, you’ll need to have a reason for existing.”

Mo Li Xin suddenly heard a voice. One that was exactly like hers, but also not.

“You’ve always been here? I thought you…” 

“Thought that I disappeared? As I’ve said, I’ll never disappear, I’ll only fade into you after you’ve become what I wanted you to be. Then, I’ll not appear again,” the person said.

“Then I don’t understand. What exactly are you going to do?” Mo Li Xin questioned.

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“I’ll not hurt you, but I also understand your curiosity. I can only say that I am you, just one who has experienced more. And if you don’t want to end up like me, you’ll need to allow me to continue existing,” the person replied.

Mo Li Xin frowned, “and what was your ending?”

“Why don’t you uncover the rest of the white cloth?”

Mo Li Xin hesitated. She swallowed before she stretched out and pulled the white cloth away… 

She froze, she could not move… 

The corpse… it was already so thin that it was literally skin and bones. Yet, its abdomen was also hollowed out and the bloodstains around that area had dried up that it looked black. 

“Gag…” Mo Li Xin retched. 

“Xin’er? Mo Li Xin? Wake up, please wake up…”

When she was in a muddled state, she heard someone calling her.

Her body shook violently. The room, the bed, and the corpse that was still there a moment ago started to disappear. Was that an earthquake? Where was she? And where was here? She had never been here before. Plus, who was that person who looked exactly like herself? Why did ‘she’ say so many strange things again? Ah… her head hurt… 

Mo Li Xin forgot that she was still within a dream-like state.

Out of her waking dream, Ji Nan Feng had already come out from the sound-insulated room. Zhang Ai Fei rarely encountered these kinds of situations where she could not wake the patient up after inducing them into a dream-like state. Moreover, Mo Li Xin’s dream must have been very peculiar. Hence because of this unusual circumstance, she made the decision to let Ji Nan Feng enter the treatment room.

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Even when Ji Nan Feng was observing her from the soundproofed room, he was already extremely nervous and worried. And even more so as he watched her warped expressions after she was drawn into hypnosis.

After another round of violent trembling, the slumbering person slowly came to.

“My head hurts…” Wasn’t she in a strange room? Did the location change again? 

“Take a sip of milk first and try to recollect your bearings,” Zhang Ai Fei advised as she passed Mo Li Xin another glass of milk.

Milk? Oh yes. She recalled coming to visit a psychiatrist… She must’ve been dreaming just now. 

“Thank you,” feeling that she was leaning against someone, she turned, “Nan Feng? Why are you inside this room too?”

Ji Nan Feng was relieved when he saw her wake up. She was even able to ask a silly question, so he rapped her forehead, “I wonder who was it that couldn’t be woken up despite numerous callings.” 

Mo Li Xin’s forehead hurt from his strike, “Hiss… can’t you be gentler.”

“This must never happen again,” Ji Nan Feng ignored her previous words and uttered solemnly.

Standing at the side, Zhang Ai Fei could not stand it anymore, “I say, you young couple, stop with your flirtatious bantering. Do you still want to continue seeing a doctor?” 

She looked at Mo Li Xin and asked, “tell me, what were you dreaming about just now?”

Mo Li Xin raised her head and hesitated for a while. Then, she slowly and carefully recounted what she had seen in that dream. She was so engrossed that she did not notice Ji Nan Feng stiffening when she got to the part of the corpse that looked exactly like her. But with the abdomen hollowed out.

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When he learnt that there was another identical being inside her, he did not put much thought into what it could signify. Now that he heard her description… 

A corpse with a hollowed abdomen… wasn’t that… 

Was that not her in their last life? Without the child and devoid of her liver… 

“I rarely encounter situations like yours. Multiple personality disorder is a serious psychological disorder. It refers to a person with at least two distinct and relatively enduring personality states. It usually results from having suffered trauma as it is a coping mechanism that a person uses to disconnect themselves from a stressful or traumatic situation. This allows them to remove the traumatic event from their normal awareness.

“For multiple personality disorder, at any one time, only one personality will be dominant. However, neither personality would be aware of the other’s presence. Yet, based on your words, you’re in a different situation as you’re aware of ‘her’ as ‘she’ is of you. And you both hold memories of each other’s existence,” Zhang Ai Fei analyzed.

Mo Li Xin was not alarmed. However, Ji Nan Feng was a little anxious, “then will this be of any harm to her?”

“Don’t fret, the existence of this other self shouldn’t have any detrimental effects on Li Xin. Based on her account, this sounds like a completely different circumstance,” Zhang Ai Fei assured.

She then turned to direct another question at Mo Li Xin, “in what situations do you usually feel ‘her’ presence?”

Mo Li Xin contemplated before answering, “it rarely happens. But it usually occurs when I’m angry or when I feel like swallowing my grievances.” 

This matter never crossed her mind previously until Doctor Zhang brought this up. 

“That sounds about right. What you assumed as another personality is not actually another person. But a self that you’ve chosen unknowingly to hide.” Zhang Ai Fei replied after taking a sip of milk.

“A hidden self?” Mo Li Xin did not understand. Ji Nan Feng, who was beside her, was also surprised by this deduction.

“Let’s put it this way, you subconsciously selected to forget something that you might know but didn’t understand, or had a memory that made you uncomfortable. In the process, another self was formed as a defense mechanism. Based on your description, for you to truly understand what happened would be the day you completely accepted ‘her’ presence,” Zhang Ai Fei broke it down for her.

“In summary, ‘she’ is still you. A ‘you’ that you might not be able to accept yet. As for what happened to cause this to happen, I haven’t been able to deduce the root of the cause, so I can only say so much. For now, there’s no need to be alarmed. Who knows? You might even come to be grateful for ‘her’ existence.” 

After exiting the clinic, Mo Li Xin remained silent all the way back home. As she pondered on Zhang Ai Fei’s words, she was not fearful or anxious. She just could not make heads or tails about the situation. Something that she had forgotten? Was there something that she could not cope with and accept?

Ji Nan Feng silently held her, gripping her hands tightly. If he guessed right, this would be problematic. Despite having lived once more, he had never experienced so much panic. If ‘she’ was her, then ‘she’ knows. What future would be waiting for him then?

Hypnotherapy is just one of the many types of psychological treatment. But it’s usually used to help people reduce/cope with stress and anxiety. I don’t think it can be used for mental disorder treatment.

This is a novel, so ‘medical facts’ written here should be taken with a pinch of salt…

Up till now, I’m not sure what mental disorder Mo Li Xin was suffering from (in her past life and currently). Sorry peeps if my translation causes confusion for you too ><