Chapter 127: Karashel on the Carpet and Sheloran Just Tries to Help

Chapter 127: Karashel on the Carpet and Sheloran Just Tries to Help

Pain.

More pain.

Karashel groaned and weakly extended one of her eyes.

"She's awake!" a familiar voice screeched.

"Caw?" she asked weakly.

"Thank the Ancient Gardeners!" he said as he reached into the clear gelatin that surrounded her to grasp one of her tendrils.

"What happen-" she started to ask when exactly what happened, in all its glory, came crashing down on her.

She rapidly retracted her eyestalk.

"Oh no!" she moaned.

"Oh yes!" Caw laughed. "I have to say that when you Baleel do Xvakk'Keen, you guys go all out!"

Karashel sank deeper into the strange gelatin. Wait. What was this stuff? For that matter, where was she?

"Do I want to know where I am?" Karashel asked.

"No," Caw chortled, "but I'll tell you anyway. You are on board the Darksea's Mysteries, a Kalent diplomatic vessel."

"What?!?" Karashel spluttered as she breached the gelatin-like a mini-humpback whale as the embassy's doctor and a kalent entered the room

"Fuck!" Caw screeched as he jumped back. "I just got the last of your slime off of me!"

Karashel gasped in horror as that particular detail came roaring in.

"Oh my creator, I am so so so so sorry!" she cried.

"Eh," Caw laughed, "what's a little attempted murder between friends?"

"Buh... whuh?" Karashel spluttered as half a dozen questions all lodged in her brain at once.

"Yes, you are really on a mysterious Kalent ship," Caw said as the Kalent and Baleel doctor started fussing over her. "Why?" Caw continued, "Because they like you. Second why, because they have treatment facilities ideally suited for molluscoids. Why do they have them? None of your fucking business," Caw grinned.

Caw backed up as the two doctors crowded in with multiple sensors.

"No, there isn't a diplomatic incident," Caw continued, "Yes, we had to give Ambassador Marsamen a mild sedative. For someone with such a sensitive position, he does NOT handle crisis well," Caw laughed. "As far as your homeworld goes, I cannot make any guarantees, but I can assure you that they will be informed that the very high regard with which both the Xx and the Kalent regard you is absolutely NOT transferable. As far as we are concerned, this entire affair is so boringly tame in comparison to the nonsense we deal with on a regular basis that it's a non-issue, as long as you stay off of those five-threes."

"Seriously," the Kalent doctor added, "You definitely do not want to take those. Hire the Humans or the Vas-sk'ell to whip up something more suited to your people. We purged your system, so addiction shouldn't be a concern, but that doesn't help the psychological-"

"Oh, I'm never touching one of those again!" Karashel exclaimed. "Void, no!"

"Well, at least something good has come from all of this," Caw said with a smile. "I would love to stay here with you longer, but I have a few things that I simply cannot ignore any longer if I want to keep my job, which I don't but still, duty and all that garbage."

Caw leaned in past the doctors and gently patted Karashel's head.

"Rest up, and I'll see you soon."

Caw looked up at the ceiling.

"I'm ready to leave this miserable excuse of a freighter," he proclaimed in a loud and clear voice.

The door to the room slid open as two Kalent bots entered.

"This way, Xx!" one of the Kalent said unpleasantly.

"Well, what do you think, doctor?" the Kalent physician asked the Baleel after Caw departed.

"The patient's electrolytes are all over the place, and she is still terribly dehydrated, but she is definitely in the clear now." the Balean doctor said as he smiled at Karashel. "She can be safely relocated to our embassy at any time."

"Excellent!" the Kalent said cheerfully. "Oh!" he exclaimed as he looked at the wall of his tank, "That journal query just came back!"

"It did?!?"

"I would love to discuss the findings with you if you have a moment," the Kalent replied.

"Absolutely!" the Baleel replied, bobbing up and down with excitement.

***

"Why didn't you just let me die?" Karashel moaned a few hours later as she painfully crawled out of a silvery lander parked on the Balean Embassy's front yard.

"Professional pride," the doctor chuckled. "and I wasn't inclined to let you get off so lightly."

"Asshole," Karashel muttered.

"Asshole!" the doctor exclaimed, laughing. "I'm going to have to start using that!"

"Feel free."

The door of the embassy opened, and Ambassador Marsamen was standing in the opening, glaring at her.

"The Foreign Minister wants you to call her, now." he said stiffly.

Fuck.

***

Karashel just stood there, trying not to slump too badly, in the empty communications room as a stern-faced Baleel silently glared at her from a holo-monitor.

Seconds seemed like days.

Finally, the other spoke.

"Had a fun night, did we?" they asked, their voice dripping with sarcasm and disdain.

Karashel twitched and retracted her eyestalks.

"Five-threes? Seriously?" the Baleel asked, "What are you, sixteen?"

Karashel just stood there silently praying for death.

"Can you offer me any reason not to send a ship to haul your naked, drug-addled person back here to face dismissal and prosecution?"

Karashel tried not to slime as her eye-stalks drooped.

"Well?" the baleel asked, "Can you?"

"No, Minister Berkakel," Karashel said in a tiny voice.

"Well, fortunately for you, you do not have to," the foreign minister said stiffly. "I have had the most confusing conversations with high ranking members of both the Xx and the Kalent who have made it very clear that they hold you in VERY high regard even to the point that the Kalent say that they 'owe' you a favor that won't be extended to anyone else should you lose your position."

The Foreign Minister chuckled and wiggled in their equivalent of shaking their head.

"The Xx even seem strangely impressed by your little one girl 'bounce party'. They kept going on about the details as if they were something to be celebrated! Can you tell me why?"

"It's a cultural thing," Karashel said weakly.

"Do you have any idea what you did," the Foreign Minister asked, "any idea of what has happened as a result?"

"What happened?" she asked, dreading the answer.

"On second thought," Minister Berkakel said, "it wasn't what you did. It's what we did, I guess."

"What did we do?" Karashel bubbled in horror.

The Foreign Minister wiggle-shrugged.

"We impressed them," she said in a confused tone of voice. "We tickle-holing impressed them. Both the Xx and the Kalent are 'amazed' by the embassy doctor's ability to 'adapt and improvise' as Councilor Itsheesh put it as well as 'rapidly acquire and even create knowledge'. The Kalent said the same, I think. They said that 'someone important' was 'suitably impressed'. They didn't say who, but they seemed to think it was very important. I asked if they meant Councilor Itsheesh."

"Oooh," Karashel winced.

"Yeah," the Foreign Minister said as their eyestalks reflexively retracted, "I don't think the Kalent like the Xx very much."

"I don't know about that," Karashel replied, "but they definitely don't like Caw."

"Caw?"

"Oh, sorry," Karashel said, "Councilor Itsheesh."

"Anyway, the Kalent were so taken with the doctor that they want to keep him."

"Really?!?"

"They have offered him a 'research fellowship' in their home system," the Foreign Minister said in a matter-of-fact tone. "It seems that they have some sort of university there where they host 'promising individuals' and allow them to study and work with them. It would likely be a one-way trip, but he would be able to communicate with us and send medical advancements as he develops them."

"Holy shit!" Karashel blurted and then gasped, "Sorry, ma'am, I mean-"

"That was about my reaction as well," the Foreign Minister replied, "though I did manage a bit more decorum. They are offering to teach him one-on-one and work with him in order to advance our knowledge of life sciences, and it doesn't stop there. The Xx have also taken an interest in us, it seems."

"Huh?"

"It seems that Councilor Itsheesh was impressed by several embassy staff members, the doctor included. He said that they all were incredibly resourceful and adaptable, and capable of innovation under trying conditions. He said he saw 'sufficient lack of idiocy' that he wishes us to send a group of scholars to their homeworld to 'see if they would like a taste'."

The Foreign Minister sighed.

***

Sheloran's lip quivered as she sat on a cloth-covered chest in the corner of the Med Bay.

"That asshole," Eno rumbled, "he had no right to talk to you like that."

Sheloran looked down.

"I was just trying to help," Sheloran said as she absently picked up a medical scanner, looking at it sadly.

"Well, you can help out in here with me," Eno smiled.

"It's ok," she said as she fiddled with the scanner, "you don't have to tend my egg. I'll just sit here."

"I'm not here to 'tend your egg'," Eno laughed, "I'm here so I don't pull his eye-stalks out through his asshole. It wasn't right how he-"

He rushed over to Sheloran.

"I kind of need that," he said gently as he reached towards Sheloran's hands.

"What?... Oh!" she squeaked as she handed the partially disassembled scanner back. "Oh Creators!" she squeaked, "I am so pooping sorry!"

"No harm done," Eno smiled as he snapped the scanner back together, and it came online. "See, good as new... literally..." he added, slightly confused.

"Oh, good!" Sheloran exclaimed as she smiled.

Eno smiled back.

Sheloran's foot bumped the end of the shrouded case, which emitted a series of beeps, and lights started glowing from underneath the covering.

Yelping with alarm, Sheloran jumped up and backed away.

Eno chuckled as he walked up and pulled aside the shroud, revealing a med pod containing a rather sleazy-looking man, his face contorted with horror.

"Oh yeah," Eno laughed. "I completely forgot about him."

He pulled out his communicator.

"Hey, Sheila," he said.

"Fuck," Sheila grumbled, "What now."

"What are we going to do about that guy we have on ice back here?"

"Who?" Sheila asked and then laughed. "Oh yeah, that guy! Bunny!"

"Yeah, boss?" Bunny replied.

"Do we still need that asshole we got on ice?"

"Nah, I got everything I needed out of his phone when we handed that mess over to The Survivors," Bunny replied, "They never asked for more info. Let me check with... oooh... Yeah, they handled it... Yikes!"

"Who is that guy?" Sheloran asked, looking at her "friends" in alarm.

"Well, what do you want me to do with him?" Eno asked.

"Fuck, I don't know," Sheila replied. "keep him around in case Gloria gets bored or something."

"Seriously, who is he?" Sheloran asked.

"Wait!" Jessie piped up, "I know a guy! What's his tissue type? We could-"

"We don't have time for this," Sheila said, cutting her off, "Gloria's going to be here in thirty minutes, and we are missing our Hulk! Thanks, Chief."

"Yeah, thanks Chief," several other voices chimed in as the communication ended.

Eno walked up behind Sheloran and gently put his hand on her shoulder as they looked into the med-pod.

"Don't worry," he said, "he's a 'bully', a bad one."

"Oh," Sheloran said, beaming up at him, "that's ok, then."

***

"My... computer?" Karashel asked, trying to be as nonchalant as possible.

"Yes," the Foreign Minister replied. "The ambassador uploaded the drives. Drugs? Subversive literature? A manifesto? Creators, Karashel, you really are sixteen!"

"It's just research," Karashel scoffed as her stomach turned to lead, "it's human, you know, know your enemy and all that."

"And your drug-fueled queries... through a Balean military AI... that you used to hack the Xx embassy?"

"Research?" Karashel winced. Yeah, that one kinda looked bad.

"Oh, I don't doubt it's research," the Foreign Minister replied, "What the fuck are you involved in?"

"Seriously!" Karashel exclaimed, trying not to slime or throw up, "It's just some academic-"

"You have exactly ten seconds to level with me before I have you shoved in a box and fucking mailed back here." the Foreign Minister said in a dangerously pleasant tone of voice.

***

Karashel just stood there shaking.

The Foreign Minister sighed.

"Void touched fucking sticky shits, Karashel," she said, "Drugs I can overlook. Running naked through the woods? No big deal. Rolling around in a sticky mess with the Xx councilor right before you try to rip out his throat? A little freaky, but you do you, girl. Sedition, treason, and crimes against the Federation? Councilors do worse on a daily basis..."

She leaned towards the camera.

"But naivety? Seriously?" The Foreign Minister sneered. "You are just now realizing this? Did you... Did you actually think the Federation was our friend? Of course it's bullshit! Of course it's this, what did you call it, imperial colonialism! Creatorslime, Karashel! I thought you had a good brain in your snot! Do you think any of this is news to me, to any of us? We were fucked from the start, we are fucked now, and we will be fucked tomorrow!"

"But it isn't right!"

"It isn't?" the Foreign Minister asked scornfully. "Wow! I had absolutely no fucking idea! And here I was just this morning telling the Prime Minister how wonderful it was that we got shafted last week in that crekernel export agreement! Boy! Do I ever feel silly now!... OF COURSE IT ISN'T RIGHT!!!" the Foreign Minister shouted, mucus flying out of her breathing tube. "And as far as 'how we treat our people'?" she asked angrily. "Here!" she shouted as she slammed a tendril on a keypad. "Here's our budget. Here's our production. Here's our assets, such as they are. If you're so fucking smart, You figure it out!"

Karashel's communicator pinged, informing her of a new email.

"We were hanging by a thread BEFORE the fucking Terran War. Now, thanks to the increased mandatory defense contributions, that thread is even THINNER."

The Foreign Minister flicked her eyestalks angrily, throwing ribbons of slime.

Was she sliming?

"And now we have the fucking HUMANS going crazier than you went last night! The Federation too! We almost had a fucking riot last week over the Porkietown massacre! Baleel in the void-touched streets!... Voters and businesses demanding a bigger SDF, which we can NOT afford... I had one ray of sunshine... ONE!... I heard that you were getting in good with the Xx and the Kalent. MAYBE something good could come of that but NO! You are just a fucking drug-crazed idiot with the wisdom and writing skills of my teenage daughter, and the Xx and Kalent don't offer tech or a trade deal but a shining opportunity for us to clearly and without a doubt demonstrate how wonderfully mediocre we are!... FUCK ME IN THE AIR-HOLE!!!"

The Foreign Minister just stood there, sliming, as Karashel was frozen in shock.

"Sorry... that wasn't fair," the Foreign Minister said, taking a deep breath, "My daughter is much more mature than you are... ok... ok...."

The Foreign Minister took a moment to compose herself.

"Here's what we are going to do," she said after a moment. "You will stay up there and be a good little girl and keep doing what you are doing to keep the Xx and the Kalent... wait..."

The Foreign Minister took a deep, slimy breath.

"What exactly did you do to make the Kalent so happy?"

"Well..." Karashel said hesitantly.

A few moments later, the Baleel marine standing guard outside of the secure communications center in the Balean capital jerked as he heard a scream coming from inside the room.

Wonder what that's all about, he thought to himself.

***

Gloria exited her Reaper to the applause of the entire crew. (except for T'sunk'al, who was manning the helm and Sheloran who was still hiding in the Med Bay)

"Alright, everyone!" The Chief shouted, "Let's get this warbird loaded!"

Everyone, even Eno, rushed to grab carts of munitions.

"Not bad, Revenant," Sheila said with a smile as she handed Gloria a cup of coffee.

"Thanks," Gloria said with an actual smile as she took a sip. "Hang on," she said as she picked up a tablet and walked along the missiles.

"Hey, Chief," she said.

"Yes, Revenant?" he asked with a smile.

"I need you to change the det-pacs in these '30s for me," Gloria said as she looked at the tablet. "You got the standard pacs in them. Those won't work. Those are for much longer ranges and won't even arm in time. I will be coming in hot and firing point-blank, so I need the fast-blow enhanced AI packages..."

The chief just closed his eyes.

He knew what was coming.

"They are orange with a red stripe down the side," Gloria said pleasantly. "and hook them up with the mass proximity sensor heads, you know, the red ones."

Gloria looked up in confusion as the entire bay burst into delighted laughter.

"What?" she asked.