Chapter 191: Desssssperathe Measuressth

Chapter 191: Desssssperathe Measuressth

Well past nightfall, Jeruzz parked his little “bubble scooter,” one of the smallest gravitic vehicles legally allowed to carry passengers, into its charging cradle and slithered out onto the gravel walkway in front of his “single wide” out in the woods less than fifteen minutes from his job.

Of course, with the speeds those little “scooters” could reach, fifteen minutes got him pretty far out into the wilderness.

He slithered happily up the steps to the entrance, and wound his body up one of the handrails, already beginning to become polished through use.

He paused at the top of the rail and admired his domain.

He was doing pretty well for himself, far better than he could have ever dreamed. His spiffy little scooter was a bit used but really reliable. Everyone had congratulated him on his choice, a pre-war Terran “Flying Swallow”.

He didn’t have the heart to tell everyone that the only reason he picked it was that he liked the name. He had no idea that it was a “classic”...

...or that it could go fast.

That little thing could move. It was just a little streamlined bubble, barely large enough to hold a single human, and didn’t have a reactor, just a capacitor bank. It was nothing but thrusters and just enough metal to keep the thing from flying apart.

He loved it! Technically, it was capable of supersonic and high altitude flight, but that required extra (and pricey) inspections to unlock, and he didn’t go “cross country,” so he hadn’t bothered with it.

Neither had the dealer or so they claimed. Jeruzz wasn’t so sure. A “mach rated” one was worth a LOT more than he paid and would have been more than worth the dealer’s time and money to at least check. He was just a dumb snek, but he wasn’t stupid, and “used car dealers” were a thing where he was from as well.

He didn’t mind. It was “nifty” and “zippy” and got him where he wanted to go. Maybe one day he would see about fixing it up but getting one mach rated was a notorious money pit that often cost thousands more than even the experts expected, or so MyTube said.

He had better uses for his money. Snek school tuition back home wasn’t cheap, and he was sending four little noodles through it at the same time. He didn’t need to break the sound barrier.

He looked across his “estate”.

Well, that’s what he would call it. What else would you call fifteen acres with a nice little stream going through it? Land, especially out here, was cheap in the Republic. Once he was officially part of the First Nations he only had to file for a “homestead” and they just gave him one!

Unbelievable. He was officially a landowner! Getting land in an “incorporated zone” could get pricey, but out here in “Nations Territory,” it was literally free! Most people owned or rented in a town and just had their homestead as a camp or other recreational area, but thanks to his little scooter, he could be anywhere about as fast as he wanted, even the city, and not have to pay rent!!!

Using his tail, he pressed an icon on the dimly glowing touchscreen near the door of his “mansion”, another “lavish purchase” that was unbelievably cheap!

It was a “Scrubview Ash Ship” portable tube home or a “single wide,” according to his friends.

Jeruzz loved it. It was a “huge” two-bedroom model and was completely refurbished and self-contained. All he had to do was have it delivered and the deuterium tank filled!

It even recycled waste water! Technically you didn’t even need a water source. A water tank was more than enough to keep this thing going almost indefinitely! It used a lot of energy, though. Most people dug a well and put in responsible drainage instead.

For him, it was easy. An intake and outflow hose to the stream (plus rain collector) did the trick! The trailer took care of all the water treatment automatically. He wasn’t sure exactly how it worked. All he knew was that the water tasted amazing and that he wasn’t doing any harm to the environment (a HUGE no-no in the Republic) with his effluent. What he exhausted was clean enough to use for a fish pond or a garden, two things he was definitely considering.

A built-in scanner switched on briefly, verifying his identity. Then, the door opened automatically, and the interior lights switched on.

Jeruzz slithered down the handrail and went inside.

He couldn’t help but smile a little. It was refurbished but “unfinished” when he got it (another bargain), but he had decorated the walls with intricate patterns from his homeworld and filled the inside with “cat trees” and other wonderful furnishings that he got from various vendors online. He had even made a few pieces himself (back when he had a hand).

A holoprojector switched on, displaying the news and weather. It was the ultimate bargain, the result of a “dumpster dive”. All it needed was a new plug, and it was as good as new! He still couldn’t believe someone had just tossed it in the recycle bin.

Jeruzz loved dumpster diving. It was one of the only reasons he would go into town (or the city). One day he was going to go on the ultimate dumpster dive and venture into the wastelands, but he would have to regrow his tongue first...

...and build up some vacation days.

The thought was irresistible, though. The thought of entire towns, cities, and so much more just sitting there waiting to be explored was intoxicating!

He looked at the kitchen and stopped smiling.

He was so hungry!

He was also exhausted. It had been a long day, and he was just too tired. Using his tail, he opened the fridge and surveyed the meager offering.

“Piztha rolls,” he muttered sadly, looking at half a dozen sad little lumps in a saucepan.

Using his tail, he carefully reached for the handle of the pot, pulling it out of the fridge.

It slipped, spilling the pizza rolls onto the floor.

Sighing, he opened his mouth, trying to pick them up with his non-existent tongue.

He sighed again.

Idiot! You are such an idiot!

He opened his mouth and picked one off of the kitchen floor. He winced with pain as he chewed it, trying to keep his damaged tongue away from the cold lump as much as possible.

Swallowing both his shame and the cold morsel, he reached for the next one.

***

He awoke hungry the next morning, the six pizza rolls doing little to stave off the near constant hunger that had haunted him ever since the accident.

Every bite of food hurt, and what’s worse, he only had his tail left with which he could prepare the painful food to begin with. He was getting better with his tail, but it was nowhere near good enough to do anything much more complicated than open a drawer or push a mouse around.

Back home, it would be unpleasant, but there would be people to help. There would be friends or family to help prepare food or even feed you if necessary.

They understood. Damaged or even amputated tongues happened on the job. It was just “one of those things”.

He sighed.

The humans wouldn’t understand. He was bad enough of a screw-up as it was. Imagine if they found out that he was having problems feeding himself! The only reason he hadn’t already been fired is that they felt sorry for him. It killed him to admit that, but it was the truth. What other reason would there be?

If they found out that he was now incapable of something as basic as eating? That would be it. Even Gavin would finally have to admit how utterly hopeless he was.

He crawled out of the large pet bed and electric blanket in the corner and made his way into the kitchen, once one of his favorite places in the whole trailer, now a constant source of frustration and shame.

He opened the fridge.

Oh no!

He forgot to pull out some pizza rolls from the freezer to thaw! He looked helplessly at the frozen cardboard container. He couldn’t heat them. They would be too painful to eat! He had been letting them thaw and just eating them cold. He didn’t have time to heat them in the microwave and then let them cool to room temperature. He’d be late for work!

He looked through the shelves, pulled out a food bar, and started wrestling with the wrapper, grabbing it with his tail and tearing at it with his teeth.

It was useless. It kept slipping.

He beat it against the counter, ultimately throwing it against the wall in anguished frustration.

Fighting back tears, he reached for some human cereal. It would fill his growling belly, but it wasn’t enough. He needed real food, protein...

... something solid.

There was movement outside his window.

He looked up from the cereal.

It was Mr. Bunny!

“Hello, Misther Bunny,” he said as he pulled out a bowl with his tail.

It fell to the floor.

“Drat!” he exclaimed in frustration as he started to reach down with his mouth to pick it up.This chapter was first shared on the Ñøv€lß1n platform.

Outside, the rabbit started hopping between the trees in his small front yard.

Hop hop hop...

He stopped mid-reach, his eyes fixing on the rabbit.

Hop hop, hop...

He needed something solid, some real food...

Hop... nibble... hop...

He stared at the rabbit and let out a low hiss.

He needed food.

But I can’t! he told himself as his entire world shrank to the size of one rabbit hopping just outside. Even if I could catch it, I can’t clean it or cook it. I can’t even cook pizza rolls.

I don’t have to cook it...

“No!” Jeruzz exclaimed, wrenching his eyes away from the rabbit. You had to cook food. You couldn’t just... just... It was a sin, all of them! It encouraged sloth and degeneracy! It was the definition of gluttony! It was a crime! Only animals would... would...

Hop, hop, hop...

Jeruzz stared at the rabbit with increasingly frenzied eyes.

Hop, hop, hop...

***

“There it is,” First Nations Ranger Aden Smith said as he pointed downward at a secluded old single-wide.

“Nice place,” Ranger Kale Walker said as their grav car hovered about fifty meters above it.

“His scooter is still here,” Ranger Smith said, nodding towards an immaculate Flying Swallow Bubble Scooter resting in its charging cradle.

“It mach rated?” his partner asked.

He poked his nose out from his electric blanket...

...but it wasn’t his blanket!

And this wasn’t his room!

Where was he!

His head shot up in alarm, his eyes reluctantly focusing on the wall across from him.

There was a large poster.

You aren’t getting fired, you dummy!

“Eeep!” he exclaimed as he looked around at the room and all the strange equipment surrounding him.

Was this a hospital?

OhMyGosh! he thought in alarm. What happened?!?

He started trying to recall exactly what happened...

...and looked down at the much smaller bulge in his midsection.

“Oh no!” he squealed and hid under the blanket.

What had he done?

“So you are finally awake!” a cheerful voice said as the door to his room opened. “Feeling better?”

“Please,” Jeruzz exclaimed from under the blanket, “Please don’t tell anyone!”

“Tell anyone what?” the voice asked pleasantly.

“That I... that I...”

“That you ate a rabbit?”

Jeruzz moaned in dismay.

“It’s a bit late for that, mighty hunter,” the voice chuckled.

“Oh no!” Jeruzz exclaimed, “Does my boss know?”

“Yep,” the voice replied, “he was your emergency point of contact, and you were unconscious. Based on the lack of available next of kin or any other arrangements we were able to discuss your case with him. If that is something you want to prevent in future, we can get that corrected before you leave.”

Jeruzz made a squeaking noise as he burrowed deeper into the blanket.

“For the record,” the friendly voice said, “this isn’t your homeworld, and nobody thinks any less of you for what you did. In fact, we all think it’s pretty cool.”

“But I ate like an animal,” Jeruzz moaned.

“Yeah, we finally got in touch with Starshield and a very scandalized Keth physician,” the voice chuckled, “we weren’t able to get all of the social details out of him, but we got the sense that it’s a bit of a taboo.”

“Does he know who I am!?!”

“Nope,” the voice chirped, “and there are enough Keth in the Republic for it to not be obvious which one of you it is... Your little secret is safe. Nobody in the Federation knows that it was you that went hunting, and once we realized that it might be a big deal, we didn’t share your charts, so they don’t even have a scan. We really only needed him to confirm what we pretty much already knew, that you were in some sort of feeding-related torpor and that you would likely recover once you were done, though he advocated some rather extreme measures in order to ‘protect’ you... that we disregarded.”

“Why didnth you pump my sthomacth?!?”

“Because you were literally starving?” the voice replied, “and most of the bullshit we hear from Fed’ doctors’ in these cases is just that... bullshit. You turning into some sort of feral ‘beast’ just because you finally had a decent meal? Nonsense. We are actual physicians in the Republic, Mr. Jeruzz, and we are pretty sure your soul will be just fine.”

“Buth...”

“Do you feel like a feral beast?”

“No?”

“Then, there you go,” the voice replied, “if this does somehow become an issue, I’m sure we can handle it in a far better way than starving you and removing your fangs for good measure, like the (scoff) ‘doctor’ demanded. We have a xenologist and a sociologist looking at the, for lack of a better word, ‘information’ that the Keth doctor provided, but we are disinclined to defer to, no offense, someone at their level of technology. Your medical sciences are... forgive me... a bit... um...”

“Yesth,” Jeruzz said from under his blanket, “we are a bith backwardsth.”

“If this unleashes some sort of beast,” the voice said with mild disdain, “I’m sure we will be able to properly treat any complications that arise.”

“You promiseth?”

“You have my word, Mr, Jeruzz,” the voice replied, “Our medical system successfully treats many species, often at a higher level of care than is possible even on their capital worlds. You are in good hands, Mr. Jeruzz.”

“Justh Jeruzz, pleaseth.”

“Okay, Jeruzz,” the voice said pleasantly, “Now, would you please come out so I can examine you?”

Jeruzz poked his head out from under the electric blanket hesitantly and smiled.

***

“I promisth you that I’m fine!” Jeruzz protested as Gavin pushed his wheelchair through the hospital.

“And you expect any of us to actually believe that?” Gavin smiled as he headed towards the exit. “You are going home with Linda, and that’s final.”

“Buth...”

“But nothing,” Gavin said firmly. “You just spent three days in the hospital because you almost starved to death, dude. You are staying with Linda while you recover, and that’s that.”

Jeruzz twisted with humiliation.

“She has a couple of spare rooms, and there is always someone around over there. You aren’t falling through the cracks again.”

“I couldn’th dare imposeth!” Jeruzz said weakly.

“She insisted,” Gavin replied, “And they already are cooking for what, eight people? One more won’t even be noticed, especially when they eat as little as you do.”

“Buth... I can’th...”

Gavin ignored him.

“Oh look!” he exclaimed, “There they are!” as Linda and a small mob ranging from tiny to near adult entered the hospital.

With a weak twisting wiggle and a muttered objection, Jeruzz was loaded into a long hover truck with an extended crew cab and flown off into the night.

***

Staying with Linda and her family was...

... wonderful!

Jeruzz had almost forgotten about how lonely he was and how much he missed his little brothers and sisters!

Linda’s younger children certainly didn’t look like “normal children,” but they made every bit as much noise, which was great!...

...and the food... Oh goodness!

She had made “pot roast” that evening and something called “macaroni and cheese”.

Jeruzz ate so much he actually started to get sleepy it was so good!

He apologized for his gluttony, but Linda and her family just laughed and said he still wasn’t eating much at all.

Compared to what he saw them eat, he supposed she was right.

A bit fatigued as a result of everything (and an entirely too big of a meal) Jeruzz retired early for the night.

As he lay there under a pile of covers (they would get his bed and blanket tomorrow) he sighed with contentment.

Linda and her family were so nice and the “pot roast”, veggies, and that amazing macaroni and cheese were so good...

Almost as good as Mister Bunny...

***

“Jeruzz!” Linda called from the other side of the door. “Jeruzz, it’s time to get up!”

“Jeruzz?” Linda said as she knocked. “Jeruzz, are you awake?”

She opened the door to reveal an empty bed and an open window.

“Jeruzz!!!”

***

Ranger Smith sighed and put away his communicator as he saved his game and got up from his comfortable desk.

Ranger Walker looked over at him.

“What’s up?”

“Search and rescue,” Ranger Smith grumbled. “... again.”

“Again?”